The Assassinated Press

An open letter to Hugo Chavez,

The Assassinated Press International Pen Pal

An open letter to Hugo Chavez,

Mr. Chavez, you have made a grave error. If you want the Venezuelan oligarchy, the U.S. corporate e.g. national socialist state and its main propaganda organ, the Washington Post, to stop their attempt to undermine your government, you must give up your dream of feeding, clothing, educating and providing health care to the 80%, an estimated 20,000,000, Venezuelans who lived in poverty under U.S. kleptocratic tutelage. Otherwise, Washington is going to FUCK YOU UP, sir. Otherwise, Washington will continue to undermine your efforts through the USAID and NED and countless stooge organizations. Juan the Yoyo and the Washington Post who despise poor people will continue to hunt and peck their lies. And the Venezuelan oligarchy along with Uncle Slimey will continue their struggle to exploit the majority of their own people. After all, that’s what oligarchies do. You must resolve to become an American foreign policy hero like Ferdinand Marcos, Manuel Noriega, Saddam Hussein, Augusto Pinochet, Suharto etc. etc. ad nauseam until Uncle Slimey no longer has any use for you.

Witness just today, the fruits of Britain and the U.S.’s long campaign to bring Robert Mugabe, ZANU-PF and the Zimbabwean people to their knees. The Western stooge Tsvangirai has ascended. Soon, if Obama and Gordon Brown do what their told (and there’s little doubt they will) land reform in Zimbabwe will be reversed and the ICC at the Hague will be seeking indictments against Mugabe and others for “crimes against humanity.” Never mind that the phrase “crimes against humanity” was coined by a black journalist, George Washington Williams, to describe the violence perpetrated by Leopold III, Henry Stanley and their investors in Congo in the 19th and early 20th centuries and that that same violence is still firmly dispensed from neo-colonial perches in Washington, New York, London, Paris, Brussels etc.

And we get another win for the neo-colonial avarice machine. The ICC is about to issue an arrest warrant for Sudanese President Omar Hassan al-Bashir after Sudanese forces soundly defeated western proxy forces armed, trained and financed by Uncle Slimey. Uncle Slimey’s filibuster not only employed southern Sudanese so-called “animists’, but plenty of paycheck mercs and African American U.S. Special Forces. But there is no denying it. Al-Bashir whipped their asses and Uncle Slimey is hopping mad. So Uncle Slimey turns to the ICC, a wholly owned subsidiary, to do what its paid to do, eliminate threats to their power.

How can the Washington Post report on the “mineral rich” Congo region and not address the role of the international corporate hyenas, you ask? The banks and Wall Street have brought the U.S. and the world to its knees. What makes the Post think they’d have any compunction about killing a few million Africans to line their coffers? You don’t simply shovel coltan into a wheelbarrow and walk up to Kagame and get cash like a kid collecting old bottles for the deposit. Yet this is what the Post would have you believe. Mining requires infrastructure and complex engineering and right now that requires western capital and expertise. I would imagine if the western corporations were acting in a fuzzy and warm sort of way, the Post would be all over it with fuzzy and warm paternalistic stories of the Great White Father. But there not, are they? That would be a stretch even for them. Some posts on this newspaper’s site especially as it pertains to foreign policy (Congo, Sudan, Venezuela, Somalia, Iran etc. etc.) show a certain anxiety- ridden glibness or downright media induced, the-more-you-watch-the-less-you-know ignorance. But it’s the sanctimonious holier-than-thou posts that grate the most. Because that sanctimony and condescension belies the last 500 years of colonialism, the notion that somehow Europe and North America have a monopoly on morality and the durable lie that advanced technology is proof of the West’s ethical superiority. Well, its now been amply demonstrated by those that insist on this credo (the holocaust, a-bomb, aerial bombing of civilian populations, invasion of Southeast Asia etc. etc ad nauseam) that just the opposite is true. That sanctimony is just another weapon wielded by a barbarian.

So it must have been gratifying to Walter Kansteiner, Kissinger Associates, George Soros, the Clintons and the rest of the kleptocratic cabal to see America’s new President launch an invasion of Congo on his inauguration day. Or was the invasion launched from Kissinger’s brownstone to remind Obama whom he’s working for. So Hugo, I know you know better than most that you either do it Uncle Slimey’s way or Uncle Slimey is gonna $$$$ you up. That’s just what Uncle Slimey does. You either do it his way or he ****s you up. He uses everything at his disposal to $$$$ you up. He uses his New York Times and Washington Post and the Nightly News to $$$$ you up. He uses his cowed population to $$$$ you up. He uses his universities and think tanks to $$$$ you up. He uses his banks and international economic institutions to $$$$ you up. He uses his trade organizations and humanitarian organizations to $$$$ you up. He uses his vast intelligence gathering network to $$$$ you up. He uses his proxy armies and proxy stooges like the Venezuelan 'white asses' to $$$$ you up. And he uses his gargantuan military to $$$$ you up big time. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Hugo. They’re gunnin’ for you and they plan to turn up the heat. Very soon, Uncle Slimey will move to really fuck you up.