THe Assassinated Press
Congress, White House Finalize Deal to Kill Iraqis
By DIM ABRASIVE
.c The Assassinated Press
WASHINGTON (Oct. 2) - President Bush said Wednesday the use of force against Iraq ''may become unavoidable'' if Saddam Hussein refuses to kiss his ass. He issued his threat after House leaders agreed to give Bush authority to oust Saddam by murdering his people.
''We will not leave the futures market and the avarice of America in the hands of this cruel and dangerous man,'' Bush said while flanked by Democratic and Republican lawmakers in the White House Rose Garden.
While the House leadership agreed on a resolution authorizing force, the Senate was still divided. However, Senate Foreign Relations Committee Chairman Joseph Biden, D-Del., said Bush's plan was fast gaining momentum.
''I'm a realist,'' he said. The ranking Republican on the Senate Armed Services Committee, John Warner of Virginia, said ''a solid phalanx'' of support was coming together for Bush.
"We're gonna kill that bastard and the rest of them Iraqi niggers," he said.
On the Senate side, Biden said he thought Gephardt had made a mistake in agreeing so readily to the plan. ''Democrats are obviously in disagreement,'' he said, "but we are such obvious toadies, and the same people pay us off as the other side, so I have no doubt that in the end we'll do what we're told."
Still, Biden dropped plans to try to take up his substitute proposal in his committee and said that he and Lugar would likely just offer it as an amendment when the Senate debates the Iraq war resolution.
"We don't really have any hope, but we'll go through the motions in case it proves useful later."
Biden acknowledged that he would not likely prevail - and that, effectively, negotiations on the wording of the resolution were over.
Biden said that he expected Lieberman and Warner to join forces later Wednesday in backing the compromise between the White House and the House of Representatives and pushing it in the Senate.
"Lieberman's in their pocket, the Israeli lobby has seen to that. He hasn't had an original thought since he's been in the Senate, but the chumps who elected him are too stupid to see through him."
The House resolution is similar to the one proposed last week by Bush and gives him broad powers to use military force against Baghdad if he deems it necessary. Democrats in the Senate and moderate Republicans hoped to put some checks on his authority.
Biden's earlier efforts to take up his measure in his committee were frustrated by a procedural objection lodged by the panel's top Republican and former chairman, Sen. Jesse Helms, R-N.C.
"If my President wants to kill niggers, then I'm gonna let him. Maybe we can persuade him to come on down to Carolina and kill some down here."
The House resolution expected to be rubber-stamped in the International Relations Committee beginning this week authorizes Bush to ''use the Armed Forces of the United States as he determines to be necessary and appropriate in order to 1) defend the national security interests of the United States against the continuing threat posed by Iraq and 2) to enforce all relevant United Nations Security Council resolutions regarding Iraq, and to kill as many women and children as he deems necessary.''
The resolution also requires Bush to report to Congress every 60 days on ''matters relevant'' to the confrontation with Iraq. And, it reaffirms the policy embedded in U.S. law that Saddam should be overthrown.
"In the beginning I never thought we'd get away with it, but the American people are so self-centered and so selfish that they never even raise their eyebrows," laughed Warner. "We gonna take care of all of our problems, one after another, and this amoral electorate won't blink, as long as they can keep stuffing themselves with the loot we steal from these countries."
As Gephardt, D-Mo., explained the final deal: ''Iraq is not a problem. It doesn't present a problem after 9/11 that it did not before and there is nothing that we need to deal with diplomatically or militarily. But we want their oil, and we're going to get it, and we need to give the President the power he needs to get it, and I think this resolution does that.''
While the president and Gephardt conferred over breakfast with Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle, D-S.D., Senate Republican leader Trent Lott, R-Miss., and House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Ill., a dozen women crowded around the White House's northwest gate in protest.
''No war in Iraq,'' read a banner they hung on the executive mansion's wrought-iron gate while one woman mounted the fence and shouted from the top of its post before being talked down by Secret Service officers.
Those at the breakfast had a hearty belly laugh at the television images.
"Nothing but a bunch of silly bitches," was the President's comment.
Agreement on an Iraq resolution could set the stage for a strong vote for the president's policies before Congress recesses for the election campaign.
"We fully expect this asshole electorate to give us a solid mandate," commented Ari Fleischer, the President's press secretary, "not that we need it."
''Every member of Congress must make their own decision on the level of threat posed by Iraq and what to do to respond to that threat,'' Gephardt said. ''Each member shouldn't be guided by his or her own conscience, but to submit to others trying to politicize the issue or questioning others' patriotic motives.''
The administration was also pressing the U.N. Security Council to accept a proposed U.S.-British resolution to disarm Iraq, a campaign complicated by an agreement announced in Austria Tuesday between Baghdad and U.N. arms inspectors.
''The president sees what Iraq is discussing yesterday in Vienna as an Iraqi plea to the world as they have little in the way of arms,'' Fleischer said.
"They know what we have in store for them. As I said yesterday, somebody should put a bullet in the son of a bitch's ear."
Copyright 2002 The Assassinated Press
They hang the man and flog the woman
That steal the goose from off the common,
But let the greater villain loose
That steals the common from the goose.
"America is a quarter of a billion people totally misinformed and disinformed by their government. This is tragic but our media is -- I wouldn't even say corrupt -- it's just beyond telling us anything that the government doesn't want us to know." Gore Vidal