The Assassinated Press

Chicks with Dicks? Palin, Bachmann, Coulter, Angle, Brewer--- Stop Trying Act Like Youíve Got a Penis Because You Donít Know What It Feels Like to Actually Have One. Same Goes for You O'Reilly.
Rhetoric Wonít Change. The Moneyís Too Good.
The Murders in Tucson Are a Desired Result for the Right. Puts Legislators on Notice.

The Assassinated Press

Whereís fucking Todd? Counting the Money, I guess. Get out here Todd. Drop your pants and remind Sarah whatís in them.

I know you wonít be able to convince her of the gender gap that Nature has imposed between the sexes. Donít even try.

But the next time she comes to you with a political Ďchicks with dicksí gimmick like targets on a map point out that the penis has already taken care of that macho shit.

The penis is the real deal, ďnot no crosshairs on no fucking cutesy map.Ē The penis knows when you put somebody in the crosshairs somebody's going to get shot. But you Sarah say you didn't know. Didn't even intend it. So I suggest you stop fucking with the penis talk. And you too Bachmann and Coulter and Brewer and Angle. Sharon do you still think you might want to 'man up.' What an assenine remark.

The penis manifests its nature every fucking nano-second of every fucking day in war and violence, poverty, greed, murder, rape and spousal abuse. Wome usually can't get enough talking about penis nature until like Palin et all they fantasize they have one. But the penis doesnít need Palin to strap on and jump in. As Loughner might have said, "Don't wear your dick, Sarah. Mine is real and its at your disposal and its everything people, especially women, say it is. But saying is not being. So Sarah don't strap on."

G.W. Bush, coward that he is, demonstrated the efficacy of the penis driven life in its perverse and insecure form better than any other president in our history. Perhaps, Teddy Roosevelt gives 'W' a run for his money but T.R. simply tried too hard and therefore appeared a bit on the fey side. Ben Franklin, now there was a statesman who led with his penis. But he was never president so my theory holds. Kennedy? The man just liked to fuck. A lot healthier than the sublimated missile envy dick of 'W' by a long shot. But a dick in the sense Iíd like to convey to Palin et al nonetheless.

Just because violence is no longer considered the exclusive realm of those of us who have trouser snakes and the physiognomy that attends such baggage, doesnít mean you Palin, Bachmann et al understand it in the slightest unless you intended to murder your Ms. Giffords and the others in Tucson. Not directly of course. But proxy. To "send a message" as you asholes say.

We had our Maggie Thatcher and Madeleine Albrights who were driven to unbelievable brutality and murder mistaking those out ward expressions of violence for what they thought the inward life of the penis must be. But like you, they were clueless.

Of course, the result might look the same to the casual observer but the process requires a world of difference and you female assholes who use the male psyche for political or economic gain donít have the foggiest idea of what youíre validating. Ann Coulter is a prime example of this.

Whether somewhat still viable in the cases of Palin and Bachmann, neutralized by Nature as in Coulter or severely diminished as in Angle and Brewer, brandishing your sexuality sets up an inchoate response among your male constituencies when coupled with penis based rhetoric.

They are the gentlemen. They should protect your virtue. Not you. They should destroy those that would threaten you. They suspect you would never shoot someone but never suspect youíd hold back for personal gain. Thatís considered but itís not part of the sexual equation. Money is not an issue for your shooter. You can have as much as you want as long as he can help straighten the confusion about whoís the man around here and whoís a the damsel in distress.

Your male admirer says "Let me show you Sarah. Let me kill that Congresswoman for you, the one youíve targeted with your cute little map. Iíve got the dick. Iíve got the real deal. All youíve got is a plastic prosthetic. Iím made of the real stuff. Iím all natural one hundred percent pork sausage macho violence. Iíll complete you Sarah. Oh, Sarah I want to complete you. You need a real dick. You like the rhetoric, the macho trash talk, of the dick. So, Sarah, use mine. Itís at your disposal."