The Assassinated Press

Washington 'White Asses' Gamble U.S.'s Wide World Of Murder Will Not Come Home to Roost:
Much Of World Poised To Migrate To Chevy Chase To Escape U.S. Bombing:
The President's Foreign Intelligence Advisory Board Announces Revised "VICHY WORLD"

Special to the Assassinated Press

Satan's Anus aka Washington DC: Take today's editorial and op-ed pages in the Washington Post. The lead op-ed reads "Irrefutable" in support of Colin Powell's testimony before the U.N. to the overwhelming, even pathological allure of Iraqi oil. Obviously the putsch is on. To the right on the op-ed we have Mary Mcgrory's "I'm Convinced", George S.Will's "Disregarding the Deniers", Richard Cohen's "A Winning Hand For Powell" and Jim Hoagland's "An Old Trooper's Smoking Gun". Then jammed down in the lower right corner, there is Richard Novak's "New Jersey, The Cloning State". Why would Novak go all the way to New Jersey for clones when he can just open the op-ed at the Post? After many years of observation its obvious that the editors at the Post studied under Edward Bernays and Joseph Goebbels. The Post lobbied hard to have Goebbels spared at Nuremburg and brought to the U.S. as part of Operation Paperclip under the State Departments 'I Never Saw A Nazi I Didn't Like" secret Immigration Program.

Jim Hoagland wrote "To continue to say that the Cheney/Bush administration has not made its case, you must now believe Colin Powell lied..."

One might ask how Hoagland at this point in his career could distinguish between the truth and a lie having been engaged in lying and half-truths himself for decades. Powell did shoot the U.S.'s propaganda wad at the U.N. as Hoagland points out so this, I guess, is the smoking gun he's alluding to. Hardly 'smoking. But certainly limp, rank and tacky.

Powell's comment about Iraqi gas and World War I which ignored the chemical and biological devastation HE was a party to in Southeast Asia is the kind of monumental lie that used to get you struck dead by lightning when the ancestors of western peoples really believed in god.

Of course Colin Powell lied. The very fact that Iraqi oil and U.S. desire to steal that oil was not the utter and complete core of Powell's remarks means his presence, his very existence on that day was preparation for some sort of eternal damnation if any just world of penance and punishment exists anywhere.

To have the upper middle class white folks that dominate the editorial page at the Post talk in such swaggering, sanctimonious tones means one thing. It means that the Fox Hall/Georgetown/Chevy Chase crowd are quite certain that no act of terrorism or violence will touch them much less that they will ever have to experience watching their children being ripped apart by daily bombardments of 400 patriot missiles.

"Those Iraqi Al Quada Shite bigots better not disrupt my spring garden party," said Mrs. Richard Perle. "I'll kill 'em. The Saudi ambassador is going to be there."

"I mean, the situation is ideal isn't it? We can hijack whatever wealth we want and kill with impunity any one who protests. And the few casualties we take are just fodder from the public school system. We're certain this is what the American people want," added Richard Perle coming to the door in his bathrobe.

Richard Cohen took umbrage when this reporter asked if his op-ed, A Winning Hand For Powell, referred to the self-fulfilling nature of the U.S. position or that Cohen was ready to go in and finish the job himself.

In recent weeks Powell has called the refusal on the part of France and Russia to join the lynch mob the U.S. is forming against Iraq "shrinkage."

The French in particular have taken Powell's remark to be an attack on their manhood and in recent days stiffened their resolve against an invasion of Iraq.

When Powell was asked if his remarks had been counter-productive, the Secretary of State and one time homeless ballroom dancer answered, "I'll drop anchor with the French Prime Minister any day. He's no Francois Mitterand. Now that was escargo."

Upon seeing Powell's performance Mary McGrory said "I'm persuaded," as the 96 year old reporter nuzzled Colon and whispered "and I was as tough as France." "I bet you are, honey," responded the ever gracious Powell.

"We believe in ourselves," interjected Secretary of Defense, Don Rumsfeld. "We believe in the superiority of our science and technology and we believe in the superiority of our sovereign way of life, our religion, our popular music. That's why we have embarked on this mission of global conquest. And we will not rest until the entire globe is Vichy."

When asked if an invasion of Iraq was inevitable, Rumsfeld answered, "As George 'Triumph Of The' Will said in his op-ed, 'People committed to a particular conclusion will get to it and stay there.' That's us all right. We maintain our 'commitment' to war and insistence that it has nothing to do with Iraqi oil. That has been our position from the beginning and Colon just embellished upon it a bit."

In conjunction with new administration moves to destroy the world, the President's Foreign Intelligence Advisory Board announced its revised blueprint for that world after U.S. corporate and military conquest is complete. The new design is called "Vichy World." PFIAB chairman, Warren Rudman, said that the name "Vichy World" beat out several contenders including "Club Vichy" and "Vichyland." He added such offerings as "Quisling Country" and the "World Wide Grifting Federation" were out of the running long ago.

When asked Rudman elaborated that "Vichy World" was designed to provide a playground for the few at the expense of everyone else. When he was asked how this was different from current U.S. foreign policy, he said it wasn't. "It's more a blueprint for maintaining and enhancing the current levels of enslavement of most of the world's people to a handful of capital markets. We understand the eschatology of reason at the PFIAB. We know western reason is a zero sum game. We've run the numbers. We know the end of the world at the hand of western technology is at hand---the hand that actually shaped things. It's party time. Acting humanely would be a big waste of time at this late date. See that skyline. That freeway. That power plant. We're all gonna die the death of Newton and Descartes."

Kindasleezie Rice was reported to say that she hoped to continue to play her current character in "Vichy World", that of the kindly black lady named Snow White that plays the piano. It was also announced that G.W. Bush would continue to play his bit part too. To this end the Republican National Committee has proposed legislation requiring that all voting machines be purchased from former radio caricature and now U.S. Senator Chuck Hagel's voting machine company. If You Want To Win An Election, Just Control The Voting Machines

Mistaking the PFIAB's new blueprint for world conquest, "VICHY WORLD", for information on possible terrorist attacks the Attorney General, John Assrift, and the Director of Heimat Security, Tom Ridge, have issued code "Crying Wolf" to a public anxious to turn somebody in.

"Why don't you change your brutal fucking foreign policy, you motherfuckin' homicidal maniacs?" offered one citizen as he was led off to Morocco for questioning.

my copy right or wrong 2003 The Assassinated Press