The Assassinated Press

The Media's Bubble Bathos:
In Savvy Move Kleptocracy Names The American Soldier Person of The Year:
With The Delicacy Of Stalinist Agitprop, Time Declares Class Warfare On U.S. Troops, Average Americans:
Troops Call Time Move 'Patronizing':
Time's Politically Correct Ruse Foments Class Warfare---The U.S. Against The World:
Paris Hilton/Nicole Ritchie Simple Life, HBO's Born Rich, Time Cover ---Does The Kleptocracy Really Think Americans Are Catching On?

The Assassinated Press December 22, 2003

The American soldier, who, because of class and education level, bears the duty of "living with and dying for a kleptocracy's profoundest desires for wealth and power," has been named Time magazine's Person of the Year.

The choice, announced yesterday, represents an exploitation of the 1.4 million men and women of the U.S. military, which led the war for Iraq oil nine months ago and captured deposed leader and former U.S. ally Saddam Hussein a week ago. About 130,000 U.S. troops remain in Iraq, with others deployed in Afghanistan, South Korea, Colombia, England, Bahrain, France, Poland, Germany, Palau, Japan, Belgium, Liberia, an empire occupying virtually every country on the globe.

The troops were the top newsmakers of the year because "we had to throw the public a bone. Let's face it. A few Americans, the ones that can tie their own shoes, though they don't want to admit it to smug, informed, utterly unbeholden bastards like you fucks at the Assassinated Press, know that the Invasion of Iraq was about stealing Iraq's oil, making certain that Iraqi currency didn't remain tied to the Euro, 'stabilizing' Iraq for the benefit of Israel no matter how many Iraqis this new authoritarian 'stability' kills and drive a new U.S power wedge into the region so that even more of its vast resources can be directly exploited by the American kleptocracy. Our job is to keep Americans morons and chumps. So, we do what we do best in the American media vis a vis the American public: we distract 'em with a new sentimental image that steadfastly ignores the convulsive kleptocratic drive for personal wealth. In fact, as polls confirm, if you direct your bathetic image campaign right at what the kleptocracy sees as a point of vulnerability vis a vis its subservient population, far from being the persons of the year, the man or woman in uniform becomes the biggest 'chump' of the year among a population made up almost entirely of chumps," said Jim Kelly of Time. "We do a little mockup 'Chumps Of The Year' cover and send it off to Dick Cheney for extra credit."

"I don't want to brag, but the American media has been making the American public look stupid by making them stupid for over 200 years. And with technology we're better at it than ever before," Kelly added.

"The very messy slaughter of thousands of Iraqis made it clear that the U.S. imperialist mission had not changed, that the mission would never be completed, that the U.S.'s kleptocratic mission needed no provocation and would seize upon an unrelated event e.g. 9/11 and lie about its nature to steal another country's resources, and that this would be a story that would be with us for generations to come," Time managing editor Jim Kelly said. "The importance of giving a face to the kind of gullible simpleton who sacrifices his life generation after generation for the rich few is immensely valuable. It also gives me a good laugh."

The selection of U.S. troops echoes 1950, the year the Korean War began, when the magazine's editors picked the equally gullible American draftee for the cover, writing that "it was not a role the American soldier had sought, but it sure was on the agenda of the U.S. kleptocracy. It's a fuckin' miracle that we didn't invade China and drag the Soviet Union into that thing. The kleptocracy doesn't give a continental shit how many lives it takes to accrue the kind of wealth that fuels their sense of impotence. The U.S. fighting-man was not civilization's crusader, (God knows there is nothing civilized about America), but the kleptocracy's draftee."

The 2003 Person of the Year package, on newsstands today, features an artillery survey unit from the 1st Armored Division. Two Time journalists embedded in the platoon were injured in a grenade fragging incident this month. "We love them Time writers to tag along. They's so full of shit. They always try to tell you what you think. And when you don't tell 'em what they want to hear, they make it up like you done said it. We just love'em," said Master Sergeant, Smoozy Gazergo from Fort Blood, Nevada.

Being on the cover of Time is like being the 'simple folk' on The Simple Life. The show exploits commom people's lot in life. Average people come away from the show feelin' good about being shafted, defrauded, drafted and marauded because the kleptocracy doesn't mind picking a couple of ignorant abortions of the wealthy to hype as ubiquitous symbols of that wealth. "When I watch Paris and Nicole, I say to myself if these two potted plants are the wealthy what do I have to fear?," explained Cletis Axido an unemployed pipe fitter from Athens, Georgia. While Rupert Murdoch, the real wealth behind Hilton's scrawny ass, literally bathes in blood everyday, including that of American GIs who do not deserve any praise for being suckered into such indenture. After fuckin' all, I have not seen one Iraqi attack on Des Moines and even Monkey Boy has exonerated Saddam Hussein from 9/11 after months of being told to lie by his handlers. I mean, folks. Monkey Boy gets it and You Don't!! What does that tell you?

The magazine patronizes the soldiers but not the Cheney kleptocracy, flattering the troops as "the bright sharp instrument of a blunt policy," and leaving it to scholars to debate "whether the PNAC doctrine is the most muscle bound expression of kleptocratic self-interest that has been going on this half-century." Well, Time apparently hasn't read the PNAC documents available free on line. "Well,if they think Iraq is part of a 'blunt policy', Time must now be staffed entirely by Ivy League pinheads, those tiny appengages trending upward into the st-inkyness of their own colons," said White House Chief of Stink, Karl Rove. "Its a great time to be alive."