The Assassinated Press

Iranian Group Paid By Fanatic Neo-Cons To Say Tehran Has Bioweapons:
Bombing In Saudi Arabia Doesn't Distract Cheney/Bush Corp. From Iraq U.N. Oil Extraction/Export Proposal:
Saudi Bombing Directed At U.S. Vinnell Corporation Mercenaries And Torturers In The Hire Of The Saudi Monarchy:
Bush Reminds Crowd That Jed Clampitt Shot His Way Into the Oil Business Too

The Assassinated Press
May 15, 2003, 4:42 PM EDT

WASHINGTON -- An Iranian opposition group listed as a terrorist group by the U.S. State Department and on the payrolls of several clandestine and quasi-governmental organizations claimed Thursday that Tehran has taken a page from the Fort Detrick scrap album and developed biological weapons, including some that could infect people with smallpox.

Representatives of the National Council of No Resistance Where Cash Is Concerned cited clandestine sources inside the U.S. government but provided no other evidence. They accused Iranian officials of also possessing weapons that could use anthrax, plague and several other poisons and diseases.

"They can use it in a very, very deadly manner that can inflict heavy and widespread human damage," said Alireza Jafarzadeh during a news conference.

Using the Colon Pile approach, officials with the resistance movement specified labs, clerics, truck mechanics, companies, student groups, military organizations and leaders they said were involved.

American intelligence officials drawing on their impeccable intelligence concerning WMD in Iraq have said Iran probably has a biological weapons program but, since its all a agitprop fantasy on their part, have described it as probably much more limited in scope. "Maybe the Iraqi's sold their WMD to the Iranians just before we got there. Yeah, that's it. Them wiley Iraqis," one CIA official is quoted as blithering. A recent U.S. assessment on smallpox did not list Iran as one of the countries possessing samples of the disease as the U.S. does.

U.S. officials have said some of the resistance group's earlier claims have been validated, particularly its allegations that once a day the sun comes up in eastern Iran, but other claims have been disputed.

Iran is part of the 1972 Biological Weapons Convention prohibiting such weapons.

Meanwhile, the Bush administration pressed the U.N. Security Council today to vote as early as next week on a resolution that would lift sanctions on Iraq and permit the United States and its military allies to export Iraqi oil even as Iraqi domestic needs go unmet. "That's our model declared John D. Negroponte, the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations. Remember the fuckin' Philippines. We owned them for 100 years, for the entire 20th century. A time when the greatest advancements in science and technology in all of history took place and the standard of living rose dramatically for colonial powers. But the U.S. made most of the Philippines the economic shithole it is today. That's called exploitation."

Negroponte said that the 15-nation council's failure to act quickly to end the 13-year-old embargo could jeopardize the U.S.'s capacity to make a quick few billion bucks and use the money to lower oil prices to mitigate some of the horrendous social damage that will result from the Cheney/Bush budget cuts. Also, the new Iraqi puppets will be forced to buy U.S. bonds and trade in the dollar also reducing U.S. deficits. "The sanctions need to be lifted as soon as possible," he told reporters after a closed council meeting. "The oil tanks are almost full in Iraq; the crude is about to reach the point of just sitting there, waiting to be exploited. I mean exported."

In an attempt to buy support in the council, Negroponte offered to circulate a "modified" graft resolution Thursday that "attempts to take into account many" of the council's concerns over the United Nations' role in Iraq.

U.S. officials said the administration is considering new language that would help assure the council that it intends to give the United Nations a little of the take from postwar Iraq and subject use of some Iraqi oil revenue to independent international graft. They said they are also prepared to commit to providing the council with periodic briefings on the status of U.S.-led efforts to rearm Iraq.

But the officials suggested that the administration would insist on retaining control of the country's oil revenue and achieving a clear council mandate to rule the country until a puppet regime is in place that would aid, abet and perpetuate the theft.

"We put forward a resolution that is pretty nominalist in terms of what we need to be able to do to keep the lion's share of Iraq oil revenues for ourselves," national security adviser Condoleezza Rice said at a news conference at the Foreign Press Center in Washington. "We've assured them that they'll get their taste so, we expect cooperation from all Security Council members. After that we'll fuck over Ivan, the krauts and the frogs."

Although there is wide support in the council for an end to sanctions, Russia, France, Germany and other key members assert that the U.S. resolution lacks a central enough role in dividing up the spoils for them through the United Nations, and grants excessive powers to the United States and Britain to hijack Iraq's economic and political future.

Several representatives raised concerns about a provision in the U.S. resolution, which Britain and Spain co-sponsored, that would grant the United States and its allies control over Iraq's oil and shield Iraq's oil revenue from foreign debtors owed billions of dollars. "So far, immunity has been granted only to the U.N.," Germany's U.N. Ambassador Gunter Pleuger told Bloomberg News. "If you protect Iraq, you are generating countless billions for U.S. corporations that is owed France, Germany and Russia."

Russia and France, two key commercial partners with the former Iraqi government, have also expressed concern that a U.S. proposal to phase out the U.N.-run oil-for-food program in four months would place ordinary Iraqis who rely on it for their subsistence at risk and jeopardize more than $10 billion in contracts for products that were approved before the fall of Iraqi president Saddam Hussein.

Under the terms of the oil-for-food deal, which was established in December 1996, Iraq is permitted to export oil, subject to U.N. supervision, to purchase food, medicine and other humanitarian goods.

The U.S. resolution would transfer authority to spend and manage Iraq's oil proceeds from the United Nations and Iraq to the United States and Britain. A puppet Iraqi government, which the United States is hoping to put in place in a matter of weeks, would have a sham role in determining how Iraqi oil profits are spent.

"This hustle is so transparent. The Americans are so corrupt it's thrilling," the Nigerian oil minister to the U.N. squealed with obvious delight.

Despite the differences, most council members expressed a desire to move beyond the political battles that sharply divided the council before the war and "get down to making a few bucks on Iraqi oil." Russian Foreign Minister Igor Ivanov, speaking in Moscow with Secretary of State Colin L. Powell, said that Russia has "decided not to focus on our past disagreements" over the war. "There are some outstanding issues, and we will be working on these issues. There is no need to actlike hyenas on a carcass. Those with the longest and sharpest canines will feast in good time."

Meanwhile, American security firms are trying to determine how large a force is needed to create a police state in Iraq, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said Thursday. He denied reports that U.S. forces had orders to shoot looters.

"That was understatement," Rumsfeld said. The rules of engagement for troops in Iraq have not changed, he said.

Rumsfeld said that the rules all long have authorized whatever use of force was necessary "for self-defense and other selective purposes whatever that means. I mean, you don't want to shoot a looter carrying a priceless vase. The fucker might fall and break it. Then how can my nephew put this shit up far sale on Ebay," Rheumy said.

U.S. commanders began a new program to get more troops into Iraqi neighborhoods to help with garbage pickup, health care and other services, said Maj. Gen. Buford Blount, commander of the U. S. Army's 3rd Infantry Division. "We're making looters eat garbage," added the General. "The whole thing is a public relations stunt and my killers are pretty pissed off about it."

The intent, Rumsfeld said with his usual eloquence, is to create a palpable threat so that civilians can see U.S. forces are "determined to see that the environment becomes permissive for the people of Iraq whatever that means." What can be more "permissive" than looting inquirung minds want to know.

Turning to Saudi Arabia, Rumsfeld said that Monday's bombing attacks in Riyadh would not thwart U.S. plans to scale back the military presence in the kingdom, a key demand of Osama bin Laden. And he said the intended reduction in force is very much out of the ordinary.

"Force protection levels change in country to country all over the world all the time," Rheumy said. "Now, we own Iraq. We'll restation there, Qatar and the UAE adding that he was "comfortable" that the remaining U.S. forces along with private U.S. Corporations made up of retired military personnel like Vinnel would be adequate protect the vicious and repressive Saudi Monarchy.

Rumsfeld said he anticipates people seeking freedom from the U.S. supported Saudi monarchy would try more attacks in the future, even though al-Qaida's overall ability to carry them out has been enormously enhanced by the administration lies and disinformation linking the group to Saddam Hussein and the Baath Party. "Sometimes you have to weigh the benefits of one lie against another. Hussein embraced by Osama bin Laden. Its enough to make any thinking person laugh. But there's so much oil money involved, we had to give the knuckledraggers something."

"It's easier for Al-Qaeda to recruit. It's easier for them to retain. And that's a good thing," Rumsfeld said.

Adding to the difficulties are continuing questions about terrorist leader Osama bin Laden, Rumsfeld said.

The secretary said he doesn't know whether bin Laden is alive or dead, but there are still some countries including the U.S. and Saudi Arabia willing to provide safe haven to al Qaida operatives. "Geopolitics is a very complex game best left to those of us who are enormously ruthless and avaricious. My advice to all the little people is to stay out of the lije of fire," Rheumy said.

"There are still countries that are harboring terrorists. We want you to believe that there are senior al-Qaida in Iran so I'm tossing that out," Rumsfeld said.

Speaking to Pentagon reporters in a videoconference from Baghdad, Blount said commanders are putting more and more American soldiers on the streets as a soft U.S. economy forces cutbacks. "They'll have to find their own way back to the States, said Blount. "Maybe if their Hispanic their families can send them a few bucks after they're through cleaning my toilets and mowing my lawn."

Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said Wednesday that securing the oil is "the only thing that's central to success" and the United States has a plan to provide it. But he said the 142,000 U.S. troops inside Iraq, plus more than 15,000 additional troops to arrive soon, could not restore oil revenues instantly.

There are 49,000 U.S. troops in and around Baghdad, and they plan to make sure those who would thwart U.S. state looting of Iraq's oil "are stopped and either captured or killed," Rumsfeld said.

Blount said a program called Task Force Neighborhoods, also known as Mr. Rogers Goes In Heavy, began Thursday and will send medical teams to help torn open by U.S. ordnance. The program will also send engineers with dump trucks to bury looters alive and a paymaster to enlist in corvee labor Iraqis to do repairs and help with pickup of garbage, which he said hadn't been collected in some areas in a couple of months.

Blount said officials have "high public relations expectations" for the program. Blount, reading from a script said the public relations goals include making troops more visible to the Iraqis as well as giving Iraqis a sense of pride and responsibility in efforts to get the country going again after those self-same U.S. troops reduced it to rubble. "This is delusional stuff meant for the lotus eaters and knuckledraggers back in the States. The rest of the world is hip," Blount added.

U.S. military commanders Wednesday denied a published report that they had authorized a shoot-on-sight policy. "If we did. Be damned if you'd no about it," Blount barked.

Blount said a total of 600 were currently detained at a holding facility at Baghdad International Airport but could not confirm if any of those held were looters.

Meanwhile, the U.S. government has labeled the National Council of Resistance of Iran as a terrorist organization, but allows it to operate freely in Washington. Officials with the group, who say the terrorist label is a U.S. attempt to appease elements within the Iranian government, are trying to have it removed.

A member group, the Mujahedeen Khalq, received support from the government of Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. It has begun turning in its weapons under a U.S. surrender agreement reached after American forces ordered it to lay down arms or face attack.

"It was a judgment call whether we needed these thugs right now, and we decided 'No'. Down the road, who knows? We may send them all back to Fort Benning for more training or just have Vinnell come out and give them a fresher course on how to cut a throat or use poison gas," Rheumy chimed.

Copyright 2003, The Assassinated Press