Putting the Harmony in Downward Harmonization. BLAME AMERICA FIRST. IT SAVES TIME.
The Assassinated Press--Accepting the Truth So America Doesn't Have to.*** Cynicism in the defense of liberty is no vice***The Truth Will Never Go Viral.***
The only place to spit in a rich man's house is in his face"-Diogenes of Sinope.
THE ASSASSINATED PRESS: A Magazine of Contempt
*Shoving Truth in the Mouths of Liars*
"I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half."-- Jay Gould, Robber Baron & Wall Street Speculator
Believing the absolute worst about the United States gives you tremendous predictive powers.
"If the lions don't like it, they won't eat it." Daniel Drew, Robber Baron & Wall Street Speculator
To paraphrase Peter Carlson of the Washington Post: "If someone tried to reveal what really goes on in Washington, he'd start howling like a banshee..." The Assassinated Press is that banshee.
The Assassinated Press is NOT copyrighted and may be reproduced and disseminated in any form whatsoever.

The Wall! Mexican President Pena Nieto Tells Donnie to Go Fuck Himself.
Trumps Alternate Plan – Make Wall Crypt for Dead Americans.
Funding will also come from the Federal Department of Corporate Welfare.
By A. BANDON
1/28/17

Verizon Admits Its Screening Process for Agents Favors Lying Sociopaths.
CEO Lowell C. McAdam Says He Models his Company on the Trump Ethos.
By JAMIE DIMON
8/8/15

O’Reilly Viewers Dying Off in Droves. Is Watching Bill O’Reilly Bad for your Health?
Bill O’Reilly gives Aubrey de Grey’s SENS Research Center $100,000,000.00 to Extend the Life of his Viewer Demographic.
By STU FISH
5/3/2015

Destroying the Planet Over a Ten Dollar Bet
By EDWARD MAYONNAISE
3/2/15

Scott Walker, Eagle Scout and Governor, Shows Scouts How to Skin a Rabbit.
Governor introduces new corvee labor for food program to eager Wisconsinites.
2/22/15

Two Year Old that Shot Mom in Walmart to Become Company's Chief of Security
By GEORGE 'BABY FACE' NELSON
12/25/14

Will Someone Please Put the United States Out of Its Misery.
Put Upon from All Sides Uncle Slimey Contemplates Suicide.
By HAIRY NOODLES
12/1/31

In a Celebratory Mood, Police, DA burn 12 Buildings in Ferguson.
By BULL CONNOR
11/24/14

Because of OSS’s Post World War II Operation Paperclip 88% of American cops and 44% of American servicemen carry NAZI DNA.
White Ferguson Grandma’s Were Done Fucked by the OSS’s NAZIS.
By OPINE BUCH
11/20/14

Djingo Unhinged: Mall is the stage for a flag-waving night of jingoism and shitty corporate music
Nov. 12, 2014

Venezuela in grip of severe US induced tropical disease outbreak
US sanctions, sabotage thwart government’s efforts to bring in medical supplies from Cuba
By TED SHACKLEY
10/5/14

Is Eating Human Cancer Tumors Cannibalism?
Climate Deniers, Fossil Fuel Execs and their Legislative Functionaries Form a Unique Culinary Elite.
By ANDRE SUPPERN
11/5/14

New Archeological Evidence Proves Lascaux Was a Paleolithic Police Station, Processing Center and Jail.
By FLAVIO BIONDO
10/28/14

Detroit to Secede from US, Join Canada.
150,000 People without running water in Detroit. Jesus Fuck! Even the French aristocracy let them eat cake.
By MUTTON FRAUDMAN
10/23/14

Is Ted Nugent an FBI Informant?
By ED MEESE
10/22/14

Afghanistan poppy production at record levels because of US counternarcotics efforts
By TED NUGENT
10/20/14

Plans to Encase Ebola Struck Texas in a Two Mile Thick layer of Calcified Horse Shit Goes Forward.
Lone Star State Deemed Too Stupid to Live.
SAM USETIN
10/16/14

In Poll Washington Post Employees Prefer Nicolas Maduro to Post Owner Jeff Bezos.
Bodies of elderly Amazon employees found dumped in the desert and made to look like migrants who died crossiing the border.
By GEOFF BOZOS
9/28/14

Thousands of Failing Bed and Breakfasts Converted Into Private Prisons; Gain Government Funding
By KENNY GILTFART
9/4/14

Success of Twitter Result of Short Attention Spans Caused by Mercury Poisoning Researchers Say
By LUTHER LISTER
8/30/14

Local Police Forces Use Domestic Violence as Their Model
By BRACK TURL
8/29/14

Four Members of Duck Dynasty Cast Shot at Fort Worth Gun Show, Two Dead, Two Wounded.
“They had beards. We thought they was Muzlums,” shooters say.
Beloved Sadie among the dead.
By Charlie Whitman
6/21/14

Candy Magnate and President Elect of Ukraine, Petro Poroshenko, Meets with IMF.
IMF lays out austerity plan for Ukraine whereby most workers will be paid in candy bars.
Move set to improve productivity with entire population on a ‘sugar high’.
Country to be flooded with CIA heroine. Candy to provide relief for those impoverished millions that can't afford 'High Grade Agency Shit'.
By GOOBER REESE
5/29/14

US’s Uribe Look-Alike Fuck Puppet Manages a Run Off in the CIA's Drug Factory, Colombia.
In a desperate effort o head off peace talks with FARC, Uncle Slimey backs ‘more war’ asshole.
Peace agreement with FARC would lead to the rebel group winning the majority of local and municipal elections and could put a damper on CIA cocaine smuggling. “We prefer to make up our operational shortfall with drug smuggling in our black budget rather than begging Congress,” CIA spokesperson Josh Fattal said.
With no FARC 60% of the electorate abstains from voting.
By JOHN HULL
5/28/14

Boko Haram kidnapped schoolgirls under a US funded outsource contract with Dyncorp to supply hundreds of slaves to ex-pats living in the UAE, Brunei and Saudi Arabia
By BUTCH KASADIETSCH
5/7/14

Matinee Idol, George Clooney, suggests soccer match to settle oil strife in South Sudan
By ANGINA JELLEE
5/4/14

Lady Gaga rescheduled: Pop idol turned down offer to play point guard for Wizards in game 6 to avoid scheduling conflict
By JAY SWIFT
5/4/14

Koch Brothers offer Don Sterling $5 Billion for the Clippers with an eye toward breaking the union and re-segregating American professional sports
By DUTSH BAGG
4/28/14

Several thousand amputee victims of US bombing and drone raids refused a spot in the Boston Marathon
By PATSY PATRIOT
4/20/14

Americans willing to “Shit where they eat.”
New Post-ABC News poll: Americans overwhelmingly favor shitting in their own country with Keystone XL pipeline project rather than shitting in someone else’s country.
By JULIE ASSWIPE and SCOTT TISSUE
The Assassinated Press
March 7, 2014

Exclusive: Read the Speech Venezuelan Opposition Leader Leopoldo López Made Before He Was Jailed
TRANSLATION by REGGIE WEDGIE
2/22/14

Public Relations Sensation, Pussy Riot Girls, Busted in New York for Defiling Cathedral
District Attorney for Greater New York Seeks the Death Penalty
By TOMMY TORKDADA
2/3/14

With Afghan drawdown ongoing, U.S. to set up center in Bahrain to continue drug smuggling
By ERMUSTO LONGDONGO
January 15 , 2014

Duck Dynasty family warns Phil if he queers their millions in endorsement deals he better watch his back when they go duck hunting.
Brother Si says “I fragged my share of West Point shave tails during the time I was hallucinating I was in Nam. One more bandy legged Louisiana frat boy ain’t gonna make no difference to me.”
By TINY TOMBS
12/23/13

Retail Scientology: Garry Trudeau writes sitcom for Jeff Bezos about 20 retirees living in a 400 square foot trailer in the middle of the desert and working in an Amazon distribution center.
Creator of Doonesbury chronicles wacky Nordhausen working conditions for aging American work force.
By HELEN EARTH
12/21/13

Duck Dynasty Patriarch that dissed buttfucking admits he may not have been doing it right.
In another brilliant political maneuver, the Tea Party rallies around Phil Robertson shoring up the .03% swamp vote.
Been to any 'Happy, Happy, Happy' lynchings lately Sarah, you worthless cunt.
By SWIMPY CUBICLE
12/18/13

Pardoned Gobbler Goes on Shooting Rampage
Popcorn the Turkey Kills 16 at Poultry Processing Plant
By CHET OTTO LUK
12.5.13

US Military to Go With an All-Rapist Volunteer Army.
To Avoid Outside Scrutiny of In-House Rape the Armed Forces to Meet Quotas with Rapists Only.
By ADMIRAL BEAUREGARD HASTY
11.21.13

Assassinating an Assassination: Charles and David Koch Confess/Finance a Willingness to Murder JFK.
In New Documentary Koch Brothers Prove JFK Was Made Out of Plywood.
By IMA PATSYRAY CLINE
11.14.13

Incognito Speaks Out: “If I’m such a racist why have I gone down on more black men than Lisa Lampanelli?”
“If I’m such a chauvinist why do I parade my saggy bro-bies in public places.”
“If I’m so threatening why is my family still alive?”
Lara Logan comes clean: “I’m just a war hag. That’s why I keep fucking up.”
By PHYLLIS MCMUFFIN STEWPOT SCHLAFLY
11.13.13

As the Island Nation sinks into the Indian Ocean, the US launches another coup against Nasheed in the Maldives.
Are Americans really turds? Depends on who you ask.
By JUNK YARD GOD
10/18/13

The peasants giving you trouble?
JUST PUT A JSOC IN 'EM.
The Joint Special Operations Command. Baby killers to the corporate starz!
By BILLY ‘FOUR NIPPLES’ McRAVENMAD
10/18/13

Cucci-Coo-Coo: Michelle Duggar, Mother on “19 Kids and Counting” Expecting Number 20.
“The first three were Jim Bob’s, the next 10 were trucker fucks, then three by the Lord and, now, three by me eldest son,” Duggar told a cheering crowd while counting on her fingers and toes.
“I pray one day Michelle will honor me with a self-righteous, unprincipled rug rat, we can call our own,” the Papist, Ken ‘Cooch’ Cuccinelli, tells the crowd.
“Smells like loaves and fishes up in here,” Jesus said.
By MAUD VILLE
10/17/13

“I need this fuckin’ federal highway to get to my protest of the federal government!”
Tea Party tears up a stretch of Federal Highway in protest calling the highway ‘government interference’.
Tea Party Truckers on their way to protest Obamacare in Washington blocked by roadway’s destruction.
Volunteer Tea Party Deprogrammers offer hope to afflicted families.
WILE E. CHAOTY
10/14/13

As the ‘Death Grip’ of the Federal Shutdown tightens the military industrial Beltway Bandits create Furrows for Furloughs program
Rand Paul’s ‘swords into ploughshares’ rapidly becoming a reality
By WES WACKAMOLE
10/14/13

Tea Party members burn their Medicare/Medicaid cards at Sioux City rally.
“I don’t give a shit if the Koch brothers are a couple of spewing tailpipes my bigotry has fitted me and families my mouth around. As long as they’re white and they're Christian.”
By BLAZE GUNFAT
10/13/13

A People’s History of Koch Industries: How Stalin Funded the Tea Party Movement
By Yasha Levine
The Exiled
4/17/10

Monsanto has been genetically modifying its employees for decades.
By GENE SPLICER
10/8/13

Woman, infant in car cause Hill Republicans to soil themselves in terror.
Afraid an attack was directed at them House GOP proves it’s mental.
Make government appear unworkable. Any government that is not corporate that is: Tea Party admits Obamacare is not the issue. Dismantling of entitlements and deregulation in preparation for a National Socialist takeover by the Koch Brothers is reason for shutdown.
By PATSY CLONEY
11/3/13

The Koch Brothers Spend Millions to Send Tea Party Members to Insurance ‘Navigator’ Instruction in Yet Another Move to Sabotage Obamacare.
Koch Brothers Plan to Have Their Navigator Shills Provide False Information to Those Seeking Insurance Advice.
By HANLEY HUMPPUNCH
9/27/13

Bill Maher Gave Obama One Million Dollars to Avoid Doing Time for a Drug Bust.
HBO Comic Caught in NSA Sting.
By TOADY KRAUTHIMMLER
9/25/13

US Steps-Up Its Sabotage Campaign Against Venezuelan Government
Conoco Phillips, Venezuelan Oligarchs Aid Sabotage
Number of Venezuelans with Access to Clean Water and Electricity Increased Exponentially Under Chavez
Venezuelan Oligarchs Declare Poor Venezuelans Are Unworthy of Clean Water. Uncle Slimey Agrees.
By MARY S. SHERMAN
9/6/13

Study Shows Daily Stresses of Wealth Take Mental Toll
Lying, Fraud, Murder and Cruelty Required of People of Great Wealth Creates an ‘Impregnable Shell of Sociopathic Behavior’ to Form Around the Subject
Similarly the Stresses of the Military Promote Psychopathology
By TAMALE BLOOM
August 29,2013

Reza Aslan’s Controversial Book ‘Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth’ bears an Uncanny Resemblance to an Obscure Title Published in Early 2012.
‘The Canaanite Gospel: A Meditation on Empire’ Brings to Life the Historical Jesus and his Times through a series of 88 Vivid Monologues.
By Cyril Connolly
8/28/13

US Chamber of Commerce Study Warned Muslim Brotherhood Were ‘Poor Consumers.’
At June 16th meeting 16 US corporate heads that receive hundreds of millions in credits for providing Egyptian foreign aid complained to Obama about lack of arms, pornography, men’s designer thongs in a Morsi run Egypt.
Will the Egyptian Military be Content to Play Washington’s Proxy in Destruction of Brotherhood?
By DANK E. WANK
7/22/13

The City of Detroit To Be Re-Chartered as a Bank Qualifying for an Immediate Bailout and Fed Money at 0% Interest
"First Public Employees Pay Into Their Pension Fund Which Is Then Invested On Wall Street In the Form of Bonds Where Their Value Is Destroyed By Wall Street Bankers and Brokerages, So When the Time Comes to Pay Off On the Pensions There’s No Money, So the City Declares Bankruptcy, Sells Off All of Its Assets For Pennies On the Dollar To the Very Wall Street Thugs That Robbed the Pensions In the First Place." SWEET!
Obama, Cheney, Bill Clinton, Alan Greenspan, Bernie Madoff, Larry Summers, Tim Geitner endorse the Plan
Bondholders and CEOs Will Be Paid With Interest; Cuts Still Inevitable for Public Service Workers
By ROBERT RUBINS
7/23/13

Rick Perry Says if his 2016 Presidential Campaign Fails, Texas Will Secede from the Union
Joint Chiefs Eager to Have the Contiguous Sovereign Nation of Texas So that They Can Invade the Fucker and Steal All of its Natural Resources as it Would Any Ignorant, Third World Backwater
By SMOKEY STOVER
7/20/13

NSA Offers to Update Your Facebook Page for a Small Fee
New Service to Recoup Some of the Billions Spent on Domestic and Economic Espionage
By TED SHACKLEY & WALTER PINCUS
7/11/13

Koch Brothers Unveil Plan to Turn Detroit’s ‘Tar Sands Mountain’ Into Ski Slope and Luxury Resort
Rick Snyder Strikes Deal on “Behalf of All Michigonians”
“Nothing the Koch’s Own Ever Goes Bankrupt. Not With Corporate Welfare and Corvee Labor,” David Koch Reassures Wall Street Investors
By CON GLOMERATE
7/8/13

How Harvard Taught Me to Despise the Constitution And Made Me the O.J. Simpson of American Politics.
By Barack Obama
6/29/13

Through Outsourcing Corporations Have Literally Bought the US Intelligence Apparatus
Six Degrees of Corporate Investment Separates the NSA, US Intelligence from Wall Street? Try None.
By IDA TARBELL
6/21/13

Brought to You by OSHA: OSHA Buys Four 30 Second Spots on Reality Show
History Channel’s Ax Men Showcases Drug and Alcohol Abuse on the Job
By WYLIE COYOTE
6/16/13

David Koch Rushed to Fargo Hospital Complaining of Shortness of Breath
Koch Found Disconnecting Feeding Tubes in the Hospital Nursery and ICU; Avoids Prosecution by Buying Hospital
By E. COWARD CUNT
6/15/13

Director of National Intelligence James Clapper Offered to Pay Edward Snowden’s Ex-Girlfriend for Sex
Koch Brothers Say US’s Spying Initiatives Infringe on Their Own Domestic Spying
Most Americans Fearing Retribution from Government and Corporations Say They Are OK with Surveillance
By CLAWFOOT ANNIE
6/14/13

Barack Obama’s Speech to the 2013 Harvard Law School & Kennedy School of Diplomacy Graduation Classes
By BOOB PARSONS
6/11/13

Charles Koch Cuts Off Thumbs with Power Saw
Koch While Sawing Up Bodies of Dead Prostitutes, Miss Americas, Playboy Bunnies, Trannies and Ballerinas with his Brother David, in David’s Park Avenue Apartment Severs his Last Connection with Humanity
By DAVY JOBBY
6/10/13

David Koch’s Prostate Cancer Returns. Doctors Give Him Three Months To Live.
Billionaire sought to take millions of Americans to the grave with him.
Caudillo of the Tea Party Makes Appeal to Heaven; Is Directed Due South to the Headquarters of the Red States.
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it".--- Mark Twain
Cancer Returns in Three Other Brothers --- One Hopes.
DAVY JOBBY
6/1/13

U.S.-trained Congolese troops trained in rape and other atrocities by US, U.N. says
When a death squad just isn’t enough: American Forces have perfected rape in their own ranks and trained, supplied and financed thousands of third world units in the art of violent sexual assault.
By GROG LIPLOCK
5/15/13

Juan Forero and the Washington Post Working with the Obama Regime and Venezuelan Oiligarchy to Overthrow Maduro.
The Other Global Warming: Neo-Liberals Seeking to Match Neo-Cons 'Success' in Middle East With 'Latin American Spring' Starting with the Overthrow of the Maduro Government.
By ADOLFO CALERO & JOHN HULL
May, 11, 2013

Hagel scraps drone medal after learning tiny drones were used to look up women's skirts.
By STEALY JUGNUTS
April 15, 2013

TALES OF BLING AN SICH?
ROBBIN LEECH
4/3/13

High Level US Brass In Iraq Involved in Cannibalism!
Photo Shows Col. James Steele and Col. James Coffman Chowing Down on the Torso of a Young Child Along with Iraqi Collaborators
The Christic Institute fingered Steele back in the eighties while the Post and Times were still fingering themselves
By ALBERT FISH
3/22/13

The NRA opposes U.N. arms treaty on Market Grounds
The Arms Maker’s Lobby that Hides Behind a Sociopath’s Interpretation of the Constitution Goes to Bat for its Big Money Creators
By PETER POON
3/16/13

The Conservative Political Action Conference: Where progress is measured by the fact that the biggest prick in the room may not have one anymore.
By KAREN TUMULTIMEDIA
3/14/13

Kerry Rallies US Proxy Forces in Syria, Sends More Arms Through Jordan, Israel, Turkey
By AYN RANDY and LOVEDAY COCKAWAY
2/24/13

Shop til you drop --- from automatic weapons fire. Women spend a disproportionate amount of money compared to men. So they should embrace combat roles because the front line is essential for the theft of world’s raw materials that go into the manufacturer of all the shit females buy.
Worried about too much fucking between male and female combat troops? Make all combat troops female for the next forty years and then switch back to the swinging dicks in, say, 2053.
ROSARIO RIVET
1/30/13

Q: What do Obama and a Pedophile Priest Have in Common?
By HATTRICK ONERY
1/28/13

An immodest proposal. ‘You Kill It - You Eat It’ rule to be extended to human victims.
Perpetrators, their families, owners of the same weapons used in the murder must eat the victims of gun violence.
Owners chosen by lottery from Koch Industries facial recognition devices currently scanning the crowd at the Las Vegas Gun Show.
JON SWIFT & CARRIE OWEN DE YOUNG
1/19/13

Gun related homicides found to prevent 6000 heart attacks a year.
US researchers cite gun violence as factor contributing to shorter lives and poorer health.
When the Black Panthers formed a ‘Well-regulated militia’ in the 1960’s and 1970’s, the NRA objected. Why, O, why would the NRA deny their black brothers and sisters the right to bear arms?
JOE SIROCHMAN
1/12/13

NRA’s plan to increase gun violence is a sound one.
The world is wasted on the rich. All the violent, fascist desires of the corporate aristocracy will be met under LaPierre’s plan.
Shit from a turd. Or I smell a phony. If the Koch brothers come to take his guns will Alex Jones stand his ground? Or why does he preach Jules Archer’s book The Plot to Seize the White House, but not practice it? Hmmm.
BATLICK ORNERY
1/9/10

Alex Jones Just Looks Miserable, Frothing like Old Yeller. Rabies?
Alex Jones bloviates about the corporate aristocracy yet is too cowardly to do anything about it.
Radio talking head criticizes Bohemian Grove, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Koch brothers, Genesis Communication Network etc. but as yet has not fired the shot heard around the world which frees us from this corporate aristocracy.
Instead, Jones while simultaneously getting rhino hynied by all four Koch boys, wails and flings feces as Piers Morgan, rest of America look on in utter belief.
By SKIP ROWE
1/8/13

Hey shithead, put down the meth pipe. Obama and Biden are coming for your guns.
Only one honorable thing for gun owners to do. Commit ritual suicide.
Why waste reality on the Saved? Just consider it a less speculative form of the Rapture.
From Union roots to Confederate shits: With Obama’s election the NRA pulled off its mask to air out its KKK hood.
By ERIC REEVES
1/7/13

EXPOSING U.S. AGENTS OF LOW-INTENSITY WARFARE IN AFRICA
The "Policy Wonks" Behind Covert Warfare & Humanitarian Fascism
http://www.consciousbeingalliance.com/2012/08/us-agents-of-covert-war-in-africa/

This special report includes three unpublished video clips of interviewees from the Politics of Genocide documentary film project: Ugandan dignitary Remigius Kintu, former Rwandan prime minister Fautisn Twagiramungu, and Nobel peace prize nominee Juan Carrero Saralegui.

Published: 8 August 2012
Revisions: 9 August 2012
Revisions: 13 August 2012

keith harmon snow
Conscious Being Alliance

From the 1980s to today, an elite group of Western intelligence operatives have backed low-intensity guerrilla warfare in certain African 'hotspots'. Mass atrocities in the Great Lakes and Sudan can be linked to Roger Winter, a pivotal U.S. operative whose 'team' was recently applauded for birthing the world's newest nation, South Sudan. Behind the fairytale we find a long trail of blood and skeletons from Uganda to Sudan, Rwanda and Congo. While the mass media has covered their tracks, their misplaced moralism has simultaneously helped birth a new left-liberal 'humanitarian' fascism. In this falsification of consciousness, Western human rights crusaders and organizations, funded by governments, multinational corporations and private donors, cheer the killers and blame the victims---and pat themselves on the back for saving Africa from itself. Meanwhile, the "Arab Spring" has spread to (north) Sudan. Following the NATO-Israeli model of regime change being used in Central & North Africa, it won't be long before the fall of Khartoum.
http://www.consciousbeingalliance.com/2012/08/us-agents-of-covert-war-in-africa/

UAE outraged at filmmaker’s characterization of Abu Dhabi as an enemy of America.
“Apparently this Koch whore, McALeer, doesn’t know shit about shit.” --- Michael ‘Creamhole’ Corbin, US Ambassador to the UAE.
Koch brothers and their lap dog Phelim McAleer counting on Americans to be too stupid to know the United Arab Emirates is a US ally. Stop Counting. They're right.
By WILLUM BUTTER YORCAKES
1/5/13

Virtually every member of any rebel group in Central Africa holds several advanced degrees in the sciences, engineering and finance.
15 year old gun toting soldiers have Phds. in physics, chemistry, spectroscopy, geology, mineralogy, engineering etc.
“Its just fucking bankster b-hole amazing! Gangs of rag tag 15 year old boy soldiers in Central Africa who speak six languages and have multi-billion dollar lines of credit with the largest western banks!”
JOEY CONROID
12/28/12

Americans Prepare to Gun Down More of Their Kids as Sales of Semi-Automatic Rifles Reach Sociopathological Proportions.
NRA, gunowners see children under 8 as main threat to unbridled gunownership.
Utah to arm teachers: “Little Johnnie’s less likely to act up in class if Teach is strapped with a Glock,” Governor Herbert Declares.
Gunowners continue to ignore the Second Amerndment. No “well-regulated militia” in sight. Race still a huge factor in increased gun sales.
By CHARLES KOCH
12/27/12

CIA floods Brazil with crack.
Miffed at two consecutive moderate socialist governments and economic markers surpassing those of the US, the CIA has used its Colombian connection to flood Brazil with crack.
“It’s just like South Central and beyond in the US when we brought in contra-cocaine,” Oliver North tells his radio audience.
By JUAN FORERO
12/26/12

New company will edit out any reference to religion in Hollywood films.
‘Faith Dump’ cleans movies of any religious references.
JOE BARSABAS
12/26/12

Radicals defiant: NRA turns its back on the Second Amendment; refuses to join a “Well regulated militia.” Not even to beat back the black helicopters and blue helmets of the UN.
Lindsey Graham declares he’s not a threat to society. But given his voting record many harbor doubts.
When you’re given a lemon, make lemonade. “I’ve got a large fortune wrapped up in guns and private security. Hurray for this Lanza kid. Guns in schools!!!” --- Walter LaPierre
HONORE DE BALLZITCH
12/24/12

NRA wants to turn school masscare into WPA style jobs program.
Now your gunman won’t have to make a special trip to the school to gun down your children, HE’LL WORK THERE!!
300,000 to 400,000 thousand new guards needed from the ranks of high school dropouts as security guards fatten portfolios of Wackenhut, Dyncorp and the Koch Brothers.
Could the NRA become constitutional and be “well regulated?”
If the assholes at the NRA claim you can defend yourself with firearms, why have THEY asked for extra police protection. Defend yourselves, you motherfucking cowards. And stop using my fucking tax money.
By BARRY STERN
12/22/12

The NRA is right. The answer to less killing is more killing --- But the Corporate Aristocracy must be the target.
Koch Brothers remain confident propaganda is enough to keep people from killing them!!
“Guns don’t kill people. People kill people. Then improve the people. Ask gunowners to kill themselves.”
From Rick Perry's syphillitic brain, "arm teachers." But should demonized Union Teachers be allowed to carry guns around our innocent ‘right to work’ children?
By A. FUJIMORI & V. MONTESINOS
12/19/12

Is the NRA the American Taliban? Or do they lack the courage.
After Connecticut Slaughter of Innocence, NRA Issues a Statement, “Watch out! Obama’s Coming For Your Guns.”
Until September of this year, according to the US State Department, the Taliban was not a terrorist group. Neither was the NRA.
Robber Baron Jay Gould’s slogan “I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half.” is playing itself out all over America every day in our places of worship and work and in our schoolyards as the Koch Brother, organized crime and others finance Gun Anarchy.
“Gee, I hope the Koch brothers and their family are safe from gun violence now that there’s a bounty on them.”
By I. R. SANCHEZ
12/14/12

"Nuclear, ecological, chemical, economic — our arsenal of Death by Stupidity is impressive for a species as smart as Homo sapiens"
A brief history of Superpowers
The United Nations vote on the Cuba embargo — 21 years in a row Placing American presidents in their proper context
Films on US foreign policy
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
December 11th, 2012
www.killinghope.org

Obama Narrowly Averts Coup D'etat Because US Generals Cannot Keep Their Cocks in Their Camo.
Koch Brothers, Adelman etc. Financed Coup, Plotted Out by Right Wing Think Tanks and Led by Petraeus and the CIA. But All Was Jizzed Away by Generals.
Tabula Gaza: Netanyahoo, Mossad Pissed at CIA’s Failure to Hit Obama Take It out on Palestinians.
BONER FIDO
The Assassinated Press
11/26/12

Don’t be an asshole on African affairs.

Read keith harmon snow "an independent journalist, war correspondent and photographer who has also worked as a genocide investigator and consultant to the United Nations and other international bodies. He has won three Project Censored awards for his Central Africa reportage, is a member of the Asiana Press Agency (www.Asiana-Press-Agency.com), and he also recently worked in Afghanistan."
For reporting the truth, snow is now persona non grata at the United Nations and at all NGOs as well as virtually all of the Western media. In other words he’s highly credible. Really unimpeachable.

http://libya360.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/keith-harmon-snow-the-politics-of-genocide/
http://libya360.wordpress.com/2011/12/05/profiteering-from-genocide-in-africa/
http://libyadiary.wordpress.com/2011/03/03/genocide-in-libya-nato-invasion-underway-its-the-oil-stupid/
http://libya360.wordpress.com/2012/01/16/white-mans-burden-is-western-democracy-worth-killing-for/
http://libyadiary.wordpress.com/2011/03/11/the-ravaging-of-africa/
http://libya360.wordpress.com/2011/09/14/humanitarian-war-the-role-of-ngos-and-fake-evidence-in-manufacturing-imperialist-wars-in-africa-and-the-middle-east/
http://libya360.wordpress.com/2012/03/07/keith-harmon-snow-the-plunder-and-depopulation-of-central-africa/uploads/pdf-247Merchants%20of%20Death%20final%201.pdf
http://libyadiary.wordpress.com/2011/07/14/keith-harmon-snow-the-partitioning-of-sudan/
http://libya360.wordpress.com/2012/03/07/keith-harmon-snow-the-plunder-and-depopulation-of-central-africa/

Syria, the story thus far
Can you believe that I almost feel sorry for the American military?
In case you're distressed about the possibility of a Romney-Ryan government, here's some good news:
By WILlIAM BLUM The Anti-EMPIRE Report
October 2nd, 2012
www.killinghope.org

Burmese/Myanmar Human Rights Activist Slams Pussy Riot Girls.
By NOOKI RUKI
9/2212

Tape Surfaces of Meeting Between Rahm Emanuel, Scott Walker and the Koch Brothers on How to Bust the Chicago Teachers Union.
Charles Koch Heard Expressing Admiration for the Ludlow Massacre and Quoting Jay Gould --- “I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half.”
By DIMPLE FUGGIT
9/11/12

US Says It Has No Intention of Seeking Extradition of Assange.
State Department SpokesShit Lies That the US Had Anything To Do with the UK’s Efforts to Extradite Assange.
Obama Adminstration’s Horseshit Duplicity Resembles the Very Horsehit Duplicity Found in the Diplomatic Cables Released by Wikileaks.
“What four year old can’t see through Obama’s shit. It’s so Stinky and Watery and Post Dulles Brothers.”
If you’re an American the truth will make you dissolve like a slug under a dump truck load of road salt.
Vote Obama. He lies just like Whitey.
VICETORIA POOTANG
Published August 21, 2012

Eat Pussy, America. Americans, All Pussy. No Riot.
US and its flunkies defend Pussy Riot while the rest of the world defends Assange.
FOX loves it some Pussy.
PR Speak or Free Speech. America is a Cunt. O Excuse me --- Pussy.
By PERCY ROTGUT
8/18/12

The United States and its comrade-in-arms, Al Qaeda. And other tales of an empire gone mad.
Bring back the guillotine
Items of interest from a journal I've kept for 40 years, part VII
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
August 10th, 2012
www.killinghope.or

Clinton Says, “We Really Fucked Up by Arming the Syrian Rebels. They Hate the US More than the Assad Regime and the Rest of the Middle East.”
Civil war mix of Islamists, foreign radicals, sectarian hate fuels fear over US control of post-Assad Syria.
US Special Forces members beheaded by Syrian rebels.
By WILLY F. BUCKY
7/8/12

“Praise a Spiteful Jesus for the Koch Brothers, Twin Porn Stars of the Apocalypse."
Koch Brothers Invest Tens of Millions in White, Christian Porn Initiative.
XXX Designed to Promote Greater Breeding Among White Race.
Karl Rove and Grover Norquist Slated to Become the Ron Jeremy and Peter North of the New Fundamentalist Porn. Ralph Reed to Star as the Tom Hardy of Family Based Porn.
By TUBBY QUEEF
2/5/12

DOD Brings Down India’s Power Grid in Grand Experiment, Tries to Blame ‘Jester’ Using the Hacker’s Moniker ‘Tango Down’.
Indian Grid to 600 Million People Back Up in One Day after DOD Attack. PEPCO?
NICKOLA TESTICLE
8/2/12

US Armed and Led Syrian rebels seize rural territory while Assad forces focus on major cities
By LOOSY SHYTE
7/30/12

'Ghost Taser’ Revolutionizes Spiritualism, Military.
Apparitions ‘Gel’ After Being Struck by Ionizing Taser.
By CASPAR FRIENDLY
7/21/12

The Dark Knight Rose In America A Fucking Long Time Ago.
13 Remaining Colorado Gunshows in July Need Not Be Concerned Attendance Might Be Down After Shootings, According to NRA Poll.
So Many Funerals Will Not Deter Enthusiasts.
NRA Steps In with Door Prizes of Semi-Automatics, Body Armor, Flags, Bumper Stickers, Stun Guns, Caches of Armor Piercing Ammo, Magic Kevlar Underpants with Nut Knicker Protection, Free Viewing of ‘The Dark Knight Rises.’
NRA’s David Keene --- “Fuck the Second Amendment. We prefer our rank and file be functionally illiterate and we work hard to promote ignorance. The NRA’s all about the money.”
By JON WAN
7/21/12

5000 Year Afghan Civilization Suddenly Cannot Rule Itself After Uncle Slimey Bombs and Strafes It For Ten Years.
“We did just fine for millennia before these colonial and neo-colonial fucks showed up.”
Are Karzai Officials Vichy Traitors?
By JOCK PARTLO
July 17, 2012

Road head resulting in fatal crash offers rare look at U.S. commando presence in Mali, worldwide.
How Special are these Commando Dildos? Jesus would like to know.
By CRAY SHITLOOK
7/8/12

Corruption in US still a problem as international donors meet over Afghan Aid. US Financial Sector Singled Out.
London Banking Cartel Called 'Irredeemably Corrupt'; 'Scaffold Worthy'.
By FULIMI WONCE & FULIMI TWISSE
7/7/12

'Here Comes the Sun.’ Here Comes Ra.
By LENNY UBATZ
7/7/12

JP Morgan Withholds E-Mails That Show Depraved Behavior.
What's Jamie Dimon Been Fucking Besides You?
By TOM SHAMBAG
7/6/12

Elliott Abrams Confesses US Was Behind Disappearances, Baby Thefts in Argentina’s Dirty War.
By CLONE PONE
7/5/12

Julian Assange
No shelter from the drones of infinite justice or the bacteria of enduring freedom
Barack Obama, his mother, and the CIA
How the owners of a society play with their property
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
July 3rd, 2012
www.killinghope.org

Jim Inhofe’s Power to be Out 7 to 10 Days Due to Storm.
Senator Wastes No Time Requesting Special Treatment As Millions of Locals Suffer.
Grandchildren Build ‘Igloo’ Out of Thawed Rancid Meat from the Family Freezer and Assorted Dead Pets.
By Process of Elimination Inhofe Blames Jesus for Global Climate Change.
By FUCK AWFF
7/1/12

End Rapes in the Military: Bring Back the Molly Mule.
Pack Animal Source of Much Comfort and Sexual Relief Among Early Imperialist US Forces.
By O.B. TRUDAT
7/1/12

Obama Proposes Solution to Unemploymant --- War With Russia!! --- and China!!!
Clinton accuses Russia of selling attack helicopters to Syria. Says US/NATO is the only set of international thugs allowed to sell arms.
By COLUM YNCH and JIZZY LIZZY
6/11/12

US, UN, NATO Gets Its Dirty War in Syria.
With Mild Washington Summer Comes Pleasant News of More Bloodshed in Middle East, North Africa.
Sad Xenophobic Hick, Jim Breuer, Makes Transition from Mere Asshole to Kleptocratic Asset.
By LOOCY SLOP
6/10/12

Bloomberg, NYPD Are Brutish Anti-Semites.
By RUDEY AFANCULIANI
5/24/12

Syrian Rebels and al-Qaeda Terrorists Get Cornucopia of Arms, Cash, Training, Intelligence, Bombs and Special Forces Support from US Through Gulf ‘Neighbors’.
REAL NEIGHBORLY, HUH?
By KAREN DUWRONG and LETITTE SLYDE
May 15, 2012

Blasts Rock Syrian Capital.
Twin Bombings Bear al-Qaeda/CIA Hallmarks.
Taking a Page from the Reagan Playbook, Obama Works Hand in Hand with al-Qaeda.
“It’s just like the old days when we were fucking with the Soviets in Afghanistan,” CIA Spokesman Confirms.
BY SLEEZE SLYZY & JOBBY WARWICK
May, 11, 2012

Putting Syria into some perspective
President Obama's accomplishments
Joseph Biden
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
April 6th, 2012
www.killinghope.org

Why Make Ozzie Lie?
By HOPE YAPYOOKE & DI FACEDOWN
4/10/12

Inflationary Fiat Currency Has Driven Up What U.S. Pays Families of Afghan Victims in Massacres to $50,000 Each.
In Vietnam Blood Money Was Only $35.00.
By BEA ELZABUB
3/26/12

The Saga of Bradley Manning, Julian Assange, and Wikileaks, to be put to ballad and film
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
March 5th, 2012
www.killinghope.org

The Anality of Evil: Enlisting in Military to Murder People in Their Beds, in Their Homelands for Wall Street Banksters and International Kleptocrats IS a Sign of Low IQ, Not to Mention a Lack of a Moral Base.
Fairfax County, VA Home to Stooges for The Military Industrial Complex Is to a Certainty the Most Immoral County in the US Which Is Sure as Fuck Saying Something.
Fairfax County debates booby prize for high school graduates enlisting in military. Are These Kids Too Dumb to Read Major-General Smedley Darlington Butler’s “WAR IS A RACKET!’ I know mom’s too dumb. But Fuck! It’s Only Fucking 80 Pages. And It May Save Your Fucking Legs, Or Your Balls. Or Your Life. Or your bloody sanity. And its online:
http://www.ratical.org/ratville/CAH/warisaracket.html
By ENEMA BRAUNLICHER
2/8/12

Breitbart Dies of a Broken Heart. Or, At Least an Enlarged One.
In Late Night Phone Calls to His Psychiatrist, Bar Tender, Coke Dealer, Suicide Hot Line, Breitbart Revealed Stress Of Being a Lying Shitbag and Working Every Day with Lying Shitbags.
Besides a Just God Who Would Want to Kill Breitbart?
By STEVE DOUCHEY
2/1/12

Romney Margin of Victory In Michigan Was Huge Because Media Doesn’t Read Its Own Exit Polls.
53% of Santorum’s Vote Came from Democrats Who Wanted to Derail Romney Nomination.
By RALF CHOWMAIN
2/29/12

Israeli, US, Media’s Bloodlust to Attack Iran Rises to a Fever Pitch!
BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD Chant the Surgically Enhanced Media Beards as long as it’s not their children being bombed.
US Intelligence won’t go along. Tells warmongers to FUCK OFF!
Sixteen separate US intelligence agencies tell Clinton and Obama “We don’t want any part of your dirty, motherfucking war you filthy fucking criminal freaks.”
U.S. does not believe Iran is trying to build nuclear bomb. But that doesn’t stop the pussies in the media calling for more people to die.
By FUK YU
February 23, 2012, 6:11 p.m

Rip Van Winkle Regains Consciousness
Van Winkle: U.S. "Slipping Into A Fascist System"
By ALFIE PUTZLICKER
February 19, 2012

Heavy Metal: Diaper Music for the Fighting Man!
By SISSY METALMOUTH
2/23/12

Former Bush Officials, Others Appear to be Victims of Extraordinary Rendition.
Shilling for Terrorist Group Lands Several Former US Officials in Secret Prisons.
Violation of National Defense Authorization Act Cited as Reason for Imprisonment.
By WILD BILL DOUCHEBAG
2/14/12

National Defense Authorization Act Is a Perfect Fit for the American Psyche.
The Self-Censorship of the Great American Bald Lemming.
The Great American Bald Lemming is one dumb Motherfucker.
Capitalism Proves That a Highly Developed Brain Is Just Another Evolutionary Dead End.
By DEWEY CHEETUM
2/12/12

Decades of Agency Meddling In South Sudan leads to a wave of destabilization and killings.
Object to Drive Chinese Oil Interests Out.
CIA=Cult of Inebriated Assholes.
By Sudsy Ragu
1/30/12

When the Kleptocrats Cry and Whimper About Their Individual Rights That They themselves Have Perverted Or Eliminated For Their Own Ends, Don’t Come Whining to the 99% For Mercy.
By TUNNELL VIJON
1/30/12

Company Lawyers Claim Navy Seals Are the Genetically Altered Intellectual Property of Monsanto. Monsanto Asks US For $3 Trillion in Compensation; All Offspring Property of Company.
Supreme Court Agrees Along Papal Lines.
MONTY GRUNT
1/28/12

Sixty Percent of US Cyber-Security Hires Are Members of Anonymous.
By LUNI POONI
1/29/12

Bill Gates pushes ‘debt revolution’ for small farms in developing world.
By WARD SCHNEID
1/24/12

Rick Perry defends Marines caught urinating on Taliban corpses.
“I urinate in public all of the time. I urinate on my dog. I urinate in my wife’s mouth.”---Perry Says.
Public urination in Texas encouraged because it improves the smell.
Marines Say Urination Is Corps’ New Way of Marking Territory.
By FONT DE LEON
1/15/12

Congress/Obama’s Military Lock Down of American Citizens Designed to Protect Wall Street Banksters/Corporate Kleptocracy from Attack.
Like Egypt, Generals In Control of US Security.
How Is Terrorist Defined? If You Breath, You’re Already a Terrorist. Just Depends on When and Why They Want to Get You Out of the Way.
Facts for Four Year Olds --- Elected Officials Are Lying Cunts for the Rich.
By PAIGE TURNER
1/7/12

Obama Sicks Egyptian Military on Republican Funded NGOs Operating in Cairo.
Corporate Sociopaths at War With One Another. Soros and Buffett Foil Koch Brothers.
Thousands Die in Monetary Clash of Titans.
‘Right Wing’ NGOs Attacked on Behalf of US, European Interests. Israel Policy Scapegoated
By BLYTHE SPIROCETE
12/31/11

Liberian President Given Dynamite Prize for Sucking Cock of US Africom Forces in Africa.
Uncle Slimey’s Purchase of Liberian Presidency Puts Permanent Military Bases in Africa.
Ellen Johnson Sirleaf listed as a war criminal by The Truth and Reconciliation Commission yet wins election to the presidency of Liberia and, of course, the Nobel Prize like most war criminals.
By WARNER SCHNITZEL
12/13/11

Tom Cruise Sings the Scientology Blues. Beaucoup Boo-Hoos.
Cruise Says: “I’d Like to Quit Scientology But They Have Tapes of Me That Would Ruin My Career.”
‘Audited’ Sessions Too Revealing,” Star Confesses after One Too Many At a Hollywood Dinner Party.
Cult Has Been Keeping Close Tabs on Cruise for Many Years.
By NUTTY BAGMAN
12/12/11

Hank Paulson Claims He Had Dick Cheney’s Flesh Pistol in His Mouth and the De Facto President Was About to Pull the Trigger ala Harry Whittington but in Spooge Time When Paulson Gave Wall Street Inside Information About the Government's Scheme for the Defrauded Mortgage Giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. “Do you know how difficult it is to get Cheney’s jizz out of a $5000.00 suit?” Paulson Whines.
Hank Paulson Says “If you want the money back that me and my cronies at Goldman Sachs stole, you’ll have to pry it from our cold dead hands.”
Second Amendment Advocates Cower in Fear at Wall Street Titan; Hide in Their Basements and Polish Their Pieces.
Tracy Lawrence, Notary Public Who Blew The Whistle On Massive Foreclosure Fraud, Found Murdered.
Ken 'The Cooch' Cuccinelli Says He’s Ready to Shine the Tea Party Flunkies and Virginia rednecks for the Koch Brothers. David Koch Calls Cuccinelli ‘My Little Ken Doll Dago Cunt.’ Futures Market Opens Betting on When Wall Street Banksters Will Die.
By RICK SANTELLI
12/3/11

Crčche Crushed: Gated Community Gives Bums Rush To Nativity Scene.
Residents Say Holy Family, Wise Men "Too Arab"; "Too Poor"; "Dress Like Terrorists".
By JEFFEY LUBE
12/22/04

Some thoughts that OCCUPY my mind.
USrael and Iran.
American exceptionalism — A survey.
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
December 2nd, 2011
www.killinghope.org

Obama, Homeland Security Shit on the First Amendment, Beating, Trying to Silence Occupy Wall Street Protesters, While Second Amendment Pussies Cower at the Power of the Banksters.
Guns Do Cowards Make.
By DAVID KEENE
12/01/11

US Banksters Should Get Same Treatment.
CHINA: BROTHERS, FATHER GET DEATH SENTENCE FOR FRAUD.
Are Extra-Judicial Executions of US Financial Class the Answer?
By Lloyd Blankfein
11/17/11

Death Squad General Wins Presidential Election in Guatemala after Death Squads and US Special Forces Murder Civilians to Create Atmosphere of Terror.
By JUAN FORERO
11/7/11

In the Cradle of Democracy the People Have No Say.
MERKEL'S BONER! G-20 Shills and Banksters Burn Effigy of Pericles. Angela Merkel Torches Father of Democracy.
Kleptocracy gains as Greek Referendum is Trampled by US and Euro Economic Fascism.
The Greeks Have Survived Metaxas & Papadopoulos, But Can They Survive the Neo-Fascism of Lloyd Blankfein and Goldman Sachs?
By BERNIE MADOFF
11/4/11

In Iran, speculation grows about Israeli strike.
Netan-Yahoo Hopes Bloody War With Iran Will Get Israelis off the Fucking Streets "Before I Have to Kill a Few Thousand of Them Myself to Preserve Our Kleptocracy."
By POLE BEANBAG
November 4, 2011

Wall Street Protesters Beware Now That You’ve Backed the Banking/Corporate Rabid Dog Sociopaths Into a Corner.
THE KLEPTOCRATS ARE COLD BLOODED MURDERERS!
Shamar Thomas’s Life’s Now In Danger from Very Powerful Forces.
Tea Party Anti-Government Canard Exposed for What It Was --- Bigotry Co-opted by Big Money and Populated By Pussies.
By LEON SHAM
10/27/11

Wall Street, Obama Rule by Fear and Terror.
Obama hints he may not step down in 2016. Cites security concerns.
Cain's Ad Explained.
By LLOYD BLANKFEIN
10/26/11

As the Junk Bond Dogs in Blue Protect Wall Street, Obama Lies to a Grateful Nation. Larger Troop Presence and a Hundred Thousand mercs to Remain in Iraq. Thousands More Plus Huge Air presence Still in the Region as Republicans Blow It Out their Ass.
US Kleptocracy Fucks Up. Apparently, America’s Boys Died For Russian, Japanese and Chinese Oil. So Far Only One Major Oil Deal Goes to US Firm Excluding Deals With Kurds. “We’re Only Human,” Cheney Tells Oil Execs.
Rebuilding of US Bombed Iraqi Infrastructure Largely Still in Hands of US Corporations, Bechtel, Halliburton and Fluor: Bribes, Fraud and Cost Overruns Still Available Upon Request.
Oil in Libya, South Sudan, Afghan Pipeline Likely to Suffer the Same Fate as Chinese and Russian Firms Outwit and Outbid US Companies.
By JAMIE 'ROUGH TRADE' DIMON
10/21/11

At memorial for Iran-contra felon Clair George, CIA colleagues’ loyalty endures
By JAMES JESUS D'ANGLETONGUE
10/17/11

Secret Memo from David Koch to Charles Koch Outlines the Differences between the Tea Party and the Wall Street Protestors. "This ain't the conformist, racist Tea Party pussies. We sure as shit can't co-opt these Wall Street protestors."
By BUBBA WADWORD
10/11/11

Exclusive: Computer Virus Reroutes Drones Back to Source.
Creech Air Force Base Attacked by One of Its own Drones.
“Oh my God. We took one right up our own ass.”
If Giordano Bruno Could Figure Out Imperial ‘Blowback’ in 1584, What Does that Say About the American Kleptocracy and Its Characterless Media Other Than They’ve Perfected Their Own Demise?
BULL YIPPS
10/9/11

Robert Ford, the ‘Angel of Death’ in Syria
By DAVID IGNORAMUS
10/7/11

Death of Steve Jobs Won’t Slow Down Slaughter in Congo.
Bloody Exploitation for Coltan, Tantalum, Rare Earths to Go On.
By BERYL COLTAN
10/7/11

The crime of making Americans aware of their own history
The lies that will not die
Carl Oglesby
Items of interest from a journal I've kept for 40 years, part V
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
October 4th, 2011
www.killinghope.org

Death to Wall Street. Death to Banksters. Its Only a Matter of Time.
When Manufactured Threats Are Meaningless: With the Collapse of the Global Economy Wrapped in the Collapse of the Global Environment As our Realities the Threat from Terrorism Is a Fabrication Humanity Can’t Afford.
Protesters Clear in Their Message. It’s the Simpletons in the media with the Muddled Minds.
Funny, the Media Didn't Have Any Trouble Discerning and Supporting Racist Tea Party's Lack of Principles.
Obama Met with Cheney on Terrorism Canard Three Months Before 2008 Election.
“If we can sell every useless article known to man in large quantities, we should be able to sell our fine story [of a Soviet threat] in larger quantities.” --- Robert Lovett, Truman’s Sec. of Defense, adviser to the Eisenhower administration and Madison Avenue Barker. Now think Iraq, Libya, Afghanistan, War on Terrorism, 9/11 Mosque, Nancy Grace etc. etc. while you tug on the ring in your nose the kleptocracy leads you by...
BY BUBBA WADWORD
10/2/11

Slice of the Pie: Cops Beating People for Wall Street Receive Free Pizza and Beer from Brokerages. COPS AND WALL STREET'S REAL MOTIVE --- DOMESTIC OPPRESSION.
Some Pizza Boxes Appear to Contain Hundred Dollar Bills Under the Pies. “Order a Pie with Everything and there’s $500.00 of Goldman Sachs Money.”
“We steal hundreds of billions and these asshole cops do Wall Street’s bidding for a few Franklins and extra pepperoni.” --- Rick Santelli.
New York Po Po: Junk Yard Dogs to the Rich.
Wall Street Demonstrations Test Police Trained to be the Muscle for a Criminal Kleptocracy, Not to Fight Terrorism. Real Motive DOMESTIC OPRESSION.
By JOSEPH WOMBAT
9/29/11

Uncle Slimey, Obama face hurdles in turning Arab Spring into US National Security Winter.
By MARY BETHSAIDA SHEEPBAH
9/26/11

National Socialist Movement Disavows Any Connection to the Tea Party; Calls Tea Party Too Racist and Anti-Semitic.
SELF-LOATHING IS A HUGE PART OF THE TEA PARTY AGENDA.
By KRYSTAL METH
9/24/11

Amazon Uses Nazi Blueprint for Slave Labor at Peenemunde in their Warehouse Facilities.
“I aim for the stars. But sometimes I hit London.” --- Wernher von Braun. Sales soar on the backs of slave labor at Amazon.
Desperate American Economic Refugees Exploited by Amazon. The Third World Comes to Allentown, PA.
By IMA STOOGEY
9/19/11

Like Nazi Scientists before them Venezielan Oil Kleptocracy and Technicians Find Homeland in Colombia.
Colombia’s US sponsored military hit teams, death squads to Venezuelan oilmen’s liking.
Venezuelan oilmen pushed out by Hugo Chavez find happy utopia of oppression in Colombia.
Why the Fuck Would the Average Venezuelan Give a Shit What a Cunt Like Juan Forero Has to Say Now that They Have a Roof Over Their Heads, Food, Clothing, Healthcare and Education for their Children. Forero’s Shit Is for US Consumption, a Nostalgia for Oppression and Killing Fields Lost. Why isn't Forero confined to the editorial page --- of das Reich?
By JUAN FORERO
9/17/11

Egypt’s Military Rulers Crackdown for US and US’s Client, Israel.
Mideast --- Pure PNAC.
By BIG TONY PAYOLA
9/17/11

Communism Saves the World!!!
China Buys US, European Debt to Prevent Western Workers from Starving at the Hands of Their Murdering, Thieving Western Masters.
It is with regret that I pronounce the fatal truth: Capitalism ought to perish rather than hundreds of millions of virtuous citizens; the Capitalists must die that the world may live.
By NETTY DEBTY
9/16/11

Its Imperial Folly Makes America a Target Every Day.

Members of debt panel have debts of their own to companies that own the lobbyists.
Debt Panel IS DEATH Panel for Poor and Working Class. And there are many such panels.
By DAN OGLE
9/6/11

“To wage by force or guile eternal warre” – Satan in John Milton’s Paradise Lost.
The Great Satan! Satan’s Foreign Policy Now Official US Foreign Policy.
“A decade after the 9/11 attacks, Americans live in an era of endless war.” Headline for Megalamorial Day’s Post.
The Rich Are Different. They’re Sociopaths.
By YASO ADIODI
9/5/11

Loss of Libya to Western Kelptocratic Imperial Forces Spells End Of Women’s Rights.
Hillary Clnton and Susan Rice Play Wack-a-Mole with Women’s Rights to Steal Libyan Oil.
Females Among NATO Forces Unconcerned about Al-Qaeda led Libyan Rebels Attitude Toward Women. “Can’t be any worse than the U.S. Joint Chief’s attitude.”
New Libyan Leader Abdelhakim Belhaj Will Not Meet with Female Emissaries from the West.
American Women Dig in Their Stilleto Heels for Cheap Oil. Poll Shows US Gals Say Let Libyan Women Suffer.
LOTTA HOOEY
9/2/11

Libya and the world we live in.
A word from the man the world's mightiest military powers have been trying to kill.
The state of our beloved capitalist system, early 21st century.
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
September 1st, 2011
www.killinghope.org

Mike Huckabee Releases 9/11 Cartoon For Kids, Critics Call Profits 'Blood Money.'
"If you ask me brother Huckabee's a fucking cartoon." --- God
By LIAN SHAM
8/15/11

True Blood: Jesus Christ Endorses Rick Perry for President. Perry Announces his ‘Pogrom for the Planet.’
Anointed With the Blood of the Lamb, Perry Swears All Who Oppose Him Will Be Cast Into the Fires of Hell.
Perry and the New Apostolic Reformation Plan to Introduce Legislation that Will Force Jews to Convert to Christianity to Hasten the Apocalypse and the Rapture.
Waterboarding of Non-Believers the Equivalent of Baptism Says Perry Supporter Don Finto.
By LOTTA HOOEY
8/12/11

The Golden Tools: Kochs Stoop to Anything to Conquer.
The Koch Brothers Wipe Their Asses On Democracy.
By GROVER ASSCYST
8/9/11

London Is Burning: What the rich have wrought.
Riots spread through UK capital city, rest of country.
Coming Soon to a Kleptocratic Municipality Near You.
By MIKE BAKUNIN & PETE KROPOTKIN
Monday, August 08, 2011

US helicopter shot down defending US borders from foreign invasion --- Oh sorry. It was shot down during the imperialist adventure in Afghanistan while the transfer of wealth from the US's poor and middle class to its rich kleptocracy including the military industrial complex remains strong indeed.
Pumping wealth uphill is very costly and non-union labor intensive the Koch brothers remind us.
By SUGE COOLEY
7/8/11

Why Bahrain Remains an Ally --- While Libya gets the Shit Kicked Out of It, While US, Israeli, French and British Intelligence Subvert Syria, Yemen Gets Droned into Submission, Somalia Is Starved Out by the West, Iran Has Western Agents Crawling Up Its Ass, Afghanistan Is in Flames, And Iraq’s and the US’s Corrupt Kleptocracy Needs American Schmucks from Resume Speed Wyoming to Protect Their Ill Gotten Goods.
By TOM LIPPSERVICE
8/4/11

Younes Killing Signals Death Struggle for Libya’s Once Frozen Billions.
International Banks, Goldman Sachs, Exxon, the Fed, Libyan Expats, Likud, American Crossroads, Berlusconi, Sarkosy, MI5, CIA, US State Department, Saudi Arabia, the Mexican Drug Cartels, Russian Mafia etc. Begin Fight to the Death for Libya’s Bank Accounts.
“120 Billion Dollars unfrozen. Shit! That’s a lot of canolis,” --- Berlusconi chirps.
By CASH MAKESMEDICKHARD
7/30/11

Arguing Libya
The Berlin Wall — Another Cold War Myth
We came, we saw, we destroyed, we forgot
The occult world of economics
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
www.killinghope.org

“Turkeys at Their Own Thanksgiving.”
Bigotry and Ignorance Define Cantor’s Constituents.
With an Electorate this Stupid No Wonder the US Is a Junk Bond Country.
In Cantor’s District, Republicans Spread their Cheeks for the Rich. "I mean why be on the side of the poor -- or the former middle class? They don't have any money."
By ORAL FLEEBUS
7/24/11

Poll Finds 98% of Respondents Believe Murdoch Ordered Wire Hacks --- And Are Fine With It.
Most People in Survey Demand Video Hacking of Private Lives For Their Personal Amusement.
By SMOOZY GAZERGO
7/17/11

Dominique Strauss-Kahn Set Up by His Own Employer, IMF, with Help from Obama and CIA/Mossad Drug Connects.
Strauss Kahn Was Against International Kleptocrats Stealing All of Greece --- Portugal, Ireland, Spain, Italy, Wisconsin, Ohio, Michigan, Alabama--- Aw Fuck! They can have Alabama.
US Media, Comics, Public Prove to be Gaping Xenophobic Assholes Again.
By JONAH BONAH
7/2/11

Libya: Unending American hostility
America and its perpetual quest for love
This just in! American leaders do have feelings!
An excerpt from William Blum's memoir of the 1960s-1970s: West-Bloc Dissident
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
July 1st, 2011
www.killinghope.org

Google Asks: ‘How can we eliminate violent radicalism?’
Answer: Eliminate violent corporations like Google the World’s Number 1 Government Snitch.
Is Google Ideas Conference a Sting Operation?
Company that seeks to destroy ideas all together through technology proposes starting with people that have the balls to fight back.
Ideas think tank gathering former extremists to battle radicalization. “So we fucked up your country and slaughtered your babies,” Google says. “No hard feelings.”
By HILARITY KLINKER
6/24/11

Hillary Clinton Says “You’re Either on the Side of our Very Recent Ally Qadhafi or You’re on the Side of Big Oil, Wall Street, the Arms Makers and Their Stooges like Me in Washington.”
Clinton Adds, “Fuck the people of Libya. The opposition we now support and intend to fuck over is just a bunch of jihadist terrorists. And fuck little brown people all over the world for that matter. We’re so brutish and ignorant that we’ll bomb the shit out of ya and we not certain how to spell or pronounce your fuckin’ name --- Gaddafi, Ghadafi, Qadafhi, Qaddafi, Kadafi, Quadaffi, Quadafi, Kaddafi, Khadafi, Khadafy, Gadaffi, Qadhafi, Quadafi, Quadaffi, Quadhafi. etc. etc ad nauseam.”
"The Whole Spectrum of Governance in the US Consists of a Robot Army of Gaping Asshole Whored Out Homicidal Maniacs." --- Isaac Asimov.
By HUNKLEY BRUNKLEY
6/24/11

Citizens for American Principles Raises its Estimates on the Number of Kleptocrats that Must be Killed to Solve the Debt Crisis and Allow the Planet to Flourish.
As Theft, Murders and Threats by the Likes of Bob Diamond, the Koch Brothers and Lloyd Blankfein Escalate, CAP Estimates 5,000 Wall Street Psychopaths Must Be Eliminated to Save the World.
In light of recent actions by Wall Street, Citizens for American Principles or CAP has been forced to revise its estimates for Early Sociopathic Euthanasia from 2000 to 5000 of the top CEOS, Wall Street traders and bankers and members of the military industrial complex.
Sociopathic Behavior Rampant Among Corporate CEOs, Study Shows.
By PETER OWT
6/23/11

God Bless America. And its Bombs.
The Targets
The survivors
The fall of the American Empire would offer a new beginning for the long-suffering American people and the long-suffering world.
Items of interest from a journal I've kept for 40 years, part IV
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
June 2nd, 2011
www.killinghope.org

Harold Camping Is No Isaac Newton
Isaac Newton Predicted the End of the World in 2060.
Since He’s the Darling of Western Rationalism and the Father of the Calculus, His Prediction is the One I’d Fuckin’ Worry About.
GOTFRIED LIVENUTZ
5/22/11

SWAT TEAMS=DEATH SQUADS. Krupnik and his Arizona Swat Team Pigs Wallow in Their Own Shit.
In Kentucky You Better Not be Taking a Shit When the Police Come Knocking.
Diebolt Introduces Device that Can Detect a Toilet Flushing From 600 Yards and a Drone from 1000 Feet.
By DENNY DEFEATO
5/16/11

Obama, UAE Sheikh and Former Blackwater Founder, Eric Prince, Discuss How to Murder Dissidents, Thwart ‘Pro-Democracy Groups’, Torture and Kill Labor Leaders in Middle East.
Prince’s Company Reflex Responses Trains Force to Invade Libya, Syria, Iran, Turkey, Pakistan.
Eric Prince and Obama Pray Together at Banquet Then Fondle Each Other.
After ‘Tamale Powder’ bin Laden Photo-Op, Navy Seals Seek to Have Their Porn Returned.
Elite Unit takes Obama Administration to Court to Get Back their Jizz Covered Tapes Used to Frame bin Laden. CIA Requests Seal’s Bestiality Tapes for its Bestiality Research Center.
Taliban, al-Qaeda to Share in the $12,000,000,000 Obama Paid for bin Laden's Frozen Corpse
‘DIRTY’ DON RUMPSFELT
Soldier of Fortune Magazine special to the Assassinated Press
5/18/11

Billionaires gather in Arizona to hang out, discuss ways to make theft, exploitation and murder look like philanthropy
By MELODY MALADY
5/7/11

CIA Buys Osamasicle from Pakastani ISI
Frozen Body of Dead Al-Qaeda Figure Brings $12 Billion Dollars, Cutting Edge Nuclear Triggers
Bin Laden Dead Since 2006 of Kidney Failure, Too Much Japanese Anima
India Fuming Over Deal Between US and Pakistan for Frozen ‘Freedom Fighters’ Body
"What? With one copter down, I got two flight crews, the whole Navy Seal team, their weapons, 100 computers, boxes of tapes, manuscripts, discs, part of bin Laden's weapons cache AND Osama bin Laden's body on one Blackhawk! Do the fuckin' math, asshole." Pilot of surviving Mission Geronimo Blackhawk to TV personality Lara Logan.
Obama Fears Trump Candidacy in 2012
By KATHURINE GRAM 5/6/11

The Anti-Empire Report
Iraq: Let us not forget what "humanitarian intervention" looks like.
Libya: Let us not be confused as to why Libya alone has been singled out for "humanitarian intervention".
Two more examples, if needed, of why capitalism can not be reformed
Items of interest from a journal I've kept for 40 years, part III
By WILIAM BLUM
May 2nd, 2011
www.killinghope.org

Osama Bin Laden Said to be Killed in U.S. Operation Near Islamabad, But Body Turns Out to be Howard Stern's
DNA Shows Beloved Shock Jock Killed in a Spasm of Friendly Fire
By JERRY JAMBALAYA
5/1/11

God Sends Tornadoes to Punish Mississippi for Voting for a Porcine Bigot like Haley Barbour
The Lord Whips the Bible Belt for its Sins Against Nature--- Mother Nature
By CRIST CRISPIES
4/27/11

'ATLAS FRAGGED’: Brilliant New ‘Subjectivist’ Novel Describes an Earthly Utopia After all of the Rich Have Been Put Down
By Mealy Sealy
4/27/11

Republican House Members and Gov. Scott Walker Appear at Committee Meeting with David Koch’s Cock in Their Mouths
KOCH CHOKE
4/15/11

Governor Walker Holds Press Conference With David Koch’s Cock in his Mouth.
By DENNIS MILLER
4/14/11

Obama’s Pulling Our Pork. The Administration Pinches Off Half a Loaf.
From Cocain to Ptomaine, Its a Full Service CIA; Libyan Colonel Operated Snack Cart at Langley for 20 Years Before Returning as Leader of Rebel Forces.
American media silent on CIA ties to Libya rebel commander.
By BILL COLBY
30 March 2011

Libya and The Holy Triumvirate
Barack "I'd kill for a peace prize" Obama
Dear Lord, please save us from the Holy Republican Empire
The Bad Guys
Al Jazeera in America
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
March 28th, 2011
www.killinghope.org

If you Tea Bag Patriots Resent a School Teacher Who Earns $52,000, You Must Have a Fucking Hot White Hatred for a Corporate CEO or Wall Street Banker that makes $520,000,000 a Year.
“Shit! I wouldn’t want to be one of those rich guys. No siree. Not with you Tea Baggers around with your impeccable sense of justice.”--- David Koch, Koch Industries
By KRYPTO FARCIST
3/19/11

Qaddafi Leaves UN with its ‘No Fly Zone’ Open.
You Can Lead a Dick-tator to Slaughter, But You Can’t make Him Drink.
By CRIST CRISPIES
3/18/11

US, CIA Plan to Blow Up Aristide’s Plane Exposed
CIA Tapped The Cuban American National Foundation to do the Wetwork
JAMES JAYSUS D'ANGLETONGUE
3/16/11

The Rich ARE Different--- They're SOCIOPATHS!
The Wealthy Kleptocracy Now Wants Every Last Penny You Have for the Privilege of Having Watched Them Bankrupt the World.
JAMES JESUS D'ANGLETONGUE
3/12/11

Thank You Wall Street!!! The World Is Coming Apart Because of the Market’s Grand Theft Klepto.
Wall Street and Banks Cause Break Up of Old Order.
World’s Wealthiest Cling to the Prow of Their Financial Titanic.
An Open Letter from the UIPC to the Wall Street Kleptocracy
2/22/11

Wayne’s World: National Rifle Association Opens One Hundred and Thirty Chapters in Afghanistan and Pakistan.
NRA Helps Taliban Seek Second Amendment Remedies Against Governemnt Intrusion.
Al-Qaeda, Taliban, Hezbollah and Hamas to Receive ‘Gun Safety’ Classes from NRA .
US Labor Unions and Citizens All Over the Middle East Clamor for NRA Assistance Against Internal and Outside Threats.
By RUPERT MERDEDUCK
2/19/11

Running Gun Battle Leaves 49 Dead in South Dakota.
Fetus’s and Right to Lifers Shoot It Out With Automatic Weapons Outside Sioux Falls Strip Club.
By KRYSTAL METH
2/16/11

Scott Wilson Is A Koch Whore! Get the Money From Wall Street Not the Unions
Wall Street Declares Class Warfare On Wisconsin, Ohio
If Wisconsin’s Republican Legislators Had Any Balls They’d March on Wall Street and the Banks and Demand The State’s Money Be Returned at NRA Sanctioned Gun Point if Necessary
Eliminating Collective Bargaining Shows Republicans Have No Faith in the Future of the American Worker or Economy
Or, Let’s Face it, Republicans Are at the Extreme of Bought Off Pieces of Corporate Shit
“If the National Guard Won’t Fire on the Schoolteachers and Firefighters, I’ll Bring the New Transnational Pinkertons In like Strategic Resource Corporation or Blackwater/Xe, full of South African and Ugandan Mercs Who Don’t Give a Shit Who They Gun Down:”--- Charles Koch, Koch Industries
By PAT RAMONEY
2/17/11

Failure to Deal with Corporate Criminality, ‘Free Trade’ Canards and Wall Street Schemes Has Cost America It’s Pre-Eminence.
Only Kleptocracy and Its Military Remain. To Get a Job or Go To College Will Require Three Tours in Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Somalia, Yemen, Colombia etc. etc. ad nauseam.
Glenn Beck Admits His Act Is Meant to Be Tongue in Cheek. It’s His Tongue in Rupert Murdoch’s Cheek.
By MILTON MUGGYSACK
2/13/11

"Hope We Don’t See You in September" (Hosni's Song)
[To be sung to the tune of 'See You in September' by The Happenings]
By RUPERT MERDEDUCK
2/3/11

SEND IN THE GOONS
Mubarak's (Swan) Song
[to be sung to the tune of 'Send in the Clowns']
By RUPERT MERDEDUCK
2/2/11

US Arms Makers Delay Departure of Mubarak. Corporate Welfare in Jeopardy.
Lockheed, Boeing, Raytheon, Northrup-Grumman, General Dynamics Want Assurances Billions in US Aid Will Still Be Used to Buy Their Weapons and Not Wasted on The People.
US Grain Combines Take a Hard Line: ConAgra, Archer Daniels Midland and Cargill Urge US Intelligence to Help Egyptian Police to Put Down Protests by Force to Keep Grain Credits Intact.
By KASHLI KOW
2/1/11

Cheney Would Not Have Allowed Tunisia to Fall on his Watch
Former De Facto President Says Obama Administration Has Jeopardized US’s Authoritaraian regimes in the Muslim World
By PETER OWT
1/17/11

Chicks with Dicks? Palin, Bachmann, Coulter, Angle, Brewer--- Stop Trying Act Like You’ve Got a Penis Because You Don’t Know What It Feels Like to Actually Have One.
Same Goes for You O'Reilly.
Rhetoric Won’t Change. The Money’s Too Good.
The Murders in Tucson Are a Desired Result for the Right. Puts Legislators on Notice.
YASO ADIODI
1/10/11

America’s Hero in the War for Drugs Dies
Vang Pao Supplied the CIA’s Raw Opium from the Golden Triangle, Wiped Out Agency Competition
Lao Ally Along with CIA Shares Major Credit for Heroin Epidemic among American Troops in Vietnam
COKIE BOGARTS
1/7/11

The Anti-Empire Report
Wikileaks, the United States, Sweden, and Devil's Island
The right to secrecy
Preparing for the propaganda onslaught
by WILLIAM BLUM
January 1st, 2011
www.killinghope.org

MERRY CHRISTIEMAS: Christie on Wealth Redistribution: A XMAS MESSAGE FROM THE ASSASSINATED PRESS
BY YASO ADIODI
12/24/10

Dan Mitrione Deserved to Die!!
US Torture Swept Under the Rug
Dan Mitrione, America's Norman Rockwell of Torture
By YASO ADIODI
12/15/10

Julian Assange, Wikileaks and the Persecution of the Word, Our Lord Jesus Christ
By GLENN BECK
12/8/10

Assange Accuser Worked with US-Funded, CIA-Tied Anti-Castro Group
By KIRK JAMES MURPHY, M.D.
FDL
December 4, 2010

CONDOMNATION!!! Glenn Beck Outraged at Charges Against Wikileaks Founder Julian Assange!
Beck Calls Swedish Law Criminalizing Bedroom Behavior "Tyranny;" Sees Such ‘Fascism’ "Looming" for America.
Obama Justice Department Moves to Close Down the N.Y. Times for Publshing Secret Documents Supplied through Wikileaks.
By PAWLEAN JELYNEK
12/3/10

If the house where Julian Assange of Wikileaks is staying is destroyed by a Predator drone, and the United States denies any involvement ... Well, I'll believe them.
"Will that be naked pictures, or being fondled, with your flight ticket, miss?"
"Thank you for not putting a bomb in your luggage."
Some questions to ask our quaint little Teaparty friends
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
12/3/10
www.killinghope.org

If Two Grown Women Can’t Beat off the Alleged Unwanted Advances of a Sissified Pasty Poof Like Julian Assange, Do Women Deserve Equal Pay, No Job Discrimination, the Vote?
Sweden reopens investigation into rape claim against Julian Assange.
If you need any more proof that Julian Assange is Being Set Up Just Read the ‘Diplomatic’ Dispatches Wikileaks Released.
"I defy you to point out one lie or inaccuracy in those leaked diplomatic memos that originated with Wikileaks," Sarah Palin tweets in a rare defense of the Constitution. "All the lies and deception in those memos originate with the Federal Government itself."
BILLY BARMEY
12/1/10

Minnesota's Bachmann Best Advertisement for Communism.
World Prepares to Rejoice at US Collapse After Palin/Bachmann Presidential/Vice-Presidential Win in 2012.
Rapid Decline of US Under ‘Mama Grizzlies’ Source of World Wide Elation.
After McConnell’s Reach Around Bachmann Says She Wants No Part of His Committee. Reach Around on Freshman Tea Bagger Leaves Bachmann Feeling Left Out.
By KIP ONFUKIN
November 20, 2010

Al-Qaeda Incorporates, Gains Legal Protection Under US Law.
Justice Roberts Says Supreme Court Will Now Uphold Al-Qaeda Initiatives.
‘Death To America, Inc.’ Entitled to Same Corporate Protections Under the Law Rove Says.
PETER OWT
10/4/10

Jon Stewart and the left
America's press corps(e)
Anti-communism 101: Hijacking history
The United States' annual self-imposed humiliation
CovertAction Quarterly
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
www.killinghope.org
11/2/10

Teabaggers By a Mudslide!
AYUFA REEL
10/28/10

Let’s Play ‘What Does that Tell You?’
Several years ago a Hoover Institute functionary named Peter Schweizer published a book called "Do As I Say (Not As I Do): Profiles in Liberal Hypocrisy" which purported to expose hypocrisies by individuals he envisioned as being of the left. The book attacks Nancy Pelosi, Al Franken, Noam Chomsky, Arianna Huffington, George Soros et al. The book makes much of the supposed stock holdings of film maker Michael Moore’s foundation.
What does this tell you aside from the opportunity for class action slander?
1) What it tells any authentic leftist is that if a wealthy liberal/capitalist/socialist wants to work against his or her own self-interest and put their money behind causes that foster justice and egalitarianism, more power to them. It’s certainly cleaner that the largesse offered by Bill Gates or Google. And their money is being rather effectively used against not only their own economic self interest but toward eroding the corporate power that forms its supposed base.
2) How do I know the liberal/capitalist/socialist 'hypocrite's' money is being so effectively used ? Because the right gets so exercised about folks like Michael Moore. Apoplexy hardly covers it. Not even blind rage. And once again, it’s easily demonstrated that the right can’t think its way out of a paper diaper.

Let's Play 'What does that tell you?'
George Clooney on the Bill Maher show and elsewhere has pointed up strong bi-partisan support, including Republicans, for the upcoming referendum on the Balkanization of Sudan.
Oil was discovered in Sudan in 1978. Since then most exploration and export contracts have been awarded to China while US firms have been frozen out since 1997.
What does that tell you?
1) The US has been behind the carnage in Sudan for decades doing the bidding of its clients, the major oil companies which covet Sudan's enormous oil reserves and want to drive the Chinese out.
2) The US’s only interest in Sudan is the oil and the US armed, trained and financed insurgency in the south is no match for the slick western oil companies who plan to rape the land and its people beyond anything Khartoum or Beijing could imagine.
3) George Clooney is just another idiot actor and Bill Maher is just another asshole comic. Thinking is neither's forte.

Beyond Kleptocracy: American Crossroads to expand fundraising juggernaut.
Terrorist Money to Buy House GOP Votes.
By DON EGGEM
October 13, 2010

Two Pronged Assault on Collapsed Chilean Mine
Now that Miners Are Freed, Mine Owners, BP and Massey Executives to be Lowered into Mine and the Shaft Sealed Off.
ANDY TAKER
10/13/10

From the Birthplace of the KKK, Dan Quayle Rallies the Tea Bugger Bigots.
“Give Me Bigotry And Give Me Medicare.”
By Dan Quayle
April 4, 2010

Bimbo Politics.
Dick Armey Has an Eye for the Hotties.
Tea[t] Party Goes after the Viagra Vote: Boning Up on the ‘Doable’ Candidates.
Dick Armey Fucks 34 Goats a Day Yet Denies Connection to the Tea Party.
By WILLIE NILLY
9/1/10

What do we want---Kleptocracy!! When do we want it? Now!!!
Supreme Court Considering Direct Corporate Payments to Voters.
Buying Votes Designed to Stimulate Economy.
“I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half.”--- Jay Gould
DOWN WRIGHT FISHY
10/12/10

Cuccinelli: When the Witch Does the Hunting.
Virginia fight over climate documents will continue.
By DAWN ROZYPHINGERED
October 5, 2010

After Failed Coup in Ecuador US Left to Ponder Whether CIA Has Outlived Its Usefulness.
Private Contractors Make Case: “Privatize American Coups and Maximize Efficiency.” Cite Successful Contract Murders of Key Whistleblowers.
Blackwater/Xe, Dyncorp and Triple Canopy Point to Their Roles in Successful Honduran Coup.
CIA Admits ‘Brain Drain’ to Private Sector Contributed to Failed Coups in Venezuela and Ecuador.
Ecuadorian Police Involved in Coup, Trained at Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation/School of the Americas
By KERMIT ROOSEVELT
10/3/10

Bimbo Politics.
Dick Armey Has an Eye for the Hotties.
Tea[t] Party Goes after the Viagra Vote: Boning Up on the ‘Doable’ Candidates.
Dick Armey Fucks 34 Goats a Day Yet Denies Connection to the Tea Party.
By WILLIE NILLY
9/1/10

Thank God for the Dominican Republic
By ELIAS DOMINGUEZ
9/28/10

The Republicans: “We Got Fuckin’ Nothin’!”
‘Pledge--- A Lemon!’
At Least, the Tea Buggers Have Their Bigotry and Fear. “I ruther sufer and dy for the Cornstoottootshun than stop bein’ a bigot. My wite skin is al I got.”
By WILLY NILLY
9/24/10

Fred Davis, GOP's ad wizard spins tall tales and virile videos for his Tricky Dick impaired candidates.
Dumb Is the New Smart.
By PHILLY DOG RUFFER
September 22, 2010

After O’Donnell Nomination, Results Mixed on Tea Bagger Masturbation.
Some Say They Have Eschewed Rubbing the Donut While Others Say They Have Stepped Up Stinky Pinky Activity Citing Increased Concerns Over Nominees Sexuality.
Male Tea Bagger Respondents Report No Decrease in Spanking the Monkey. Figure Still at 100%.
By BETINA BEAVER
9/19/10

Police say Wash. acid attack self-inflicted.
Woman Admits Desire to "Get close to Sarah Palin.”
By MARTHA RADDITZ
September 17, 2010

Sleeping Booty and Beasty Boy Share the Tea Bagger Stage.
O’Donnell’s and Paladino’s Tea Bagger Principles on Display.
Candidates Insist Their Views on Masturbation and Bestiality Made Sweet Music Together at Stategy Session in July.
By ROB M. RIGHT
9/16/10

The Assassinated Press Hits the Bricks, Finds Double Standard for Executing Murderesses in Virginia.
Xenophobia, ‘The More You Watch the Less You Know’ Media Agitprop and Outright Horseshit at Center of Discrepancy.
By EDWARD BERNAYS
9/12/10

"I-Feel-Like-I'm-Fixin'-To-Die" Rag
(Middle Eastern/Afghan Version)
[Apologies to Country Joe and the Fish]
By HENRY KISSMYASSINGER
And the (N)ational (A)ssociation of (M)anufacturers
9/13/10

In Report BP Denies Failed Rig Was Theirs.
Review of Documents Said to Reveal Well Was Contracted by Buddy’s Petrol not British Petroleum.
Heyward in Actuality Part Time Mechanic at Buddies, Not British Petroleum CEO.
“Life Back” comment refers to Hayward’s neglected meth labs.
By BARRY DE BODIE
9/12/10

Conservatism is not racism: We Just Like to Exploit Racism for the Money. (That’s why I whore for the American Enterprise Institute.)
Like the rich kleptocracy doesn’t think in terms of class warfare. Cracker please.
Jay Gould said, “I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half.” The goal of the AEI in its allegiance to the kleptocracy.
Spoiled Whiny Bitch Conservative Bigots Can't Stand to be Called Out.
By GERARD ALEXANDER
September 12, 2010

Move to Declare the Anniversary of Glenn Beck’s Hemeroid Surgery a National Holiday Gains Momentum, Money.
Glenn’s Deliverance From the Trial of the Fiery Ass Available on DVD.
Pharmaceutical Companies, Prosthetics Industry and AMA Site Shock Jock/Messiah’s Tireless Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth to Defeat Health Care Reform.
Limbaugh Miffed: Wants Drugged Up Fat Shit National Oxycontin Day.
By LOTTA HOOEY
9/10/10

Three Jeers for CW’s Teen Pussy Programming-- 'Hellcats'?
'Show Voted Most Likely to Masturbate Too,' Wins Nielsen Ratings.
By WARE R. DE MORAYS
September 10, 2010

Latinos Watch Too Much Television.
Television Milestone - Spanish language Univision beats out English competition.
“Latinos Watch Too Much Television to Become Potent Political Force,” Rupert Murdoch Rejoices. Says “Stereotypes of Gays Doesn’t Hurt Either.”
By WILLY NILLY
September 09, 2010

Plot to Frame Wikileaks Founder Backfires.
Enlistments in US Plummet as Young Guidos Discover Assange Is Not a Faggot.
By CHU TOI
9/10/10

UN Report Says US Has Stoned to Death Over 241,000 Innocent Civilians Since 2000.
Dead from Aerial Bombing and Bombardment by Big Guns That Are Trapped and Killed Under Rubble have been Reclassified as ‘Stoning Victims.’
World Asks US to Step Into the 21st Century and Cease this Barbaric Form of Execution.
By DEB UTHANT
9/8/10

Libby Is No Liddy.
With a name Like ‘Scooter ’ You Just Want to Fucking Laugh.
From Giddy to Glibby…or Some Such Shit.
By YASO ADIODI
9/8/10

Jonestown II—Drinking the Kool-Aid.
Burn the Koran, You Fucking Asshole! Burn It, Baby!
Would There Have Been a 9/11 Without White, Imperialist, Chauvinist, Tools Like Terry Jones . Maybe because the US and European Kleptocracies Had Long Raped and Oppressed the Middle East.
New Cold War Getting Hotter Than the Last as Uncle Slimey Sees a Weaker Opponent. And World Sees a Weaker Uncle Slimey in the Ignorance of the Likes of Rev. Jones.
ARYUFA REEL
9/8/10

World Shocked Kim Jong Il Would Stoop So Low and Do Business With Rupert Murdoch.
North Korea Strikes Deal with Media Despot, Soils Spotless Reputation In Dance with the NewsCorp Devil.
Jong Il, Murdoch Spoon.
By MUFF GUMBALLl & BLOMEE LAME
Sep 8, 2010

Despite World's Record for Prisons and Prisoners, U.S. issues perky report on human rights at home.
Fact That Every Family Earning Less Than $100,000.00 a Year Has at least One Family Member in Prison Serves as Deterrent Sarah Palin Twitters.
Prison Serves as an Incentive to Earn Because “We All Want Justice but You’ve Got to Have the Money to Buy It.”
By MARYBUCK SHOODOWN
September 5, 2010

Early On, Because of Bigotry, Obama Was More Polarizing Than Idiots at the Post Knew—Or So They Claim
By SAUL T. BALZ
September 5, 2010

Bimbo Politics.
Dick Armey Has an Eye for the Honeys.
Tea[t] Party Goes after the Viagra Vote: Boning Up on the ‘Doable’ Candidates.
Dick Armey Fucks 34 Goats a day Yet Denies Connection to the Tea Party.
By WILLIE NILLY
9/1/10

Things which don't go away. Things the American government and media don't let go of. And neither do I.
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
September 1st, 2010
www.killinghope.org

Christ's Last Dump.
Ancient Judean Feces Found in the Shape of Glenn Beck’s Head.
Did Jesus Go to His Death With Beck Butt?
By HOLLY SHITE
9/1/10

Glenn Beck Assails Religious Freedom.
After On Air Spasm Beck Claims Obama Practices Liberation Voodoo.
By FISHY SOMUZ
August 30, 2010

Covert Operations. Charles Koch's Pimply, Pussfilled Teabag Exposed.
The billionaire brothers who are waging a war against Obama.
Tea Baggers Got Kochaine All Around The Brain.
By JANE MAYER
The New Yorker
3/30/10

Glenn Beck': Restoring Horror.
From Freedom Train to Gravy Train.
GLENN BECK
8/28/10

We All Want Science but You’ve Got to Have the Money to Buy It.
Berkeley Microbe Theorists Got $500,000,000.00 from BP.
Social Darwinism Plays Role in Cleaning Up Oil Spill---Survival of the Fattest.
By HECUBA JOB-BROWNIE
8/24/10

Ailes/Murdoch Memos Reveal Effort to Coax a Violent Response from Muslims, Discredit Obama and Open Way for Invasion of Iran.
Murdoch Calls Mosque Flap "A Canard."
Murdoch Tells Ailes that NewsCorp Investor Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal Would Like “To See American Boots on the Ground in Iran by late December.”
Objectives Are Invasion of Iran and Race War.
By REESE KRISPIES
8/16/10

Uncle Slimey Can’t Stand No Competition Especially When It Comes to His Drugs and Guns.
Small Time Russian Arms Dealer Bout to be Extradited to The World’s Largest Arms Dealer, Thai court rules.
To the Belly of the Beast for Bout.
Bout’s Arms Deals Measured in the Tens of Millions. US Sold $155,000,000,000 in Weapons in 2008 Alone.
By JONNY POMPOUS
August 21, 2010

Many Corporations and Conservative Billionaires Threaten to Withdraw Financing to FreedomWorks and the Tea Party Unless Sarah Palin Has Surgery to Correct Her Deviated Septum.
Palin Offered New Game Show By Fox Called ‘It Pays To Be Ignorant.’
By JEFFY LUBE
8/14/10

You Knew I Was a Snake: Young Propped Up as Faux Democracy By USAID/CIA In Sudan
By BUCKY HAMMERTOES
Aug 14, 2010

7-Eleven Tears Nature a New Icehole.
7-Eleven Corporation Breaks Off Huge Ice Island Four Times the Size of Manhattan Island and Drags It to Nearby Ice Processing Ships.
“Rather than just let the ice melt, 7-Eleven will bag it and sell it at their thousands of convenience store outlets world wide,” Says CEO and President of 7-Eleven Joseph M. DePinto.
Jim Inhofe Applauds “Corporate Ingenuity.” Says Ice Will “Grow Back.”
By HUGH R. FUCT
8/8/10

The Anti-Empire Report
So please tell me again: What's the war about?
USrael and Iran
There's no business like show business
By WILLIAM BLUM
August 4th, 2010
www.killinghope.org

Racism Is Their Cup of Tea. The Delusion of Grandeur.
Resentful Whites at Mainstream Media Outlets Latch onto Tea Baggers as Proxy Expression of Their Racism.
Racism Especially Severe at Washington Post.
"Tea party" activists drawn to Williamsburg and its amusement park portrayal of Founding Fathers.
By IMA STOOGEY
August 1, 2010

Iran Seeks Way Out of Stoning Quandary for Adulteress Murderer.
CIA Offers to Take her into Their ‘Extraordinary Rendition Program.’
“Fuck. We kill INNOCENT people with absolutely no evidence or due process all the fucking time,” says CIA Director leon Paneta. “We’ll use the bitch for batting practice.”
“If we nuke Iran like I want to do, she’ll fucking die anyway,” says Rush Limbaugh.
Iranian Woman Who Is Accomplice in Her Husband’s Murder, Hopes to Come to the US, Remarry.
IMA STOOGEY
7/16/10

'My Ghoulish Heart': Dick Cheney Seeks Live Donor for Heart Transplant.
'Ghouls Rush In...": Bohemian Grove To Revive Old Mayan Heart Wrenching Ritual, Sell Organ to Cheney.
"He won't respect us if we make it a gift."---Bill Gates
HAIRY NOODLE
7/14/10

Governor of Arizona Jan Brewer Is Beheaded by Alien; Says She Will Serve Out Her Term Before Seeking to Get her Head on Straight.
Rush Limbaugh Taken Up By Aliens for His Annual Proctology Exam.
Aliens From Area 51 Illegally Crossing Nevada/Arizona Border.
"If only computers were guns. Then every American would have six jobs."
Hugh R. FUCT
7/10/10

Some thoughts on "patriotism" written on July 4.
Another thing Americans have to be thankful for on July 4.
Separation of oil and state?
Class assignment.
BY WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
July 5th, 2010
www.killinghope.org

Democratic Campaign Committees Losing Big Wall Street Bribes.
Wall Street Cleaning Up Politics By Keeping Their Dirty Money Out of It.
"They'll Be Back," Rahm Emanuel Swears.
If you expect something in return for the money, that's a bribe, right? If you don't continue payments when you don't get what you want, that simply confirms it was a bribe.
By P.T. FARNUM & ABEL KANE
July 6, 2010

Lara Logan, You Suck
MATT TAIBBI
Rolling Stone
6/26/10

Lara Logan! What a Berk! Logan and Bimbo Journalism.
Already Exposed as Careerist Liars and Power Whores, Mainstream Journalism Still Has Its Legs Open for Business.
Male Bimbos Outnumber Female Bimbos except at FOX.
By YASO ADIODI
6/29/10

Suicides among Skinheads, Neo-Nazi’s, Tea Baggers Soar as "Nigger" Wins Title of Hitler.
As Thomas Sowell, Sarah Palin and Glen Beck Add Their Voices to the Obama/Hitler Chorus Confused White Supremacists Suffer Severe Depression, Take Their Own Lives.
"I Kain't Liv and Luv in No World With a Nigger Hitler!" One Plaintive Suicide Note to Sarah Palin Reads.
Another Reads-- "Dear Sarah, I Love Adolph Hitler. So If Obama Is Hitler. That Makes Me a 'Nigger Lover!'" By HAIRY NOODLE
6/26/10

CIA Hires Blackwater/Xe, to Guard Their Dope in Afghanistan, Elsewhere.
By JIZZ STAIN
June 24, 2010

Gen. McChrystal, Staff Battling Heroin Addiction.
Commander of Afghan Forces Called To White House For Intervention.
CIA Station Chief In Kabul Supplied McChrystal and Aides With Smack, Magazine Reports.
Jokes of McChrystal Meth Common on Afghan and Pakistan Air Waves.
By EDITH DEYOUNG & SCOOTER BARNDORR
June 23, 2010

U.S. Taxpayers Paying for Storage of Blackwater/Xe Founder’s Collection of Human Genitalia.
Part of New $120,000,000 Afghan Contract to Be Used to Transport Eric Prince’s Menagerie to his New Home in the United Arab Emirates.
By ARYUFA REEL
6/20/10

Move Over 'Turner Diarrheas', Beck Has Shat Another Book.
“The Overton Window”--- Glen Beck on the Inside Looking Out.
What a Fucking Miserable Way To Spend Bloom’s Day--- Thinking About Glen ‘Train Wreck’ Beck.
By HAIRY NOODLES
6/16/10

The worst thing that ever happened to the Jewish people is the Holocaust. The second worst thing that ever happened to the Jewish people is the state of Israel.
Bad guys and good guys.
When politicians misbehave. By speaking the truth.
What is the opposite of being a conspiracy theorist?
Spam, myself and my readers
The Anti-Empire Report
June 10th, 2010
by WILLIAM BLUM
www.killinghope.org

BP Leak Siphoning Oil Reserves from Beneath Iraq, Middle East.
‘Wormhole Effect” Spewing Entire Globe’s Underground and Undersea Oil Reserves into Gulf of Mexico.
Talk of Lining the Gulf with Fused Glad Bags to Capture World’s Oil on Table.
Halliburton, TransOcean, BP, Cheney/Bush’s Energy Slapstick Backhandedly Puts All of the World’s Oil Into U.S.’s Backyard.
An Ecstatic Cheney Wades Naked Into Giant Pool of Gulf Oil.
By Hairy Noodle
6/9/10

The Tea Bagging of Israel: When Did the Israelis Become as Dumb as Anti-Semite Glen Beck Who Lauded The Red Network: A "Who's Who" and Handbook of Radicalism for Patriots, by author, Elizabeth Dilling, who was a virulent anti-Semite. The Red Network itself contains numerous passages that espouse anti-Semitism and racism!?
When Do the New York Times and Washington Post Demonstrate that They Are as Stupefyingly Bloodthirsty as Murdoch and FOX News?
Israeli Account of Raid on Aid Ship Follows Plot of 1924 Pulp Novel by Little Known Brit.
By Glen Beckler
June 4, 2010

A New Reality for the Old World: Goldman Sachs and the Rest of the U.S. Kleptocracy Stole All the Money and Sent the World's Economy into Freefall and Now They Want the Greek and European People to Pay for It.
Bill O’Reilly Lashes Out at the Greek Working Man and by Extension All Working People.
By HOWIE PUTZ
May 11, 2010

Tea Baggers Seeking Official Status As Racist Organization.
“Bigotry is the only thing that explains us. The only thing that sustains us,” says Freedom Works campaign director, Brendon ‘Brandy’ Steinhauser.
By AMI GADFLY & HAIRY NOODLES
May 5, 2010

Sue Lowden’s Genius 'Cluckers for Care' Barter Plan for Health Reform.
AMA Rushes to Endorse Lowden's Plan.
By BOB MCDONNELL
4/21/10

The Corporation IS an Individual: The Problem Is That Individual Is Hannibal Lecter.
By YASO ADIODI
4/20/10

Locked and Loaded ‘Just a Metaphor’: Supporters Insist Palin Must Renounce Non-Violence or Risk Losing Her Base.
“Who the fuck does she think she is, that fucking nigger Gandhi,“ Leader of Alabama Tea Bugger Party Declares.
By David Stone
4/4/10

U.S. Issues Fatwah on American Cleric.
Awlaki Accused of Six Degrees of Separation from Osama bin Laden, Elliott Abrams, Tony Blair, Larry the Cable Guy, Glenn Beck…
“Holy Fuck, Rushdie! The clerics in the White House, the Pentagon and Congress Got Drones!”
While Republicans Beat Their Meat, Obama Beats his Chest.
By CHASE LOUNGE
4/6/10

From the Birthplace of the KKK, Dan Quayle Rallies the Tea Bugger Bigots.
“Give Me Bigotry And Give Me Medicare.”
By Dan Quayle
April 4, 2010

U.S. Rigged Iraqi Elections Put Negroponte’s Strongman Closer to Throne.
Easier Access to Iraq Oil Seen; Iran’s Influence Thwarted.
By JOHN NEGROPONTE, EDWARD LANSDALE & DIOGENES CANO
March 26, 2010

The Hurt Locker: Iraqis Get Bombs, the Imperialists Get Screenplays.
The U.S. Kleptocracy Churns Out the Wars For Its Wholly Owned Subsidiary, Hollywood.
By YASO ADIODI
3/21/10

Informed consent.
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word ... like "bribery".
Paraguay, Honduras and Barack Obama.
Help wanted for an animated cartoon.
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
March 8th, 2010
www.killinghope.org

Congressman Massa Cockblocked by Rahm Emanuel, Democrats.
Frightened by Chief of Staff’s Huge Member Gay Congressman to Commiserate in the Chubby Arms of Glenn Beck.
"Rahm's Got a Pecker as Big as a Baby's Arm, a Baby With Health Insurance."
By SUGAR CAINABEL
March 9, 2010

A Roving Lunatic: Rove’s Book Reveals Early Sociopathic Tendencies.
Stark Roving Mad: Rove Calls Driving Close Relatives to Suicide “A Source of Pride.”
What’s this faggot, Rove, got left but to look strong in the face of all the 9 year old girls in the world?
By NICELY BROWNIE
March 7, 2010

Christian Dating Services: A Great Place to Meet Fornicators But a Bad Place to Get Caught.
Guns, Alcohol, Crystal Meth Involved in 28,678 Killings of and by Christian Fornicators Who Met On Line.
“Christian Underclass Is Fucking Then Killing Each Other at an Alarming Rate,” Declares Former Reagan Director of Health and Human Services, Richard Speck.
By ZIGGY ZEBEDEE
3/2/10

Capitalist Realist Irony: 'Reporter'; Kristof's Bullshit Crusade.
Real Perps Left Out of Congo Mea Culpa.
"If You Don't Mention the Role of the Fucking Corporations Sure It Appears Like an Inchoate Morass and Nothing Is To Be Done. But God Damn It, If You Look at the Murderous Behavior and Greed of the Corporations, the Situation Becomes Fucking Crystal Clear, Affleck, You Asshole!"
The Source of the Problems in Africa Lie in Washington DC, New York and Wall Street, Brussels, London, Paris, Tel Aviv and Johannesburg et al.
By HACK STOVER
February 18, 2010

With Obama in the White House White Virginians Turn to Guns for Solace.
Black Pres Makes Life Not Worth Living For Many Bigots.
Virginia Lawmakers Propose the “Then Johnny Turned the Gun On Himself” Legislation Which Aims to Loosen Firearm Restrictions.
Homoerotic Impulses Behind Proposed Legislation---“First I Shoot, Then I Drop Trow and Ease My Asshole Down on the Warm Barrel,” Confesses Bill's Sponsor.
And Then There’s the Bribes, Almost Just an Afterthought in Today’s Politics.
Sales of Surface to Air Missiles Surge in Virginia As Legislature Makes Them Mandatory In Every Home.
Because They Terrorize, Guns Replace Tulips, White Skin as Symbols of Superiority In Dark Minds of White Legislators.
By FUNK KUNKELL
February 16, 2010

"In America you can say anything you want — as long as it doesn't have any effect." - Paul Goodman
Haiti, Aristide, and ideology
That which can not be spoken
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
February 6th, 2010
www.killinghope.org

Can You Effect The Change You're After If You Can’t Burn a Cross and Where Your Hood To the Party?
Where ‘Fiscal Responsibility’ Is a Code for Bring Back Lynching.
Tea Bag Party convention begins in Nashville.
By PHOOLY RUCKUS
February 5, 2010

As Food Distribution Improves, Haitians Want That Old Paternalistic Pedophile Uncle Slimey to 'Take Over'.
U.S. Says ‘I Thought We Did Take Over--- Since At least 1915.'
The Elites in Power in Haiti That Haitians Find So Objectionable, the Fucking U.S. Put Them There.
See That American Rice. Haiti Used to Be Self-Sufficient in Rice Until the U.S. Forced Them to Privatize the Industry and Then Shut It Down. Now All Haiti’s Rice Must be Imported From—Fucking Surprise—U.S. Companies.
By POUTY SLAVER
February 1, 2010

How Western Domination Has Undermined Haiti’s Ability to Recover from Natural Devastation
By KIM IVES & AMY GOODMAN, Democracy Now!
ALTERNET
January 21, 2010
http://www.alternet.org/story/145305/

500,000 Haitians Dead---2.5% of the Population.
This is what 500 years of brutal colonialism gets you.
Now the very perpetrators of the crime get to exalt their levels of humanity while they gawk at their handiwork!
Rush Limbaugh is the true conscience of America.

Americans Murdered Haitians as Much as Earthquake: Blood of Haiti on America's Hands:
Along With Hurricanes and Earthquakes The U.S. Has Been a Praeternatural Disaster For Haiti:
U.S. Helps Haiti Celebrate Its Two Hundredth Year Of Independence By Staging Another Coup:
Tracing The Money Trail In Blood; Who Has 'Turned' On Aristide And For How Much: Ex-Supporter's Story Reflects Cowardice of Haitian Moderates:
Washington Makes Formal Request To The U.N. That Aristide, Poor, Lavalas Lie Down On The Ground, Roll Over On Their Bellies And Take A Bullet In The Back Of the Head:
Washington Post Urges The Dead To Show Restraint, Stay Calm:
Continuing Violence From U.S. And Its Wealthy Proxies Forces Aristide Supporters To Defend Themselves:
Cheney Administration Gives Latest CIA Coup In Haiti High Marks
By SHAT WHORESCUM
February 16, 2004

Two Centuries of U.S. Repression and Violence Made Hurricane In Haiti Far More Deadly:
Does Uncle Slimey Really Know Best: 2.5% of Haitian Population Dead, the Equivalent of 7,500,000 Americans After Two Centuries of U.S. Violence and Theft:
Haiti: A Place Of U.S. Trained & Financed Fear And Havoc:
"With The Buffalo Gone, The U.S. Is Back To Shootin' Niggers--- In Haiti"--Private Isaiah Samuels, U.S. Marine Corps, The Haitian Campaign of 1915:
When Did They Ever Stop?:
John Bolton Does His Impression Of A Constipated Toilet Brush At The U.N. Again:
By LOTTA LYIN
January 1, 2006

The Social Historical Context of “Natural Disasters”: Haiti
by VICTOR M. RODRIGUEZ DOMINGUEZ
Dissident Voice
January 18th, 2010

Why The US Owes Haiti Billions---
The Briefest History
By BILL QUIGLEY
Dissident Voice
January 18th, 2010 Two of the Assholes Who Did Their Job and Kept Haiti In a State of Destitution Sent Down to Monitor Possible Rise of Pro-Aristide Forces.
Obama enlists Bush, Clinton to Fuck Haiti. Sends Troops.
Haitian People Beg U.S. "Given Your History of Brutality Against Us, Stay Away!”
By JEFFEY LUBE
1/14/10

SNITCH INC. Better Known as GOOGLE.
U.S./Google Spy Network Exposed By China.
“Google Spies on Every Aspect of Americans’ Lives. What’s the Big Deal?”—Sergey Brin. "If You're Not Doing Nothin' Wrong and We Don't Make a Mistake or Trump Something Up, You'll Be Fucking Fine."
Google Aids FBI/CIA In Spying on U.S. Human Rights Groups.
By STUFFI MUFTI
January 14, 2010

Air May Be Clear But Cap Anson and Major League Baseball Are Still Tainted.
No White Player Prior to Jackie Robinson Should Remain In the Hall of Fame.
By ARNIE PALUCCI
January 14, 2010

Wall Street Carpet Bombs Main Street.
Until the U.S. Develops a Mechanism for Taking Corporate Compensation Charlatans and Wall Street Bonus Bums Out into a Field and Putting a Bullet Into the Back of Their Heads, Just Shut the Fuck Up.
1) Press Your Elected Officials to Support the Death Penalty for Corporate, Bank and Wall Street Fraud
2) Work For Candidates Who Will Introduce Legislation to Bring About Capital Punishment for 'Capital' Offenses
3) Work For the Death Penalty for Elected Officials and Military Brass Who Accept Money to Cover Up Corporate Felonies
4) Picket the Media That Cynically Shills for Corporate Criminals Under a Populist Guise
By YASO ADIODI
1/13/09

General William G. “Boynkie” Boykin Named to Head Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Boykin to Implement Move to All Born Again Armed Forces.
Major Weapons Manufacturers Stripped of Contracts as Military Retools Around Biblical Principles.
700 Club and Saddleback Church Receive Majority of Revised No-Bid Contracts.
Swords, Daggers, Shields to Replace Rifles, Tanks, Manned Aircraft and Drones.
Jawbone of an Ass to Be Called the Glenn Beck 9000.
GAO Estimates Cost Overrun of Beck 9000 at $10 billion.
By GLEN BECK
1/7/10

The Anti-Empire Report
The American elite
Mothers, don't let your children grow up to be Nobel Peace Prize winners
Cuba. Again. Still. Forever.
By WILLIAM BLUM
January 6th, 2010
www.killinghope.org

Christian Underclass Fights Atheist Wars Using Godless Science and Technology Not Fit for the Creationist Soul.
By GLEN BECK
1/3/10

U.S. Begins Its Cut and Run From Iraq Without Accomplishing Its Objective---Stealing the Oil.
Wall Street Calls Iraq War Lost—Blames Troops.
“What the fuck are we paying this otherwise unemployable Christian Underclass for if They can’t Drive a Few Ragheads Off Their Oil,” T. Boone Pickens Tells the Energy Task Force.
“Day of mixed emotions in Baghdad: Elation for U.S., but Anger for Iraqis.” Once again, Post Confuses ‘Mixed’ or ‘Conflicted’ Which Implies the Two Emotions Inhabiting the Same Individual With Iraqis’ 'Get the Fuck Out of My Country' and the ‘Elation’ That at least part of the Christian Underclass That Makes Up the U.S. Military Can Do Just That.
By MUCK HASTY
January 2, 2010

DON’T MISS ‘THE STOOGES’ MARATHON ON FOX ON NEW YEAR’S DAY
8:00PM The O’REILLY FACTOR with Special Guests SARAH PALIN & DENNIS MILLER
9:00PM SEAN HANNITY with Special Guests ANN COULTER & MICHELE MALKIN
10:00PM GLENN BECK with Special Guest GLENN BECK

Christianity--- Asswipe of Enlightenment Science and Technology
By YASO ADIODI
12/28/09

Code Named ‘Too Clever By a Half’ CIA, MI5, Mossad Program Keeps Pressure on Iran’s Current Regime.
Iran Battles Refinanced Opposition
By TOMBY ONDABRINK
December 28, 2009

Bootlick Christianity.
And In a World of Dicks How Do You Stand Out? The Challenge for Mike Huckabee and Michael Steele
By YASO ADIODI
12/23/09

Corporate Murderers, Exploiters and Thieves Drop Woods as Spokeperson.
Wall Street Sociopaths Cut Ties to Golfer.
By BARELY SALIVA
December 15, 2009

International Lending Community Forecloses on Dubai; Country Has 30 Days to Vacate Itself.
Entire Population Evicted from Their Homes; Most Say They Will Move In With Abu Dhabi.
Glenn Beck, FOX, Republicans Blame ACORN and High Wages for Filipino Slave Labor for Foreclosure.
Darkness is falling on Dubai's Ass.
By HOWIE FUCKEM
December 14, 2009

Yeswecanistan
The War against Everything and Everyone, Endlessly
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
www.killinghope.org
12/9/2009

Master Race Theater: U.S., CIA Slip Honduran Coup By Latin America.
After assisting in ouster of president, Honduran elite pretended to defy U.S. pressure.
Coup's supporters persisted out of fear Zelaya's policies would help poor.
Don’t Worry Tea Baggers, Whitey’s Still in Control. Policy wise you couldn’t buy a better Tom.
By MOONY BUTT SHENNANIGAN
December 6, 2009

Blackwater Founder Says He Aided Secret Programs’ Fuck Ups.
“Blackwater/Xe Works” With Infamous “Secret Team.”
Eric Prince aka ‘The Shaved Ferret’ Whines About Treatment After Fuck Ups.
Wife Swapping, Male and Female Teen Aged Prostitutes, Intravenous Drug Use, Golden Showers Come to Define U.S.’s Secret Missions.
By CHUBBY WARHOOP
December 3, 2009

U.S. Fucks Honduran Accord in the Ass---Hard.
Ousted president says U.S. lacks commitment to reinstatement.
U.S. Diplomats and Elite Enjoy Honduran Taste Sensation: A Ripe Banana Dipped in CIA-130, White Tiger Colombian Coke Called the Chiquita Peter Eater, Michiletti’s Toot Fruit, United Brand’s Blow Job or the Powdered Circumcision.
Obama Sets Up Narco-State in Honduras as Payment for Agency’s Support of His Election. “Fuck. We Launched the Motherfuckin’ Coup. What Incentive Do We have to End It?” Says Hillary Clinton.
By COKE AMOKE
Thursday, November 12, 2009

CIA Seduces Karzai's Brother Into Drug Trade
By DARXTAR FUKINS
Oct . 27, 2009

Pickens Says Until U.S. Rich Get Iraqi Oil War Is Still On.
“The U.S. Kleptocracy Is Entitled to that Fuckin’ Oil. Who Else Groomed the Fodder to Die for the U.S. and Sold the Weapons. And I Might Add Why Are We Pussy Footing With these Fucking Sand Niggers,” Pickens Tells Congress.
By TOM DOGSHIT
10/26/09

Economic Draft Working Perfectly.
Military By Far Biggest Federal Works Project.
Thousands of Americans ‘Choose’ to Become Imperialist Fodder after Wall Street and the Military Industrial Complex Loot the Treasury, Private Bank Accounts, Small Business, IRAs, Pensions etc.
Remember Major General Smedley Butler.
By ASCOT TOOTHSOME IV
10/14/2009

Ridding the world of the sickness of pacifism.
The Berlin Wall — Another Cold War Myth.
Health care: ignoring the huge red elephant in the room.
By WILLIAM BLUM
Anti-Empire Report
September 29th, 2009
www.killinghope.org

Christ Denied Healing to Those Who Couldn’t Pay.
Archaeologists Discover Scrolls at Ancient Dead Sea Company Headquarters.
Blue Crosstic Gospels Shed New Light on Health Care Debate.
Ledger With Mathew as Comptroller Records Each Miracle and Amount Charged.
Jesus Had Controlling Interest in Largest Health Care Provider in the Roman Empire.
"How do you think the Pope got the big hat?"
By JOHN HAGEE
9/14/09

America’s White Bigots Descend on Chocolate City.
Most Refuse to be Truthful About Their True Racist Reasons for Coming Though Nazi Paraphernalia and FOX News Slogans Abound.
Dick’s ‘Armey’ Shills for Its Betters.
Cheney’s Government Surveillance the Crackers Wholeheartedly Supported Now a Reality for Thousands at Rally.
“I Can Hire One Half the Working Class to Kill the Other Half.”-Jay Gould.
By IMA STOOGEY & JEFFY LUBE
Sunday, September 13, 2009

"And on the most exalted throne in the world sits nothing but a man's arse." Montaigne
Humankind shall never fly
The continual selling of the Afghanistan war
The revolution was televised
Yugoslavia
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
September 2nd, 2009
www.killinghope.org

Ex-Intelligence Officials Cite Low Spirits at CIA.
Agency’s Long History of Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, Suicide, Domestic Violence and Other Reflections of High Morale Threatened by IG Report.
IG Report's Release, Looming Investigation Into Detainee Interrogations Blamed for Gloomy Spooks.
By WALDO PUNKASS and CHUBBY WARLOCK
August 30, 2009

Deficit Projected To Soar With New Programs and Wall Street Says It Won’t Give It Back.
Halliburton, Dyncorp, Lockheed Martin, Blackwater/Xe Other Iraq War Profiteers and Thieves Say They Won’t Give It Back Either, Push for Funding for Afghanistan.
United Health Group Announces, “Here at UHG we would rather see the 48 million uninsured and the 36 million under insured Americans die in the streets like dogs rather than make our revered executives give up their obscene salaries and bonuses.”
“If the fucking American people don’t fucking like it they can enlist in my crusade in Afghanistan,” says Gen. Stanley McChrystal Just Before He Joins the Board of United Health Group. “Soon we’ll be drafting their stinking asses anyway.”
10-Year Estimate of $9 Trillion After Latest Round of Cheney/Greenspan Inspired Kleptocratic Looting. Looted Money Used to Buy Critics of President's Agenda. Sweet!
UHG Refuses to Provide Health Care for Its Employees.
By LUPI MOUNTGAMEY
August 26, 2009

It’s RACISM (And Money). Health Care’s Got Shit to Do With It.
MASTER RACE THEATER: Like the Beer Hall Putsch, Bigots Disrupt Town Halls.
The Health Service Corporations and Their Stooges on K Street, in Congress and in the Media Are In It For the Money---
But For the Petulant Little White Fucks at the Town Hall Meetings Its Just Racism.
And Fuck Old White People. What Ever Happened to Wisdom?
By EDWARD BERNAYS
9/10/09

An Open Email to Lanny Davis
By EDWARD BERNAYS
8/9/09

Corporations, Republicans Introduce Plan to De-Socialize Health Care, Eliminate Medicare, Prescription Drug Plan and Federal Health Care For Military.
By EDWARD BERNAYS
7/5/09

Keeping track of the empire's crimes
The Myths of Afghanistan, past and present
Supreme nonsense
NATO and Eastern Europe resource
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
August 4th, 2009
www.killinghope.org

Consciousness Capitalism: Corporations Are Now After Our Very Beings
By JOE BAGEANT, AlterNet
Posted on August 1, 2009, Printed on August 4, 2009
http://www.alternet.org/story/141668/

Trying to Assassinate Hugo Chavez, Funneling Tens of Millions To Kleptocracy, Constant Agitprop Is Not Enough Violence Against Venezuela; the Washington Post Wants To See Blood Running in the Streets.
Billions in Arms, Bribes and Training Supplied to Colombian Narco-State as Israeli Style Hedge Against Aspirations of the Latin American Poor.
Post Foments War in the Region Just They Did in Iraq.
God promises Revenge Against Rich. Threatens Wealthy Who Use His Name in Vain.
By PADDY PUCKERHOLE
July 31, 2009

Iran Wins Iraq War Without Firing a Shot.
Shi’ite Raid Poses Problem for U.S. and Their Former Marxist, Adversary, Terrorist, Enemy, Ally, the Mujaheddin-e Khalq.
Use of Former U.S. Marxist, Adversary, Terrorist, Allies to Disrupt Iranian Internal Affairs Looked On Unkindly by Tehran.
By UNESTO DARKO
July 30, 2009

Terrorist Unit Responsible for Atrocities in Iraq Brings Back Terrorist Training to Colorado.
Crime Rate of Veterans Skyrockets.
“We Train ‘Em to Kill Everybody, Then We Cover It the Fuck Up Just Like You American Fucks Need,” U.S. Navy Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff said. “So Stop the Fucking Whining When They Come Home and Kill You.”
‘Be All You Can Be’ Slogan Called “Not Specific Enough.”
U.S. Soldiers To be Tried as Domestic Terrorists Under Heimat Security Act.
Soldiers Tell Newspaper of Sharp Rise in Violent Incidents After Iraq Deployments
By SNUFFY SMIFF
July 28, 2009

Imperialism’s a Drag---Unless You’re Some Fat Cat Kleptocrat Like Rick Santelli or David Lesar Raking in the Blood Money.
Soldiers Question the Defense Secretary About Long Deployments as Stock Market Rallies on Report of Endless War.
Gates Confiscates Copies of Major General Smedley Butler’s 1935 Classic ‘War Is a Racket’ Circulating Among the Troops.
Goldman Sachs Reports for 168th Straight Quarter None of its Corporate Officers Deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan or Fucking Anywhere for that Matter.
The Rich Get Richer and the Poor Get Deployed.
By WALDO PUNKASS
July 21, 2009

Obama Tells African Americans to Pick Themselves Up by Their Bootstraps Like Wall Street and the Banks.
The Rich Get Richer and the Poor Get Derision.
LIDDELL LOAD FRONTHEPLOY
7/20/09

U.S.’s Drug-Trafficking Role Is (sniff) Still Recession Proof, OAS Report Says.
U.S. Government Corruption, Elites Use of Bank Bailout Money to Buy Cocaine, CIA Aid to Colombian Military Are Cited.
CIA, DEA Move to Wipe Out Competition in South American Cocaine Trade.
Leon Panetta , “Categorically (sniff) denies the (sniff) charges (sniff).”
By JUAN DE YOYO
July 19, 2009

Maj. Gen. Daniel P. Bolger, Commander of the Baghdad Division Wins the Coveted Ass. Press Major General Smedley Butler ‘RACKETEER FOR CAPITALISM Award’ for his recent ahistorical and utterly moronic remarks on Iraq.
General's Cogent Lunacy Mirrors Media.
By YASO ADIODI IV
7/18/09

Oil: The Love That Dare Not Speak It’s Name.
Kurdish Leaders Warn Of Strains With Maliki.
Military Conflict Inevitable, All Agree.
International Oil, Arms, Banks and Construction Companies Lining Up Behind Both Kurds and Shia Supplying Money, Weapons, Logistics in New Contract Proposals.
By ANTIMONY SUREDID
July 17, 2009

“Who the Fuck Are We Kidding?” Gen. Frazer Says, “U.S. International House of Coups aka the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation Formerly Known as the School of the Americas and Washington Were Behind the Coup in Honduras.”
"SUCK MY BLOODY BANANA!" Chiquita Tells OAS.
Obama Again the Soiled Dove.
NAFTA MAFIA Also Behind Coup.
Honduran Oligarchy’s Closeness to U.S. Kleptocracy Brings About Coup.
U.S. Aid To Military Keeps Honduran Army in the Pocket of the Oligarchs and Gringos.
By TOOL BOOTH & JUAN DE YOYO
July 5, 2009

The Anti-Empire Report
Much ado about nothing?
By what standard shall we judge Barack Obama?
Long live the Cold War
By WILLIAM BLUM
July 3rd, 2009
www.killinghope.org

Washington, CIA, Military Paralyzed With Fear at Vociferousness of Honduran Coup.
Rahm Emanuel Says Honduran Coup Leaders’ Determination Terrifies Him to “the core of his very being.”
Obama Soils Himself and Trembles in Fear Whenever Tough Honduran Micheletti’s Name Is Mentioned.
U.S. Military Ill-equipped to Open Another Front Against Rugged, American Trained, Equipped and Financed Honduran Military, Says Admiral Mullen, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
By LEONLY KAOWOOD
7/2/09

Report-A-John-Gate: Post Rent-A-Reporter Program Goes Public. Washington Post Co. Cancels Corporate Dinners, After Fliers for Program Appeared on Telephone Poles Around City.
Swamped With Thousands of Wrongful Death Suits and Homicide Indictments, George Halvorson, CEO of Kaiser Permanente, Turns to Post to Snuff Health Care Reform. “You dumb fucks supported Dick Cheney and his utter bullshit leading up to the invasion of Iraq,” Halverson says. “Why not help the health insurance industry that kills Americans in their beds instead of sending them half way around the world to die?”
Journalistic Boundaries Brought Into Focus. Post Charges $25,000 a Journalist. FOX Immediately Lower Its Price to Ten Bucks and a Case of Ripple.
By BOWAND KURTZIE
July 3, 2009

In Interrogations Hussein It Turned Out Was U.S.’s Friend and Ally Against Iran. Current Iraqi Power Brokers, Not So Much.
“Sure Saddam Was Our Little Sand Nigga,” Rumsfeld Tells Press. “That’s Why I Sold His Ass All That Poison Gas. But the Dumb Fuck Just Wouldn’t Cough Up the Oil. And he insisted on that toilet brush on his upper lip just like that euphoniously lying fuck John Bolton.”
Specter of Arms Allowed Him to Appear Strong, He Told U.S.
By WATTA MESSLA
July 2, 2009

Hard-Line European and U.S. Capitalist Regimes Censor News From Iran.
By AROING ABOINGA CHACHACHA
June 27, 2009

If You Don't Twitter, You’re Just Litter.
The Politics of Vanity: A Whole New Way for the Solipsistic Shits in the West to Ignore the Poor of Iran and the World.
Coupcoup for the Coupsters: Twitter; U.S.’s New Voice of Destabilization.
What Role Is the Mujahideen Khalq Playing in the Destabilization Process?
By ULLSER BADDLEY
June 20 2009

For Iraq Visit, Colbert Has His Schtick Scripted By the Military, White House.
By IMA STOOGEY
6/13/09

Washington Post Backing Off Claims of Iranian Voter Fraud as Bloodshed Mounts.
The Post, the CIA’s Main Propaganda Organ, at Odds With Agency Over Attempted Iranian Coup.
Signs of Fraud Abound, But Who’s Fraud?
Obama Administration Remains Cautious Amid Fears CIA Complicity in Iranian Election Fraud Will Be Exposed.
"So ingrained is this ODE response built into Washington's world view that it appears to matter not at all that Mousavi, Ahmadinejad's main opponent in the election and very much supported by the protesters, while prime minister 1981-89, bore large responsibility for the attacks on the US embassy and military barracks in Beirut in 1983, which took the lives of more than 200 Americans..."
By LEN GUESSLER & YAN KOAN GOWAN
Assassinated Press Staff Writers
June 16, 2009

Is Mir Hossein Mousavi Still CIA?
Mir Hossein Mousavi's Iran-contra Connection Dooms His Election.
Love Affair with Guns For Hostages Stooge, Manucher Ghorbanifar, Contact with CIA and Mossad Seen as Destroying Mousavi’s Chance for Election.
"Where's the Fucking News. All We Get Is Worthless Asshole Opinions From Fucking Whores." CIA Asset Christiana Amanpour: The CIA Contact Cheney Didn’t Out.
Son of Shah, the Butcher of Tehran, sees echoes of 1953 U.S. Bought Coup of Mosssadegh.
CRUDIANA IHATETHEPOOR
6/15/09

Axis of Logic
Finding Clarity in the 21st Century Mediaplex
Iran/Persia
Iran: Some Dots You May Want To Connect
Christiana Amanpour: CIA Asset
By Editorial. Moon of Alabama. Axis of Logic
http://axisoflogic.com/artman/publish/printer_56031.shtml
Sunday, Jun 14, 2009

A Lesson in Kleptocracy
Definitions of Kleptocracy:
1) A kleptocracy (sometimes cleptocracy, occasionally kleptarchy) (root: klepto+kratein = rule by thieves) is a term applied to a government that extends the personal wealth and political power of government officials and the ruling class (collectively, kleptocrats) at the expense of the population.
2) A corrupt and dishonest government characterised by greed
The Editors
6/12/09

Apparently You Do Have to Be a Rocket Scientist.
James von Brunn and Wernher von Braun—
Holocaust Memorial Murderer and Anti-Semite’s Last Name Bears a Close Resemblance to Another Murdering Anti-Semite--- and Great American Hero.
Gunman Shoots, Kills Guard at U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C.
By WILLBEE BORNAGIN and DERBY WILBEGORIN
June 10, 2009

The Anti-Empire Report
The great, international, demonic, truly frightening Iranian threat.
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Changeman!
Obama.
By WILLIAM BLUM
June 5th, 2009
www.killinghope.org

A Million Killed in Iraq But It Was All Worth It; Tattooed Iraqi Airhead Embraces U.S. Popular Culture.
Misread of American Xenophobia Too Funny for Words, But Perfect for Tattoos.
Tattoo Artist Wants to Move to Texas Where No Doubt He Will Be Immediately Hanged As a Terrorist.
“With New Freedoms, American Journalists Are Free to Leer at My Girlfriend.”
Nano-Ink With Minute Transmitters Used By Tattoo Parlors to Track Iraqis Just Like in The U.S.
A Quiet but Undeniable Cultural Legacy of Shallow, Useless Shit Just Like in the U.S.
U.S. Occupation of Iraq Will End, but a Host of American Influences and Communicable Diseases Will Linger.
By AMBONI SHITHED
May 31, 2009

Obama's 'None Of the Above' Terror Policy; And All Crimes Left behind War Crimes Policy.
Cheney and Emanuel Conspire to Keep Torture on the Front Burner Instead of the War Crimes and Lies Running Up to Iraq Invasion Resulting in the Slaughter of Millions of People.
By ROOFI SCMUCKUS
May 24, 2009

Obama Shifts on Abuse Photos; Images Considered Too Depraved to Release.
Michael Hayden Selling Bootleg DVDs of CIA Torture Tapes Out of the Back of His Van.
Fight Over $87,000,000,000 a Year U.S. Market for Depravity Likely to Wind Up in Court.
CIA, Private Contractors, Military Caught on Tapes in Naked Bacchanalia of Blood and Bestiality.
CACI Contractor Given Medal of Honor, Photographed Biting the Nipples Off Detainees Chest, Gnawing Penis Off of CACI Attack Dog.
Copyright Battle Looms Between Cheney Era Officials, Obama Camp, CACI and the CIA Over Movie Distribution Rights to Torture Tapes.
Cheney Using Torture To Deflect Attention From Major Crime of Launching War, Murdering Millions With a Pack of Lies.
CIA Agents and CACI Employes Dressed in Drag for Torture Sessions Costumed as Nancy Pelosi, Lynn Cheney and Condoleeza Rice.
By SCIRT WOOLOVER
May 14, 2009

The Anti-Empire Report
Some thoughts about torture. And Mr. Obama.
Another jewel in the crown, Miss Hillary
By WILLIAM BLUM
May 4th, 2009
www.killinghope.org

Wall Street Throws Down the Gauntlet: It’s Either Kill or Be Killed by Them.
Wall Street, the Banks and Corporations Challenge “250,000,000 Lazy Americans” to a Duel to the Death.
“They’re Like the Undead. Wall Street Zombies Won’t Stop Trying to Suck You Dry Until You Chop Off Their Heads. The French Knew From Whence They Acted.”
By JACK DAWSON
5/4/09

Say It's Your Mama. What If She Won't Talk?
“I wouldn’t know “a hard and brutal reality” if it pitched a tent in my ass and took potshots at my nutsack with a Browning semi-automatic.”—Michael Scheuer
By MICHAEL SCHEUER
April 26, 2009

An Interview with Dick Cheney
By YASO ADIODI
4/26/09

A World Wide Epidemic in 'White Color Crime.'
Venezuela Cracks Down on White Collar Crime And Kleptocratic Assassins While Obama Administration Lets U.S. White Collar Criminals and Assassins Run Wild.
White Collar Criminal Rosales Flees to Peru, Next Stop Miami.
By JUAN THE YOYO
April 22, 2009

Somali Pirates Were Interns at IMF, Bear Stearns.
A Bigger, Bolder Role Is Imagined For the IMF and Other Pirates.
Changes Suggest Shift in How Global Economy Is Stolen.
Faced with World Wide Nationalist Movements Kleptocracy Adjusts its Modus Operandi.
“Usury Age Old and Age Thick.”
By TONY PAIOLA
April 20, 2009

The Wealthy Fearing a 3% Tax Increase Find American ‘Tea Baggers’ Willing to Lick Their Balls.
FOX Commentators Lead Shill for the Wealthy.
“I don’t give a fuck. With assholes like the teabaggers I’m certain I’m gonna get mine.”-- Dick 'Alarm Me' Armey
Giuda Says, “Fuck, I’d rather give my money to a felon like Rick Santelli than to a bunch of lazy niggers and spics is what I really mean by this teabagging shit.”
By SEAN VANNITY
4/15/09

U.S. Surge Ignored Iraqis’ Built-In Surge Protector.
5 U.S. Troops Killed in Iraq Bombing.
IRAQ DOESN’T FUCKING LOVE YOU: Chauvinist U.S. In Denial about Iraqi Cultural and Tactical Prophylaxis Against Surge.
Finger In Dyke Can’t Be Removed. Dyke Can’t Be Fixed Because It’s Not Iraq’s Dyke And U.S. Dykes Come With Built In Permanent Imperialist National Security Crack.
By ERNIE BONJOURNO
April 11, 2009

In Biden Remark Rove Takes Shot at Cheney: "If I was being unkind, I would say he's a liar," Rove said Thursday. ". . . You should not exaggerate and lie like this when you are the vice president of the United States."
“It must have been fucking embarrassing and humiliating working even in theory FOR George Bush.”---Frank Carlucci
“Does Karl Rove Look Like the Pillsbury Dough Boy After Being Dipped in Chlamydia Discharge or What?”---Michael Steele
By MICKEY D. SHEEEATT
April 11, 2009

Military Targeting Experts Link Economy With Spate Of Killings, Call Killers Choice of Targets Amateurish and Counterproductive.
“Any High Profile Official in the Cheney Administration or Wall Street Hacks Like Rick Santelli or Larry Summers Would Make Far More Logical Targets than What we’re Seeing.”
In One Month, 57 Die In Eight Mass Murders
By INSANTELLI PRICKOLINI
April 8, 2009

Darwin Deason Needs a New Yacht!
Speed Camera Bribes Attract Legislators Statewide.
Senate Revives Bill to Allow Use of Camera Scam Beyond Montgomery.
By SUDSY RAGABOND
4/4/09

Some thoughts about socialism
"Omission is the most powerful form of lie." – George Orwell
The ideology of Barack Obama
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
April 4th, 2009
www.killinghope.org

U.S. Soft On Crime.
No Executions Planned Yet For Criminal Investment Bankers.
U.S. Lets Spain Do The Dirty Work On American War Criminals.
Uncle Slimey Goes Limp Dick on Kleptocratic Criminals.
By MALICE SIMONY
March 29, 2009

Geithner Fakes Vast Expansion of U.S. Oversight of Financial System.
Wall Street Reassures Investors “If We Can’t Buy Our Way Out of It, I’m Certain We Can Circumvent the Law.”
Cassano Says “Fuck Geithner and Summers. They’re on the payroll, just like Rubin, Bernanke, Paulson and Greenspan.”
By CUSH LUSHBAGS & LUSH “THE OX” E. CONTIN
March 26, 2009

Michele Bachmann Says She Wants People “Armed and Dangerous” Over Tax Plan And That Felonious Bitch Bachmann Ought To Be the First One We Get.
Bachmann Is Right: Day of Reckoning for Assholes Like Her Needed.
Bachmann Tells Listeners Permanently Lodging Her Head Up Her Ass Has Been Key to Her Career, Relates College Experimentation.
RUSH LAMEBALLS
March 23, 2009

The Big Takeover
The global economic crisis isn't about money - it's about power.
How Wall Street insiders are using the bailout to stage a revolution
MATT TAIBBI
Rollingstone.com
URL: http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/26793903/the_big_takeover
Mar 19, 2009

CIA/DIA/ONI Agents Disguised as Civilians to Join Afghan Buildup.
Phoenix Style Program Is Part of Larger U.S. Strategy Studied by White House.
By EATOTH DE YOUNG
March 19, 2009

Alabama Man Kills at Least 9, Including 4 Relatives Is Not Somali.
Murders By Somalis, Imaginary or Otherwise, Would Bolster Case For More CIA, FBI & Heimat Security Funds.
“At Alabama Massacre Nary a Somali In Sight,” A Disappointed Mueller Confesses.
Panic In Noodle Park, USA
FOX Rumors Somali Literature Found in Killer's Home
By JYZABEL CRSCO and DESI HUNTA
The Assassinated Press
March 11, 2009

Being serious about torture. Or not.
Hell hath no fury like an imperialist scorned
You've got to be carefully taught
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
March 4th, 2009
www.killinghope.org

Six Years After Pillaging by U.S. Officials, Iraqi Museum to Reopen.
Cheney, Rumsfeld, Bremer, Franks, Military Brass Donate Polaroids of Objects they Stole.
Tommy and Mrs. Franks Seen Riding an Assyrian Charoit to Church, Tractor Pulls.
By SUDSY RAGABOND & K.Y. SCOONJIELY
February 24, 2009

Prince of Darkness Puts His Head Up His Ass and Indeed It’s Pitch Black.
Is Richard Perle a Spineless Cocksucker or What!?
By DONNA SHITBANK
February 20, 2009

J. Edgar Hoover Wanted to Fuck Jack Valenti Real Bad.
Valenti’s Sexuality Was Hot Topic at FBI's Little Sex Shop of Horrors.
Threatened With the Exposure for His Role in the Kennedy Assassination, LBJ Let Hoover Go Through Valenti’s Underwear Drawer, Wear Valenti’s Jock Strap Under a Ball Gown.
Cocksucking Crime Fighter Sicked His Mormon Lapdogs on Hollywood Insider.
By RUSH LAMEBALLS
February 19, 2009

Cabal of Kleptocrats Blows Up Sept. 11 Widow’s Plane.
Assassination of 9/11 Activist Designed To Have a Chilling Effect on Advocates.
Widow Whose Silence Could Not be Bought, Pays Ultimate Price.
Cheney Gloats. PNAC Jubilant!
FAA, Media Ruled Out Foul Play Years Ago.
By O. GOON GRINDER & ESMON KEE
Special to the Chicago Tresboom
Feb 13, 2009

An open letter to Hugo Chavez,
By YASO ADIODI
2/12/09

As Crimestoppers Congress Is Nothing More Than A Pack of Selective McCarthyite Pussies.
Bonds, Clemens, Rodriguez, Tejada---I’m with Josh Gibson, Satchel Paige and ‘Cool Papa’ Bell.
By ZAGNUTTS GROYNITCH
2/11/09

The Anti-Empire Report
Change (in rhetoric) we can believe in.
By WILLIAM BLUM
February 3rd, 2009
www.killinghope.org

Banks Use Union Taxpayer Bailout Money to Bribe Lawmakers, Blagojevich Style, to Block Taxpayers from Joining Unions.
Banks Use Taxpayer Bailout Money to Deny Taxpayers Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.
"Hey Fuck! At least they're using it for something instead of their usual stealing it outright."
Calls For Bloody Purge of Corporate Executives on the Rise, Maureen Dowd Reports.
Sales of the Writings of Marx, Lenin, Trotsky, Mao, Ho Chi Minh, Giap and Castro Go Through the Roof Amazon Reports. Retailer brings another 100 non-union workers on board, supplies refrigerator crates on back lot for shelter.
Others Say a Purge of Executives "Would be doing God's work."
Report: Bailed-Out Banks Joined in Plan to Defeat Union Bill.
250 Million Guns in Private Hands. Law Enforcement Unionized.
By KILLEN FIELDS
1/27/09

DNI Nominee Blair Talks Of Murder, Bad Poetry.
By WALDO PUNKASS
January 26, 2009

Dissident Voice http://www.dissidentvoice.org/
a radical newsletter in the struggle for peace and social justice
Merchants of Death: Exposing Corporate-financed Holocaust in Africa
White Collar War Crimes, Black African Fall Guys
by KEITH HARMON SNOW
December 8th, 2008

Obama Invades the Congo on Inauguration Day.
Obama Administration on behalf of McLarty Associates, Kissinger & Associates, Clinton Enterprises, the Belgian Royal Family and Belgian Banks and Financial Firms Sends in Proxy Force to Re-Establish Control Over Coltan, Cobalt and Diamonds.
McLarty Associates Hire Veteran Hit Man John D. Negroponte to Oversee Operation and Make Certain the West Inflicts Maximum Bloodshed Again.
Rwandan Troops Enter Congo to Find Hutu Militia Leaders
By STUFFI MCDUMMY
January 21, 2009

Mars Farts! Like Earth, Angry Red Planet Has Many Assholes.
First Martian Methane Vent Named O’REILLY 666X.
Redness Caused By Chafing Around Methane Rims.
“We Are a Whiff Closer to the TerraRapture to Mars.”—Rev. Van Impy
By Dr. Spick & Captain Kike
January 16, 2009

Kleptocracy Has Already Stolen First $600 Billion, Obama Seeks Rest of Bailout and $800 Billion More.
Summers, Rubin, Bernanke, Emmanuel, Madoff Cite Unusually High Testosterone Levels Among Very Wealthy as Reason Trillions More in Bailout Loot Are Needed.
Obama Unveils the Military as his New Jobs Program as a Generation of Uneducated, Ignorant Fops Who Can’t Make It in U.S.’s Competitive Market Place Sign Indenture Papers.
Request for Funds Meets Skepticism On Capitol Hill; Obama Not Clear on How Much Republicans Can Steal.
After Studying Obama’s Security Nominations Foxxx Elects to Green Light a New Show Called “Lockdown America.”
By LUCKY MUTTGUMIARY & DON CHOKE
January 13, 2009

Bush Does His Best Smirky Turkey Impression.
Except for the Buckets of Blood, Funniest Press Conference Ever Leaves ‘Em Rolling in the Aisles.
By MICKEY O’BUMMERWITZ
January 13, 2009

The Obama Buzzword That Hit Pay Dirt.
The Obama Administration Demonstrates It Can Really Shovel It Too.
Shovel Ready--Shit and the Other White Meat.
By MANNY ROIDS
January 8, 2009

In Cuba, Pinning Hopes on Obama, But With All That Miami Drug Money and CIA Snipers In Play Change Is Unlikely.
Many Islanders Expect Better Relationship With U.S. Under New President But Obama In His New Role as the Most Compromised Individual on Earth Is Unlikely to Risk Going Up Against Forces that Assassinated JFK.
By John Wilkes Booth
January 7, 2009

The Anti-Empire Report
From the Author of Killing Hope & Rogue Nation
By WILLIAM BLUM
1/3/09
America's other glorious war

Damn Israel! Is Uncle Slimey’s Money that Good?
Israel calls Gaza assault 'war to the bitter end' of Congressional Debate in Washington Over Increased Military ‘Aid’ for Israel.
Israeli and U.S., Arms Dealers Kleptocrats Belly Up to The Trough.
"I Aim for the Stars but Sometimes I Hit Gaza."
By BILLY BARSNAK and JISM GEYSER
12/30/08

The Guns of Anarchy?
Only Americans, Marinating in the Belly of the Beast, Can Afford To Be So Ignorant About the Intentions of U.S. Foreign Policy.
By Mark Bowdown
December 21, 2008

What Does It Say About Obama that He Would Choose Rick Warren, the Author of a Huckster Driven Driven Piece of Shit like “The Purpose Driven Life” to Give the Inaugural Blessing
By P.T. BONUM
12/18/08

Foreign Automakers Choose Southern States Because They Most Resemble the Third World.
Last in Income, Education, Health Care, Poverty, Mortality, Social Services, Nutrition and Intelligence Foreign Investors Flock to Exploit Stupidity and Gullibility of the South.
“Fuck, the Shiteating Crackers in My Godforsaken State if They Aren’t Fucking Smart or Courageous Enough to Look Out for Their Own Self-Interest Like The Big Money Boys. They’re Too Chicken Shit to Vote Fucking Union,” Sen. Richard Shelby, R-Ala. Reassures Foreign Automakers.
By TOBAKI RHODES
12/14/08

What Do They Play at a Politician's Funeral? Wire taps. State Governor Held in US Probe.
Pre-Emptive Arrest Designed to Save Bank of America Millions. Bank Relents Fearing Bad PR.
FBI, ATF Threaten to Burn Out, Bomb Workers at Republic Windows & Doors ala Waco and MOVE.
Fitzgerald Indicts Several Unionized Workers in Scheme to Peddle Governorship.
By IMA STOOGEY
12/9/08

Washington Post Calls for Another Third World Bloodbath After Sanctions, Embargos, Low Intensity Conflict Fail!
Strangle Zimbabwe! As U.S., Britain, Washington Post’s Plans to Starve Zimbabwe into Submission Take Hold, Western Powers Having Fonder Memories of Colonialism Grow Apoplectic at Mugabe’s Resistance.
Gordon Brown Throws a Fit, Strips Naked and Shits on his Podium at Mugabe’s Resistance. “White people will have their land and fucking everbody else’s,” Cheney assures meeting of Whitey Uberalles in Pulaski, Tennessee.
By YASO ADIODI
December 7, 2008

Financial Market Bailouts--“But For the Grace of the Godless Go I.”
GM Proposes Motorless Cars that You Can Live In; Great Gas Mileage; Low Fuel Emissions; Highway Median Strips Converted to Low Cost Housing.
White House, Democrats Near Compromise On Auto Aid.
Automakers Increase Bribe/Quid Pro Quo Package, More Republicans Sign On to Bailout.
Hopes of Huge Increase in Military Recruitments Dashed. Still Unemployment Figures Encouraging.
Bush Signs Bill Giving Big Oil Drilling Rights to Highway Median Strips, Rest Stops, Public School Playgrounds.
By LOADIE SCHITT & YASO ADIODI
Assassinated Press Staff Writers & Fly On The Wall Media Enterprises
December 6, 2008

The Anti-Empire Report
Vote First. Ask Questions Later.
By WILLIAM BLUM
December 1st, 2008
www.killinghope.org

U.S., CIA Lose War in Somalia.
Uncle Slimey’s Proxy Ethiopian Army to Pull Its Troops from Somalia by End of the Year.
Cheney’s “Where’s There’s Oil There’s a Way” Policy Fails in Eastern Africa.
Somali “Founding Fathers” Take Back Country.
$2 Billion in U.S. Funds Unaccounted For.
Mullen Tells Cheney to “Shit or Get Off the Pot. Military Needs 50,000 Troops for Invasion of Somalia.”
By MOE OLAF BODYBAG
November 29, 2008

Nicaragua's Ballot Upsets Spoiled Pricks at Post.
Once Again Washington Post’s Hatred for Poor People Is on Display.
After Years of Misery Under Post Approved Rule Nicaraguans Again Seek Social Justice, Food, Clothing, Health Care, Education, Shelter, Everything the Post Would Deny Them.
Post Insists On White President In Nicaragua.
President Daniel Ortega moves to construct another egalitarian society.
DONNY TAODICK
November 16, 2008

U.S. Plans for Expanded War in Pakistan/Afghanistan/Eastern Iran Region.
Expansion of Afghan Airfield to House Special Army Aviation Unit, Protect Oil Interests, Spy on Turkmenistan.
Platform Will Be in Place to Bomb the Entire Region “Back to the Stone Age.”
Halliburton Gets a 95%/5% Split to Do the Job.
By WALDO PUNKASS
November 10, 2008

Lawrence Summers Being Considered For Secretary of Treasury Because He Promised to Lead the Feds to Where the Stolen Wall Street Money Is Hidden.
Stolen Wall Street Trillions Said to be in a Cave Down the Road from Bin Laden.
Pakastani Residents Say Constant Flow of Trucks Filled with America’s Chinese Leveraged Cash Disturbs Sleep, Affects Birth Rate in Goats.
Summers Plan to Kill Millions of Africans Back on the Front Burner in Obama Administration.
By IMA STOOGEY
Nov. 5, '08

Congo’s President Joseph Kabila: Dynasty or Travesty?
By KEITH HARMON SNOW
13 November 2007
Kabila and Bush

European, U.S. Envoys Visit E. Congolese City and Admire The Death and Destruction their Policies Have Wrought.
Congolese Cobalt, Copper, Diamonds, Gold, Silver, Tin and Coltan to Remain in Post-Colonial Kleptocratic Hands.
By STUPUDDLY MISSCRUMCAKE and COLUMNS O’LYNCHMOBS
November 1, 2008

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
October 30, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Don't tell my mother I work at the White House. She thinks I play the piano in a whore house.

Wall Street Bailout is Wondrous, But the Post Draws the Line at Bailout for Joe the Autoworker.
Slippery Slope. Welfare for Detroit? What’s Next? Welfare for the Post?
Should Lower-Paid Workers Making $50,000 a Year Help ‘Subsidize’ Those Averaging $56,650 at GM? A Distinction Without a Difference.
Should Post Editors Average $175,000 a Year Salary When a Detroit Auto-Worker Actually Makes Something Other than Word-Shit.
JEFFEY LUBE
Monday, October 27

Bush Urges Nations to Show Patience in Grift Economy.
“You’ll Get Your Money, Motherfuckers,” Bush Tells G-8.
By DOOBIE RAKITIN
10/25/08

Colin Powell's Endorsement Could Sink Barack Obama.
Cheney’s Puppet at U.N. Leading Up to Iraq War Seen as Career Liar, Not To Mention the First Fuckin' Iraq War.
Powell Endorsement Places Death of Hundreds of Thousands at Obama's Doorstep.
By BEENY WASHEDUP
October 20, 2008

Sure Enough, Panty Sniffing at the NSA.
Just as Reported by the Assassinated Press on Many Occasions, Crotch Crawlers Dominate U.S. Intelligence.
U.S. Listens In on Sex Calls of Americans Abroad.
“The Heart of the Intelligence Community’s Turf Is the World’s Taint, That Strip of Stink between the Asshole and the Cunt and/or Balls .”—Thomas Clines
By JERBIL WADDICK
October 10, 2008

Pussy Saved Spitzer; Ghost of Dick Cheney Tells Nostradamus News That if Eliot Spitzer Had Not Had a Taste for Whores He Would have Been a Dead Man.
Spitzer’s ‘Hobby’ Allowed Homeland Security, the Cheney Administration to Discredit Him Rather Than Kill Him.
By MADAM TORSO & TED SCOWPLE
Nostradamus News Service
10/13/2056

Todd and Sarah Palin Embrace Every American’s Fantasy of Overthrowing the Government.
Palins and their Alaska Independence Party Are Bill Ayers without the Balls.
When President Sarah ‘Plain’ Plans a Pall Mall Country.
"Race War Small price for McCain/Palin Victory," Plain Sarah Tells Floridians.
By KOKO KANE & KRYSTALL METH
Oct. 6, 2008

Trucks With the Logos of Major Banks and Financial Institutions Seen Lining Up At the Back of the Treasury Building Hours Before Bush Signed Bill.
Upon Signing Bush Heard to Repeat Ronald Reagan's S&L Deregulation Bill Signing Mantra--"We've Hit the Jackpot!"
Back In the U.S.S.A; Socialism Among Thieves.
Bush Re-enacts Historic Financial Rescue.
After Receiving Their Quid Pro Quos ‘Principled’ House Passes Plan By Wide Margin, but Stocks Keep Falling.
Does Ted Nugent Remind You of Yosemite Sam or What?
By LOUIE RIPNRUN & KOKO KANE
October 4, 2008

The Anti-Empire Report
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Ant-Empire Report
October 1, 2008
www.killinghope.org
101 ways to get rich without doing anything socially useful

Mr. Paulson, Tear Down This Wall Street!
The Paulson Put(sch)
Questions for the new CEO of US Government Inc.
by LILA RAJIVA
September 25, 2008

Is Sarah Palin the Messiah in Mukluks? Candidate Tells Reporter “No Comment.”
Huge Crowd in Florida, Meteoric Rise Speak to Second Coming, Day of Reckoning.
Will Rapture Come Before November Taking Her Voting Base Into Heaven and Robbing Palin of Presidency After Ol' Man McCain Dies Flopping When He Shoulda Flipped?
By BUTSY GRINDHARD
9/23/08

Paulson derides calls for added help in bailout scheme
By FARTIN CROTCHSNIFFER
9/22/08

Bush Urges Quick Passage of Trillion Dollar Bailout Package; Bankers Anxious To Loot It.
Cheney and McCain Say It’s Fine If Voters Want to Blame Banking Crisis on Poor People.
RNC Report Claims People Earning Less Than Thirty Thousand Dollars a Year Represent the Most Powerful and Influential Bloc of Americans.
Sarah Palin’s Trailer Is in Foreclosure; Family Survived On Moose Stew and Muck Luck Soup.
By LORREY MOUNTGAMELY, DARBY CHOKACHICKEN & HOW SCHNEID
September 22, 2008

American Gluttony Batters Cuban Regime.
Hurricanes Battering Southern Coast of U.S. Are Blowback From CIA and Fast Food Industry’s Secret Methane War on Cuba.
U.S. Uber-Consumption Has Brought About Through Global Climate Change the Storms Destroying Island Nation.
Super-Sized Avaricious Traits Prove Secret U.S. Weapon.
Storm Relief Would Be Sent Directly to Havana Government from Fort Detrick.
Phil Gramm and the Whiners' Hit Single 'I'm Fucked and Your Not. How Is That Possible?'Tops Wall Street's Top 100.
By EATETH DEYOUNG
September 16, 2008

Wall Street, Phil Gramm & the Cheney Administration Bring You “DEPRESSION ERA FAVORITES.”
Stocks Plunge as Crisis Intensifies.
AIG at Risk; $700 Billion In Shareholder Value Vanishes.
By GLENDA KEESTER & DOVEY HILZOWRATH
September 16, 2008

Little Known Quasi-Government Agency Signs Contracts with CIA to Overthrow Bolivian and Thai Governments. U.S. Receipt & Respond or USRR to Cut Back Agents in Zimbabwe Now that Mugabe Has Been Hopelessly Crippled.
CIA to Retain Control Over the Assassination of Hugo Chavez Though Some in Congress Call for ‘New Blood.’
In Environment of Market Failure Company Known as the ‘Little House of Horrors’ Shows Privatization Can Work.
Venezuela Joins Bolivia and Honduras in Expelling U.S. Ambassador.
By WAN DEYOYO
September 12, 2008

Financial Rescues Show That the Free Market Is a Myth Requiring an Unbearably Ignorant Populace Who Perpetually Turns Over Its Wealth to a Venal Kleptocracy and the Requirements of Constant Global Slaughter to Maintain an Empire.
By STUFFI PEARLSWINE
September 12, 2008

Talking Presidential Requires a F**KED Tongue.
The Kennebunkport Wing of the Republican Party Calls Palin and her Family ‘Trailer Trash.’
By JEFFEY LUBE
The Assassinated Press
9/8/08

Is John McCain the Hanoi Candidate?
The Kennebunkport Wing of the Republican Party Calls Palin and her Family ‘Trailer Trash.’
By MOTO-BENNY RAVIOLI
The Assassinated Press & Fly On the Wall Media Enterprises
9/8/08

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
September 5, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Obama-Biden -- Osama bin Laden: A coincidence? I think not.

It’s the Hottest Ticket at Langley, Georgetown University.
Real Time Televised CIA Coup Against the Democratically Elected Government of Thailand Draws Hundreds to Classrooms and Lecture Halls around Washington.
Thai Protesters Supported by U.S. Funds Defy Premier's State of Emergency. Will Their Be Blood in the Streets!?
After Receiving Gifts of Cash Electoral Commission Wants Leader's Party Disbanded.
By FRANK ' CHEEZE' WHIZZNER
September 3, 2008

Guns and Guidebooks Outlet Has Wealthy Residents Up In Arms.
Compass Guns & Ammo Offers a Bit More than Buckshot.
Open Sales of Blueprints, Guides, Medical Records and Personal Schedules of Billionaire’s and Their Estates Makes Resident’s of Gated Communities Fearful.
By YASO ADIODI
9/1/08

Unearthing What's Hardly a Secret about the Washington Post’s Reporting on Colombia's Long War.
Forensic Teams Track Victims 'Disappeared' by Death Squads Back to Official U.S. Policy.
By WAN DEYOYO
Friday, August 27, 2008

Iraqi Leader Pushes Hard for Accord. Maliki Demands All U.S. Troops Pull Out by 2011.
Cheney Says U.S. Will Attack Iraq If Maliki Persists: “Don’t Worry. We’re Use to Attacking People We Funded and Trained. It’s Part of Our Free Market Theory of War and Murder. Let Freedom Ring, Ka-ching, Ka-ching! Oil Uber Alles!! And Tell T. Boone to Go Fuck Himself.”
Timetable for U.S. Troop Withdrawal Tied to Cheney’s Big Oil Buddies and Their Piece of Iraq’s Oil. “You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass We’re Not Leaving without Our Sweet Crude,” Exxon Mobil’s Rex Tillerson Confirms.
Cheney Sells Out Troops for Greater Share of Oil. Cheney Agrees that American Troops Are Not Immune From Iraqi Law, Both On and Off Military Bases and Regardless of Whether They Are Off Duty.
De Facto President Cheney, Uses as Precedence for Reversing Policy the Logic Behind Domestic Spying and Panty Sniffing—“If You’ve Done Nothing Wrong, If You've Got Nothing to Hide, You’ve Got Nothing to Worry About. Right? Oh, and Don’t Worry About What I Told You, You Could or Couldn’t Do. That’ll Remain Our Little Secret.”
By AHDMET U.R. QILTY
August 26, 2008

We Can Only Go So Far. As the World's Bully We’re Throwing Our Weight Around. But History Isn't On Our Side Because I Said History Ended With My 1992 Best Seller, The End of History, and We Keep Acting Like It Really Did.
Why in a World Where Millions of People Could Snap My Neck Like a Balsa Wood Strut Am I Not Only Still Alive, But Sending People Off To Die to Enrich Me and My Cronies?
Bush Signs Agreement Giving Iraqis Jurisdiction Over Crimes Performed by U.S. Servicmen and Contractors Saying, “Its Just Like Our Domestic Spying Laws in the U.S. If You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong You Have Nothing to Worry About. Right?”
By FRANCIS FUKYOMAMA
August 24, 2008

U.S. Extraditions Raise Concerns in Colombia.
U.S. Officials Extradite Colombian Paramilitary Drug Assassins Before They Can Implicate Those Self-Same U.S. Officials in Drug Smuggling and Murder in Colombia.
“Cheney and Clinton Administration Working Hand In Hand With Right Wing Colombian Death Squads Because Otherwise They Would Have Been Exposed If We Didn’t Bring Our Friends to the U.S. and Shut Them the Fuck Up,” Attorney General Mike ‘The Mick’ Mukasey Warns.
U.S./Colombian Criminal Alliance Reminiscent of 30 Year Love Affair between the Guatemalan Military, the White Hand, the Monkey and the Johnson/Nixon/Carter/Reagan/Bush/Clinton White Houses.
In Colombia 'Justice and Peace' Process May Be Imperiled by White House, Congress, CIA Covering its Collective Asses.
By WAN DEYOYO
Aug. 19, 2008

Cheney Hazed Georgia; Cheney Told Georgia If You Want to Join NATO Your Initiation Test Is to Invade South Ossetia. U.S. ‘Advisors’ on Ground in Georgia.
U.S. Leaders Increasingly Critical of Russian Escalation.
U.S. Brags Its Bombing of Serbia May Have Been Tardy But Was Far More Destructive.
Russia Nips In the Bud Georgian Genocide of South Ossetians.
Human Rights Groups, the Hague Show Rare Courage, Defy U.S., Leap In to Condemn Georgia, Lose Funding.
By WATA BUMMERSPHITZ & COMTUDA LYNCHING
Monday, August 11, 2008; 11:20 AM

The Elections Are Coming. Is the CIA?
Will the Mad Bombers of Langley Favor the Democrats Again?
By RUSE RIDDLE
August 10, 2008

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
August 5, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Obama and the Empire

Iraq's and Oil Companies’ Profits Huge While U.S. Shoulders Reconstruction After Destroying Infrastructure.
Iraq Replies “You Break It, You Pay For It. And Don’t Give Us Any of This Liberation Shit. You Came for the Oil.”
By HAL O’MIRRORS
8/6/08

McCain's Problem Isn't His Tactics. It's GOP Lies.
Pols Gone Wild! Brittany's Cunt; Paris' Clit. From L.A.'s Top Pig to Hanoi Ann’s War Loser McCain, Authorities Reveal their Fantasies.
L.A. Police, FBI Pose as Paparazzi to Intimidate Stars, Endanger Public.
"When Will McCain Pay Back the American Government for the Five Fighter Jets He Lost in Vietnam?"—Robert Gates, Secretary of War
By JERRY RIGGED
August 3, 2008

New Premises in Iraq Depend on Prospects for Withdrawal Being Viewed through the Politics of Oil.
“If It Weren’t for the Oil, We Could Pull that ‘Peace with Honor Shit Again.”
“Impeaching Dick Cheney Would Be Like Nailing Al Capone for Income Tax Evasion or Richard Nixon for Watergate.”
Ockham's Razor Points to Oil.
By HENRY A. KISSMYASSINGER
July 31, 2008

If It’s Global, It’s Relative. A Few Colombians Rally While the Billions of the World's Dispossessed Look to the FARC.
’Millions’ of Colombian Protesters in Headline Changed to Tens of Thousands in Body of Article, Then Several Thousand in Photograph. Colombian Park Service Reports Crowd at 1500.
"Revenge Is Not a Response Peasants Are Worthy Of," Doctor Phil Says.
By WAN DE YOYO
July 21, 2008

Poll Finds Voters Split on Candidates' Iraq-Pullout Positions.
Republicans Prefer the Missionary Position, Now That Abstinence Is Out of the Question.
Republicans Suggest Obama Bomb Something to Appear More Manly like Cheney or McCain.
"Hey. Them Combat Scars on Your Chest, Mr. Cheney?" "Yeah, They're From Trying to Choke Down Another Rack of Ribs."
By Jonny Weismalice
July 15, 2008

Prosecutor Charges American President with Genocide, Shoots Himself.
PETTY BARKER
July 14, 2008

Winner of Country Music's Best Song of the Year.
Dana Goya's Toby Keith Style Anthem Takes Nashville By Storm.
"You're a Rich man's Whore" Number One With a High Velocity Bullet on Country Billboard 100.
By YASO ADIODI
7/10/08

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
July 4, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Some thoughts on "patriotism" written on July 4

Cheney, Bush, State Department Officials Got Taste from Hunt/Kurd Oil Deal and Lied about It.
Lying Not Meant to Deceive, “It’s Just Genetic among Us Folks,” Says White House Spokesman, Tom Casey.
Contract Contradicted State Dept.'s Public Stance.
By SNUFFI MUFFTI
July 3, 2008

Lights! Camera! Action! Uribe, RNC, McCain Campaign Strike Deal with FARC, Stage Hostage Release.
Administration, McCain Campaign Will Not Discuss Quid Pro Quo of Mini-October Surprise.
By WAN THE YOYO
July 3, 2008

My Father Was Loyal to Mugabe. So The Washington Post and the U.S. Kleptocracy Fucked Him Up.
By CRISPUS ANIMUS
June 29, 2008

Addington, Yoo Give Candid Testimony about Origins of Interrogation Policies.
Psychological Legalisms Behind Torture Policy Demonstrated To Committee.
By DOWNA SHITBANK
June 27, 2008

U.N. Finds CIA’s Afghan Opium Trade Rising.
Purported Noah's Ark Turned Out to be a CIA Cigarette Boat Mysteriously Stranded Atop Mount Ararat in Eastern Turkey.
By COMTUDA LYNCHING
June 27, 2008

Inhofe Says: “Global Warming Is a Hoax. And I’ve Got the Bank Accounts to Prove It.”
Inhofe Declares “No Surrender” In War With Angry Brown Planet. Says the American Consumer Will Not Be Intimidated by Torrential Rains, Floods, Drought, Brush Fires, Hurricanes, Mud Slides, Locusts and Tornadoes.
“The clashes have been particularly frequent with the administration of Dick ‘Give Me Oil or Give Me Death’ Cheney.”
By David Fahrentheit 451
June 23, 2008

Faux President Bush Urges Quick Passage of Panty Sniffing Bill.
Obama Considered Prime Target of Wire Taps. Hoyer, Obama, Other Key Democrats Already Blackmailed Into Voting for Measure.
41 CEOs of Outsourced Intelligence Programs Request Soiled Pairs of Scarlett Johansson’s Panties for National Security Reasons.
By BIG EGGO, PALL KORN & SPOOKS BRANIGIN
June 20, 2008

Rice: US Government Deeply Involved In Iraq No-Bid Oil Contracts.
4000 Dead Americans and Hundreds of Thousands of Dead Iraqis the Truth Be Told All for Big Oil Just Like Anyone With the Slightest Bit of Self-Respect Knew.
“Surprise! It Was About Oil!” Cheney Jokes At Russert Funeral. “I Mean, How Much Ink Could You Have Gotten Out of The Truth, Assholes. We Did the Press a Favor.”
By IMA STOOGEY
6/19/20

U.N. Warns of Impending Food Crisis in Zimbabwe If Mugabe Doesn’t Immediately Surrender Country to ‘Whitey.’
By COLUMS LYNCHMOB
June 19, 2008

McCain Scolds Troops: “How the Fuck Do You Think an Imperialist Country Projects Power? Permanent Bases, Assholes. I’m Not Going To Regroup You Fuckers All over Again When I Invade Iran. No, You Cocksuckers Stay!”
Cheney Leads Chant at Meeting of U.S. Chamber of Commerce: "Drill!" "Oil!" "Gas!" "Kill!" "More!" "Drill!" "Oil!" "Gas!" "Kill!" "More!" "Drill!" "Oil!" "Gas!" "Kill!" "More!"
U.S. Troops Urged to Marry Local Iraqi Girls, Convert to Islam. “You’re Going to Be There For a Long Time, Suckers,” 'Betray Us' Petraeus Taunts.
“I Want To Go Home. Iraq Is Not Like Japan and Korea. I Can’t Buy No Pussy in Iraq,” Soldiers Lament. Bush Admits “Pussy Is a Problem” in Iraq.
U.S. Outsources Pussy; Close to Striking Deal With White Slavery Ltd., a Division of Halliburton.
By JONNY WEISSMALICE
June 12, 2008

Fred Hiatt Says Pre-Emptive War Is Here to Stay Or Get Your Fuckin’ Intelligence in Order, Booz Allen, Northrup Grumman, Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, CSC, General Dynamics, BAE Systems, CACI, ManTech, Blackwater, In-Q-Tel, AT&T, ITT, IBM, Google etc.
Doesn't Anyone in the Government Do Intelligence Anymore? No?
'Bush Lied'? But Isn’t He Too Simple?
By TURD HIHAT
June 9, 2008

Let’s Boil Them in OIL!
Just When Capital Punishment Is Justified by Cheney/Bush Administration’s Crimes, Americans Lose Their Nerve.
You Know They Knew They Were Lying. It’s Time To Atone or Face Eternal Damnation.
Cheney, Bush Lied to a Grateful Nation. But Now It’s Time To Be an Ingrate.
Bush Inflated Threat from Iraq's Banned Weapons, Report Says.
By MUMBLY WARWACK, WALDO PUNKASS & YASO ADIODI
June 6, 2008

The Anti-Empire Report
By WILLIAM BLUM
June 6, 2008
www.killinghope.org
The Empire -- A Status Report

The Great Satan Wears Prada. Blinded by Stars (and Strip Malls) in Their Eyes: It’s Time to Invade Iran.
If Each American Squad Includes a Hairdresser, The Iranians Will Greet Us With Kisses and Flowers.
Most of the Middle East hates America, but rich Iranians see more opportunity. It's their egalitarian president they can't stand.
By HEDZUP MIFANNY
June 1, 2008

The Role of Geography in Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.
Imperialist Armies Thousands of Miles from Home More likely to Suffer from PTSD than Combatants Defending Their Homeland.
Bogus Rationales About ‘Protecting Freedoms at Home’ By Traveling Half-Way Around the World to Alien Cultures Prove Ineffective Except Among the Most Easily Bull-shitted.
Official Lies Create Stress.
"Fuck. I won't let a girl scout come up on my front porch without me gittin' my shotgun. I can't imagine what the average Iraqi's thinking."
By YASO ADIODI
5/28/08

It’s Easy To Get The News From Movies And Boys Die Miserably Every Day From The Bullshit That Is To Be Found There.
Spielberg’s 'Crystal Skull' Is Empty -- Therefore Awesome!
By STUPHIE POONTER
May 22, 2008

U.S., British, White South African Subversion in Zimbabwe Having Desired De-Stabilizing Effect on Rest of Africa.
By CRUGER APARTHEID
May 19, 2008

To Great Relief of the World’s Oppressed, FARC Computer Files Are Authentic, Interpol Probe Finds.
Chavez’s, Correa’s Offer of Aid to Colombian Freedom Fighters Deemed Genuine.
U.S.’s, Colombian Oligarchy’s, Washington Post’s Hatred of Poor Once Again Demonstrated.

Despite Brutality, Cheney Unable to Goad Iran into Conflict.
Sadr Bides Time, Tells His Militia To Cease Hostilities.
Cleric, in Return, Wants Followers' Release, Amnesty.
“The Way Cheney and his Gang Have Been Played, Ahmadinejad May have a Decent ‘Shot’ at the White House in 2012.”
Iran Brokers Cease Fire, Americans in the Field with Their Pants Down.
“Its like a big Waco over there in Iraq. What if the U.S. government attacked my flock like that? At least we got more weapons than the Sadrists if not the courage,” Pat Robertson Muses on the 700 Club.
NRA Firmly Behind Sadrists' Second Amendment Rights to Bear Arms. "After all them fucks are a real militia," declares Charleton Heston from his cold dead Botox mouth.
By SHOAHS A. FREEMAN & SUDSY RAGAMAVAN
March 31, 2008

Oops! In Apologia Post Retracts Claims Uribe’s Military Is Decimating Rebels; Instead Colombian Troops Kill Farmers, Pass Off Bodies as Rebels'.
Corporate Death Squad Welfare: Its Bad Enough That All of This Murder Is for The Benefit of U.S. Corporations. But Then the Great American Bald Lemming Foots the Bill and Pulls the Trigger. Support Our Troops?
“It’s Not the Chicken or the Egg, Assholes of the American Media. The Peasants Are Enslaved, Exploited and Murdered Into Becoming the Rebels.”
By WAN DE YOYO
March 30, 2008

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
March 29, 2008
www.killinghope.org
Propaganda as an Olympic competition

Cheney Moves to Open His Oil Port in Southern Iraq.
De Facto President Gives Basra Freedom Fighters Ultimatum.
Cheney Violates Sadr’s Cease Fire.
If Sadr Lifts Cease Fire Iraqi Proxies Expected to Turn and Attack Americans.
Purpose of Cheney’s Middle East Junket Now Perfectly Clear to Everyone Except the Assholes in the Media.
Last Years British Cut and Run Gives U.S. Another Opportunity to Engage in Violence.
Rocket Attacks Turn Green Zone Red.
By NOAH FREEMAN HERR & SUDSY RAGOO
March 26, 2008

China Fears Olympics Backlash from Poor Human Rights Record of Corporate Sponsors.
Coke and Pepsi’s Draining of Local Aquifers, Slave and Child Labor in Apparel and Sneaker Industry, NAFTA, GATT, U.S. Oil Grabs in Sudan, Somalia, Afghanistan and Iraq Cited.
MOE FANNY
March 25, 2008

For the Faux President It’s A Matter of Being Too Much of a Dumb Fuck to Even Know Where to Begin to Interfere in the Economy.
However, De Facto President Cheney's Administration Abetted Theft That Led to Crisis.
If It Doesn’t Involve Mining a Personal Orifice Bush Is Out of the Loop.
Bush's Relative Inactivity on Economy Reflects the Fact That He’s an Idiot.
Spitzer Outed For Exposing Cheney Administrations Role in Accelerating the Mortgage Crisis.
Jeff Gannon Named New Ambassador to Britain.
By DARN EGONAMIFACCI
March 23, 2008

McCain Key Stooge in Invasion of Iran.
Three Weeks Before The Election Administration, FOX News Will Create A Pretext for Iranian Invasion.
Doddering Baby Killing Front Man Mixes Up Iraqi Groups.
Senator Misstates Which Freedom Fighters Are Aided by Iran.
Media Mum On Cheney's Successful Trip to Suck Saudi Cock.
By CAM CORDER & MIKE SNEER
March 19, 2008

Fuck Obama! Elect Jeremiah Wright!
GOD DAMN AMERICA Is Right, Right & Right On the Money!
Obama’s Courageous Pastor Has Uncanny Grasp of U.S. Domestic and Foreign Policy and History.
What God Wouldn't Damn a Country That Produced an Abomination Like Bill O'Reilly?
By YASO ADIODI SMITH
3/16/08

Cheney to Visit to Saudi Arabia and Blow Royal Family for a Job Well Done.
Severely Chapped Lips from Blowing his Energy Task Force Delayed Visit.
Cheney Will Also Return What’s Left of the $200,000,000 Prince Bandar Left in Cheney’s Safe on 9/11.
"Its Downward Harmonization Time, Assholes," Energy Secretary Sam Bodman Tells American Public.
By SNUFFI MUFFTI
March 11, 2008

Montgomery County Cops Balk at Paying Speed Camera Fines to Career Criminal, Darwin Deason.
Only Company With Speeding Ticket Contract is Above the Law: $16.25 of Every $40.00 Fine Goes Into Affiliated Computer Services' owner Deason’s Pocket to Help Pay His Lawyers' Fees to Avoid SEC Fines, Jail Time.
Deason About to Get Statewide Contracts to Fleece Maryland Taxpayers.
“Leggett Administration Needs to Be Investigated. You know in your heart Deason is bribing people,” Father Antoine Flotsky, St. Pasdabosquet Parish.
By ARNIE PALUCCI
March 8, 2008

The Ponzi Scheme of Carcinogen and Cure.
Bill Gates Heavily Invested in Creating Diseases He's Heavily Invested in Curing.
Toxic Cloud Hangs Over Gates Foundation Rhetoric.
Bush Gives $15 Billion to U.S. Pharmaceutical Industry to Fight Aids in Africa When Generic African Produced Pharmeceuticals Would Have Reached Far More people in Need and at a Fraction of The Cost.
U.S. Pharmeceutical Companies Have Filed Dozens of Suits to Block Production of African Generics.
Phoney U.S. Corporate Drug Largesse Reinforces False Stereotype that Africa Cannot Stand on Its Own.
George Bush Sits On Bono's Face and Bono Likes It.

U.S., British Embargoes Close to Starving Out Zimbabweans.
Cheney Administration Close to Achieving Mass Starvation, Civil Unrest in Zimbabwe.
Payback for Land Reform Cold Blooded Murder.
By CRAIG TIMBERRR
February 24, 2008

Burn, Baby, Burn! U.S. Embassy in Belgrade Torched.
News of Kosovo Independence Last Straw for Moderate Serbs as They Lash Out.
Illegal NATO Bombing Campaign Especially Novi Sad Singled Out.
“You Bomb Our Bridges, We Burn Your Embassy.”
Serb Moderates Again Feel Betrayed by American and European Kleptocrats.
Iraqis Say “Welcome to the Club.”
Clinton’s ‘Turkish Route’ for Black Sea Oil Sealed by Destruction of Yugoslavia.
By PAT FONEY & ROBBEM WRITE
February 22, 2008

NATO Isn’t Just For Europe Anymore.
European Alliance Members Reluctant To Risk Life And Treasure Securing Dick Cheney’s Pipeline Across Afghanistan.
Soon We’ll Fuckin’ See the North Atlantic Treaty Organization in Africa, Latin America, Mars.
By MICKEY GERKIN
February 13, 2008

If It’s Good Enough For the Sunnis, Its Good Enough For Our Kids.
Administration’s Iraq Solution Would Work in American Schools.
Second Amendment Right Finds Its Confirmation in Iraq.
YASO ADIODI
2/15/08

Regis Says He Will Retire and Minister to the Venezuelan Poor.
By IMA STOOGEY & SUDSY RAGOO
The Assassinated Press
2/15/08

Chinese Catch a Break; Spielberg Quits Role In Olympic Ceremonies.
Director Cites Chinese Support of Sudan While Either Ignoring or Being Totally Ignorant of U.S. Role.
“It shouldn’t surprise anyone that the Dixie Chicks have more balls than Spielberg does."
By FAUN BOOTH & MICKEY ABUMMERWITZ
February 13, 2008

With Gross Sales Larger than Most Country’s GNP, Exxon/Mobil Plots with Cheney Administration, Courts, Banks to Starve Out Venezuela.
Administration Sees Oil Companies Suit as Way of Discrediting Chavez and Plunging Venezuela Back Into its Former Impoverished State.
The Fix is In from New York Court Ruling, to Processing of Heavy Crude, to Commercial Transactions, the Evil Empire Is the Only Game in Town.
By SNUFFI MUFFTI
February 13, 2008

Only Those Wealthy Enough to Own a PC Turn Out For Anti-FARC Rallies.
45 to 1 No-Shows Demonstrate How Impoverished Colombia Remains For the Majority Under Cheney’s, Uribe’s Tutelage.
Elitist Harvard Origins of Facebook Evident In Wealthy White Anti-FARC Crowd. USAID Behind Anti-FARC Group.
“Jesus Fuck Christ! So We Murdered 5000 Members of the Patriotic Union Before the 1988 Elections and Have Slaughtered 2+ Million Peasants. It’s Fuckin’ Time For The FARC to Get Over It,” Uribe Tells a Cheering Crowd of the Wealthy Few in Bogota.
Washington Post Again Demonstrates Its Utter Contempt and Hatred for Poor People.
By JUAN THE YOYO & KAREON BRUTALITARD
Feebleweary 5, 2008

Exxon Mobil's Profit in 2007 Tops $40 Billion.
Oil Company Throws Huge Bash at Arlington Cemetery to Thank Those Who Made the Record Profits Possible.
Robber Barons Literally Dance on Dead Vets' Graves to the Tunes of Rascal Flats.
By SNUFFI MUFFTI
February 2, 2008

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
February 2, 2008
www.killinghope.org

U.S. Commanders in Iraq Favor Pause in Troop Cuts.
Petraeus and His Staff Want More Time to Pick Which Corporate Boards They Will Serve On; Which Oil Companies They Will Work For.
Cheney Responds “WILL Work For!!? Who the Fuck Do They Think They’re Taking Orders From Now!?”
After the “Spooge” Troop Draw Downs ‘Hard to Come’ By.
By PHIL T. RICH
January 31, 2008

Mission Fait Accompli.
Old War Whores; Camp Followers Lead Military by the Nose, Get a Billion Dollars a Blow Job.
War Troughy: The Symbiosis of the Military Academies and Business Schools Means Inside Position at the Trough for Retiring Military.
U.S. Cannot Manage Contractors In Wars, Officials Testify on Hill.
Private Contactors Cost Six Times as Much as Military Personnel, Have Stolen Another Trillion Dollars of Taxpayer Money.
Cheney/Bush to Give the Great American Bald Lemming 600 Dollars to Give Back to War Effort, Oil Companies and Private Contractors—HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa………………………………………Ha
Problem Is Linked to Lack of Trained Service Personnel, Insatiable Greed and Unimaginable Murder.
By Waldo Punkass
January 25, 2008

Electronic Panty Sniffing to Gain Immunity.
Senate Opens Debate On Wiretap Measure.
Telephone Companies Want Immunity After Caught Going Through Inocuous Citizens' Electronic Drawers.
By DAN EGGEMON
January 24, 2008

Corporate Fraud Lawsuits Restricted.
Supreme Court Says No RICOs For Corporate Freakos.
Wall Street’s License To Steal Expanded.
"Corruption Is the Inaliable Glue of Any Faux Democratic System” High Court Constitutional Originalists Affirm. More Poor People Created For Rich People To Despise.
Enron and Other Shareholders Limited by Court.
"I have to do business with these assholes," Scalia Says in his Opinion.
By RED BARNES & PULIE MAY JOHNSON
January 16, 2008

Contract For Safe Speed Traps In Montgomery, County Maryland Goes to a Nest of Thieves In Dallas.
ACS Awarded Parking Violations Contract in Montgomery County, Maryland.
With Affiliated Computer Services Involved Can Kickbacks to Maryland Officials Be Far Behind?
History of Sleazy Maryland Politics Remains Unbroken.
January 2, 2007

Dallas Firm Run By Felonious Fruitcake Out of Dallas Tapped to Pick Pockets of Maryland Taxpayers.
Affiliated Computer Services of Dallas, Texas Awarded Parking Violations Contract in Montgomery County, Maryland.
Money, Not Public Safety Is the Object.
Deason Plans to Buy Bigger Yacht From Cash Scammed from Maryland Taxpayers.

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
The Anti-Empire Report
January 13, 2008
www.killinghope.org
An Unreasonable Man

Violent Crime Down In First Half of 2007.
With Private Security Firms Like Blackwater and Dyncorp Employing More and More Criminals to Work in Iraq, U.S. Murder, Robbery, Rape Rates, Pedophelia, Domestic Abuse Drop.
Downturn In Crime Resembles Election Years When the Citizens Send Their Criminal Element to Washington and Crime Goes Down in Their Home States.
By GRIANT EGGO
January 8, 2008

Once Again Pentagon Tries To Induce Another ‘Gulf of Tonkin’ by Steaming into Iranian Territorial Waters.
Pentagon Claims Rowdy Teenagers in Speedboats Were Threat to U.S. Fleet.
"Littering the Gulf of Hormuz" Called "Provocation" by Gates. If Iran Won't Discipline Its Youth U.S. Prepared to Come in and Do It For Them.
Event Reminiscent of Vietnam Era Canard.
Bush Says Region Must be Shaped In The “White Man’s Neo-cloneowny’all Image.”
By DIRK ‘SIDE’ BURNS
January 8, 2008

As The Assassinated Press Predicted When Dick Cheney Descended To the Presidency, Oil Has Hit $100.00 a Barrel. Control of Supply, Demand and Speculation Equal $100 Barrel.
Among World’s Poor Only Venezuelans See Broad Benefit from Higher Oil Prices.
Ima Stoogey Wins The Assassinated Press Oil Office Pool; Guesses Precise Day Crude Nips $100.00 a Barrel.
By MICHA FILTCHER
January 3, 2008

Grasping Neo-Cons Lure Bhutto to Her Death.
U.S. Brokered Bhutto's Return to Pakistan.
By ROBBEM FREUMDE-RIGHT and GLIB GOBBLER
December 28, 2007

Whited Sepulchre: Huckabee's Hook-Up With Reagan-Bush Crimes
By CHRIS FLOYD
Baltimore Chronicle & Sentinel
Dec. 18,2007

US Meddling in Rightwing Consolidation
Democracy in El Salvador?
By JOE DeRAYMOND
Counterpunch
March 26, 2004

U.S. Meddling in Peruvian Presidential Race?
By JEREMY BIGWOOD
Upside Down World
March 15, 2006

US Meddling In Electoral Process Nothing New in Nicaragua
By CIRCLES ROBINSON
November 03, 2006

Zimbabwe's Divided Opposition Party Agrees to Reunite Ahead of March Elections After U.S. Makes Huge Illegal Cash Infusions Contingent on Unity.
Illegal Contributions Funneled through State Department, CIA, USAID, NED and the AFL-CIO.
The Washington Post Company Sets Aside Millions to Pay for Bullshit It Will Continue to Write About Zimbabwe in the Coming Months.
By CRAY TIMBURRRRRRRRRRR
December 28, 2007

The Gowans Report
US Ambassador admits Washington is subverting the Belarus presidential election
by Stephen Gowans

A Bagman's Tale; The Cheney Administration, Washington Post Spin Yarn That Chavez Purchased Argentinian Allegiance For a Fraction of What U.S. Spends in Bribes and Quid Pro Quos Each Nano-Minute.
After U.S. Floods Over $40 Million Dollars Into Venezuelan Elections and Referendums With Mixed Results, U.S. State Department Closely Studies How Chavez May Have Done It for Just Pennies on the Dollar.
Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf Fondly Reminiscences About His Father’s Experiences as Bagman to the Shah of Iran and the Opposition to Mossadegh in 1952/53.
The Arrogant Fucking Shits at the Post Desperate to Strike Back at the World’s Poor.
By Yaso Adiodi
December 26, 2007

Pentagon Tracks 'Santa's Progress'.
After 9/11 NORAD Not Taking Any Chances.
Some Reports Sight Camels Not Reindeer Pulling Sled; Bin Laden in a Fat Suit.
Rudolph’s Red Nose Shows Signs of Radioactivity.
Silhouetted, Sled Looks Like a Helicopter Gunship.
By KING COAL
24 December 2007

‘Class Warfare’ Mongering
By ARNIE PALUCCI
12/22/07

Halliburton Employees Rape Jenna Bush While First Daughter Is on USO Tour.
“I’m Certain That If Our Employees Had Known Who the Bitch Was, They'd've Thought Twice About Gang Banging Her,” said Halliburton Spokesperson Melissa Norcross.
State Department Will Not File Charges, Says First Daughter Lured Her Attackers.
Jenna To Get Two Hundred Lashes For Provocative Behavior.
By IMA STOOGEY
Dec./20/2007

Is There Anyone in the Barzani Clan With an I.Q. That Hits Triple Digits?
U.S. Helps Turkey Hit Rebel Kurds in Iraq.
Nixon and Kissinger Fucked the Kurds; George Sr. and Scowcroft Fucked the Kurds; Clinton and Albright Fucked the Kurds; And Every Administration in Between.
U.S. Has Used Turkey to Thwart Kurdish Aspirations Since the Collapse of the Ottoman Empire.
By ANNALEE SCOTT TYSSUE & ROBBEM FREUMDE-REICH
December 18, 2007

Bush: “Use of Steroids Has 'Sullied' Baseball. Use of Drugs Has Sullied Rock and Roll. Use of Lying and Violence Has Been Enormous Boon to Kleptocrats.”
Christian Rock Is Exception; Drugs Make Delusion Seem More Palatable.
By IMA STOOGEY
December 15, 2007

Mocking the Planet.
Shill for the Environmental Entertainment Industry, Al Gore, Takes Center Stage at Dynamite Prize Ceremony.
By AOOGA THURMOUS & KEVLAR SPICEY
December 12, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life:
"Without enemies, the United States appears to be a nation without moral purpose and direction."--W.B.
By WILLIAM BLUM
December 11, 2007
www.killinghope.org

The Tale of ‘Cookie,’ ‘Buzzy’ and Prince Smarmy.
Blackwater Contracts, Short on Detail, Long On Redacted Felonies.
By ROD O'HARROWING JR.
December 8, 2007

Spurred by Vengeance, 'Bomb Lady' Develops More Lethal Weapons for U.S.
By LUNA BUMFUCK
December 1, 2007

U.S. Intelligence Tells Cheney Administration "If You Invade Iran You Cocksuckers Are On Your Own."
N.I.E. Sees U.S. as “Rogue, Irrational Nation.”
By MARK OZORO
Dec. 3, 2007

Dictatorship of the Rich Strikes a Blow!
USAID, Venezuelan Kleptocracy Prove There Is Still Only One Thing Money Can’t Buy, Deny Chavez Additional Authority.
Rallying Cry of the Anti-Chavez Forces--"Where Are My Fucking Soap Operas?"
By WAN DAYOYO
December 3, 2007

Rove Admits Iraq Invasion Based on a “Shit Load of Lies”—Blames Congress, the American People for Rush to War.
Rove Distances Himself from Invasion; “I fix elections, out U.S. intelligence agents that threaten war policy I disagree with and other traitorous shit. But war? What the fuck do I know about waging war?”
“Remember. We don’t have a word for ‘lie’ in American."—Ari Fleischer.
Rove's Version of 2002 War Vote Is Disputed.
Musharraf Steps Down as Commander After Bush Goes Off Script and Tells Him No Leader Should Be Both President and Head of The Army.
By PETTY BARKER
December 1, 2007

Perles That Are Swine: Lying Sacks of Shit That Denied Iraq War Was About Oil Party at Rogers’ Energy Trough As It Fills With Kurdish Sweet Crude.
Kurdish Ministers Drop Trou for U.S. Oil Firms.
Barzanis Are In Bed With Americans, So How Long Could It Be Before Uncle Slimey Fucks Them Again?
Kurdish Clan Claims Oil Revenue To Benefit All Iraqis; Three Headed Goat Born in Kirkuk.
Bush Tells Barzani “Fool me once,…. shame on you….. Fool me. You can’t get fooled again. I bet you fucking Kurds wish I was around instead of Nixon and Kissinger in 1973 or my old man and Scowcroft in ’89.”
Regional Bid Angers Iraqi Government; “The Fucking Barzani’s Are Trying To Steal Everything. Where’s My Taste,” Protests al-Maliki.
Chalabi Holds Up at Oil Ministry with a Contingent of Blackwater Mercs.
By SNUFFI MUFTI
November 28, 2007

Piece Talks: Israel, U.S., Fatah Meet to Plot Who Gets What Piece.
Bush Inserted Into Middle East Piece Talks for Comic Relief.
Rice Feels Meeting With Palestinian Faction that Did Not Win Election Is a Good Way to Demonstrate U.S. Democratic Intentions in the Region.
By GLAM KEESTER & MUNCHIE ABUMMERWITZ
November 24, 2007

Tax Exempt Statist: Pat Robertson Says “Giuliani Has a Nice Ass!"
While Endorsing Cross-Dressing Paranoid Ex-Mayor, Preacher Reveals Birth of Christ Was a Government Psy-ops Program.
By LIBELBY QASH
Nov.9, 2007

Onward Christian Felons: How a Bet between Blackwater Snipers Led to the Murder of 3 Iraqi Guards.
Witnesses Call Shooting From Justice Ministry Unprovoked, But State Dept. Absolved Its Mercs Ex Cathedra.
Much Like Their Mercenary Efforts In Iraq, Blackwater Sets California Ablaze, FEMA Pays Them To Snuff Their Own Arson.
Inordinate Number of Blackwater Employees Appear on the National Registry of Child Molesters and Are Members of the Christian Coalition. Is There a Connection, Charles Colson?
By SNUFFY PHAROO
November 8, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
Cuba and Original Sin
November 6, 2007
www.killinghope.org

Cuban Pawn among Eight Used by White House.
U.S.'s Geopolitical Tantrum Over Small Island Nation Continues.
Biscet’s Health Said to Be Better Than Leonard Peltier’s.
By NOODLES BOORSTOOGEY
November 6, 2007

From the Dassk of Donald Rumsfeld . . .
In Sometimes-Brusque 'Snowflakes,' He Blew It Out His Chocolate Whizz Way, Shared Worldview, Shaped Policy.
By ROBBEM RIGHT
November 1, 2007

As Elite’s Trough Dries Up, Venezuela Increasingly A Conduit For Cocaine.
Smugglers, CIA Exploit Disenfranchised Kleptocracy Seeking To Revitalize Old Drug Markets.
Cheney, Washington Post Unveil Another Canard With Which To Attack Chavez.
Large Cash Donations From Colombian and Venezuelan Kleptocracy Help Convince U.S. Congress Not To Legalize Drugs, Keep Pressure on Chavez.
By WAN DAYOYO
October 28, 2007

Bob Thompson writes in his Washington Post Style piece “Arsenal of Words” for October, 29, 2007 that after viewing the TV movie “The Day After” about a nuclear exchange between the Soviets and the U.S Ronald Reagan’s “mood [e.g. shock] was reinforced, that autumn of 1983, by a real-world scare. The paranoid old despots in the Kremlin -- rattled by, among other things, Reagan's anti-Soviet rhetoric, the rapid rise in American military spending and an elaborate NATO military exercise they thought might be a cover for the real thing -- had come to the enormously dangerous conclusion that the United States was planning a nuclear first strike.”

One supposes that if Thompson started to receive threatening phone calls in the middle of the night from someone saying he was going to kill Bob and his family, followed by mail with photographs of a heavily armed man with more threats scrawled on the back; then the lunatic, after traveling half-way across the country or more say Wyoming or Hollywood or some other house of wackjobs, showed up and camped out in front of Bob’s home and along with some heavily armed buddies from Virginia began taking pot shots at all of the street lamps and pets and otherwise menacing the neighborhood, Bob might take umbrage at being characterized as a “paranoid old despot” needlessly "rattled", fearing for the safety of his family.

The Fog of War Profits.
Oil Markets Bullish On Strike On Iran!
Bullshit Canard of Iranian Threat Will Spike Oil Prices, Oil Profits!
Assassinated Press’s Prediction of $100.00 a Barrel Oil Just a Joint U.S./Israeli Bombing Run Away.
Price Hits Record Close; U.S. Tightens Sanctions “Hoping to Ignite World War III in the Middle East,” Bush Says. “Sanctions Are What Forced Japan Into World War II,” Paul Fussell Reminds.
By MALCOME EXXON & SNUFFY MUFFTI
October 26, 2007

Cheney’s Advisers Tell Him ‘U.S. Must Invade Iran to Save Gays.’
“Finally a Rationale for War Worth Getting Behind,” Says Sean Penn.
“You Know My Daughter’s Gay,” Cheney Tells John Stewart.
IMA STOOGEY
10/22/07

Letter to Rush Limbaugh.
After Her Daddy Was Killed In Iraq, A Young Girl Thanks Rush For His Scholarship Program.
10/20/07

U.S. Orders Oil Proxies To Walk Away From Peace Talks In Sudan.
By MALCOME EXXON
October 12, 2007

"The real trouble with modern warfare is that it gives no one a chance to kill the right people."

Victory for Kleptocrats with Eye on Central America, Costa Rica.
Relatively Successful Central American Democracy Reluctantly Approves Free Trade with the United States after Threats, Rigged Referendum.
Costa Rica Disbanded Its Army in 1948 So That the U.S. Could Not Foment Coups Using Its Military.
Newest Round of Looting Central America Turns Illegal Immigration Into Mass Migration
“Fuck. Looks Like the Good Old Days Are Over When All Washington Did Was Violate Our Neutrality and Wage an Illegal Proxy War Against Nicaragua.”
By JEFFEY LUBE
10/9/07

‘Dismay Us’ Petraeus Ratchets Up Hysteria About Iran To Distract Attention From Iraqi Probe That Faults Blackwater Guards.
“Fuck! I’m Trying To Protect My Seat on The Blackwater Board When I Retire Next Year,” Petraeus Explains.
Petraeus Showing Signs Of Senility, Forgets U.S. Aided Saddam’s Army In the Killing of Tens of Thousands of Iranian Soldiers During Iran/Iraq War, Not to Mention the Shah and SAVAK and U.S. Complicity in the Slaughter Of Tens of Thousands of Iranian Civilians.
17 People Killed Without Provocation At Baghdad Square, Officials Conclude.
By SUDSY RAGOO
October 8, 2007

President Cheney Outsources Entire U.S. Military To Blackwater, Halliburton, Domino's Pizza.
Junkie Limbaugh Faults Big Wasteful Government Military; Defends Big Government State Department’s $1500.00 A Day For Each Merc No Bid Blackwater Contract.
“At Private Goon Salary Rates Recruitment Would Be A Breeze.”
“110,000 Grand a Year Beats That Shitty Marine Bonus,” Prince tells Congress.
“Fuck. With all the money those cocksuckers in Washington are spending on Erik Prince’s sociopaths, they could give us enlisted fucks a $100,000 bonus, get our families off of food stamps and meet recruiting goals like folks was signing up for three tours of free beer and pussy.”
"But then how would I snuggle up to rich Shits like Eric Prince and his family," Assistant Secretary of State Daniel Fried.
NRA Quick To Insist That Every Iraqi Should Be Armed Against Blackwater Threat.
Guns=The Fog of War. Marijuana=The Fog of Peace.
By SUDSY RAGOO & EADIE DEYOUNG
October 5, 2007

"The real trouble with modern warfare is that it gives no one a chance to kill the right people."

Blackwater Employment Opportunities:(This is a paid advertisement.)
Are you tired of cold cocking your neighbors and stir frying their gall bladders in Crisco?
Are you tired of living in your parent’s basement with the body of your dead mother in the freezer?
Are you tired of playing Russian roulette with your adult female doll?
Are you tired of scrubbing powder-burned silicone off your refrigerator?
Are you easier to train than a border collie---or a seal?
Are you easily suborned?
Are you tired of three tours in Iraq only to come home and take it out on your wife and kids beating them senseless too cowardly to go after Dick Cheney?
Did your crystal meth lab blow up?
Do you have the bodies of 33 teen-age boys buried under your patio?
Do you dress up in your mother’s skin for Mother's Day?
Are you despondent over the execution of Timothy McVeigh?
Are you tired of no respect from little dark people and “uppity blacks” like Clarence Thomas?
When you play Toby Keith backwards do you hear the voice of your father telling you to stop diddling your sister?
Is your neighbor’s dog telling you to kill?
Have you given up on ever getting laid without paying for it?
Looking to rape?
Do you keep a poster of Richard Speck’s titties in your bathroom?
Do you have titties like Richard Speck!?
Are you constantly cockblocked by five years olds?
Are you a registered Republican?
Are you tired of just using the arsenal in your ‘secret room’ for target practice and shooting the odd minority child?
Do you cringe at human contact, especially female contact?
Are you bitter about your divorce?
Are you 8 months behind in your alimony payments?
Are you tired of fucking sheep down on the lower 40 and hankering to fuck some Iraqi goat?
Do you attend church regularly?
When you we’re a child we’re you raped by your Uncle Prince?
Are you going to vote for Rudy Giuliani because of the red satin stilletto heels he wore at the I Love New York ball?
We’re you always the last chosen for jump rope?
Do you have a gun-rack in your outhouse?
Did you father call you a "washout" and does a little voice in your head endlessly repeat "Washout. Wish to Christ she had?"
Do you have 2 felony convictions in New York making it difficult to get your hands on assault weapons?
Do you throw like a girl?
Is the swastika on your forehead permanent?
We’re you a member of the U.S. military before you became a serial killer?
Are you a woman trapped in a man’s body?
Can’t pay the vig on your poker debt to your grandmother?
Then Blackwater is for you. For further info
http://www.blackwaterusa.com/training/download.asp

The Anti-Empire Report
By WILLIAM BLUM
October 1, 2007
www.killinghope.org
If not now, when? If not here, where? If not you, who?

"The real trouble with modern warfare is that it gives no one a chance to kill the right people."

Clarence Thomas's New Book: "Grandpa Betray Us: My Grandfather's Son."
Anti-Affirmative Action, Color Blind Justice Reverses His Rulings In New Book, "Grandpa Betray Us: My Grandfather's Son," Claims Racism Was Factor In His Confirmation Hearings.
Addled Thomas Calls Anita Hill A “White Woman.”
Clarence Compares Confirmation to Lynching; Maybe Someone Should Demonstrate the Difference.
After Years of Working Against the Interests of Minorities Thomas Whines About Being Treated Like One.
Those Liberal Fuckers Weren’t The Left, Clarence. An Authentic Left WOULD Have Killed You.
Justice Lashes Out In Memoir; But Not With Literal Lashes Much Less Literal Lynchings.
By ROBBY BARNDORR, MICKEY FILTCHER & KEVLAR MACHIDA
September 29, 2007

SOOooiee!!! SOOooiee!!! WOOooo Pig!!! WOOooo Pig!!!
Liberal, Free Spending White House Claims Solution to the War is to Throw More Money at It.
Corporate Welfare Queens Belly Up to the Trough and Tool around in Their Version of a Coup De Ville— the Private Jet. Increase In War Booty Sought.
$42 Billion Boost Would Raise 2008 Total to at the very least $190 Billion.
By IMKNOT JOSHING & ASSCOT TAYLOR
Assassinated Press Staff Writers
September 27, 2007

With Thousands of Warplanes and Ships, 170,000 Heavily Armed U.S. Troops and 180,000 Mercs Poised Just On the other Side of Iran’s Borders, It’s the Great American Bald Lemming That Feels Threatened by One Iranian in NY. Go Fuckin’ Figure.
Paranoid Delusion Grips Guilt Ridden Imperialist Fodderland.
Ahmadinejad's Day One in New York: A Hostile Reception, a Rambling Bush-Like Talk.
“Lack[s] ‘intellectual courage,’ has a ‘fanatical mind-set’ and is ‘astonishingly undereducated.’ Fucking sounds like Bush!”---Lee Bollinger Projects Characteristics of Bush, Americans, Himself, onto Iranian Leader.
"A.s Just A Piker When It Comes To Summary Excecutions Compared to SAVAK and The CIA," former aid to Shah says. "Hopefully soon we can return to the good old days of Imperial hegemony."
Bush Told Columbia University Is Not in Bogota. "OMYDINNERJUG'S HERE!?" Bush Exclaims.
By ANTHONY ‘BONES’ PAYOLA and ROBBEM FARR WRIGHT
September 25, 2007

U.S. Envoy Praises Somali Puppet's Effort to Move Country in Direction of U.S. Oil Grab.
Opposition Alliance Described as 'Isolated,' But U.S. Ground Forces and Blackwater in Somalia Know Better.
Attacks on Chinese Oil Operations Staged.
By STEW MCCRUMMY & MIKE ‘CREAMHOLE’ RUNNYBURGER
September 21, 2007

“You're Free, Beulah.”
Group Says Ignore 800 Pound British Colonial Gorilla In The Room, Threaten Amnesty For Zimbabwe Leaders.
Goal Is Elections That Will Get Mugabe Out So Land Reform Can Be Reversed.
If Mugabe’s Don’t Get The Hint And Win Elections, Then More Force Will Be Applied By Britain, U.S.
“Short of Killing the Nigger, I Don’t See How We’ll Get Our Money,” Says Kindasleazie Rice.
By KRUGER LUGER
September 19, 2007

Greenspan Admits Occupation of Iraq Is About Oil.
Rumsfeld Says: “It seems that the default position for anyone’s opponents is to call them liars and betrayers. That’s what I’ve always done even though my ‘fault’ position has always been one of a liar and a traitor."
By BUBBA WADWORD
September 14, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
September 11, 2007

"The real trouble with modern warfare is that it gives no one a chance to kill the right people."
Toto, We’re Still In a Fucking Kansas State of Mind!
The Great American Bald Lemming Whimpers: "We Can't Stay, And We Can't Leave”
While the Most Honorable Solution Is Being Ignored.
Iraqis Know U.S. Is Never Pulling Out. It Must Be Driven Out.
"What? You Thought the Military Was Running Things With All the Sweet Crude Around! What? Are You A Fucking Moron?"--Lee Raymond, former Exxon/Mobil CEO
"What? You Thought NATO Was Running Things With All that Raw Opium Around! What! Are You a Fucking Moron?"-- James Pavitt, former head of CIA's Directorate of Operations. "Not That NATO Won't Get a Taste."
By POOTRY SLOBEREEN
September 12, 2007

U.S. Department Of Commerce Looking For Advisers On How To Slice Up Iraq’s Oil Pie Among U.S. Companies.
Reflecting Pool Renamed ‘Kleptocratic Booty Trough;’ Filled With KY Jelly.
By WALDO PUNKASS
September 10, 2007

Wide Cynicism Greets Administration Bullshit.
Poll Respondents Say Petraeus Will Lie To Congress And A Grateful Nation.
89% of Americans Still Believe The Canard That Iraq Was Behind 9/11, But They Can No Longer Be Conned Into Giving A Fuck.
“New Attack Urgently Needed,” U.S. Kleptocracy Tells Dick.
Hunt Oil Of Dallas Strikes Oil Deal With Kurdish Oil Kleptocracy. Cheney, Press Deny Deal Involves Oil.
By JON CON & IMA STOOGEY
September 9, 2007

For CBS’s Katie Couric 'No Heroics, Just Ratings.'
White House Tells CBS If You Send The Clueless Couric, You Won’t Be Disappointed.
Couric Meets With The Equally Clueless Bush.
By Boward Kurtzie
September 4, 2007

Take the Suckers Bet On America.
Ignore All the Imperial Doom & Gloom.
In 50 Years, We'll Still Be No.1 If We Keep Doing No.2 On the Rest of The World.
By O. Mai Achinback
September 2, 2007

Four More Wars! Fleischer Uses American Morons To Flog The Old Lie That There Is A Connection Between Iraq And 9/11.
"If Cheney Can't Tell The Stale Lie Of A Connection Between Saddam Hussein And al-Qaeda Without Being Laughed Out Of Cabinet Meetings Pay Some Dried-Out Old Cunt Like Ari Fleischer To Hustle A Few Great American Bald Lemmings Too Stupid To Know They're Being Made Complicit In Murder"--Stephen Hayes.
What Room In The Body Politic Are There For People Who Don't Know The Difference Between Ba'athist Sunnis And Shia al-Qaeda And Why Haven't We Hanged The People Who Continue To Wantonly Lie About It?
White House Vet Ari Fleischer, “Back To Fight With The Surge in Iraq”, But Fleischer Rushes To Claim He Was Misquoted. "'With' Too Literal," Former Spokesliar Insists.
Then Is “Vet” Appropriate?
Balding Stooge’s Message, “More War!”; Fleischer Heads ‘Freedom’s Watch-- While Others Do The Fighting.’
“The Maginot Line provided the manure for the bottom line."—Bush Successfully Compares WWI To The War In Iraq.
By SHIDDER POOPAW
August 24, 2007

U.S. Prepares To Dump Another Iraqi Puppet.
Maliki Makes Threats, Hastens Death.
Bush Told To Turn Heat Up On Maliki.
U.S. Could Seek Another Regime Change, Faux-President Is Told To Caution.
Faux-President Told To Compare Iraq To Vietnam—al-Maliki To Diem?
By MICKEY FILTCHER & BEGONE GREENBACKS
August 22, 2007

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.-- H.L. Mencken On Karl Rove's Legacy

White House Chief Of Stink Resigns.
Karl Rove’s Weapons Of Mass Distraction.
Like Mark Hanna, Rove Was Helping To Build A New Imperial Empire By Introducing Trivial Policy Canards As if They Mattered.
Media, Electorate Took Bait As Kleptocrats Looted Treasury And Hijacked The Military.
The Long-term Profits Of Working The Anger Points.
Its A Dark Day For Political Ridicule.
By YASO ADIODI
August 14, 2007

U.S. Cuts And Runs On Iraq, Begs U.N. For Help.
PNAC’s Only Sand Nigger In Position As U.N. Ambassador To Go Whining To Body’s Colorful Cast.
Quid Pro Quos Said To Include More Favorable Oil Arrangements For The Chinese, Russians, Germans And French.
By LYNN CHING
August 8, 2007

Missing In Iraq $12,000,000,000, 380 Tons Of High Explosives, 300,000 Barrels Of Oil A Day & 190 Million Weapons; Lone Quartermaster In Green Zone Blamed.
"Sergeant Planned To Start His Own Country," Petraeus Claims; "Acted Alone."
Pentagon Weapons Flood Virginia Gunshops.
GAO Estimates 90% of Arms Are Unaccounted For.
By GLEN KEESTER
August 6, 2007

U.S. Pushes Sales To Gulf States Stashing Weapons For Invasion Of Iran.
“For the Gulf hosts, this makes them vulnerable. It's quite clear that when the U.S. launches its military strike against Iran, they are going to use U.S. military bases in these countries, the kind of hegemonic reach that China and Russia do not have and where most of these weapons are stored.”
By ELRON MIREDKNICKERS
August 4, 2007

Rock And Roll Hall Moves To Adopt A Zero Tolerance Drug Policy.
Taking Its Lead From Baseball, Rock And The Roll Hall of Fame Plans To Expunge The Careers Of Any Inductee Who Used Illegal Performance Enhancing Drugs.
Pat Boone And Anita Bryant Will Most Likely Be Only Members Of Hall Left.
"I Wouldn't Come On Corny To The Man Who Gave Me The Sound."
By SIDNEY GOTTLIEB
8/4/07

Chiquita Sought Help From Department of Justice As To Whether It Was Okay To Hire U.S. Trained And Armed Assassins To Kill Union Organizers And Turn Their Relatives Into Rebels.
“Didn't Hills Get The Memo? What Self-Respecting Capitalist Sends A Formal Request Forcing Us To Ignore It? Doesn’t This Dumb Fuck Know The Death Squads Are Our Creation No Matter What We Say Publicly?” Queried Michael Chertoff, A Former Board Member Of Banana Giant Chiquita International.
In Terrorism-Law Case, Chiquita Points To U.S.
Firm Says It Awaited Justice Dept. Advice On Murder.
By JUAN DAYOYO & IMA STOOGEY
August 2, 2007

Mullen Sites Deadlock In Iraq: U.S. Wants Unconditional Surrender Of Oil; Iraqis Want To Re-Negotiate Hussein Era Contracts With Russia, China, Germany And France That Cheney Sent Troops In To Anull.
Joint Chiefs Nominee Notes Toll on Military, Need to Plan for Iraq Diedown.
Al-Maliki Also Wants To Switch To The Euro.
By ‘WILD BILL’ BROBDIGNAG
August 1, 2007

Chief Justice Suffers Seizure; God Sends Message To Supreme Court.
God Seeks Wider Application Of His ‘Thou Shalt Not Kill’ Statute ‘Lest I Fuck You Up.’
Pat Robertson Calls Roberts Stroke “Sign From God, But I Don’t Think I Like The Fuckin’ Message.”
Roberts’ Alcoholism Harks Back To Altar Boy Parties With Father Flannigan And The Sacristy Wine.
Far Right Scientist John Casti Insists “God Does Not Play Semiotics, Just Stochastics.”
Mel Gibson Purchases Movie Rights To Roberts’ Seizure, Claims God Butt Fucked Him Too While Shooting The Patriot In 2000 Or “It Might Have Been Adam Baldwin.”
By ROBBIE BARONS & MIKE SHEEPSHEARED
July 31, 2007

Manassas, Va. Blogger Points To Murderous U.S. Foreign Policy As Source Of Illegal-Immigration.
“Help Save Myasses By First Saving The World From The U.S. Kleptocracy” Catches On Even Among Unreflective Virginia Bigots.
By NUCKLES JACKOFF
July 22, 2007

Iraq Can Handle Security, Iraqi Prime Minister Says.
As Thousands of American Troops Head For the Exits, Cheney Tells al-Maliki He’s Not Leaving (Meaning U.S. Forces) Until He Gets His Fuckin’ Oil.
Al-Maliki Forced To Recant.
“Every God Damned One of the 155,000 Cock Suckers We Have On the Ground Right Now Is Absolutely Necessary For The Success of ‘Operation Get Me My Fucking Oil’” Gen. Petraeus Insists, “Not To Mention the 58,000 Private Security Shits.”
“We’ll Leave When We’re Asked To Leave.”—George Bush Caught Out In Another Lie.
By RUPERT HAYROD
July 16, 2007

Why Bush Is A Winner For the Kleptocracy.
Kristol: “Calling me a lying, socio-pathic shitfuck is not conducive to establishing a dialogue.”
Diogenes: “Yes. But it’s true. You are a lying, socio-pathic shitfuck. So where do we go from here?”
By WILLIAM KRISTOL
July 15, 2007

China Executes Former Head of Food, Drug Safety.
Would Top Down Capital Punishment Help America Clean Up Its Act?
When Will U.S. Meet Out Same Justice To Tobacco Executives, S&L And Stock Swindlers, Halliburton, Bechtel, Leadership At FEMA, CIA, White House, Members Of Congress etc. etc. ad nauseam?
"U.S. Justice System Has A Long Way To Go To Reach Equality," Chinese Premier Zhu Rongji Points Out.
“To Grow Rich Is Fuckin’ Glorious.”—Deng Xiaoping
By ENG JOI DA CHACHA
July 11, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Read this or George W. Bush will be president the rest of your life
By WILLIAM BLUM
www.killinghope.org
July 9, 2007
Neocons, theocons, Demcons, excons, and future cons

Live Earth: Infantilized Culture Puts a Band Aid On the Earth’s Boo-Boo.
Material Girl's Toxic Waste.
By Yaso Adiodi
July 9, 2007

Cool Reception for Conservative Radio In DC.
“We feed the lies to the assholes with the radio shows. Why the fuck do we need to tune in to our own shit?” White House Chief of Stink Karl Rove confides.
“Talk Radio is for the shit heads in the heartland, the fodder that we feed into the engine of kleptocracy,” says White House Chief of Communications Dan Bartlett.
Tony Snow’s Moldy Oldies Show Also Suffers From Low Viewership.
By RAGU FARCIE
July 6, 2007

Cubans Imagine Cuba After Bush’s Death.
Same Old State Of Siege By Gringo Assholes Predicted To Continue.
By PADDY BARKER
June 29, 2007

Attorney General Caught Up In His Own Bloodlust.
Gonzales Protests His Innocence, Claims Mistaken Identity In Case Involving Killing Of Meth Dealer.
Diminutive ‘Beaner’ And Close Bush Confidante To Be Put To Death On July 4th.
July Declared Death Penalty Month In Texas.
"The Little Pendejo Was Just Trying To Fit In," Cheney Says.
By AMY GALLSTONE
June 28, 2007

Cheney Defiant on Classified Material on Grounds of Self-Incrimination.
Executive Order Ignored Since 2003, Cheney Claims Office Of De Facto President Lies Outside Constitutional Purview.
"You End Up Looking Like Assholes Because You Report Like You Don't Know Who's Running Things," Tony Schmo Tells White House Press Corps.
By PATTY BARKER
June 22, 2007

CIA to Redact Decades of Its Dirty Laundry.
Skid-Mark Officianados Hope to Turn the Tide with Heavy Load.
Thousands of Former and Current Spooks To Be Turned Over To Countries Where They Committed Crimes Ranging From Murder To Heroin Smuggling.
Same Planes Used For Extraordinary Rendition To Be Used To Return U.S. Agents To Face Justice.
Assassination Attempts Among Abuses Detailed But Successful Assassinations Are Redacted.
The Original Canards Are Us Is Ready To Throw Investigators Off the Scent.
By EATON DEYOUNG & WALDO PUNKASS
June 22, 2007

FBI Overgoose-Steps Its Authority.
Audit finds abuse in getting terrorism, spy records.
By VINNY VIDOVICI
June 14, 2007

“Our Gallant Lads Will Be Guarding Dick Cheney’s Oil Long After The Old Kleptocrat Is Just A Shriveled Piece Of Beef Jerky In A Gold Sarcophagus,” General Tells Congress.
Top General Sees Decades Required To Protect Cheney’s Oil And Natural Gas Grift In Iraq.---“Until Its all Sucked Out Of the Ground, Assholes.”
“This Shouldn’t Come As A Surprise To Anyone,” Dempsey Tells Congress. “We Put Chumps In Harm’s Way All Over The World To Protect Our Kleptocrat’s Wealth. Fuck. That’s What Imperialism Is.” Big Boost In Iraqi Partisans Is Likely.
Marine Risks Life So Americans Can Drive To Disney World.
By WALDO PUNKASS
June 13, 2007

Toby Keith Pussies Out.
You’d Like To Think He’s Realized He’s An Ignorant Fuck That Ought To Keep His Mouth Shut About Things He Knows Nothing About, But In Reality It’s All About Selling Records.
By JOE BLOW
June 12, 2007

Letters On Libby's Behalf Show Administration Neo-cons To Be A Bunch of Whiney Bitches.
“‘Tough’ Operative, Libby, Too Much Of A Pussy To Do 30 Months In A ‘Country Club,’” Mocks G. Gordon Liddy On His Radio Program. Liddy Suggests A Prison Break.
Everyone Who Wrote A Letter On Behalf Of Libby Received A $5.00 Denny’s Coupon And $10,000 In Cash Slated For Katrina Victims.
“At least that shit Libby’s family will know where he is," says friend of extraordinary rendition victim.
By SCHMEKEL ABUMMERWITZ
June 6, 2007

Is Your Greedy, Homicidal Kleptocracy Putting Murderous Thoughts In Your Head?! Well, Relief Is Just A Round Up And A Plane Ride Away.
Here’s An Offer Too Good To Refuse!!
A Major Coalition Of Iraq's Guerrilla Forces Says It Will Cease Hostilities If U.S. Citizens Will Turn Over U.S. War Criminals And Kleptocrats Responsible For Iraq War!!
“Let Us Dispose Of Your Criminal Class For You,” Iraqi Freedom Fighters Offer. “We Let You Have Saddam And His Pricks. Let Us Have Your Kleptocrats And Your Boys Can Come Home. Our's Too.”
By YASO ADIODI
6/3/07

Conoco, Amoco, Chevron and Phillips Order Cheney To Ratchet Up Invasion Of Somalia, Commit More American Forces To New Oil Front.
As Assassinated Press Reported, American Proxy Forces Give Ground to Somalis And U.S. Direct Involvement In the Fighting Grows.
By TY KUHN
June 2, 2007

Venezuelan Students, White Elite, International Media Come Out In Favor Of Coups, Assassinations: Hundreds Protest In Support Of RCTV Which Plotted To Kidnap And/Or Assassinate Venezuelan President And Overthrow Government.
U.S. Role Or Should We Say Payroll In Protests Played Down Just As Uncle Slimey’s Role In Assassination Attempts Has Been Played Down.
“Oh! If FOX News Or ABC Was Implicated In The Attempted Assassination Of A Sitting American President And The Overthrow Of The Government We Wouldn’t Go So Far As To Strip Their FCC License,” White House Chief Of Stink Assures Reporters. “The Days Of Lyndon Johnson And Richard Nixon Are Over. The Media’s So Docile Now By Comparison If You Can Fucking Believe That.”
“What Part Of State Of Siege Do You Not Understand,” Latin America Asks Human Rights Watch.
“Soaps Kept Poor Pacified,” Declares RCTV CEO.
By WAN FUYOYO
June 2, 2007

U.S. Proxy Rebel Force Fails To Carve Out Cheney Oil Fiefdom In Darfur.
President Cheney Reported To Be Livid About Another CIA Failure To Steal Oil.
Tenet Plan Fails; Administration Scrambling.
By SCHMEKEL ABUMMERWITZ & DUBBY WOBEGOREN
May 29, 2007

U.S. Forces Free Extraordinary Rendition Captives Of Al-Qaeda in Iraq.
Al-Qaeda Version of CIA Kidnappings Also Includes Torture.
Raid on Hide-Out in Diyala Finds Detainees With Broken Bones, Waterboarding But No Photos of Naked Pyramids of Men and Grinning Hillbillies or Car Batteries.
By MENTELLE WARD ANDERSONVILLE
May 28, 2007

Lebanese Certain U.S., Israel Won’t Allow Fighting To Stay Isolated For Long.
Conflict In Lebanon, Israeli Bombing, Murder Of Hariri Designed To Loosen Syrian And Iranian Grip On The Region Even Though They Are The Region.
The Lesson Of Hamas And ‘Democratic Elections’ Not Lost On Arab World.
LUCA BRAZZIBALLS
May 22, 2007

Onward Sado-Christian Soldiers: Army and Air Force Strengthen Formal Links To Christian Event.
General Jesus Leads Crusading Military Congregation.
By ALIAN KOPFERMENSCH
May 25, 2007

Bush Is Told To Terrorize The Great American Bald Lemming With An Ancient Bin Laden Fairy Tale.
By SCHMUCKEL HALFAWITZ
May 23, 2007

After Ashcroft’s Hospital Rebuff Of Gonzales, Administration Doubted His Commitment To The Rapture.
Supporters Cite His Support For Torture As Proof Of His Embrace Of Sado-Christianity.
Ashcroft Again Resolved In His Faith, Calls Comey Move A Mistake---“It Was The Godless Meds Made Me Do it. Just Ask Rush.”
By PETTY BARKER & SUSAN ‘My Job Is To Cover-Up Any Story That Is Fundamentally Critical Of The Big Lies That Are American Political Culture’ SCHMUGGT
May 20, 2007

Reagan's Diaries Published.
Two Decades After Reagan’s Charlie McCarthy Presidency Ended, The Diaries Kept by Him With Co-Author Nancy When He Was In Office Have Been Heavily Redacted And Published For The First Time.
Intelligence Denies Vetting Diaries: “Why Would We Have To Vet The Droolings Of That Simpleton And His Anorexic Wife? Nobody Told Them Shit,” Michael Hayden Tells The Assassinated Press.
By IMA STOOGEY
5/17/07

We Had A Right To Rip Off Iraq--- Saddam Owed Us.
Et Tu Tenet: Bremer’s Bummer Or Revisionism For One.
By L. PAUL BREMER & PAUL BEARER
May 13, 2007

American Culture Finally Catching On In Iraq.
Insurgents Taunt American Captives With 'No Snitchin' Busta Rhymes Raps Played At Ear Bleeding Decibels For 72 Hours Straight.
Iraqis Learn From Rappers, American Troops That 'No Snitchin' Is Bitchin'.
By YASO ADIODI
5/15/07

Ethiopians Fear for Their Interfaith Oasis; Should Have Thought About That While Their Leaders Were Selling Their Asses To Form A Proxy Army To Invade Oil Rich Somalia For Uncle Slimey.
U.S. Using the Old Colonial Divide And Conquer, Rape And Steal In Africa.
Cherished Interweaving Of Christians, Muslims Apparently Not Much Cherished By Homegrown Ethiopian Kleptocracy.
Ethiopia Sells Peace To U.S., Foments Civil War.
By STUMPY MCCRUMCAKE
May 13, 2007

Brooding On A Warship Offshore, Cheney Warns Iranians Not To Get Comfortable In Their Own Homes.
“U.S. Must Take The War To The Rest Of The World Lest The Rest Of The World Take The War To Me,” Declares De Facto President And World Class Paranoid Kleptocratic Weenie.
By ROBBEM RIGHT
May 12, 2007

Reagan Era’s Contra War Lands Young American In Nicaraguan Prison.
Nicaraguans Say They Will Trade Volz For Elliott Abrams.
Those Tourists Who Forget The U.S. Imperialist Past (and Present) Are Doomed To Get Their Asses Blown Up Or Do Serious Time In A Foreign Prison For The Crimes Of Their Rich Kleptocracy.
By WAN FOREGOYO
May 7, 2007

Shredding History: Tenet Tries To Distance Himself From Neo-Con Lies And Murders Not To Mention Their Fuck Ups.
By CHARLES SPROUTHUMMER
May 4, 2007

Cheney’s Energy Task Force Draft Oil Measure Sent To Iraqi Parliament.
“The Iraqi People Are Shit Out of Luck,” ConocoPhillips CEO James Mulva Declares.
Protracted Debate Ending In U.S. Maintaining Complete Control Foreseen By Some; Kurds Raise Issues, Fears About Previous U.S. Double-Crosses.
By TY KUHN
May 3, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM
May 3, 2007
If the United States leaves Iraq things will really get bad

"It’s God’s Will That I Kill Again."
Too Bad. Snow’s Cancer Had Convinced Millions That There Was A God.
Snow Says He's Delighted That He Will Still Be Able To Participate In The Slaughter Of Tens Of Thousands Of People And Continue To Stooge For His Betters Until His Cancer Eats Him Away And Sends Him To Hell.
“Lying, Murderous Pricks Like Tony The Snowjob Are A Dime A Dozen In This Town, But Still We Would Have Missed That Duplicitous Shitbag,” Cheney Tells the Assassinated Press.
JEFFEY LUBE
April 30, 2007

"Dick! Go Fuck Yourself!" Nations Tell Cheney Administration On Iraq Debt.
Nations That U.S. Fucked Out Of Numerous Oil Agreements With Pre-War Iraq Now Balk At Debt Relief Bail Out For Cheney Administration.
“Besides didn’t that pussyhound Wolfowitz say Iraq could pay off its debts with its oil revenues?”
By ROBBEM RITE
April 25, 2007

Move Over Iraq And Afghanistan.
Scores Are Killed In Ethiopia Attack.
Islamic Nationalists Take Attack To American Tools.
Attack On Oil Field Gets Cheney’s Attention.
Chinese Suspect U.S. Ploy To Drive Them From Oil Rich African Region.
U.S. Media Again Caught With Its Pants Around Its Ankles Getting Blown By Dana Perino On U.S. Invasion Of Somalia.
Number of U.S. ‘Troops’ Killed In Somalia Reaches 20.
By STEWPHONEY MCRUMCAKE & AUDY CODY
April 25, 2007

'Ho Money. Ho Money. Ho Money': It’s Capitalist Realism That’s Pornographic.
“Rap Is As American As Mom, Apple Pie, Dressing Like A Clown And School Yard Shootings,” Russell Simmons Tells Oprah. “As Long As You Can Make A Buck On It, Its Victims Are Fair Game.”
NRA, KKK And GOP Mount Vigorous Defense Of Thumbsucker Music On Second Amendment Grounds.
The Don Anus Test: Will Rappers Take Thumbs Out Their Asses And Smell The Coffee After Undergoing Self-Examination?
Latest Form Of Corporate Thumbsucking Pop Music Undergoes Scrutiny As Sales Plummet And Contracts Do Not Seem So Attractive To The Suits.
Language Used As Canard To Break Deals.
By TAUDREY WELTZ & IMA STOOGEY
April 25, 2007

Holy Shit! Ass. Press Right Again. How Do They Do it?
Colombian Senator: Death Squads Met At Uribe's Ranch.
Scandal Over Paramilitary Ties Widens As Uribe’s Role Throws Light On White House, U.S. Congress, American people’s Involvement In The Murder Of Thousands Of Colombian Peasants As Well As Cocaine Smuggling.
By WAN FOREGOYO
April 18, 2007

The Right Dusts Off Its 'Impeach Clinton' Buttons.
Groups State That Firing White House Travel Personnel Is Morally More Reprehensible Than Invading A Sovereign Country Intent On Stealing Its Oil And Slaughtering Tens Of Thousands Of People Predicated On A Pack Of Lies.
When The Contents Of Your Colon Are The Contents Of Your Character: If You Keep Your Moral Compass Up Your Ass, True North Will Always Be Obscured By Shit.
By DOWNA SHITBANK
April 6, 2007

U.S. Military Report Calls Cheney/Bush Cabal “A Nest Of Lying Fucks.”
Hussein's Prewar Ties To Al-Qaeda Discounted.
"Douglas Feith May Be Short On Intelligence, But He’s A Great Ass-Kisser; Lots Of Tongue," Report Cites.
Pentagon Report Says Rumsfeld Had More Contact With Saddam Hussein Before 9/11 Than al-Qaeda.
By JEFFY LUBE
April 6, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM
April 6, 2007
Land of the free, home of the War on Terrorism

Aaaaaah! Who The Fuck Needs Collective Bargaining?
The Corporate Media Got Their Marching Orders And Ridiculed French Workers For Defending Their Benefits, Indeed The American Press Ridiculed The Benefits Themselves, But Look What Happens When You Swallow The Corporate Shit Ladled Out By Their Media About The Macho, Maverick American Worker.
Death Of A Salesman: Circuit City Cuts 3,400 'Overpaid' Workers.
Of Course, It’s Too Late For The American Worker: Court Rules Flight Attendants At Northwest Airlines May Not Strike.
Army Recruiters Lurk Outside Stores Snatching Up Newly Unemployed.
By AL FORMOI
March 29, 2007

Iran Placed Under A State Of Siege.
Sanctions Aim To Starve Out Iranians.
U.S. Plan Wins Iraqi Shia Hearts And Minds To Do More IEDs And Ambushes.
5 U.S. Troops Die On Sunday; Pace Says “Shit! That Ain’t Bad.”
Iran Feels Pinch As Major Banks Curtail Business.
U.S. Campaign Urges Firms to Cut Ties or Else.
By ROBBEM RITE
March 26, 2007

A Pretext For Invasion: Imperialists On “Routine Patrol” 11,000 Miles From Britain Seized After Merely Stopping An Iranian Vessel And Asking For Directions, Blair Claims.
British Captain Says “Blimey! I Thought I was In The Fuckin’ Channel Watchin’ Out For That Bloody Scoundrel Napoleon.”
Another Blair/Cheney Strategy Fucked?
Iranians Apparently Are Not Going To Sit Back And Allow Imperialists To Seize Their People While The Coalition Of The Chilling Have Plenty Of Kleptocratic Stooges To Seize In The Gulf Region.
Iranians Generously Call UK MI5 Insurgents Sailors Not Spies After They Illegally Enter Iran’s Waters.
By SUSHI BAR DULOONEY
March 24, 2007

U.S. And British Stooges To Join Talks In S. Africa.
Neo-Colonial Effort To Bring Down Mugabe Government In Full Swing.
By UNCLE CRIEG TOMBUG
March 23, 2007

Cheney Administration’s Mini-Iraq In Somalia Heats Up.
Part Of Iraqi Troop Surge May Be Needed To Secure Somali Oil.
Gates Calls Contingent Of U.S. Forces In Somalia A ‘Spurt.’
Heavy Fighting in Mogadishu Leads to Mutilation of Troops.
Four Bodies Burned in Denunciation of Somalia's U.S. Puppet Government.
By TWOPENNY CRIMECLIQUE
March 22, 2007

U.S.'s Tale Of Two Countries: U.S. And Britain Create An Authoritarian Government in Zimbabwe By Exerting Monumental Pressure To Get Land Back Into Whitey’s Hands While U.S. And British Kleptocracy Maintain Authoritarian Government They Created In Egypt To Prevent Nationalist Opposition Groups from Coming to Power.
Related Stories: Hugo Chavez Is a PR Hoarding Megalomaniac For Aiding The Poor With Venezuela’s Oil Wealth While Saint Uribe Has Been Undermined By A Few Hundred Bad Apple Colombian Politicians And Military Officers Who Used U.S. Money And Weapons To Forge Ties With Paramilitary Narco-Patriots.
And The Media's Brainwashing Result Or Oprahite Of The Masses Whereby The Studio Audience One Day Listens Tearfully As U.S. Officials Tell Them How They Are In Iraq To Bring The Iraqi People Democracy And The Next Day Wildly Applaud The QUEEN Of Jordan, The Trophy Wife Of That Autocratic Little Shit, Abdullah II, The King Of Jordan.
Opposition Leaders Arrested In Zimbabwe And Egypt.
By JACKASSERSON MULEY
March 12, 2007

Demonstrators Brave Cold To Carry Message to Pentagon, As Counter-Protesters Reassure Kleptocracy.
March Is Golden Opportunity For Homeland Security To Collect Intelligence On Protesters And Especially Counter-Protestors.
Counter-Protestors Still Have The Best Drugs.
By STEALE MOGUL & RICH FATFUCK
March 18, 2007

Cheney: “Antiwar Lawmakers Hurt Troops” But Not As Much As Iraqi Resistance.
Cheney’s ‘Go Fuck Yourself’ Stance Explained; "Energy Task Force Will Have Cheney And His Family Killed If He Fails To Deliver Iraq’s Oil," Halliburton CEO Tells Congress.
By IMA STOOGEY
March 13, 2007

“So Long Suckers.”
Nothing Personal; Halliburton Cuts And Runs, Plans Move To Dubai To Be Closer To Its Iraq Oil Concessions.
Critics Pounce on News of War Contractor's Planned Move From Houston to Dubai, Call On Cheney To Cancel Halliburton’s Steak Sauce, Blood Plasma And Body Bag Contracts.
By CY O'NARA-ASSHOLES
March 11, 2007

Is The Arranged Marriage Of God To Mammon Threatened By Environmentalism?
Evangelicals Will Continue To Shit Where They Sleep For Christ.
Curbing Christian Consumerism Would Delay The End Of The World Hence Fuck Up The Rapture Scam Says Ministers.
Evangelical Body Stays Apocalyptic Course On Earth Care.
By LOON SCOOPER
March 11, 2007

Frequent ‘Errors’ In FBI's Secret Records Requests. Wow! Whatta Fuckin’ Surprise!
Audit Finds Everybody’s Ass Is Up For Grabs.
By SHUGA KAIN & WINQANNA NOD
March 10, 2007

Love Letters In The Sand: Sudanese Leader's Long Letter Gets Brief Response From Bush’s Handlers.
Sudan Oil Grift 'Spudders'.
By TY KUHN & ROBBIE BARON
March 8, 2007

Su Casa Es Mi Casa: Bush Attempts To Engage Latin America With Tour:
Bush Handlers Hope To Reprise Nixon's 1958 PR Triumph!
By LOTTA TWOTTLE
March 6, 2007

"Send Some Of Cheney's Fuckin' Private Physicians Over To Fuckin' Walter Reed And Let Nature Takes Its Course AND The Devil Have His Due With The Fat Fuck!" Vets Suggest
Walter Reed Commanders Admit Nothing, Do Less:
Surrounded By His Phalanx Of Personal Physicians, Cheney Addresses Energy Task Force, Calls Wounded Veterans ‘Troublemakers’, Vows Reprisals:
Cheney's Medical Bodyguards Thwart Yet Another Assassination Attempt By Mother Nature.
By AYN FLATERY
March 5, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM
March 5, 2007
Flash! This just in! The Cold War was not a struggle between the United States and the Soviet Union.

An Object Lesson: Retired Army Helicopter Pilot Honored for His Actions in Vietnam, But The Little Draft Dodging Bitch Behind Him Is President--- And Rich.
By LAO-TSI MARTINET
2/26/07

Prattle Battle: HBO’s Answer To ‘The View’----Real Time With Bill Maher.
Clowns & Jugglers Drive Comic's Ratings Upwards.
Ayaan Hirsi Ali: "I Really Wonder What You Are Doing Here at Harvard If You Don’t Intend To Sell Out."
Michael Steele---Oh Negro Please!
By IMA STOOGEY
2/23/07

Alvaro Uribe, The U.S.'s New Alberto Fujimori: Scandal in Colombia Makes Drugs And Arms Confederates On Capitol Hill Jittery.
On Hill, Support For Uribe Vanishes As Congress’s Role In Drug Smuggling, Mass Murder Is Threatened With Exposure.
Bill Frist And Franklin Graham Collect Intelligence For CIA On Trip To Sudan, Pass On Message Of Support To Rebels From President Cheney.
By WAN FOYOYO
February 17, 2007

Conservatives Assail Accord With North Korea As Threat To Their ‘Terrorism’ Cash Cow.
The Only Time Elliott Abrams Should Open His Pie Hole About Terrorism And Murder Is When He’s Ready To Give His Death Row Confession.
Cheney Tells Bolton, Abrams et al To "Go Fuck" Themselves. “We have no intention of honoring this turd of an agreement,” De Facto Prez Cheney Assures Fear-Mongering Industry Moguls.
Lemmings Request Less Signage; Bush Lies To A Grateful Nation:
The dog show may be over but that didn’t stop Cheney from trotting out his little bitch Bush to howl about Iran and drop a new scare term, the Quds Force, that the media with their weapons of mass repetition can use to terrify the Great American Bald Lemming into coughing up more cash.
“Just because the British and the French hacked up the Middle East to steal the oil doesn’t mean Iran doesn’t feel some strong historical attachment to the Shia of Iraq. So what’s the fuckin’ U.S.’s excuse? Carry Out Afkhadh? They're not even from the fuckin' neighborhood.”
Deal Could Get Nation off North Korea’s Terrorism List.
By GLYN KEESTER
February 15, 2007

Douglas Feith Tells American Public: “We’re Getting Away With Murder, In Many Cases Your Murder, And There’s Not A Fucking Thing You Can Do About It.”:
The Kleptocracy In The Form Of Its Stooges Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Feith Etc. Provide Yet Another Tantalizing Answer To The Question On Everyone’s Lips: Would America Be Better Off If It Hanged Its Kleptocracy?:
Like Any Group Of Cowards And Shills, Senate Debates Significance of Pentagon Report On Feith's Lies.
By WALDO PINKASS & EADETH DE YOUNG
February 10, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
WILLIAM BLUM
February 3, 2007
Full Spectrum Dominance

Bush Told To Request Billions for Wars!!!
Oil Policy Translates Into Huge Arms Deals!!!
Hill Democrats Express Skepticism About Their Cut.
By WILLIAM UTT & ROBERT STEVENS
February 3, 2007

Cooler Heads Prevail--
ExxonMobil Uses Record Profits To Take Out Bounty On Global Warming Hoax:
American Enterprise Institute Offering $10,000 For Contract Hit On Planet Earth.
By LEE RAYMOND
February 1, 2007

Prolong-The-War Movement Marches In Washington:
Crowds March to Demand Renewed Attack On Iraq And All Out Assaults On Syria And Iran:
Group’s Goal That The Imperialists Get Such An Abject Whipping This Time They’ll Leave The Rest Of The World Alone For Awhile:
'Would America Be Better Off If We Hanged Our Kleptocrats?'---Take The Assassinated Press Poll.
By CALHOUN WOODWAD and LARRY MUGGYSAK
January 27, 2007

‘Blame God First’ Crowd Prevents Gore From Polluting The Minds Of Our Kids:
Evangelical Blames Christ For Global Warming:
Gore Film Warms Up Parents' Anger:
Showing 'Inconvenient Truth' Would Require Convenient Counterpoint
By BLAIME HARDON
January 25, 2007

24 More U.S. Troops Aborted In Iraq:
Anti-Abortionists Hope To Raise Troop Numbers For The Fodderland:
Drew Barrymore Says, “Don’t Waste Time Being Angry!”
By HERESNESTO LOWDOWNO & POCO LOCO
January 21, 2007

Think Raising the Minimum Wage Is a Good idea? (Paid Advertisement)

“The reason I object to the minimum wage is I think it destroys jobs. A lot of people that pimp for the elites will lose their jobs because this will be seen as a failure to protect the interests not to mention the principal of the wealthy. And it destroyed my life. I lost my first job at an offal rendering plant when FDR introduced the first minimum wage of 14 cents an hour in 1934 and ended up in a dead end job at the Federal Reserve. So I think the evidence on that is overwhelming. I’d be perfectly willing to take a salary cut and live on the current minimum wage of $5.25. Last time I bought a loaf of bread on my own for my momma back in 1927, it was a fuckin’ nickel. I bought a used Studebaker in 1943 from a fellow offal renderer going off to die in the Pacific for $50.00. $5.25 an hour is perfectly adequate.” ---Alan Greenspan, Former Federal Reserve Chairman

“When I was flipping burghers in the hood, dawg, I felt that the high rate of unemployment among teenagers, and especially black teenagers was both a scandal and a serious source of bad music. Now, personally I don’t give a rat’s ass about black people, but if appealing to that shit is going to keep money in the pockets of the rich assholes that I’ve always shilled for then I’m right there homey. Besides, I know any number of people who have purchased second, even third, homes and yachts on the minimum wage. Now, they’re not the fucks that make minimum wage. There those folks that own my ass and would most benefit from no minimum wage at all.”---Milton Friedman, Winner of the Dynamite Prize for economics

"I have nothing against raising the minimum wage to $7.25 an hour. But if you're going to do that you should divide the $7.25 between two workers. If workers are made to share that $7.25 by market logic more jobs will be created. If you then take the $7.25 and divide it among four workers by the same logic we would create 4 times as many jobs. If someone can find the precise model for the optimization of job creation by the division of a $7.25 minimum wage among a set of workers---well, that's fuckin' Nobel Laureate shit."---Lawrence Henry ("Larry") Summers, Professor of Economics and President of Harvard University and toxic waste guru

“In some cases the effective marginal tax rate [on a minimum wage increase] exceeds 100 percent and the price of earning extra income may be to leave one’s family worse off than previously. But we can’t correct this inequity in the tax code because that might come out of the pocket my pimps who own the companies who will be forced to pay the new minimum wage. If I let then happen, my pimps will boot me. See how the minimum wage can cost jobs. Oh, did I mention the canard of the small business owner or does my work on behalf of Wal-Mart and other major chains call my integrity into question? ”---David Shapiro, New York University

“Even a wizard would have a great deal of difficulty repealing the economic law that higher minimum wages reduce employment. Do you think the kleptocracy is just going to sit around with its thumb of its ass while people try to take money out its pocket. Fuck no! They’re going to fire people right and left to prove their point. This fuckin’ $75,000 full-page ad in the Assassinated Press and hundreds like it all around the fuckin’ country including this mornings Washington Post shows the lengths to which the kleptocracy will go to continue to horde wealth. There are no Hugo Chavez’s here. We wack our ‘wizards’ for minor foreign policy failures and prop up diseased morons with the scripted charm and brains of Forrest Gump and that often includes our Nobel Laureates. Its no wonder people call it the Dynamite Prize.”---Gary Becker, Nobel Prize-winning economist

(Paid Advertisement) Employment Policies Institute

It’s About Oil And They’re Not Leaving:
Bush Can’t Pronounce Where ‘We’re’ Going But ‘We’re’, Or At Least Some Of Us, Are Going ‘There’ Anyway; Bush Begins Interview By Mangling Pronunciation Of Abu ‘Garab’(sic):
Oil Zombies ‘Are Going Forward'; Cheney Weeps At Cabinet Meetings At Prospect Of Loss Of Iraqi Oil:
More Troops Called The Only Iraq Option To Keep Oil Grift Hope Alive:
“Give Up That Oil! Over The Troops Dead Bodies,” Cheney Tells His Energy Task Force Handlers.
By MICHAEL A. FILCHER & WALDO PINKASS
January 15, 2007

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
WILLIAM BLUM
January 12, 2007
Johnny got his gun

Newsweek: "Oprah. Why did you decide to spend $40 million dollars on a school for girls in South Africa when the need is so great right here in the U.S.?"
Oprah: "Why would I give back some of my money to a culture that is stupid enough to throw it at an ignorant, ill-informed moron like me in the first place?"

Chavez's Economic Plans Ripple Up And Down The Trough:
White House Warns Venezuela About Harboring al-Qaeda, Considers Hiring Colombia To Invade:
Bitch Slapped By The Invisible Hand Of The Market, Venezuela To Make More Changes:
When American Phone Customers Hear Of Chavez’s Plan, They Ask Venezuela To Nationalize Verizon U.S.
By WAN PHAROT
January 10, 2007

Somalis Adapt Wearily, Pragmatically To Old Colonial Disorder, U.S. Puppet Show In Capital:
Fear of Oil Warlords Conoco, Amoco, Chevron and Phillips Returns After American Rout Of Somolian Forces:
If al-Qaeda Was Already In Iraq As Cheney Administration Asserted Suicide Attacks Would Have Already Commenced:
U.S.S. Cole Redeployed To Gulf Of Aden Launching U.S. Invasion Of Somalia:
Ship Sits Offshore Providing Logistics To Ethiopian Proxies.
By STEMPY MCCRUMMCAKE
January 5, 2007

Junkie Justice: Sedative Withdrawal Made Rehnquist Delusional:
Acquaintances Insist Drug Habit Did Not Effect His Rulings – Whoring For The Kleptocracy Was His Prime Motivation:
Files Detail Drug Addiction And FBI's Role in Obstructing Hearings:
“What’s Scalia’s Excuse?”
By PREZ DOPERMENSCH
January 5, 2007

U.S. Invades Somalia:
Ethiopian Troops Under Command Of U.S. Advisors Take Key Town In Somalia:
"We Ran Out Of Americans Stupid Enough To Chase After Oil For The Kleptocracy So We Bought The Ethiopian Army," Dick Cheney Tells His Energy Task Force:
Forces Advance To Just 18 Miles From the Capital As Courts Movement Suckers Them In:
Craig Colter, A 27 Year-Old Military Analyst From McLean, VA, Wins The Assassinated Press Invasion Lottery, Picks Somalia As Next U.S. Invasion Site.
By ANNODER CRIMESPREE
Thursday, December 28, 2006

Iraqi Court Upholds Hussein's Sentence At U.S. Prison:
Thousands Of Iraqis Volunteer To Be Hussein’s Hangman:
Iraqis Ask “Since Hussein Was So Bad Why Did The U.S. Assist In His Rise To Power And Provide Decades Of Support?:
White House In A Hurry To Hang Hussein Without Trying Him For Other Crimes He Committed In The U.S.’s Interest:
Hanging Will Mean Little To Iraqis Unless Hussein’s American Buddies Swing:
Bag Of Shredded Photo Ops Of Hussein And U.S. Oligarchy Won By Iranian Students On Ebay:
Hanging May Have Already Occurred.
By SUDSY RAGAMUFFTI & NINNY TURBO
December 27, 2006

McCain Plan Would Have Troops Home By December 2007:
All Volunteer Civilian Corps Proposed By Republican Senator:
27 Million Americans Would Be Sent To Teach Iraqis Nuances Of Freedom & Democracy:
By JEFFEY LUBE & CHRIS CRANKLE
12/23/06

U.S. Seeks Growing Threat In Somalia:
As CIA Proxies Fail, U.S. Looks To Draw Somalia Into Wider Conflict, Steal Somali Oil:
Al-Qaeda's Influence, Possible War With Ethiopia Are Floated By Administration:
Bush Claims Problems In Eastern Africa Are "Because Its Horny."
By KARREON YOUNG
December 18, 2006

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
Designer monsters
By WILLIAM BLUM
December 17, 2006

White Whine From Sour Grapes; Farewell to Pox Americana:
Where Being Number One Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry; The Obvious Truth Behind Hating America First.
By ROBUTT J. SAMOLDSHIT

The Venezuelan Oligarchy’s Magnum Opus – Tuba Lessons And Malnutrition:
For 31 Years, State Program Has Brought Music And False Hope To Children Starving In the Barrios:
“I mean. The fact that the Post would try to pitch this shit.”---Yaso Adiodi.
By JUAN FARTISSIMO

The Washington Post And Its Pathetic Fallacies:
Pinochet Said “I am guided by the spiritual force of God as a believer”?! Sounding (And Acting) More Like Bush Than Castro:
Empty Analogies And Superficial Agitprop Link Pinochet And Castro.
By MICHAEL SHIFTEY & TY KUHN

Marines Say Its Time To “Cut And Run” From Al Anbar Fight:
Anbar Picture Grows Clearer, and Bleaker:
Cheney Reportedly Enraged By Corps’ Conclusion, Says No One Leaves Until His Oil Pipeline Route Is Secure, Oil And Natural Gas Exploration Has Begun And Six Permanent Bases Have Been Established:
Ms. Sherman’s Fort Gandhi, MN Kindergarten Class Declares Iraq Is In A Civil War Fomented By U.S. Kleptocratic Avarice; Wonders How Long Cheney Administration Will Be Stupid Enough To Stand In The Middle Of It.
By DAFFY LUNIER and THOMAIN E. COLIRICKETTSIAE

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM
November 24, 2006
Would Jesus get out of Iraq?

In Exchange For Cut Of Oil Revenues U.S. And Iraq to Restore Long-Severed Relations With Neighbor Syria:
U.S. Seeks To Secure Permanent Bases In Western Iraq Along The Syrian Border To Protect Oil Pipeline From Mosil Through Jordan And Israel:
Insurgency Fucks Up U.S. Effort To Hold Al Anbar Province:
Baker Plan: Capitulation To Tehran And Damascus:
“If They Divvy Up The Fuckin’ Oil Does That Mean I Can Go The Fuck Home?” Troops Ask.
By NINNY TRAGOS

Bush Supporters Cut And Run On Iraq:
Guest At Cheney Circle Jerk Dinner Dinner Party Turns On VP, Rumsfeld:
Bush Says U.S. Should Have ‘Stayed The Course’ In Vietnam - Because U.S. Would Still Be Too Busy Fucking Up Southeast Asia To Fuck Up Iraq
By PETTY BARKER

With Hugo Chavez And Capitalist China Behind Them, Nicaraguans Stand Up To Uncle Slimey’s Threats:
Ortega Set To Reclaim Nicaraguan Presidency Unless U.S. Can Pull Off Last Minute Florida/Ohio Vote Fraud:
“Fuck. We Shoulda Mined The Harbor And Burned Down Schools And Clinics,” Grouses Oliver North. “Oh! There Aren’t Any Schools Or Clinics Left After Chamorro, Aleman and Boulanos?”
“Next Time We’ll Take A Page From Our El Salvador Playbook And Gun Down An Archbishop While He’s Saying Mass And Rape And Murder Some Nuns,” Suggests Elliott Abrams.
By JOSEF GRRRBLES

A Voter Makeover For Bush, The Oil War And the Risible Right?
Pelosi, Democrats Promise More Murder And Mayhem From The Evil Empire; Put Chavez, Morales, Ortega On Notice.
By PETTY BARKER & JIM DAMIMHIGH

"Iraq, this little understood, unfamiliar war, our first war of the 21st century---it is not well known, it is not well understood, least of all by me."---Don Rumsfeld

Bush Says U.S. Pullout Would Let Iraq Radicals Get Dick’s Oil:
Experts Agree; Iraqi Terrorist Oil Canard Latest Lie To Convince You To Die For Dick’s Iraq Oil Heist:
“Fooled Fifty Times, Shame On You,” Rove Chuckles:
The Pump Pimp Stumps, Boils & Goils
By PETTY BARKER

That Bush Is Intelligent Is Insulting Enough; “The Commander In Chimp Can’t be Blamed For The Failed Policy In Iraq Anymore Than This Administration’s Lies About The Reasons For The Invasion. Senator Kerry Knows As Well As I Do That Bush Is Too Stupid To Be involved In Policy Decisions,” Rove Roars Back:
“If You’d Fuckin’ Risk Your Life Or Your Kid’s Life After All The Fuckin’ Lies We’ve Perped On You, Sure, Uncle Donny Wants You,” Says Rumsfeld:
Might As Well Expand the Franchise Of Stupidity; The Liars Lie And The Faithful Demonstrate Their Ignorance Around Kerry’s Remark:
To Thine Own Self Don’t Be True; Duped To Death, Americans Go Willingly:
“Being A Junkie Was As Close As I Ever Came To Combat,” Limbaugh Laments:
U.S. Forces In Iraq Concentrated In Al Anbar Province, The Site Of The Cheney Oil Pipline Through Jordan And Israel:
Are You Too Stupid To Know George Bush Is Stupid? Take The Ass. Press Survey:
By DUBBI TWADDLE

“No Brainer” Captures The Essence:
Cheney Defends 'Dunk in the Water' Remark; Addressing Alarm Over the Comment, President Says He Was Not Referring to Waterboarding But Party Games Like Bobbing For IEDs, Detainees’ Wet T-Shirt Contests:
“Same With Kiss At Ear Bleeding Decibels For Weeks On End. It’s Just Party, Party, Party In Our Secret Prisons,” Cheney Says:
U.S. Torture Technique Made Popular By Frederick Funston And His Troops In The Spanish American War Making a Comeback In The Military, At S&M Conventions And High School Graduation Parties:
Cheney Admits That Waterboarding “Gets [Him] Stiff As A Waterboard!”
Addressing Alarm Over the Comment, President Says He Was Not Referring to Waterboarding
By DON EGGEMON

We have nothing to fear but fear mongering itself.

Building That Houses Nano-Markers Burns:
Fire Damages Fort Meade Intelligence Building:
450 Trillion Toxic Nano-Markers Released Into The Atmosphere By Blaze:
Nano-Markers Found In The Stool Of Federal Employees, Troops, Sherpas, Eskimos:
”Army's Losses From Quick-Spreading Fire Won't Harm National Security As Much As The General Population,” White House’s Tony Schmo Says
By STEVE BURGEL & WALDO PINKASS

Flower Power; U.S. Government, Wall Street & World Bank Ratchet Up Economic Terror On Ecuador, Shut Down Nursery:
Dole Food Co. Paid To Apply Economic Torture As Ecuador Refuses U.S. Trade Terms:
“Let The Little Cocksuckers Grow Coca,” Snorts Head Of ATF:
“We Can’t Make An Example Of Chavez Because The Fucker Has Got Oil. So Like Any Bully We Look For A Weaker Victim To Fuck Up,” Explains Tony Snow:
Ecuador Reaps American Whirlwind As Cost Of Anti-Trade Fervor, Candidacy of Rafael Correa:
U.S. Giant's Pullout Called 'Alarm Bell'
By WAN FOREGOYO & PAUL BARER

Negative political ads are far and away the most useful. No politician will tell the truth about himself, but he won’t hesitate to tell the truth about his opponent. Thus, it becomes obvious that no candidate merits any trust whatsoever, all lack character and prison rather than the state house or Washington DC is the more appropriate destination for them. Further, given the cost of media time, it again is obvious that the candidates that can afford such ads have already sold their souls to the company store.

Inquiring minds want to know:
As a native Washingtonian I'm curious. Why do you people in the rest of the country perpetually elect your criminals and perverts and ship them off to our fair city? Is it because it keeps them away from your property and your children for part of the year? What makes you think we want these democratically elected shits around our property and our children. For Christ fuckin' sake people, if, because of a fundamentally and intentionally corrupt corporate driven system, you find yourself with the usual slop on the ballot, DON'T VOTE! The assholes you sent here last time make living in this city fuckin' unbearable. Thank god we don't have the vote. Nothing attracts slime like the vote...
Note: The Assassinated Press has been deluged with inquiries about what we mean by the statement: “The assholes you sent here last time make living in this city fuckin' unbearable“ when referring to the electoral process. Our readers want to know how a mere 500 or so Congressmen, a hundred Senators, and a Chief Executive and his accomplice can render a city the size of Washington DC “unbearable” to live in. The answer’s simple. Even though small in number, there is enough criminality in the group above to populate a new Inferno a thousand times over and all of the above require an army of criminally like minded underlings from Congressional and White House aides and staff, to Cabinet members and staff, a gang of appointed Supreme Court Justices and their clerks and staff, thousands of appointees, 13 armies of police and thugs to protect them, K Street lobbyists, Beltway bandits, the media, think tanks, international banking institutions like the IMF, Inter-American Bank and World Bank, etc. etc. self-righteous and self-serving pricks newly arrived from the boonies to take all of the city’s best for themselves. And that, my friends, is the how and why for us who live here, your electoral criminal class makes our daily lives a Hell on Earth. Arrest, try and jail your fuckin’ criminals. Don’t vote them into office and ship their nasty asses here.

'Marie Antoinette': Film Noir For 13 Years Olds:
Keep That Lens Out Of Focus; Coppola Imagines Herself As The 14 Year Old Antoinette:
Coppola Reprises Golden Era Of Hollywood When Historical Accuracy Was For Chumps:
Pink Sneaker Revisionism: At The Washington Post Only Oliver Stone And Movies That Question the Status Quo Are Not Allowed To Take Liberties With The Historical Record:
Official Washington, Media Relate To Film About Embattled Royalty; Antoinette Finds Sympathetic Audience Among Washington’s Murdering Power Elite:
I Mean, If The Washington Post Reviewer Admits That The Film Is More About Coppola Than Marie Antoinette Then Why The Fuck Does She Then Try To Defend The Film On Historical Grounds:
Of course, her dad famously cancelled catering service in the middle of the Apocalypse Now shoot leading to his famous remark, “Let them eat Filipino deli!”
By ANNE KWEENIE HORNYTOAD

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
WILLIAM BLUM
October 19, 2006

With all the current administration induced media hysteria around North Korea's nuclear pursuit, let us not forget that Don Rumsfeld sold nuclear technology to the North Koreans as a board member of a Swiss firm, ABB.
Rumsfeld sat on ABB's board from 1990 to 2001, earning $190,000 a year. ABB is a European engineering giant based in Zürich, Switzerland. In 2000 this company sold two light water nuclear reactors to KEDO for installation in North Korea, as part of the 1994 agreed framework reached under President Bill Clinton.
The sale of the nuclear technology was a high-profile contract. ABB's then chief executive, Goran Lindahl, visited North Korea in November 1999 to announce ABB's "wide-ranging, long-term cooperation agreement" with the communist government. Mr. Rumsfeld's office said that the Secretary of Defense did not "recall it being brought before the board at any time". But ABB spokesman Bjorn Edlund told Fortune that "board members were informed about this project."
Rumsfeld has also served in executive responsibilities of various local charities across the United States. From 1986 to 1989 he was appointed to serve as United Way Inter-governmental Affairs Director in Washington, D.C..
As a result of his foreign policy achievements as Inter-governmental Affairs Director, he was asked to serve the U.S. State Department. Given the title "foreign policy consultant", he held the role from 1990 to 1993.

Guatemala “Optimistic” U.S. Threats Will Land Them On The UN Security Council:
“A Vote For Venezuela Is A Vote For Suicide,” Bolton Tells Non-Aligned:
“Sure. Chavez Can Build Health Clinics And Schools All Over My Goddamn Country, But The U.S. Can Simply Bomb Them Out Of Existence,” Offers U.N. Ambassador Who Refused To Give His Name, Fearing U.S. Retaliation:
By KOMA TOES

Anti-Immigration Panel Calls On Cheney Administration To Sign Kyoto Accords:
Buchanan, Dobbs, O’Reilly Blame Global Warming For Flood Of Immigration To U.S.
By FAZ LAPSY

The Snow Man, Out To Win One As The ‘Glibber’:
From Hand Job To Snow Job Tony Snow Knows How to Work More Than One Room:
Its Curtsies And KY Jelly As Tony Bends Over For Cheney:
The Snow Man Like Mark Foley Takes It In The Ass To Demonstrate To Young Pages How Its Done In Washington:
Snow Sees Reward In Afterlife---February 2008, On Rupert Murdoch’s Yacht:
By BOWAND KURTZIE

Branson Pledges 3 Billion To Accelerate Global Warming:
Scientific Method Gets Binge Money:
Its Not Just 'The Law Of Unanticipated Consequences' Anymore:
Hedging Bet, Branson Pledges 4 Billion To Terraform Mars
By ANDY RUBEKIN

Mark Foley Hounded Out Of Congress:
Hastert Fires Back: “Those Little Bastards Come To Washington To Learn How Congress Fucks The American People. Mark Was Only Doing His Job.”
GOP Aide Says He Warned Speaker About Foley’s Appetites Years Ago, But Hastert Saw Nothing Out Of The Ordinary:
PetroMurder In Iraq Takes Back Seat To Man/Boy Love. Foley's Follies Overshadow 23 U.S. Troops Killed In Iraq In 4 Days. Rove Says "Foley Will Cost The Republicans Far More Votes Than Dead Soldiers."
By HARRY PALMER

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM
September 25, 2006

Mars Rover Poises At Rim Of Martian Crater, Plunges Over:
Strong A.I. Experiment With NASA Software Leads To First Machine Suicide:
Apparently Upset About Being Used As A Pioneering Vehicle In The Terra-forming And Eventual Environmental Degradation Of Mars And Being Named After A Dog, Rover Destroys Itself:
By MAC M’KOFFEE & KOMA TOES

For Iraqi Cab Drivers Rough Ride Continues:
Rough Trade For CIA Detainees
By JEFFEY LUBE

Rise Up Against the Empire
President Hugo Chavez, Address to the United Nations

“When I Talk To God, I Rarely Use ‘Shit’.”
After Displaying No Measurable Brain Activity During His First 6 Years In Office Bush Tells Christers He Now Sees A 'Third Awakening':
By PADDY BORKER

Bush/Cheney Cabal Launch Verbal Offensive Because As A Personal Matter That’s The Only Kind Of Offensive They Have The BBs To Launch:
Cheney And His War Pussies Quack Safe Behind Their Phalanx Of Proxies:
For Now Bush Takes His Case To VFW (Victims of Foreign Wars) Instead Of Before A Tribunal At The Hague:
VFW Fodder Embraces Its Victimhood:
War in Iraq Depicted as One Against Radical Islamic Terrorism When In Fact It’s Petroaggression At Its Most Naked And Unabashed:
By IZ HAVVANAFITZ

Troops Ask “What’s Rumsfeld Smoking And Where Can I Get Some!?”
Rumsfeld Assails Critics Of Petromurder Policy:
British Cut And Run From Base In Southern Iraq; Shia Grind Up Americans, Iraqi Proxies
Oil Companies Suspend Artificial Scarcity, Prices Drop In Preparation For New Round Of Price Hikes
By COKIE QATCRACK

Present Scholars, Future Stooges:
For Select Group Chosen By Truman Foundation, A Path to Whoring For The Kleptocracy:
Albright’s Cocksuckers Eager To Please
By ACHEW ASSMAW

Terrorist Factory At Guantanamo Releases Another Graduate:
After Beatings, Wrongful Incarceration Turk Now Considered Petrothreat:
Rumsfeld Calls Guantanamo “U.S.’s Most Successful Training Ground For Al-Qaeda”:
Turk Was Abused at Guantanamo, Lawyers Say
By SHINEE SMILEYFACE & CORRUGATED WHARTLUMP

As PetroDeaths Soar, Cheney, Rumsfeld Lay Low:
Bush’s Role--- Blither On:
PetroMurder At Haditha “Standard Practice” Say Marines:
Karl Rove Beams As Star Struck Katrina Victim Sucks Bush’s Cock In Rose Garden:
Petrosectarian Violence Pits Kurds Against Chalabi’s Wall Street Shia, Divine Right Oil Companies, Evangelical Neo-Cons:
“Americans Cannot Bear Too Much Reality”; By Increasing Its Communication Of The Truth The Assassinated Press Hopes To Reduce Its Readership By 90%:
Pluto Maintains Silence On Demotion; Administration Asks For Increase In Star Wars Funding Fearing Pluto Might Alter Its Course To Collide With Earth Out Of Revenge; “Pluto Hates Our Freedom,” Bush Declares In Plea For Money
By PETTY BARKER & CRUSTYFUR ITCHENS

British Stage Terror Plot To Give GOP A Boost; Clear Excess Inventory Of Toothpaste, KY Jelly, Gatorade:
Curiously Plotters Again Fail To Target Western Policymakers:
Masters Of War Immune While Tens Of Thousands Die:
Billions Made As Fliers Seek To Resupply:
Confiscated Items Appear On E-Bay, Army PXs:
Cheney Furious That War Profiteer Candidate Lieberman Fucked:
Terrorists Can't Hit The Broad Side Of An Oil Executive, Cabinet Minister, NSC Staffer
BY CRIS CRANKLE

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM
August 18, 2006

Killing Chavez And Making It Look Like History Did It Or The New Capitalist Historicism:
By FRANCIS FUCKYOMAMA

White Ball Era Submarine Pitcher Elder Gauker Dies:
All White Ball Era Stats To Be Expunged From Record Books:
Only Records From 1947 On When Jackie Robinson Took The Field For The Brooklyn Dodgers To Count:
Cyberstats Show Babe Ruth Would Have Socked Only 558 Homers If Blacks Had Played; Cobb Would Have 3251 Hits And A .306 Lifetime Average
By MATT STRUDEL & ARNIE PALUCCI

Counting the Lebanon Dead Not So Easy:
Matching Body Parts, Chunks Of Flesh And Brain Challenge Aid Workers:
To Keep Civilian Body Count Down U.S. Paid For Aid Workers Give Corpses Three Ears, Four Noses, Thirty-Eight Toes:
Overseer Elliott Abrams Directs PNAC Long Term Plan For The Utter Destruction Of Lebanon, Palestine, Middle East:
Murder Defines Abram's Career:
By WEARIT HEARSE and TAKIT FORGHRATTAS

U.S. Inaction In Lebanon Leads To More Enormous Arms Sales, Profits:
Crisis Could Achieve Military-Industrial Complexes Long-Term Goals:
Israeli Canard Knocks Iraq Off The Agenda For Fall Elections
By CARNNIE BARKER

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
WILLIAM BLUM
July,22, 2006

Stem Cells Get Bush’s First Veto:
Bush Says “Testing Crosses A Moral Boundary And I Have No Intention Of Doing Anything Moral.”:
Objecting to Bush’s veto, ‘Whorin’ Orrin ‘The Snatch’ Hatch said, “Right to life means you have to consider the living too” revealing, if you take his meaning, that he does not consider human embryos to be alive.
Ass. Press Use Of Shit And Fuck Called Presidential:
By CHURLES BABBLINGTONE

Strikes Are Called Part of Broad Strategy:
U.S., Britain, Israel Move To Draw Iran Into Wider War:
U.S. Finds Iran’s Control Of Oil In Shia South Intolerable:
Syria’s Ties To Iraqi Sunnis Also Target:
Cheney’s, Enron’s, Halliburton’s, Oil Companies’ Energy Task Force Back Room Deals Coming To Fruition:
British Rule In Southern Iraq Widely Detested:
Did The Cheney Cabal Script Events To Conform To Evangelical Versions Of The End Time?
Israel Uses American Supplied Aircraft And Weapons So In Effect U.S. Is Bombing 25,000 Of Its Own Citizens By Encouraging Israel Do It:
Elliott Abrams---Water Boy For the Apocalypse?
By ROBBEM WRIGHT

Army to Renegotiate Exclusive Halliburton Deal:
Logistics Contract To Be Open For Bidding To Justify New Round Of Theft:
Engorged Like a Tick Halliburton Demands Sweeter Deal
By GRIFT WITMALICE

Lethal Gas U.S. Sold To Iraq Renews Debate:
Panel Is Divided Over Whether Weapons of Mass Destruction Rumsfeld Brokered To Saddam Hussein As Ronald Reagan’s Special Presidential Envoy to the Middle East In 1983 & 1984 Count As Justification For Invasion Or Just a Convenient Excuse:
“I Arranged The Sale For the Money,” Says Rumsfeld. “If It Turns Out The Shit I Sold Saddam Can Be Used As A Canard To Justify The Invasion. Well, That’s Just Fuckin’ Gravy.”
Reagan Era Sale Used To Gas Iranians But Only Under American Supervision:
“Iran Hates Us For Our Freedom---To Gas Them.” Bush Tells Cadets
By WALDO PINKASS

Money Traders Betting Against López Obrador Fearing His Election Could Fuck Up Their Cheap Labor Ride:
Money Traders Press USAID And NED For More Support For The Pro NAFTA, Slave Labor Candidate Felipe Calderón
By MANUEL ROGUE-SYCOPHANT

Israel Uses Canard Of Captured Soldier To Attack Hamas:
“Christ! These Israelis Are Even More Unctuous And Phony About Their Troops Than We Are. We Told Them We Could Fuckin’ Use A Diversion, But, Damn, Come Up With Something Remotely Plausible Please,” Says Rumsfeld:
Israel Rejects Democratic Process With Artillery And Jet Attacks:
“Hamas Has Brought These Plagues Down On You. For The Naďve, Like Yahweh, All This Slaughter To Let My Peep Go.”
Israel Asked To Distract U.S. Voters By Clueless Administration
BY MAC MCMACMAC

Charity Experiences A Hostile Takeover:
Buffett, Gates Ante Up $60 Billion To Make The Foundation Market Dance To Their Tune:
Gates Vows To Use Same Business Practices He Honed At Microsoft:
Kleptocrats Plan To Make Students Indentured To The Capitalist System:
Medical Research Grants Designed To Protect Investments:
Gates, Buffett Buy The Word ‘Compassion’ From Merriam-Webster:
By YAWN STUMPI

Memoirs Of A Political Geisha Or Pleasuring The Man:
Another Tell-'Em-What-They-Want-To-Hear, Dime-A-Dozen Ivy League Prick Settles In At The White House:
A Bush Aide's Blunt Words Designed To Sew American Sectarian Violence:
Zinsmeister And The Calm Reassurance That Only Hypocrisy Can Provide:
New Adviser Pulled No Punches in His Magazine Pieces In Hopes Of Landing Big Whore Gig:
Zinsmeister Trained To Pleasure the Man At The American Enterprise Institute
By PETER OWT

Survey: 24 Percent Between 18-50 Tattooed:
NSA, FBI Consider Clandestine Federal Branding Program A Modest Success:
$154 Million Allocated For Fish And Wildlife Diverted to Body Piercing Tracking Devices Or BPTDs:
Nano-Ink Used In Tattoos Contains Microscopic Transmitters
By BROOKE LYNN BRIDGES

Losers Rally at Civil War Battlefield:
Other Racist Schlemiels Represent:
White Supremacist Groups Celebrate Their Most Famous Military Defeats, The Civil War & World War II, Casting Doubt On Their 'Supremacist' Claims
By TOOPAI MANWIG

"Death Of al-Zarqawi Will Not Be A Setback For U.S. Policy In Iraq But Will Still Provide Domestic PR Value," Dick Cheney Assures Kleptocracy:
Republicans Fear Propaganda Value Will Evaporate Before Fall Elections:
Imperialist Business As Usual---U.S.S. Cole Heads Back To Middle East:
Rumsfeld Calls al-Zarqawi "Ineffectual." His Employment Is Terminated While Occupation Forces Search For A Replacement:
Insecure In Their Own Violence The American Media Overstates World's Joy Over al-Zarqawi's Death:
"Haditha? What's Haditha?"
By MO BHATTI

Many Republicans Forego June Wedding To Remain Viable Candidates For The Fall Elections:
If Gays With Assets Over $200 Million Dollars Tithe To The Republican Party They Will Be Married In Secret Ceremonies Under An Addendum To Constitutional Amendment:
A Political Canard For The Fuckin' Ages; Senate Debates Ban On Gay Marriage:
Tradition Minded Republicans Reserve Assfucking For The Lobbyist/Politician Union:
By SANDY BAGGER

The Electorate That Brought You Alberto Fujimori And Vladimiro Montesinos Brings You Alan Garcia Again:
Clinton Style Liberal Favors Free Market, Wealthy, Asian Hookers:
U.S. Proves It Can Still Buy Latin American Elections:
By SUGE COOLEY

Letter On Korean War Massacre "Reveals Policy To Shoot Civilians.":
In 50 Years Washington Post Will Report On "Letter On Invasion Of Iraq Reveals Policy To Shoot Civilians.":
Cheney Says U.S. Death Squads At Haditha Must Be Punished "Because They Left Witnesses."
Historian Discovers U.S. Envoy's Writings Relating To No Gun Ri:
Experts Still Agree: Ockham's Razor Applied To The Invasion Of Iraq = OIL!
By CAL ZONE

CIA Proxies In Somalia getting 'Their Asses Kicked':
New Putsch To Seize Somali Oil Falls "Shorter Than Little Peoples' Limbo" Admits New CIA Chief Hayden:
Islamic Fighters Seize Road, Hotel From Rivals
By TOM MALWHAT

By Promoting Slaughter In The Sudan, Oil Companies Keep Their Foot In The Door, Improve Access To Oil Rich Land:
Deal on Mission in Darfur May Presage Big Oil's Presence:
Move Called Precondition To Resumption Of Oil Grab
By IMA STOOGEY

U.S. Increases Its Foreign Fighters In Afghanistan To 23,000 Officially:
Thousands Of American Mercs And Other Foreign Fighters Not Accounted For In U.S. Troop Estimates:
Civilians Flee New U.S. 'Hearts And Minds' Initiative: The Carpet Bombing Of Southern Afghanistan
By DI COTOMI

Top Marine Lawyer Who Thinks "Nobody Died At Abu Graib" Comments On Haditha Investigation As Probe Of Deaths Widens. How The Fuck Do You Think That's Gonna Turn Out?:
Multiple Choice: Is Brig. General David M. Brahms A) Willfully Ignorant B) Congenitally Stupid C) Just Another Stooge D) A Fuckin' Liar E) On The Take F) All Of The Above And Worse:
By THUMAR C. EARICKETTS

U.S., Israel Back Abbas, Fatah, Foment Civil War In Palestine:
Palestinians Get A Lesson In Democracy: "The Results Of Palestine's Free And Fair Elections Were Not To Our Liking," Cheney Says:
Sanctions Leaves Fatah Police Unpaid:
"It Is Not Our Intention To Have Peace In The Middle East Until War No Longer Lines Our Pockets," Stephen Hadley Tells Press
By JEFFEY LUBE

NSA Steals Veterans Personal Data:
Attorney General Gonzalez Defends Theft On National Security Grounds:
Rumsfeld Reassures Veterans: "We Conned You Into Dying In Our War For Oil. Golly Gee, do You Actually Think Were Capable Of Selling Your Social Security Number?
NSA Nominee Hayden Tells Congress: "Shit. The NSA Already Had That Data And A Whole Fucking Lot More, But We Lost It, And We Needed Another Copy For National Security Reasons Too Sensitive To Go Into Before This Committee."
Poll Shows 96% Of Americans Support NSA Theft Of Veterans Info:
By SUGE COOLEY

The Anti-Empire Report No. 34
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM
May 21, 2006

Insurgents Of Despair Open New Front In Cuba:
Guards and Detainees Clash at Guantanamo:
Insurgency Now Just 90 Miles Off Florida's Shore In Cuba Cheney Warns:
Gitmo Psychological Torture Experiment Bearing Fruit Rumsfeld Claims
By BRER FOX V

Anthropologists Struggle To Explain Bush Administration, Republican Party:
Human Ancestors May Have Interbred With Chimpanzees
By DI COTOMI

Chavez Brushes Aside U.S. Arms Sales To Foes:
U.S. Seeks Bloody Confrontation In Venezuela Among Others
By JAMES JESUS D'ANGLETONGUE

Mikey Hayden And His Panty Sniffers At NSA Collect Phone Records To Blackmail Citizens And Hush-up Opponents:
"Ivy League Skidmark Aficionados Must Continue To Dominate U.S. Intelligence," Negroponte Insists:
"Goss Wasn't Fired Because He Fucked Trannies. He Was Fired Because I Wanted My Guy In There Fuckin' Trannies," Adds Negroponte. "That's Why 4 Of The 5 Candidates To Head The CIA Were From My Office And Two Are Trannies. Guess Which Two."
"Ya See Here At The Karl Rove White House We Go On The Premise That Everybody's Got Something To Hide," Says Rove.
By SCHMEKEL MOOSIKAL

"There Is Nothing Iran Can Do To Appease Us. Regime Change Is Inevitable," Says UN Ambassador Bolton:
Switch To Euro, Shi'a Unity With Iraq, Oil Money, Balkanization Of Iran Like Iraq & Yugoslavia, Raising Poll Numbers, Drive U.S. Plans To Attack Iran:
"If Iran's Nuclear Program Had Anything To Do With Our Latest Canard Maybe We'd Talk To Them. But I Doubt It," Don Rumsfeld Tells Special Forces Back From Recon Inside Iran
BY TIMIDLY PHELT

Bolivian Takeover Of Their Own Natural Gas Sets In Motion The Familiar Cycle Of International Corporate Violence & Extortion:
Corporations, Investors, Paraphrasing Henry Kissinger, Have Already Moved To "Make The Bolivian Economy Scream!"
Wall Street Investment Protesters Carry Signs That Read "Starve Bolivia Out!" & "Kill Morales!" Nationalization As A Bargaining Tool
By SNUFFY MUFFTI

Comedian Speaks Truth To Power And Power's Whores, Weasels And Stooges Don't Like It:
As Mark Twain Smiles Down, Official Washington, Celebrities, Press Corps Get Pissy With Stephen Colbert
LICEY MALAIS

Rendition: Its Not Just For Kidnapping Anymore:
Probe of Detainee Transfers Finds Many CIA Flights Carry Drugs, Arms, Semtex, Cash, Pornography, Cigarettes, Phony Credit Cards, Human Organs, Hookers, Exotic Pets, Migrant Workers
By KEG WHASTERELL

New Plans Foresee U.S. Secreting Terrorists Beyond War Zones:
Pentagon's SOCOM To Use Special Operations To Foment Coups, Assassinate And Exile Elected Leaders It Considers Uncooperative, Smash Unions, Send Nationalist Politicians To Meet Their Maker, Promote Proxies And Stooges, Buy Elections etc. etc.
By ASSKNOT TYREASON

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM
April 22, 2006

'You Knew I Was A Snake'---The Battle Over the Credit for High Gas Prices:
Katrina Was Oil Companies 9/11 Canard To Invade Americans' Wallets:
Just As 9/11 Was Used As An Excuse To Invade The Wrong Oil Rich Country, Katrina Is Being Used To Rip Off The Greedy Motherfuckers That At First Applauded That Invasion:
Kissinger's Korvee Kommunism And The Oil Wars:
Firms Confirm Cheney Energy Task Force Helped Develop Grift Policy, Abuse
By SNUFFY MUFFTI

Kissinger Kommunist Hears From The Chinese Version Of A Moonie:
"Damn China, Learn While You're Here In The States. There Are Far More Sophisticated Ways To Disappear People. And Most Involve Them Not Budging An Inch. In Fact, Inert Is Preferable."
By SUGE COOLEY

Microsoft Retains Rights To Student Inventions:
Gates Shakes Down Children For New Technologies To Steal:
Speech By Bill Gates Of Microsoft Industries At A Governors' Conference Held On The Kaiser Permanente Space Orbiter On April 1, 2006:
Gates PR Campaign To Steal Hearts---Ideas, Software, Wallets---In Full Swing
SUGE COOLEY

The Real Reasons Why Iran is the Next Target:
The Emerging Euro-denominated International Oil Marker
By WILLIAM CLARK

In a report written by a secret fact finding mission to Iraq not made public until now, WMD experts repeatedly used the epithet "the biggest sand toilets in the world" to describe the trailers that the Cheney administration repeatedly insisted were WMD biochemical weapons labs, one of the rationales for the invasion and occupation. Given these fresh revelations of Cheney administration lies, we thought it appropriate to reprise our Assassinated Press piece of May, 2003 by Julia Hijinky.
U.S. Forces Seize Chemical PortaJohn:
Suspect Saddam Methane Bomb:
Franks 'Inspects' Truck, Squeezes Off A Couple Of Rounds:
Baath Party Rejoices in Return to Power:
By JULIA HIJINKY

Libby: Bush, Cheney OK'd leak;
Bush And Cheney Asked To Reimburse Taxpayers For Sending Fitzgerald On $12,000,000 Wild Goose Chase:
"April Fuckin' Fools. We Knew Who Leaked All Along. Now Go Fuck Yourselves," Chuckles Cheney:
Cheney Administration Leaks Plans To Bomb Iran To Divert Attention From Plame Affair And Lies Used To Justify Invasion Of Iraq:
"Cover-up One Fuck-up With A New Fuck-up. Its The New Domino Effect," Guffawed White House Chief of Stink Karl Rove
By CRAGGY GORGE

Thou Shalt Not Put Another's Theft Before Mine:
Money To Be Stolen As Part Of Democracy Projects In Iraq Not A Priority in U.S. Budget Republicans And Evangelicals Claim:
Halliburton, Other Corporations Steal Lion's Share Of Christian America's Backsheesh:
Evangelical Money Changers Pissed Off
By PETTY BARKER

Congress Operates In The Dark:
Appropriations Committee Meets In Emergency Session To Allocate Funds To Pay Overdue Electric Bill:
Water Briefly Shut Off Too:
Deficit Shuts Down Government
By SUGE COOLEY

Whiteball's 60 Year Raceroid---And Apparently It Isn't Over Yet:
Newsflash: No Baseball Records Are Pure.
Probe of Shades: Selig expected to start investigation focusing on performance-enhancers and targeting BALCO, Bonds, Sheffield, Giambi
BY ARNIE PALUCCI

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM
March 26, 2006

Finding Himself In A Kangaroo Court, Moussaoui Decides To Pull The Great Satan's Leg About His Role In 9/11
By MICHAEL J. SNIVLEN

War Swap; "Meet Your New Army":
New Survivor Series In The Works: America's Iraqi "Red Dawn" Inspires FOX Executives
By YASO ADIODI

Iranians See Talks With U.S. As Histrionics:
Weakened By The Occupations Of Iraq And Afghanistan, U.S. Forced To Capitulate To Iran
By KAL ZONE

The Hague Carries Out NATO Hit On Milosevic Before Clinton, Albright, Clark, Schroeder And Blair Forced To Testify About Their Role In Fomenting Bloody Yugoslav Breakup:
French And Americans To Be held Particularly Accountable For Bombing:
Former Croatian Serb Leader Milan Babic Also Wacked By NATO:
Mass Graves Fell Well Below West's Dire Predictions, Often Contained Bombing Victims
SANDY BAGGER

Happy Now? Years of Support For Brutal Dictatorships, Aerial Bombing, Sanctions, False Imprisonment, Torture, Occupation, Theft Of Oil And Other Natural Resources etc. etc. ad nauseam---But Preventing Dubai Royalty And Bush Senior's Carlyle Group From Making a Few Billion More Dollars---That's Just Going Too Far:
Poll Shows That Most Muslims Do Not Support Dubai Deal, Nor The Dubai Kleptocrats Who Would Profit From It:
"How Fuckin' Shallow Do You Think Muslims Are?" Commented One Respondent. "This Is The Problem With Using American Journalists As The Standard. Virtually, No One's As Compromised And Ill-Informed As American Journalists Except Perhaps Their Editors.":
If You Still Need A Way To Demonstrate That You Still Love And Admire The Rich. Please Enlist:
By JAMES JAYSUS D'INGLETONG

MoneyFirst Destiny: Negative Perception Of Christianity Increasing:
Invasions, Enormously Lethal Military, Aerial Bombing And Other Forms Of State Terror, Coups, Sanctions, Assassinations, Torture, Theft Of Resources By Force And Guile etc. Add To The Perception Of Christians As Being Prone To Violence:
"U.S. Fundamentally Christian" Asserts Cheney Administration:
By CLAUDE E. DREAM & AD REYNAL FEARS

After Jogging On Water And Over A Brunch Of Loaves And Fishes The Washington Post Discovers Brazil's Wealthy Hate Lula da Silva. What A Fucking Surprise:
Post Article: Brazil's Carnival Just A Political Circus:
Populist Lula Soars In World's Estimation After Post Piece:
In Defense Of Dubai Deal Cheney Administration Unveils A Scroll That Shows That Before Christ Became One Of History's Most Famous Motivational Speakers He Made A Fortune Supplying Wine, Fish And Loaves To The Romans:
By ARYUFA REEL

Bolivian Coca Production Goes Free Market; CIA Must Compete In An Open Market Like God And The Chicago School Intended:
Americans Will Have To Take Responsibility For Their Own Addictions, Despair, Militarism And Other Perverse And Aberrant Behavior:
"U.S.---A Collection Of Pathetic Media-Controlled, Drug-Addicted Sock Puppets?" Asks Captain Pollo:
Bolivians Say, "America, Whatever The Fuck Your Problem Is, Pull Yourself Out Of It And Get Your Fuckin' Military And DEA Narco Cops Out Of Our Goddamn Country."
Bolivia's new leader vows eradication of coca - the main part of cocaine - will end, and its farmers rejoice:
Cocaine Competes With Thousands Of Other Drugs For Despair's Free Market In U.S.:
By LOTTA TWADDLE

A Certain Course For Haiti:
It May Be A $3000.00 Designer Boot But Secretary Of State Kindasleezie Rice Plans To Keep It On The Neck Of The Haitian People Now That The U.S. Had To Give In To The Notion That Aristide Protege Rene Preval Has Again Been Elected:
"We Prevented Him From Feeding The Haitian People The First Time He Was Caretaker President For Aristide, And We'll Keep Them Jigaboos Down This Time Too," Scott McLellan Reassures A Nervous Press Corps:
BY LOTTA RATATATTATLER

Convenience Store Operators Irate Over Loss Of Greenland Glaciers:
Southland CEO Lashes Out--"All that ice could have been bagged and sold through our more than 45,000 outlets to chill beer at softball games and Klan rallies. Now this wonderful resource and enlistment tool is lost to posterity forever.
Glacier Melt Could Signal Faster Rise in Ocean Levels, New Beachfront Property
By DARTH VENDOR

Bush Told To Call For More Muscle In Darfur To Thwart China's Energy Encroachment In The Region:
Again U.S. Kleptocrats Protect Their Strategic Interests Under The Pretense Of Giving A Shit About The Genocide In The Sudan:
Rights Groups Play Along With Hypocrisy; Trade Short Term Gains For Greater Long Term Disaster:
"That Used To Be Our Fuckin' Oil." China Signs Deal With Iran; U.S. Kleptocrats Buy In:
By JIM HANGEMHI & CUM N. LYNCH

Kleptocracy Reports For Foreign Policy Spring Training:
Big Government Cheney Administration Thinks They Can Solve The Iran Problem By Throwing Money At It--- After Alerting The Kleptocracy To Bring Their Catcher's Mitts:
Kindasleezie Rice Asks for $75 Million To Overthrow Elected Government In Iran:
Wolfowitz And Hadley Fucked Up And Iran Is Poised To Annex More Than A Third Of Iraq So Administration Decides To Play The Nuke Canard.
By GLAND KISSER

The Anti-Empire Report:
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM

Haitians Roiled By Another Attempt By U.S. To Steal Elections:
"Why Do We Fuck With Haiti? Because We Can," Says U.S. Ambassador James 'Creamhole' Foley:
As Election Results Continue To Trickle In, Préval Backers Again Confronted With What A Crock Of Shit America's Support For Free Elections Is:
U.S. Prepares Coup If Preval Prevails:
Should U.S. Taxpayers Foot The Bill When The U.S. Kleptocracy Fails To Deliver Another Stooge Via The Electoral Process Or Should U.S. Meddling In Foreign Elections Come With A Money Back Guarantee?
By LOU TINLIAR

Cheney Involved In Friendly Fire Incident:
Cheney Shoots Romantic Rival During Military Maneuvers For Kleptocrats:
As In Nature Chicken Hawks Only Attack Something Smaller Than They Are:
Whittington Receives Purple Heart From Bag Cheney Carries With Him And Sells To Foreign Heads Of State:
Lynn Cheney Says, "Maybe Now The Fat Fuck Will Stick To Paint Ball." Who Was The Third Hunter? And What Did He Know And When Did He Know It?:
By SHALLOW MUDDIE & PETER PUCKER:

Rumsfeld Offers Strategies For "Eternal Warre":
As The Assassinated Press Reported Several Years Ago Citing Satan As Authority, The Plan Of The U.S. Kleptocracy As Personified By The Cheney Administration Is "To Wage By Force Or Guile Eternal Warre."
Pentagon to Release 20-Year Plan Today:
Gen. Abizaid Credited With Popularizing The Term 'Long War'
"Combat Deaths May Help Alleviate Overcrowding In Cities," Says General Tommy Hobbes:
By JOSHING WHITEY & BADLEY GROOMED

Offending Cartoons Reprinted:
Western Media Too Stupid To Comprehend The Colonial/Post-Colonial Dimension To Muslim Fury:
European Dailies Defend Right To Be Ignorant Of History Like Their American Counterparts:
As Investments, Exports Threatened European Media Redefines Its Commitment To Free Speech:
European Media Eager To Whip Up Old Colonialist Sentiment:
"The West Acts Like There's Been Some Kind Of Equitable Relationship Here Because All The Media Shows Them Are Fat Arab Kleptocratic Fucks On London Shopping Sprees."
"Damn. All These People That We Have Fucked Over Are So Sensitive. I Honestly Didn't Think That They Knew That We Were Fucking Them Over Since We're The Ones With The Free Press And All."
"Even If One Cops To The Bullshit Notion That You Do Have A 'Free Press,' What Fuckin' Good Does It Do You?"
By MAHLI MOOR

Canned Detroit Autoworkers Look To Iraq For Jobs:
Poor Economy Proves To be An Excellent Recruiting Tool:
More Americans Employed In The Maintenance Of The Empire Than Ever Before:
"It's A Great Time To Be A Kleptocrat:" A Top CEO Describes How Americas' Nationalism, Xenophobia, Religious Faith, Ignorance, Gullibility, Rampant Consumption And Other Moronic Behavior Have Netted Him Billions:
SLYME TYME

Journalist, Cameraman Stable After Playing Imperialist Invader:
So Far 60 Journalists Killed In Iraq; 58 Were Arab Or 'Arab Looking' Journalists Killed By U.S. And British Troops, U.S. Intelligence Or Corporate Mercenaries:
Despite Public Pronouncements, Journalists And Personalities Quietly Cancel Iraq Trips:
Heat Turned Up On Economic Draft; Student Loans Cut To Force Enlistments:
Shills For Elite Take One For Uncle Slime:
U.S. Needs Body Armor. The Insurgents Don't.
By JAMES JAYSUS D'ANGLETONGUE

Advanced Microsoft Program Shows That 'Democracy' Is the Most Abused Word In The U.S.'s Political Lexicon:
"'Democracy' is The Political Prisoner of Words," Declares World's Most Advanced Fifth Generation Computer:
Cheney Administration Tortures Other Key Terms Like 'Freedom' And 'Self-Determination' Cognitive Computer Claims.
By JEFFEY LUBE

The Contradictions Of Exploiting Democracy To Export Kleptocracy:
A Year After Cheney Recast Nothing In Foreign Policy, Progress Remains Answerable In Dollars:
Political Prisoners Worldwide Misinterpret U.S. Position On Elections, Cheney Claims:
Palestinian Elections Insure Enormous Profits From Conflict Will Continue:
By PETTIE BARKER

In Defense Of Playing Wire Taps:
Top Intelligence Official Gen. Michael Hayden Says "Only Those Who Protest Administration Policy Are Domestic Spy Targets, Not The Average Joe Who Is Under The Mistaken Impression That Since He's Smothering His Ass In A Sofa Cushion We Can't Fuck Him There."
"Remember CoIntelpro And Spying On Groups Who Protested The U.S. Slaughter In Central America. Those Are the Folks We Plan To Fuck Over. Not Your Average Lemming. Shaking Them Down Is Already The Law Of The Land," Explains Attorney General Alberto Gonzales.
BY SLYME TYME

The Big Shill:
Rove Lays Down White Phosphorous For 2006 Midterm Elections:
Smokescreen For Continuing Fraud And Murder Wafts From White House:
GOP To Expand Its Greed Based Initiative At Home And Abroad:
Goebbels For Gerbils; Rove And The Big Lie
By BARRY BALLZY

China Recoils From Harshness Of U.S.'s Eminent Domain Laws:
New Orleans' Draconian Land Confiscation Too Much For Communist China:
Bush Travels To Louisiana To Shill For Land Developer Campaign Donors:
Right After Lying To The Big Easy's People, Bush Visits Florida Developer & Redskins Owner, Dwight Schar, Who Wants To Buy Up New Orleans:
Robber Barons Seek Eminent Domain To Buy Up Right Of Way For New Orleans' Planned Light Rail System: "If Monopolists Don't Own The Right Of Way, There Won't Be A Light Rail System," Says Cheney DoT:
By EDDIE CODEBOOKIE

Who Says Prostitution Is A Victimless Crime; Miners Die Because Pols Whore Themselves To Industry:
Cheney/Bush Administration Officials Charged With Prostitution And Murder In Deaths Of 12 West Virginia Miners:
Kleptocracy Caught With Smoking Guns In Mouths of Victims Again:
Mine Disaster's Terrible Irony: The Media, After Reporting Nothing About The Hazards Of Mining Deregulation And Union Busting, Commences Exploiting The Miners' Murders For Profit Without Threat Of Criminal Sanctions Or Even A Decent Vigilante Movement:
'Scooter' Libby's Hush Money To Be Laundered Through The Hudson Institute:
Before Second 'Stroke' Sharon Was About To Spill The Beans About The Hariri Assassination
By BOWAND KURTZY

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM

Save Your Horseshit, Pace; Assassinated Press Poll Shows 0% Of American Youth Know Who Murtha Is Much Less What He Said About Your Imperial Adventure:
Lawmaker's Talk About Military Irks Joint Chiefs Chair Gen. Restin Pace:
Assassinated Press Finds Military's Pool Of Cannon Fodder Untouched By Knowledge Or Information Of Any Kind:
Poll Numbers Lower Among The General Population:
"When Your Out There, Its Like America Is A Pre-Literate Culture. It Makes Me So Proud Of Our Education System, Stooge-Glutted Media, Wacky Religious Rackets, Entertainment Industry, And Vast Government And Corporate Propaganda Machine."---Ed Bernays:
Losing Struggle Against Iraqi Patriots Making Pace Testy, Say Aides:
Library Of Congress To Discard Books For Video Games To Compete With Pentagon For Funds:
By JOSHING WHITEYLIE

Except For Oil Pipelines, CIA Poppy, U.S. Throwing In The Towel In Afghanistan:
Record Year of Violence, American Deaths And Money At Stake In Upcoming 2006 Elections Convinces Cheney Administration To Go Public With Surrender Strategy:
"As Far As U.S. Is Concerned, The Hunt For Bin Laden Is Over," Says U.S. Ambassador Neumann:
NATO, Other Allies Take Up Combat Role, Avenge 9/11, And Pretend To Hunt For Bin Laden:
NATO Ain't Your Grandfather's Run Of The Military-Industrial Cold War Hustle Any More; Now Its A U.S. Owned And Operated Imperialist Army:
"But My Heart Ain't In It," Complains Lithuanian NATO Commander:
CIA Says UNOCAL Oil Pipeline Rep Hamid Karzai To Remain In Power For Now:
Most New Appropriations For Iraq Slated For Prison Construction To Meet U.S. Forces Appetite For Interrogation Sex:
By GRIFTY WITT

Haiti: A Place Of U.S. Trained & Financed Fear And Havoc:
"With The Buffalo Gone, The U.S. Is Back To Shootin' Niggers--- In Haiti"--Private Isaiah Samuels, U.S. Marine Corps, The Haitian Campaign of 1915:
When Did They Ever Stop?:
John Bolton Does His Impression Of A Constipated Toilet Brush At The U.N. Again:
By LOTTA TAILORED LYIN'

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The Ethos of the American Consumer Culture: The worthless life is the only life worth protecting.

9/11 Lies Invoked Once Again, But Journalists Cover As Thousands More Die:
"We're Too Self-Absorbed To Care About The Truth" The Fourth Estate Announces:
"The fuckers pass the bar. The fuckees pass out at the bar."---Karl Rove's enlistment policy or "why I didn't serve."
BY CRACKED GOURDION

Halliburton Demotes Rumsfeld; Secretary Has Promising Future In Food Service
Secretary Well-Versed In Dishing Out Slop:
Secretary For State Terror Finally Finds Something He's Good At; Serves KBR's $8.00 Dinners to Troops in Iraq:
U.S. State Terror Aerial Bombing Runs Put Fear Of God In Iraqi Civilians This Holiday Season:
"When You Hear The Looney Left Whine About Collateral Damage," Gen. Casey Told Reporters, "Just Remember The Immortal Words Of Our Favorite NASA NAZI, Werner von Braun, Who Said, 'I Aim For The Stars But Sometimes I Hit London.' Now There's An Imperialist Who Understood The Value Of Terror And The Big Lie."
By ROBBIE BURONS

Saddam's Lawyers Say Ramsey Clark at Risk From Rumsfeld's Thugs:
White House Press Secretary Scottie 'Tissue of Lies' McLellan Insists "White House Cannot Discuss An Ongoing Assassination.":
By JAMED HALABUTT

Appealing To the Voyeur In Americans, Bush's Support Hardens After a Long Decline:
More Americans Upbeat About Prolonged Slaughter In Iraq, Tax Breaks For the Rich:
"Domestic Spying Shows Bush Cares About Me.":
Millions Of Americans Volunteer For 'Operation Lemming'; Insert Web Cams, Microphones In Their Most Private Places At NSA's Request; "The Administration Maybe Spying On Me Makes Me Feel Important."
Right Wing Groups Under Special Scrutiny: Michael Chertoff Says "We Consider Anyone Stupid Enough To Agree With Us Highly Suspicious."
By ZBIGNEW BALLS & RICHIE MORONE

"War is a racket."-Major General Smedley Darlington Butler

Bolivian Candidates Differ Sharply:
"Don't Make Me Come Down There," Cheney Warns Bolivians:
Quiroga Looking For Second Chance To Fuck Over His Homeland:
National Endowment For Democracy Cash, Nicked From Katrina Funds, Pours Into Quiroga's Coffers.
If U.S. Can't Fix Elections Should They Encourage Them? U.S. Greed Has Made World So Destitute Billions Of Dollars Funnelled Through USAID & NED Can No Longer Buy Elections.
By PHIONIE SMIRKAN

What's at Stake in Iraq's Elections:
Elections Should Bring Civil War Into Sharper Focus:
Patina Of Democracy Designed To Intensify Violence.
Oh What A Tangled Web: Elections Compound Lies About Reasons For Invading Iraq---Lube 18:35
By JEFFEY LUBE

"If you're going first class, you got Mars. If you're going coach, you got The Rapture."
U.S. Kleptocracy's Isolation On Global Warming Not A Concern:
Bush Plan Includes The Rapture And Colonizing Mars To Avoid Danger:
World Says It Would Just Be Glad To See Whitey Go---"Mars, Rapture, It Don't Fuckin' Matter As Long As You Assholes Get Out Of Our Business."
In Flap Over 'Christmas', Creche, Check Or Charge Not A Factor.
By EVAN HELPICE

"War is a racket."-Major General Smedley Darlington Butler

Cheney Gets One Of His Urges:
Cheney Urges "Steadfastness. After All, Its Not My Ass. But It Is My Oil.":
Invading Iraq Called A Win for Terrorists Or 'People Standing Between Me And My Oil.':
Reality Check: U.S. Can't Afford Free Elections In Iraq Any More Than It Can Afford Them In Egypt.
By IDYLL ROOMER

The Anti-Empire Report:
Some things you need to know before the world ends
BILL BLUM

U.S. Denies Role in Venezuela Vote Boycott:
"We've Run Out Of Bribe Money," Declares U.S. Official:
'Highway Chalabi': Ahmed Chalabi Charms The Pants Off Official Washington.
Cheney Administration Does 180 On Chalabi Because Now He's Iraq's OIL Minister.
By NOTELLIE OBLIKO NONPERSON

Rumsfeld's War On 'Insurgents':
Rumsfeld's Epiphany: Change 'Insurgents' To 'People Standing Between Me And My Oil Money':
Secretary For State Terror Takes The Fourth Estate For Another Wallow In His Semantic Cesspool:
As Developers Buy Up New Orleans Army Enlistments Grow:
By DOWNA SHITBANK

Taliban Who Burned GI's Bodies May Be Disciplined:
By DOMINUKE CORNEY

Declassified Report Cites Cheney Administration As Clear And Present Danger To U.S.:
Cheney Lashes Out At Veterans; Calls Them Cowards:
Cheney, Bush, Hadley Smear Chicken Hawk Shit On Murtha, McCain, Kerry, Cleland, American Public:
Cheney Administration Can't Sniff Ass From Anthrax; Germans Confirm Powell/Cheney/Rumsfeld WMD Trucks Were In Reality Port-A-Johns As First Reported By The Assassinated Press; U.S. Administration Lied German Intelligence Officers Report:
Bush Now Appearing As The Connecticut Cracker At King Dickie's Court
By HORMEL LURKIE

The Case For Capital Punishment: Turns Out Invasion Of Iraq WAS Premeditated Murder For Oil:
Document Shows Oil Chiefs Lied About Meeting With Cheney Oil Task Force:
Cheney, Oil Companies Crafted Invasion Of Iraq:
Chickenhawks Cheney, Bush, Hadley On Offensive Fearing Lynch Mob:
Tone Of Public Comments Has That 'Don't Kill Me' Ring To It:
Bush Says Its Irresponsible Of Officials To Finally Begin To Come Around To The Truth:
Huge U.S. Bombing And Troop Offensive In Western Iraq Fails To Secure Route For Pipelines
By DOWNA SHITBANK & THISJUSTIN "BOOM"

"If Toby Keith And George Bush Can Sell The Country Music Audience On This Bogus War Without Either Fuck Fighting In It, That's A Bunch Of Crackers We Want A Suck At," Chairman Of The Madison Avenue Public Relations Firm of Barnum & Libido Told An Audience Of Recording Executives:
Country Music Veterans Drive Home Horrors, Cash, Big Cars For Peddling Bathetic Ignorance:
Where Coke Meets Meth: Xenophobic Music Gaining In Popularity; Madison Avenue Eager To Cash In:
Sentimentality And Advertising Work Hand In Hand:
With War In Eye-Rack As Backdrop, Country Music's Bathos Of Ignorance Blooms:
After Socially Engineered Poverty, A Recruiter's Best Friend, Country Again On the Wrong Side Of The Foreign Policy Tracks:
Seeing, Hearing This Shit, Theodor Adorno Named Visionary Of the Century By...Well There's No One Sentient Enough In America To Give Such An Award:
BY GLAND GOBLOA

Bush Urges China to Impose Market Fascism
By JENNIFER LOVENIZASS

"I'll Be Homeless For Christmas"; FEMA Rewrites A Classic:
FEMA to Stop Paying for Evacuees' Hotels:
Halliburton Stole Hurricane Relief Money To Help Clear Pipeline Routes In Iraq; Mercs Paid To Destroy Towns:
"The Iraqis Are Just The Indians De Jour," Rumsfeld Declares In His Thanksgiving Address To The Troops:
Hurricane Victims Told To Lease An Ass And Look For Available Mangers, All Utilities Included.
By LUNA JAKES AJARDAN

Move to Democracy Still In The Pipeline, Bush Tells Eastern Europe:
"It Is Deeply Irresponsible To Rewrite The History Of How The War Began. But What The Fuck. I Ain't Nothin' If I Ain't Irresponsible," Says Bush:
Bush's Angry Offensive Popular Among Delinquent Dads, Catholic Bishops. To Others, Its Just Offensive:
Bush Forcefully Attacks Iraq Critics With Karl Rove's Thoughts And Perversions
By THORD REICHMANN

"If Evolution Is Wrong, Why Are All The 'Intelligent Design' Advocates Such Knuckle Draggers?" God Asks The Assassinated Press.:
Protestant Pastor In China Convicted For Distributing Bibles Printed By American Intelligence:
"This Is Not Kansas, Dorothy. China Cannot Yet Afford To Have A Delusional Bunch of Bible Thumping Morons Hold Her Back Like The Great And Brutal American Empire That Sucks Dry the Rest Of The World," Says People's Court Judge Xan Chui. "If We Became As Fat And Dumb As America Is Now, America Would Gobble Us Up For Our Natural Resources."
Robertson Confirms Intelligent Design Is A Smokescreen For Christian Fundamentalism; Pat Robertson Says Dover, PA Voters Should Look To Darwin To Help Them, Not God Since They Rejected The Lacuna Of Intelligence Demonstrated By Pro-Intelligent Design School Board Members, Leaving Little Doubt As To What's Behind Intelligent Design:
Dover Voters Fine With That, Saying Following Darwin, They'll Continue To Look To Their Doctors For Cures, Their Meteorologists For Weather, Their Geologists For Oil And Natural Gas, Their Chemists For Kevlar, Their Metallurgists For Guns, Their Physicists For............... And They'll Look To God When Pat Robertson Stops Looking Like A Genetically Engineered Lawn Troll.:
By PIPER PANDORER

"War is a racket."-Major General Smedley Darlington Butler

"ITS NOT TORTURE, ITS SEX," Cheney Claims.
Bush Declares: 'We Need Torture. Its Our Kickback Fetish After A Hard Day Of Doing the Murder For Oil Fetish.':
'Power Kind Of Kinks You Up,' Declares Rumsfeld.:
Cheney, Libby, Wolfowitz Et Al Went To War To Add To Personal Collection Of Snuff Films:
In The Great Tradition Of The CIA Sponsored Men's Magazines Of The Fifties, U.S. Intelligence Starts Hard Core Fetish Porn Website (operationjizzmo.com) Featuring U.S. Servicemen Performing Golden Showers, Anal Penetration, Bondage, Asphyxiation, And Snuff On Iraqi Detainees:
Mel Gibson's 'Passion Of Christ' & Cheney's 'Thou Shalt Torture' Reprise To Sellout Mobs On Double Bill At Evangelical Churches.
By GET RITCHMANN

Meet the New Elito, Same As The Old Elito:
With The End Of Roe V. Wade Congress, Red States Gear Up To Father Thousands, Millions Of Bastards:
Evangelicals Embrace Papist Court:
Blue Blood And Blue Balls: Alito: A Case Study In The Abuse Of The Latter To Become The Former.
By DAVID IGNORAMUS

U.S. Intelligence Can't Take A Joke Or Identify One Either:
Writers jailed in 2002 for political satire
After three year run at Comedy Club Guantanamo, Afghan writers found to be no threat to United States:
Where 'Stand Up' Means Four Days Running:
BY JARHEAD RUMPHURT

U.S. Offers Syria Large Aid/Trade Package Similar To The One Given Libya If They Take Blame For Hariri Assassination:
"Shit! We Couldn't Bribe Them Without Some Fuckin' Leverage," Cheney Tells Reporters:
Saddam's Lawyers To Introduce U.S. Complicity In Crimes Against Humanity Including Gasing Iranians:
Kindasleezzie Rice Says U.S. Just Wants To "Atone" For Its Former Crimes Against The Iraqi And Iranian People But Refuses To Turn Over Any Americans Involved In Those Crimes Like Don Rumsfeld And Dick Cheney:
Trial Limited To Dujail Executions Because Direct U.S. Complicity In Those Murders Difficult To Prove:
Saddam's U.S. Puppetmasters To Walk With Iraq's Oil---Sweet
BY MOREGARD BRAZZI

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM

Jeb Bush Says Florida's Final Solution is the Bill Bennett Strategy:
America's Attack on the Poor Continues Unabated:
U.S. Gives Florida a Sweeping Right to Gut Medicaid:
Jeb Bush Says Florida's Ultimate Strategy is the Bill Bennett Solution:
HMO's Sharpen Forks in Anticipation of Another Great Treasury Raid:
Pork to Rise While Care Disappears:
"They're Just Niggers," Brags Cheney:
"We Can't Count on Hurricanes," Smirks Bush:
By JORGE SWILL

Cold War CIA Right To Christers' Espionage Organization , New Tribes Mission, Recalled To Langley:
Long History Of Association With Cuban 2506 Brigade, Alpha 66, Omega 7 Exposed:
Unlike CIA's Evangelicals, To Receive Chavez's Aid You Do Not Have To Become A Noxious Right To Christer And Spy For God Is On Our Side Crowd:
By NAT MAYOWN PERSON & ROBERT PARSONS III

Ass. Press Potpourri
By VA BABBINO

Big Oil, Right To Christers Renew Calls For Murder Of Chavez As Venezuela Promises Cheap Oil To Poor Chicagoans:
"Obscene Profits" Could be Downgraded To "Cutthroat" Or Even "Business As Usual" Oil CEO Warns:
"This Shit Has Got To Stop," Said Soon To Retire Exxon/Mobil CEO Lee Raymond.:
CEOs, Evangelicals, Congress, Cheney Aministration Angered Over Good Works.:
Chavez's Caring And Effectiveness Could Dampen Message Of Poor's Insignificance Cheney Adminstration Sent After Katrina.
By OZ UWHIR

In Tragedy The Fucker With The Flaw Dies:
Police Call Killing Of Armed Man, Hostage in Fla. Tragic:
"Sophocles Is Tragic. Not This Bullshit," Aristotle Taking Issue Says. "Unless the Tragic Flaw Is That Any Trigger Happy Ignorant Fuck In America Is Tailor Made For Law Enforcement, Military And/Or Merc.":
Police Hoped To Avoid Patty Hearst Situation By Shooting Indigent Woman Hostage.:
"If there's a fatal flaw, its not tragic. Its institutional. Its called a lack of accountability."
By MUTCH STANKY

The Fact That Abortion Is The Central Issue In The Selection Of Supreme Court Justices Is Proof Positive The Country Desperately Needs It---Retroactively.:
Right To Life Congressmen Routinely Abort Their Mistress's Pregnancies
Bush Nominates Miers With An Eye On Keeping Nominee's Mouth Shut About His National Guard Record, Affair, Theft Of Papers:
Another Of The Faux President's Honeys Nominated To A High Position:
Miers Had An Abortion While Still A Catholic. Who Was The BB's Father?
BY KRIEGER CONDOM, HUI GANG RAPE & BOB PARSONS III

Rice Lashes Up And Out As U.S. Keeps Its $2400.00 Designer Boots On Haiti's Electoral Process:
Secretary of State emphasizes no need for 'free, fair, inclusive' presidential balloting as long as a U.S. stooge is declared a winner:
Like Powell, Haitians See Kindasleezzie For The House Nigger She Is:
BY LOOTTA JAILYA & ROBERT PARSONS III

The Washington Post's Creepy Coup Masters:
Post's Stock Portfolio Which Is Heavily Dependent On Slave Labor From Central America Threatened By The Rise Of The Sandinistas:
Chamorros Poll Country Clubs
BY LOONIE DOWNER JR. & JONATHAN BEASLEY III

THE MOSQUITO
By Phan Van Tri

O mosquito, you're blessed with all nice things!
What do you lack? Why buzz and still complain?
You've rested on jade mats and ivory beds.
You've stroke and kissed rouged lips or powdered cheeks.
You've spared no children, pampering your mouth.
You've hurt poor people, glutting up your paunch.
When a good swatter someday comes to hand,
I'll pay you for your crimes without a blink!
(Vietnam)

Preachy Man White Under The Collar:
William Bennett Defends Comment on Abortion and Crime; Says White Collar Crime Is So Emblematic Of The American Way Of Life That If All White Babies Were Aborted By His Morality Death Squad, Not Just Criminal Behavior But Evil As We Know It Would Be Wiped Out:
Ken Lay's Mom Was Going To Get An Abortion But Bernie Ebber's Mom Talked Her Out Of It.:
Adolph Hitler's Mom Was Going To Get An Abortion But Prescott Bush's Mom Talked Her Out Of It.:
Karl Rove's Mom Was Going to Get An Abortion But Hermann Goering's Mom Talked Her Out Of It.:
George Bush Is An Abortion:
'Book of The Virtues Of Having A Gambling Addiction' Author, Fats Bennett, Says Hypocritical Remark Was Valid---'In a regime of grand larceny, petty larceny ranks as conformity.'
By JACK THE RAPPER & JONATHAN BEASLEY IV

DeLay Says He Is Innocent of Charge:
Republicans Pick Rep. Blunt to Fill House Leader Vacancy:
Cheney Says "I prefer wack jobs piloting Air Force II. It gives me an appreciation of what flying coach on bankrupt decontroled commercial airliners is like for the little people."
By LARRY MARGASACK

Kissinger Pushes Bolton Into A Peacemaker Breaking Her Neck:
Bolton Determined To Destroy The Top Ten Floors Of The U.N. Building With His Walrus Good Looks And 'Kiss Up, Blame Down' Individualism:
Cheney's Air Force Two Pilot Harrasses Small Business; Is Cheney Involved?
By BUDD CROOK MOTOMOUTH & JONATHAN BEASLEY IV

"Fodder For Oil" Chants Pro-War Crowd
Iraq War Supporters Follow Anti-War Rallies:
Willingly Sacrifice Loved Ones For Oil:
Rush Limbaugh Says Numbers Don't Count:
March Comes Day After Opponents Descended on D.C.
Millions Of Dollars In Court Settlements That Washington DC Had To Pay Out To Last Years WTO Protesters Prevents Chief 'Headbanger' Ramsey From Sending Cindy Sheehan And Other Mothers Of Dead Soldiers To The Hospital.:
By ELSBETH GOOPRIDGE

Forces Bolstered To Protect Pipeline Routes In Western Iraq:
Commanders Hope to Block Sabotage, Decline In Stock Of Companies They Hope To Become Board Members Of:
Sadistic Torture At Fallujah Considered, 'Recreational Sport' By 82 Airborne; "Beatings, Burnings, Brutality" Picked Up For Fourth Season By FOX and Coors Light:
By BADLEY GROOMED

Mattis And Domestic Violence
"GoDaddy! GoDaddy! Beat The Shit Outta Momma! 'Cause You'll Never Be Anything But A Marine. Rumsfeld's Tool.":
'Domestic Violence And Rape Epidemic In the Marine Corps.':
"We Don't Need No Taliban To Show Us How To Fuck Up Our Women," Says Gen. Mattis.:
Wife Beating A Time Honored Tradition At The Corps.:
Do We Really Want Marines? Anymore Than, Say, Small, Defenseless Countries Do.:
"'Serving' The Banks And Corporations Since 1805. Always Faithful To The Interests Of The Rich. Semper Fi. The Marine Corps."
By BOBBIE 'HOT PANTS' PARSON

U.S. Re-adopts McNamara's Body Count 'Accounting Methods,' Claims Success in Iraq Despite Onslaught:
Vietnam Era Body Counting Techniques Now Cited as Benchmarks:
Using The MACV Body Count 4000 Quantum Computer, U.S. Is Projected To Kill Every Man, Woman, Child & Goat In Iraq Eight Times Over By 2009:
British Caught Planting Bombs In Shi'ite Basra To Blame It On The Sunnis; Limeys Kill New York Times Journalist Because He Was Arab:
Dobie Gillis Snitches A Bust; Teen Aged Iraqi Informants Finger Innocent Iraqis For U.S. Military Intelligence; Some Were Al-Qaeda Operatives In U.S. Supplied Masks
By OLEO KNICKERMIRE

Reaction To Katrina Split Along Experiential Lines; Whites Still Telling Black People What They, Black People, Are Experiencing Regardless Of The Facts:
More Blacks View Race As Factor In Federal Response, But Not Most Whites Who Continue To Operate With Their Racist Heads Up Their Asses:
Al-Qaeda says---"We Count On White America To Operate With Their Collective Head Up Their Ass. Apparently, There's Even Enough Room For Tim Russert's Bulbous Piehole Console Up His Chocolate Whizzway. Praise Allah":
Media Concerned Criminal Element May Return To New Orleans; Ass. Press Reminds Colleagues That Dick Cheney Has Already Been There:
"The Cheney Administration Does Care About Niggers. They Wouldn't Introduce All Of That Legislation Hostile To Niggers If They Weren't Deeply Concerned, As I Am, That Niggers Might Get An Even Break."----Bill O'Really
By IZZY SPURIUS & EDWARD BERNAYS

Rice Puddin': New Broadway Play Recounts Bush/Rice Lost Summer
By HAIRY NOODLE

"GO FUCK YOURSELF, MR. CHENEY:"
In His Dual Roles As De Facto CEO Of Halliburton And De Facto President Of The 47 United States Left Cheney Goes To Katrina Stricken Area To Check In On Kellogg, Brown & Root Operations, Potential For More Halliburton Contracts:
Halliburton Stock Hits 52 Week High:
"Go Fuck Yourself, Mr. Cheney," Becomes Rallying Cry Of Millions Of Americans And Billions More Across The Globe:
Young Man Who Shouted To Dick Cheney "Go Fuck Yourself Mr. Cheney," Called 'The New Thomas Paine':
Invasion Sets Iraqi Infrastructure Back 2000 Years, Just As PNAC Intended:
By JEFFEY LUBE & HAIRY NOODLE

Local Authorities, Katrina Victims, Media, General Public No Match For Administration's World Class Motherfuckers:
Barbara Bush Says, "So What If You're Home Was Destroyed And YOUR Mammy Drowned. You Were Poor And Now Your Living In A Box Seat At the Houston Astrodome Wear My Royal, Fat, Stinking Ass Occasionally Sat. So Katrina Is 'Working Out Well For You."
Americans Get Another Taste Of Bush's Mondo Motherfucker Or This Is What It Has Felt Like In Baghdad As Cheney And Rumsfeld, In TheName Of Holy Oil, Visited A Faith Based Technological Katrina On The Iraqis:
"Thank God Nobody Got Hurt [In Katrina]," Declares CEO Of Halliburton As Cheney Pours Another $51 Billion Dollars Into The Hog Trough:
Political peril hits Team Bush when it oughta be imminent physical peril: 'We are the hollow men. We are the stuffed men...'
A Couple Of More Katrinas And Fidel Castro Will Be A Shoo-in For the American Presidency Even With Diebold:
By Simply Giving A Damn, U.S. Beleaguered Cuba Can Evacuate 1.9 Million People Without A Single Fatality:
National Football League Season Opens With Mass Acid Drop As Androgynous White Men In Eye Makeup Play Baby Music Before 60,000 Drunken Bostonian Bigots Cheering For 300 Pound Black Men On Horse Tranquilizers; The Muslims Are Jealous Of Our Pharmaceuticals:
By FLASH WHOREDOM

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
WILLIAM BLUM

My Delusions WILL Get You Killed; Why I Want You To Stay in Iraq:
Even After 9/11, Iraq Lies, Katrina, Americans Still Have Little Appreciation Of The Sinister Nature Of Their Ruling Kleptocracy:
Cheney, Halliburton Blew Up Louisiana Flood Walls, Get Contracts To Rebuild Them As Well As Dwellings, Nearby Bases, OIL INSTALLATIONS; Assign Former FEMA Director Allbaug To Run Show; Snipers Hired To Foil Army Corps; Present Head Of FEMA Brown Confirms Breaching Of Flood Walls After Storm Was Over, Bizarre:
The American Entrepreneurial Spirit Thrives: Its Oil Futures On Wall Street And TV Futures In New Orleans; Neither Require the Looter To Put Up A Cent Of His Own Money, Both Exploit Misery & Death, One In Iraq, The Other In New Orleans, Both Promise Big Returns By Capitalizing On That Misery And Death; Or "In a regime of grand larceny, petty larceny ranks as conformity."
As In Iraq, Troops Used As Junk Yard Dogs To Protect Property That Cheney Kleptocracy Plans To Seize Through Eminent Domain:
The States' Rights Administration All Too Happy To [S]Pin The Blame On State And Local Authorities For Katrina Evacuation, Aftermath, After Cutting, Stealing Funds:
Cuba Offers 11,000 Doctors And Emergency Medical Supplies But Administration Refuses Help In Their Eagerness To Demonstrate That Their Domestic Policy Conforms To Their Foreign Policy Toward The Poor And Minorities:
Adminstration Neglect Of New Orleans, Like Neglect After Blitzkrieg Into Baghdad, Is Meant To Send A Message:
White House Chief Of Stink Rove: We Had A Big Broo-ha Over Freud's Psychoanalysis, But Where's The Big Broo-ha Over His Nephew Edward Bernays' Anti-Democratic, Truth Obliterating Public Relations Or As Kung Cautioned "Have No Twisty Thoughts."
By VICTOR E. ATHANDJIZZ & COL. HAIRY NOODLE

God The Flip-Flopper. The Almighty Attacks U.S. On Behalf Of Iraqis, Iranians, Osama Bin Laden, Environment, Rest Of World:
U.S. Trying To Play God In Middle East Pisses Off 'The Real Deal'.:
Administration, PNAC, Carlyle Group, Business Round Table, NAM Meet In Washington, Discuss Ways To Best Profit From Hurricane:
Median Income Of Hurricane Victims Studied, Aid Rejected:
NRA Signing Up Gun Looters In New Orleans, Condemns Those Taking Food And Water:
Cuba, Venezuela Would Send Hundreds Of Doctors To Louisiana If U.S. Foreign Policy Toward Them Wasn't Written By Right-Wing Whoremongers In Miami; Miami Cubans Refuse To Even Send Condolences To "Niggers And Crackers" Fucked Up By Hurricane:
Bush Says Administration Plans To Air Drop His Brother Neil To Absorb All The Water In And Around New Orleans:
Bush Cancels Rehab At Crawford Site To Focus On Rehab In The White House; Has No Immediate Plans To Take His Thumb Out Of His Ass And Visit Gulf Coast, Burst Dikes Or No:
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy? Is The Bible Contributing To The Apocalypse; Evangelicals Least Ecology Minded; New Rules Allow Power Plants To Pollute More; How Will God React?:
Trafficante Crime Family Club Destroyed; Kennedy Assassination 'Memorabilia' Lost:
In act of self-flagellation the most requested Video on MTV is "American Idiot".:
By REV. ADOLPH E. SCHMID & REV. HAIRY NOODLE

Unpatriotic Eggheads Shit On Cheney And Rumsfeld's Canard For Bombing, Invading Iran:
No Proof Found of Iran Arms Program:
Rumsfeld, Cheney Say They Will Bomb, Invade Iran Anyway Using Lies Left Over From The Invasion Of Iraq, Vietnam:
"No bunch of Darwin lovin' pansies is going to derail our plans to invade Iran," Bush declares.: No Matter That Uranium Is Traced to Pakistani Equipment:
Turks Begin Troop Buildup Along Border With Iraq In Anticipation Of Iraqi Constitution:
By DAFFY DIMMER & HAIRY NOODLE

"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."---Ambrose Bierce

By Feeding The Poor, Healing The Sick And Clothing The Naked, Chavez Is A Threat To Robertson's Lucrative Evangelical Scam In Latin America:
Robertson Provides Distraction As Iraqi Charter Proves To Be Recipe For Ratcheting Up The Civil War:
Joint Chiefs: "We can't kill the competition fast enough to please the corrupt Iraqi Parliament and their American business partners.
By HAIRY TOOLDEL & ALI CORPORATMAN

Researchers Explore Whether G.W. Bush Has Concept Of Zero:
Bush may have hit on a concept that has eluded family members for centuries—possibly during a temper tantrum.
By HAIRY NOODLE

The Legend Grows: Karl Rove Gets Cindy Sheehan Out Of Bush's Face:
White House Chief Of Stink Induces Stroke In Protester's Mother:
Her Mother Ill, 'Peace Mom' Leaves Camp:
Drive Back To L.A. Forces Sheehan Into Bankruptcy:
By ANGLING BRAUNNOSE

Marine Who Served Tour Assembling Body Parts For Burial Should Be Allowed To Shoot Any Americans He Pleases:
'Marine of Year' Shoots At Drunken Crowd:
Will Bush Meet With Daniel Coitnoir?
"We don't have a problem with him shooting Americans because they are responsible for his suffering. We just wish he'd be more selective."-Citizens For The Elimination Of War Profiteers:
Americans Bear The Responsibility For Fuckin' Coitnoir Up, So They Should Accept The Consequences And Stop Running To Their Criminal Justice System And Medical Establishment Like 'Girly Men.'
JEFFEY LUBE

Crawford 'Bubble Boy' Huddles On Car Floor As Secret Service Does Drive By Of Mother Stupid Enough To Send Her Boy To Iraq On Dick Cheney's Say-So:
Parents Cutting Achilles Tendon Of Gullible Teenagers Threatening To Go To Iraq To Avoid Household Curfew:
Experts: Vigil for her fallen son won't distract PNAC and help fan the flames for a gathering bombardment and invasion of Iran:
"[T]he White House has not avoided snubbing Sheehan personally, and has pointed out she already had one meeting with Bush last year and that a patrician 'bubble boy' like Bush might catch something from a commoner like Sheehan."
Ass. Press Poll: Should George Bush wear a helmet at all times to protect him from falls?
BY CRAG NEWSGOON

Consider The Source: Hot New Lies Melt Rumsfeld's Polygrip!
Britain And US Warn Shi'ite Iran Over Links with Iraq's Sunni rebels. Yellow Cake, WMD, Iraqi Links To Al-Qaeda Anyone?:
Administration Supporters Ordered To Enlist Immediately At Nearest Recruitment Center:
300,000 Volunteers Needed Without Delay To Defend Our Freedoms Against The Iranian Threat Whatever Karl Rove Decides It Is.:
"Shit. Iranian Oil Money Spends Just As Good As Iraqi Oil Money," Cackles Dick Cheney From VIP Nuclear Fallout Bunker #640, 5 Miles South Of Death's Door, New Mexico.:
By JOHN WHELPY HARDON

Petrodollar Warfare: Dollars, Euros and the Upcoming Iranian Oil Bourse
By William R. Clark

From Behind Many Isolating Phalanxes Of Security, Bush Peeks Out After New Insurgent Threats:
Faux President Peeps The Poorest Along With The Most Ignorant Of U.S. Citizens Will 'Complete the Cheney Oil Heist In Iraq' And Sets No Timetable For Pullout Because What's It To Him:
Al-Qaida's deputy leader threatens more attacks on The Empire, according to videotape:
The Guy, Zawahiri ,Who Embodies The Reality Of Iraq And The Middle East Has His Account Of That Reality Discounted By Blair:
Media, Fearful Of their Crimes And Grasping At Straws, Says al-Zawahri Looks Tired, Could Use 5 Weeks At Crawford:
Blair, Cheney Administration Having Had About Enough of Former Foreign Secretary Robin Cook, Murder Him.:
What The World Needs Now Is Mao, More Mao; Chinese Cities And Countryside Rage At the Rich And Powerful; Americans Nap With FOX and Bochko:
By JIZBO HIGHHAND

The Anti-Empire Report
Some things you need to know before the world ends
By WILLIAM BLUM

Blood and Gravy
By CHRIS FLOYD

[Liars' Almanac: U.S. Ambassador Zalmay Khalilzad issued a statement about equal rights after a meeting with unspecified Iraqi religious leaders. "I assured them that the United States believes strongly that the Iraqi constitution should provide equal rights before the law for all Iraqis regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, religion or sect," Khalilzad said. "There can be no compromise."
That's it Zalmay, shove the myth of 21st century America down the throats of the Iraqis. America, whose Constitution, at first, considered blacks to be only three-fifths of a person, that required a hundred plus years struggle before 'allowing' women the vote, and 150 years for blacks even as the Republican party attempts, at this very moment, to role back the Voting Rights Act. Zalmay Khalilzad, just another whoring cunt to power, founding member of the PNAC, a liar of the first order and, not surprising, U.S. ambassador to Iraq.]

At Last, Bush Finds A Crowd As Ignorant As He Is At Boy Scout Jamboree:
Army, Marine Recruiters Sign Up 18,000 Scouts:
Large Pool Of Sexually Abused Boys In Short Pants Tapped For Military Service:
Site Of Scout Jamboree Is Military Base Declared A Toxic Waste Dump:
Lesions Blamed On Sun, Lack Of Ozone:
16,000 Scouts And 97% Of Scout Masters Test Postive For AIDS; Intravenous Drug Use Epidemic Among Scouts:
President's Unholy Visit to Va. Event Was Delayed Twice By Fear Of Infecting More Scouts.
By Komma Toes

Cheney Threatens McCain's Balls:
Bush Demands He be Called 'Der Furor':
White House Aims to Block Legislation Legalizing Torture, Refuses to Share Power With Anyone:
Warner Practicing KowTows in the Halls of Congress:
By JOSH BOSH & R. JEFFREY FRAGGER

Last Call To ROCK & ROLL!!!!; Many Who Support The War Have Not Yet Signed Up. Hurry The Fuck Up. You Are the Morons We Most Want To See Come Back In A Box Or Not Come Back To Our Country At All.:
Administration Thoroughly Whipped In Iraq, Ready To Cut And Run In Spring:
"We Got Fuckin' Better Things To Do Than Steal Iraq's Oil For That Cocksucker Dick Cheney," Reads Communiqué From Joint Chiefs Of Staff:
Remaining Troops And Mercs Will Protect Dick Cheney's Oil, Natural Gas, Scott McLellan says:
Evacuation Planned By Helicopter From Roof Of Baghdad Embassy:
Shia Charter To Give Shi'ites A Big Role; Committee Chairman Misinterprets What U.S. Oligarchy Means By Democracy, Cites "Will of Majority" Instead Of Will Of Those In Which The Majority Of Wealth Resides.:
U.S. Signals Spring Start of Pullout But Will Continue To Fuck Up Iraq In Traditional Foreign Policy Ways.:
General Restates Position, Noting Contingencies, As Rumsfeld Arrives In Baghdad To Tell Him To Shut His Piehole About The Cut And Run.:
"He may be a smirking little ignorant prick of a president, but he's my smirking little ignorant prick of a president," As Americans rally around their fool, ready to 'Rock & Roll' in Iran.
By ANN SNOTT TRYSOM & EELOIN KNICKERMIRE

Al-Qaeda Says it Will Cease Attacks If U.S. Turns Over 14 U.S. Officials For Public Execution And Withdraws Troops From Iraq And Afghanistan:
Referendums Begun In All 50 States And The District Of Columbia Show Heavy Support For The Al-Qaeda Plan:
Americans Enthusiastic, Anxious To Turn Over Even More Of Their Traitorous Kleptocracy.:
By JEFFEY LUBE

Early on, Roberts Leaned To The Right But His Folks Refused To Take Him To An Orthopedist.:
Roberts Papers Match FBI Profile Of Serial Killer.:
Frist Predicts Easy Confirmation: "Every Committee Member Will See A Little Of Themselves In This Nominee.":
Nominee Says "If You're Going To Be Corporate Power's Bitch, It Helps On Occasion To Dress Like A Woman And Cruise The Bars Around Wall Street.":
By BOWAND 'I Helped Murder Gary Webb' KURTZY

Hughes Hopes To Root Out True Picture Of U.S. With Operation Condescending American Assholes.:
Nominee Says American Agitprop Will Make Iraqis Forget About Ruthless Theft And Destruction Of Their Country.:
State Department's Office Of Cultural Hegemony Will Flood Middle East With Its Greatest Export---Porn.:
Passed Down Hand Job To hand Job: Used CIA 'Masturbation Manuals' Air Dropped On Taliban. Afghani Officials Complain Of Dried Contra Cum; Several Manuals Dripping With DNA Linked To John Negroponte and Elliott Abrams. "Well. Its A Switch from The Customary Blood.":
By MARKED ALIEN & EDWARD BERNAYS

Blair: Britain Won't 'Give One Inch' To Terrorists In Its 'Imperial Crusade To Control Iraq's Resources." "One Inch is All We Got," Blair Announces.:
"What Else Can I Say At This Point. I Don't Want To Queer My Deal With Cheney And Halliburton," Blair Declares.:
Blair Unconcerned About Reasons For Bombings Insuring An Unsuccessful Investigation.
Bush Says "Bombings Are A Small Price To Pay So We In The West Can Continue To Live Like Kings.":
Police Shoot Brazilian In Head Seven Times: "Blimey the bloke was brown like a sand nigger. And he ran when three of our plain clothes men began chasing him with their guns drawn. If he was good Brit. Say a soccer hooligan, eh. He woulda stood his ground and taken his lumps from the bobbies and laughed about it over a pint in hospital," rationalizes Met Police Chief Ian Blair.
By LIMEY PISSANT

'Red/Blue': Looking For The Reich Stink In A Sea Of Assholes:
The Irony Of TV Being A Manifestation Of Reality Gets Political Spin In 'Red/Blue' Series Proposal:
"We're looking for someone who can bring down the small plane of a political rival without triggering a federal investigation,..."
By JOHN MANNUREYARD

Karl Rove: A Bedwetter's Anger Turned Outward.:
Being 'A Piece Of Shit' May Be Catching-Up With White House Chief Of Stink Karl Rove:
Fact That It Took So Long To Finger Rove Demonstrates The Moral Bankruptcy Of The American Way Of Life If Not The Entire Enlightenment Project:
Karl Rove: His Father Abandoned Him; His Mother Committed Suicide, But The World Is Getting Tired Of Paying the Price For His Pathology:
Did Rove's Mother Kill Herself When She Realized What She Had Brought Into The World?:
BY G.REESY PALMER

Apparently British Too Stupid And Ignorant To Appreciate The Consequences Of Their Imperial Past And Corporate Colonial Present:
'Not Afraid' Website Suggests British Like Americans Think Its About Them:
"Get Your Fuckin' Kleptocracy Out Of My Country And See How Insignificant You Become.":
As Bored, Middle Class Tools Of Empire, Londoners Relish Their Proximity To Disaster.:
Bombing Titillates British Public. "What We Ever Done To Them Blokes?"
JEFFEY LUBE

Like Giving Candy to a Baby: U.S. Military Uses Cynical Ploy Yet Again To Lure Suicide Bomber Killing 18 Iraqi Kids For 'Hearts And Minds' Enlistment PR:
U.S. Psy Ops Exploits Predictability Of Islamic Underground:
Brass Sends Troops In To Distribute Candy Hoping To Provoke Insurgency:
"Media Falls For Ploy," Says Ed Lansdale:
"U.S. Must Abandon This Bleeding 'Hearts And Mind' Horseshit And Focus On Killing Iraqis And Stealing Iraqi Oil," Demands Head Of Exxon/Mobil On Behalf Of Gas Price Beleaguered Americans. U.S. Corporations With Help Of Retired U.S. Military, Iraqi Officials Continue Looting/Pillaging Iraq.
JEFFEY LUBE

Iraqi Insurgency Proves A Life Saver:
Pentagon Study Reveals Many Thousands More Would Have Died If Iraq Forces Had Resisted:
Game Theory Reveals Fewer Iraqis Killed Because Of Insurgents' Strategy:
By JOHN McCARTHY & SIMON NEWELL

$40 Billion More In Security Money Required For 2012 Olympics:
"Thank God. It Was Only The Fodder That Take Public Transport," Said A Relieved Blair.:
G-8 Leaders Prepare To Incubate Millions More Terrorists With Their 'Policies':
"As Long As Those Fuckers Can't Get At Me, What The Shit Do I Care," Bush Overheard Telling Blair At Gathering Of Stooges For International Banks And Corporations.:
Blasts Conveniently Timed, Poorly Aimed, Say Most Of World's People:
"With Big Name Fuckers So Close Why Couldn't Bombers Have Taken Them Out And Saved The World This Endless Grief," Those Polled Say:
London Olympics To Mark 15th Year of War In Iraq, Against Terrorism:
War In Iraq Declared An Olympic Sport:
"History Records That Our Intention At These G-8 Conferences Is To Hurt People. To Hurt Them Really Bad. And To Slaughter As Many Of Them As Possible," Said U.S. Trade Representative Buckley 'Scooter' Welkes IV
By MUDDIN CRUDSLINGER

"Beware Of 'Whitey'" Bearing Gifts And Fuck The Pop Music Simpletons:
Debt Cut Means Foreclosure for Poorest Nations; Re-Establishment of Colonialism, Slavery:
Deal Would Cancel $40 Billion in Loans In Return For Draconian Collateral Written Into IMF Agreements To Be Paid Upon Default; Privatization And Western Purchase Of De-Nationalized Mines, Utilities, Water Rights; No Unions & Low Wages; No Healthcare; No Education; Land Forfeiture; No Commies Or Socialists Need Get Elected Here; Foreign Goods Push Out Indigenous Ones; IMF Managed Food Programs & Destruction Of Indigenous Crops And Their Seeds, Replaced With Sterile Western Seed Requiring Hard Currency For Annual Purchase; Generic Drugs Produced By Africans To Fight Aids Outlawed So U.S. Drug Companies That Bill Gates Is Heavily Invested In Make All The Money; Foreign Presence On National Bank And Currency Boards, Maintenance Of Cronyism With West, Structural Adjustment Loans, Foreign Military Presence, Consultant Fees For U.S. Cronies, Training Repressive Police Force And Army etc. etc. Ad Nauseam Until After A Few Years The Country And Its People Would Have Been Far Better Off If 'Whitey' Had Colonized Mars Or Been Taken Up In The Rapture Like He Fuckin' Promised Us He Would:
Western Contractors Lined Up To Steal New Round Of Loans:
Bono, Geldof: Wanton Debt Dupes Or Shilling For The IMF Thieves? Shouldn't They Stick To Writing And Producing Nursery Rhymes For Adults?
"Along With Iraq, This Is Tony Blair's Legacy. We Can Only Ask---Who Brought The Rope!!"
By PALL BULLSTAIN

Rumsfeld Confirms Negotiations With Iraqi Terrorists:
Sunni Terrorists Demand Foreign Fighters From Britain And America Leave; Return Of Saddam:
Sunnis Reject U.S. Surrender Terms; Americans Offer To Give Terrorists Tony Blair, Cash:
By JOSHING WHITEY

The Kleptocracy Has Spoken: "You Sold Us Your Souls. Now We Want Your Home And Your Babies."
Justices Affirm Property Seizures; 5-4 Ruling Backs Forced Sales for Private Development:
Combat Pedophelia: Military Hires Private Firm To Target Your Children As War Fodder:
Outsourced Data Firm Run By Pedophiles, Child Pornograhers. Did the Pentagon Know? "Damn Right We Did.":
American Youth Held In High Esteem. "I'd Like To See Some Of These Little Motherfuckers Shipped To Iraq Myself."---My Neighbor:
Kindasleezie Rice Speaks Out Against Land Seizures In Zimbabwe For Poor Blacks, But Keeps Mouth Shut On Seizure Of Property By Kleptocracy In U.S.:
China To Build New U.S. Based Headquarters On Land On Long Island Seized Through Eminent Domain:
By CHAZ OOZE

Bill Frist Wins Josef Mengele Award For Second Year Running:
Dr. Frist Calls U.S. Torture Of Innocent Captives At Gitmo "Imaginative, Cutting Edge":
Durbin, Forgetting His Hannah Arendt, Absolves Low Level Prison Camp Personnel:
Frist To Star As Nazi Dentist In Remake Of Marathon Man
BYLE LARDNER

After 'Looney Left' Take All The Risks Only To Be Proven Right Yet Again, Democrats Urge Inquiry On Bush, Iraq Based On A Handful Of Brit Memos:
Greed, Self-Interest, Money, Jobs, Foppery, Ignorance, Religion, Fear, Cowardice, Slack Jawed Stupidity, Blind Patriotism, Lack Of Integrity, The Defining Qualities Of This Republic, Caught Most Supporting Administration Lies:
Assassinated Press Didn't Need No Stinking Memos:
Mainstream Media Prepared To Let Thousands More Die Instead Of Stepping Up; Movable Type Was A Product Of Germany Too
By YASO ADIODI

"Beware Of 'Whitey'" Bearing Gifts:
Debt Cut Means Foreclosure for Poorest Nations; Re-Establishment of Colonialism, Slavery:
Deal Would Cancel $40 Billion in Loans In Return For Draconian Collateral Written Into IMF Agreements To Be Paid Upon Default; Privatization And Western Purchase Of De-Nationalized Mines, Utilities, Water Rights; No Unions & Low Wages; No Healthcare; No Education; Land Forfeiture; No Commies Or Socialists Need Get Elected Here; Foreign Goods Push Out Indigenous Ones; IMF Managed Food Programs & Destruction Of Indigenous Crops And Their Seeds, Replaced With Sterile Western Seed Requiring Hard Currency For Annual Purchase; Generic Drugs Produced By Africans To Fight Aids Outlawed So U.S. Drug Companies That Bill Gates Is Heavily Investigated In Make All The Money; Foreign Presence On National Bank And Currency Boards, Maintenance Of Cronyism With West, Structural Adjustment Loans, Foreign Military Presence, Consultant Fees For U.S. Cronies, Training Repressive Police Force And Army etc. etc. Ad Nauseam Until After A Few Years The Country And Its People Would Have Been Far Better Off If 'Whitey' Had Colonized Mars Or Been Taken Up In The Rapture Like He Fuckin' Promised Us He Would:
Western Contractors Lined Up To Steal New Round Of Loans:
Bono, Geldof: Wanton Debt Dupes Or Shilling For The IMF Thieves? Shouldn't They Stick To Writing And Producing Nursery Rhymes For Adults?
"Along With Iraq, This Is Tony Blair's Legacy. We Can Only Ask---Who Brought The Rope!!"
By PALL BULLSTAIN

Public Broadcasting Blamed By House Republicans For Slowdown In Iraq Oil Grab Enlistments:
""Sesame Street," "Reading Rainbow," "Education In General" Is Making 'Pussies' Of Our Babies"" Cries Public Broadcasting Chairman Rev. Kenneth Y. Tomlinson:
"We Don't Need People Who Can Read. We Need Embittered, Knuckledragging, Toby Keith Conned, Ignorant Christian Soldiers And Their Crystal Meth, Home Shopping Network, Jesus In the Schools, Red Neck Women Like Was On Andy Of Mayberry And That Delusional Towhead What Makes That Fantastical Fightin' Fishwrap Now," Yelped Ralph 'Rags' Regula(R.-Ohio):
Panel Seeks to End CPB's Funding Within 2 Years, Buy Up Affiliates And Spread The Gospel:
Joint Chiefs And Christian Coalition To Control PBS Programming
By TALL FOOEY

Poll Finds Dim President Held Responsible For Bloody Protracted Iraq Oil Heist:
52% Say U.S. Has Not Become Safer Since Dick Cheney And His Cronies Attempted To Steal Iraq's Oil, Natural Gas, Water Since Iraq Didn't Have A Goddamn Thing To Do With 9/11 & Had No WMD So Wasn't A Fuckin' Security Threat In The Goddamn First Place:
So Why In The Fuck Do Pollsters Keep Asking That Question?:
Because They Are Simple-Minded Fucks? Orwellian Stooges Of The Corporate Press? Both?!:
A Less Brutal, Less Imperialistic Foreign Policy "Out Of The Question," Snarls Paul 'Liver Nuts' Wolfowitz
By DOWNA SHITBANK & CLAUGYIA DRANE

Bush Reads Roger Noriega's Stool, Predicts More Trouble For Cuba Soon:
OAS Session Is Focused On U.S. Efforts To Murder Chavez And Increase Poverty In Venezuela:
OAS Tells Bush To Take His Stink Elsewhere
By SCHMECKEL FILTCHER & GLOME KEISTEN

Saddam Faces Trial for Range of Crimes He Committed As U.S. Stooge:
Friend And Business Partner Rumsfeld To Testify On Behalf Of Hussein:
Al-Qaeda Steals 200 Classic Cars From Saudi Prince; Uses Them In Suicide Bomb Attacks:
American Values Tested As Expensive One of A Kind Cars Become Instruments Of Islamic Road Rage:
Bush Bitter About Attacks On "The Machine That Defeated Ozone."
Rumsfeld Voted "Sexiest Infidel" By Iraqi Interim Government
By CHAG GAWOOF

Ten Most Harmful Books of the 19th and 20th Centuries
THE EDITORS

Laius And Oedipus: A Lebanese Puppet Show:
Coup Complete: Hariri's son rises to power in Beirut:
With American, Israeli Help French Democracy Returns To Lebanon:
Assassinating Hariri A 'Sweet Deal' For West', Israel:
As Quid Pro Quo For U.S., Israel's Help In Hariri's Murder, French Reject E.U. Constitution:
HAPPY MEGALAMEMORIAL DAY!!!
BY MOHARMLES BUZZI

"Next Time They Better Come Heavy. Or Don't Come At All.":
Amnesty International Takes Aim At Gitmo---Metaphorically:
Rumsfeld Mocks Unarmed Group---"What do I give a shit about a bunch of unarmed human rights pussies?"
Human Rights Groups Don't Back Their Bark With Any Bite So Thugs Act With Greater And Greater License And Things Get Worse For Rights Groups' Meddling---The Core Lesson Of Liberation Groups Around The World.
BY JAHN RULEY

'UNCLE SLIMY WANTS YOU!':
Tie Off & Join TODAY To Fight The War To End All Wars!:
Are You High Enough To Stop The March Of World Tyranny In Iraq?:
At no time, has the reason for fighting a war been more clear. Just look in your fuckin' driveway!:
Free Needles, Dope To New Enlistees Run Out; Stingey CIA Blamed:
Pawn Shops Set Up In Military Commissaries To Fence Iraq Booty:
By JOHNNY APPLE BUMPKIN

Remember The Maine?? Carrier USS America Sunk Off U.S. Coast!
Bush Vows Somebody, Preferably With Oil, Will Pay:
Cheney Declares War On Venezuela; Sends In Marines:
Enlistments Reach Pandemic Proportions With Promise Of Clean Needles, Afghan Dope:
Bush Resigns. Reactivates His Commission Eager To Fight.---"I wanna be sent where I can do some good like signing up tits and ass for the USO."
By CRIST KRISPIES

Drug Dogs Trained To Detect Talcum Powder Snag Baby Crooks:
Immigration Holding 46 Infants Incognito At Gitmo Under Homeland Security Guidelines:
Patriot Act Says 'Talcum Toddlers' Can Be Executed Without Trial
By CHIMP ARPIE

Move to Democracy Still In The Pipeline, Bush Tells Eastern Europe:
"We really only need ya as beasts of burden. We need your oil pipelines. We need ya for nuclear proliferation, drug running and money launderin'," Bush Tells Eastern Europeans:
The Word Democracy Designed As All-Purpose Agitprop To Boost Domestic Support For Iraq After Oil Heist Now That Litany Of WMD, al-Qaeda Lies, And The 2000 Instances Of Cheney Repeating Those Lies To The International Media Are Having The Effect Of Sobering Up Uncle Sam The Town Drunk To, If Not To The Truth, At Least, To The Notion He Should Stay Out Of The Way Of the Citizenry With The Balls To Bear The Truth:
By MILKEM FILTCHER

Newsweek Retracts Truth; Joins Guinness Book Of Great Orwellian Moments:
Joint Chief Dickie Myers Says There Is No Connection Between Koran Flushing And Middle East Unrest; For Ratings Purposes Myers Deemed Not Credible By Administration, Talk Radio, Media:
Guantanamo Story Had "Perpetrators Crawling Up Our Ass.":
Techniques Of Torture And Humiliation At Guantanamo Continue To Point To Rumsfeld:
600,000 Rolls Of Novelty Toilet Paper With Koran Printed On Them Found In Bunker At Pentagon:
By BOWAND KURTZY

U.S. Long Had Memo on Handling of Secretary's Nads:
Protection Of Holy Nads Matter Of National Security:
No Matter What, Secretary Cannot Be Left Exposed:
By RUBBEM UPWRIGHT

Anti-Empire Report, No. 21, May 13, 2005
By WILLIAM BLUM

Farmly Values: "Your First Girlfriend Is A Mule. The Trick Is Not To Make The Goat Jealous."
Coming Out---Of The Barn; An Historical Account Of Bestiality In American Political Life And Thought:
By NEAL 'PORK THE' HORSLEY

Natural 'Born Again' Killers:
Air Force Academy Cadets Learn To Kill From God's Vantage, But Rape Just Like Anyone Else:
So-called 'PRAYPE Rooms' Big On Campus:
Evangelical Jihad At Air Force Academy Out To Destroy The Very Science That Builds The Air Force:
"'Abstinence' Drove Me To Bestiality And Bestiality Drove Me To The Air Force," Says Col. Fox:
Cadet Engaged To Goat:
Of The Academy---"Its Like Fuckin' XXX Animal Farm Down At That Sideshow. They Shouldn't Be Fuckin' Celebrating Kristallnacht As A Christian Holiday Firebombing The Hebe Dorms And All."---Chuck Schumer
By TUFF READ

What Happens In The White House Stays In The White House:
Court Rules Cheney, Big Oil Can Secretly Conspire To Wage War For Oil:
Cheney Wins Court Ruling On Energy Panel Records:
Advocacy Groups Will Challenge In Courts Why Courts, Cheney And Big Oil Can Secretly Conspire To Legitimize Waging War For Oil:
Operation Ass Plug; U.S. Hurries To Erect 14 Permanent Bases On Top Of Oil In Iraq
By CROWDLE LYINYODLE & G.O. GETEMHI

"Its still overseas in Iraq right now," the Media Bimbo Blooped the Ugly Imperial Truth.

RUMSFELD THINKS HE CAN STILL CASTRATE EVERY ARAB BEFORE THE END OF BUSHY 43's ADMINISTRATION
By IMA WANKER

Creationists Again Threaten Security Of Nation!:
Kansas Creationists In Vanguard Of Those Who Would End U.S.'s Military Superiority:
Evangelicals Prepared To Route Scientific/Technological Eggheads And Their Atheistic War Machines:
"Teaching Creationism Is Key To Ending War In Iraq," Bush Says:
Creationists Give God A D- For His 'Intelligent Design' "Because It Includes Fags And Communists.":
98% Of Engineers At GM And Ford Are Born Again:
Future Armies Will March Wearing A Bible Proof Vest.
By PUCKERED SLOVENE

Enlistment Crunch Leads To Coordinated Propaganda Blitz Between Administration And Media:
Rumsfeld Says, And All of Media Parrots, Insurgency's Morale in Decline! So Hurry, Sign Up Now Before The Fun's Over!:
Carefully Selected Photo Of Bloody Child, Compassionate Marine Exploited To Boost Recruitment, Sympathy For The Oil Grab:
U.S. Planes Bomb Unarmed Civilians In The Qaim District On Tuesday ; No Marine Sent To Cradle Children Wounded In The Raid:
Abu Farraj al-Libbi Captured; Tourism Should Improve Along Afghanistan/Pakistan Border, Or What's Your Point; In Poll 0% Know Abu Including Pollsters And Members of Congress, Reinforcing The Continued Need For Paternalism Disguised As Democracy In U.S.:
Reefer Madness: With CIA Nose Deep In Colombian Blow And Afghan Smack, U.S. Law Enforcement Turns Its Attention To Marijuana:
Boeing/Lockheed Martin Fuse Their Rocket Divisions Into More Efficient Old Soviet Style Technical Monopoly; "But I thought competition fostered innovation?" "They'll still be innovation. But now, we'll be powerful and 'sole source' enough to steal it. Right Mr. Meese?" By HELLEN KNICKERMUCKER

I shall continue to be an impossible person as long as those who are now possible remain possible. {Michael Bakunin 1814-1876}

Lies Ensure Army Misses Its Recruiting Goal Again:
Scapegoating At Abu Graib, Guantanamo; Lies About Social Security Reminiscent Of Lies About Iraqi WMD, Obscene Oil Profits, Make Parents Aware That Their Children Are Being Sent To Die To Enrich A Few:
Only Colleges That Agree To Allow Recruiting Morgues On Campus To Receive Federal Funds:
Rumsfeld Insists Business Leaders Increase Unemployment, Cut Funding For Education So Army Can Meet Enlistment Goals:
Cattle Call For 'Soul Train' Leads To Afghan Conscription:
By JEFFEY LUBE

Inquiry to Cover-up Abuses at Guantánamo Bay:
Sexual Perversion and Murder Condoned at Highest Levels:
ABC Plans Movie Based on Report:
Karl Rove Confident Americans "Don't Care About the Murder of Foreigners.":
Sexual Deviants Recruited as Interrogators:
By NEIL SIMON and RANDALL SCHMIDT

Please! Please! Please!
Bush Begs Saudis On His Knees To Boost Oil Production:
Says All That Democracy Talk Was "Just Horseshit Intended For All The Rubes In the Press Back Home.":
By DWEEB REICHMANN III

American Idle Threat:
U.S. Warns Nicaragua Of Cut Off Of Aid It Never Sends:
Few Bucks That Make It To Nicaragua Stolen By Elites Like Arnoldo Aleman Or Skimmed By CIA Posing As Embassy Officials:
U.S. Against Home Ownership In Nicaragua Too; "Americans Must Be Compensated For Property They Stole," Insists U.S. Counsel:
"Short Of Invasion And Murder, The U.S. Is So Far Out Of Character As To Be Unrecognizable, Much Less Believable."
By FULASHITTO ALEMAN

"War is a racket."-Major General Smedley Darlington Butler New Florida Gun Law Allows Wide Range Of Targets:
Stealing Pensions, Product Liability, Insider Trading, Looting The National Treasury, Lying About WMD And Sending Some Schmuck's Kin To Die Would Be Sufficient Provocation For Use Of Firearms Under New Florida Gun Law:
Jeb Bush Law Retroactive And Florida Electorate Eager To Gun Down Corporate Criminals And Their Pols Who Have Already Provided Provocation:
Sibling Rivalry: Jeb Declares Open Season On Mentally Challenged Brother
By JEFFEY LUBE

Texas School Board Adds Bible Class:
Jesus Course To Replace Calf Ropin':
Spanish Dropped For Speakin' In Tongues:
Sex Ed Courses Will Remain Part of 4H:
Chawin' Tobacca Declared A Vegetable:
By Jeffey Lube

Neil Bush, Pope 'Ratzo' Ratzinger Confederates In Money Making Scam:
Bush Banged The Asian Hookers But The Pope Swears He Was Down In the Cocktail Lounge At the Time Nursing A Bloody Mary:
Neil Bush Continues Bush Family's Long History Of Business Dealings With The Nazis:
President's younger brother served with then-cardinal on board of secretive ecumenical slush fund:
Pope 'Ratzo' Or Benedict XVI Associated The Social And Political Upheaval Of The Sixties With Totalitarianism Which Proves He's An Idiot, Apparently With That Priestly Bitterness That Comes From Not Participating In The World And The Bewildering Ignorance And Murderous Projections That Ensue: Cognitive Scientists Try To Determine Which Ass Follicles Gave Rise To Pope's 'Thinking':
Ratzinger Said He Prayed He Would Not To Be Elected Pope; He Was Afraid The Pictures Would Show Up:
BY KNUKE ROISE AND TOMB BRINE

After U.S. Threatens Attack, UN Fires Afghan Rights Monitor:
"We Are Going To Act With Impunity Anyway. We Just Wanted The Prick To Shut The Fuck Up," Rumsfeld Tells Reader's Digest:
"World body kneels to American pressure to eliminate post of independent human rights expert who has criticized U.S. military's violations.":
U.S. Guns Down Associated Press Cameraman, Murder of Marla Ruzicka Slips Down Memory Hole:
U.S. Military Unveils Strategy To Cut The Birth Rate Among Muslim Women In Long Range Effort To Defeat Iraqi Insurgency:
U.S. Poll: Majority In Red States Watch 'Wheel Of Fortune.' Majority In Blue States Watch 'Jeopardy.' Pols, Pundits And Journalists Watch 'The Price Is Right.':
American Foreign Policy---Where Proctology Meets The Cognitive Sciences.
BY JAMMY RUMPERROOM

Police State? Check the Numbers:
U.S. Prison Population Soars in Lock Step With Private Prison Growth:
Study of 2003-04 Puts Growth Rate at 900 Inmates Per Week:
Prison Stocks Soaring, Prison PACs Payoffs Increase Exponentially:
Plan to Eradicate African Americans 'On Target,' Bush Claims:
By SYCOPHANT McDONOUGHT

Gut Check
By CHRIS FLOYD

Iraq War Coverage Reminds Me of Vietnam
By JOHN R. MACARTHUR

House Votes to Destroy Alaskan Arctic Wildlife Refuge:
GOP Passes Huge Tax Breaks for Big Oil, Gas:
Secret Bush-Cheney Oil Cartel Expects to Clear $3 Billion:
Energy Bill, Which Includes Arctic Drilling, Decried By Democrats:
"And the funniest part, given the current level of demand, the Wildlife Refuge may as well be a dry hole," chuckles Cheney:
Ted Stevens' Dry Hole Gets Frosty Frist Fisting
By George Slopalopalis

The Anti-Empire Report, No. 20
By WILLIAM BLUM

A Desperate DeLay Criticizes Supreme Court Justice:
Tries to Rally Bigots & Homophobes:
Calls Work on Schiavo Case 'Incredibly Outrageous':
Cheney Agrees that Alpha Males are Above the Law
By JESSE W. JAMES

U.S. Military Sends Lethal Message; Murders Marla Ruzicka, Aid Worker Counting Iraqi Dead And Injured
The Editors

Tom DeLay Says "I Ain't Never Broke No Law":
Plans to Hole Up in a Hideout in Waco:
Cheney Promises Lynch Mob Justice to DeLay Accusers:
Justices Scalia & Thomas Say They See Nothing Wrong with Junkets & Bribes, Question the Relevance of Ethics in Public Life
By DAVID DESPOTA-ESPOUSAL

DeLay's Criminal Activities Enhance His Fundraising Clout:
"That's what the money is looking for. A politician that has 'conviction.' Preferably dozens.":
Tom DeLay---A Politician Who Delivers Traditional American Value:
Campaign 'Donations' Demonstrate That DeLay Has Long Been A Darling Of America's Criminal Class:
Broad Denial Of Criminal Activity Disappoints Supporters, Satan:
Many Have Been Gotten Off, But Few Have Been Abramoffed
JEFFEY LUBE

Truth Carries Undesirable Subliminal Message:
With Iraq Lies Bush Shot Wad With Ghetto Inhabitants Near Texas Spread:
Americans Skeptical On Social Security Because Of Lies About Iraq:
Rove Admits Iraq/Social Security Linkage Poorly Gamed; Orders Bush To Fall On The Ceremonial Butter Knife Unwashed After A Republican Fundraiser
YASO ADIODI

Homeland Pork Profits Soaring:
Congressman Thompson Speaks at Homeland Pork Breakfast:
Former Homeland Pork CEO Enters Bidding on Venezuela Takeover:
CBS to Cite Waste at Mega Corporation:
By IMA STOOGEY

Neocon Media's Big Lie Blitz on US Security Continues:
Negroponte Demands Unlimited Control:
Phony Commission Claims US Spying "Weak, Unready for Rising Threat of 'Moles' Cheney suggests Bush may be a Mole:
By O. FAY BOWELS

HOMELAND PORK---A BRAND YOU CAN COUNT ON!
Homeland Security Funding Formula To Get Fresh Pork:
People In Rural Red States Suffer From More Paranoid Delusions, Require Funds For Clinical Assessment CDC Concludes:
Many In Utah Concerned Monster Truck Rallies, Tittie Bars Might Be Targets For Terrorists:
Dixie Cream In Arkansas Received Anonymous A-Rab-like Threats:
"My children can't sleep for fear of 'nukuler' attack I put in my kids' heads with rapture talk," Worries Wyoming Mother Of Six:
Terrorists Said To Target American Textile States---Oh Sorry. That was NAFTA:
"I'll be fucked by a chief executive made of buckeyfullerenes before I let one red cent go to protect the niggers, fags, kikes, grease balls, gooks and guineas living in New York," declares Texas lawmaker, Sam Johnson
BY DOOBIE BARFLY

DeLay Denounces Report of Payoffs to His Family:
Claims Liberal Tactics of Reporting the Truth Constitute Unfair Practices:
Republicans Call for New Investigation of Jim Wright:
Cheney Gives DeLay 'Vote of Confidence' as Karl Rove Greases the Skids Under Delay's Ass:
Bush Calls on All Americans to Respect Family Values:
By CARPE DIEM and FRANZ FANON

Washington Post 'Absolutely Ejaculatory!!! Two Thumbs Up' For American Financed Torture TV In Iraq:
U.S. Military, FOX Entertainment And Their Iraqi Proxies Pick Up Innocent, Indigent Civilians, Accuse Them Of Being Terrorists, Beat And Torture Them And Force Televised Confessions From Them And Produce Smash Hit, Smash Mouth Programming In The Process!!!:
Cheney, Gonzales And Mueller Strike Deal With FOX To Produce Similar Reality TV Programming Here:
FOX Proud To Produce Similar Fare In U.S. With The 13,500 False Arrests Created Each Year By America's Most Wanted:
Judge Judy With A Stun Gun; Terror Suspects Grilled, Mocked, Clocked on Hit Iraqi Show
By Coolie Muphty and Khowd Sofar

Neocon Fascists Urge Congress to Renew & Expand Patriot Act:
Now is Not the Time to Pay Attention to the Constitution, Says FBI's Mueller:
Citizens Should Have No Rights, Claims Attorney General Alberto Gonzales:
Cheney, Wolfowitz Assert "We Need More Fascism, Not Less!"
Bush Calls For Repeal of the Bill Of Rights:
By MARK V SHERMANTANK

Zimbabweans Vote For Home Ownership:
Numbers Of Zimbabweans Who Want British To Rule Zimbabwe Again Very Close To Number of Americans Who Want the British To Rule U.S. Again:
U.S., Western Governments, Proxy Opposition Denounce Home Ownership:
Jobless Poles Got Plenty Of Time To Mourn 'The People's Pope'
By CRY TIMBER

Neocons' Neo-Nazis Make New Power Grab:
Panel Blasts Agencies as 'Dead Wrong' on Iraqi Weapons:
Report Criticizes U.S. for Lack of Knowledge on Adversaries:
Is the CIA About to Fold?
Cheney Hails Neocon Chutzpah as Most Audacious In 70 Years:
By KATHERINE SHREDDERPOT

The Gates of Hell Are Open in Iraq:
The occupation and new US threats could spark neighboring uprisings
By JAWAD AL-KHALISI

Wolfowitz Gets European Blessing for Murderous World Bank Policy:
Bush Nominee Gives Assurances on Fighting to Increase Poverty:
"Murder is My Principal Weapon," Says Wolfowitz:
Cheney Decries Nepotism and Conflicts of Interest at UN:
By MARKED MANN & AIME GUGULAR

Little Known Quasi-Government Agency Gets High Marks From Cheney Administration:
'U.S. Receipt and Respond,' Jokingly Called Rent-A-Riot By Insiders, Has Storied Past:
Successes In Fabricating Faux-Democratic Movements In Lebanon, Ukraine, Haiti And Kyrgyzstan Nets Small Firm Big U.S. Money
By FRANK WISNER

Cheney Defends Appointments He Told Rove To Order Bush To Make:
'Project For A New American Century' Taking Up Power Positions For Final World Conflagration:
Administration Hopes To Triple Enlistments And De Facto Draft For Final Push Into World's Oil And Natural Resource Centers:
Many Good Seats Left As Evolutionary White People Terra Form, Colonize Mars And Creationist White People Pack For The Rapture:
Is God's Bed And Breakfast Overbooked? "I Mean The Love's Infinite. But What About The Clean Towels And The Complimentary Breakfast.":
New Strategy---Fake To Rice, Go Long To Rumsfeld
By JIM HANGEMHI

A Tender Love Story Of A Dictator And His Bank:
Riggs' Sex Mules: When Its For Love AND Money:
In Cultivating International Clients, Riggs Bank Went Down Path Of Dirty Money, Dirty Sex And Wanton Violence:
Allbritton's Steamy Love Letters To Augusto Pinochet Belie An Unquenchable Thirst For Blood Money And Fascist Semen:
By HAIRY DE PALMA

The Checks And Balances Of The System:
Dear John: No Chance Iran-Contra Will Come Back To Haunt Ya: Make Checks Payable To Senate Select Committee On Intelligence:
Negroponte's Killing Time In Honduras--A Tissue Of An Issue:
Focus Renewed on Intelligence Pick's First Rate Death Squads In 1980s:
"Mrs. Velasquez. Sure Your Kid's Dead. But Please Don't Hound His Murderer. Mr. Negroponte Is A Very Important Man." Chides Washington Post:
"Killing Negroponte Won't Bring Back Your Sons And Daughters," Argue Congressional Death Penalty Advocates:
"America Can't Hang It's Elites. None Of the Prison Chefs Can Cook Last Meals Of Veal Barataria."
By MICKEY DOOBIES

The Anti-Empire Report, No. 19
By BILL BLUM

Wolfowitz Strives To Qill Critics:
'Natural Born Killer' To Head World Bank:
U.S. Threatens To Destroy Anyone Who Opposes Great Democratizer's Nomination:
Charm Offensive Won Over Thousands Of Grinning Corpses:
"I Really Want This, For The Children," Wolfowitz Leers.
By PALL BLOODSTAIN

Bush Says Saddam's Ouster Inspiring Despots Everywhere:
Two Years Into War, President Cites 'Landmark Events in the History of Fascism':
Neocons Jubilant Over Soaring Iraqi Death Count:
Cheney Declares Halliburton's Soverignty Over World Oil:
Wolfowitz Pledges To Use World Bank in Support of Fascism:
By JENNITOR SLOVENLY

Senate to Vote on Oil Drilling in Alaska Refuge:
After Taking Millions in Bribes, Senate Poised To Rape Alaska Coastal Plains:
Cheney Revising Target Price of Oil to $150 per Barrel:
Supporters, Opponents Argue Over Environmental Impact:
By H. JOSEF GRRBELLS

Paul "The Human Tsunami" Wolfowitz Gets Bump Up To Capo:
Architect Of Iraq War To Head Boink At World Bank:
Joint Chiefs "Happy To See Neo-Con Pricks Go Fuck Up Something Else.":
Bush Says "Wolfowitz Should Easily 'Adjust Structurally' To The New Kind of Murderous Intent The World Bank Embodies.":
"The fucker is 61 years old. If he has "an admirable passion for democratization," why ain't nobody seen it yet, Viagra needin' motherfucker."
The phrase "an admirable passion for democratization" is from the comedy stylings of the editorial page at the Washington Post.
BY JEJEUNE ADVERSARY

Stephen Hadley Yawps: "I can hire one half of Islam to murder the other half!!!":
With Additional French Funding Thousands Trucked In To March Against Syria in Beirut:
France Still Hopes To Reclaim Its Former Colony; Israel To Isolate Hezbollah; U.S. To Draw Both Into New Strategic Arrangements Disguised As 'Acceptable' Elected Governments:
Why Did the Western Media Feel So Compelled To Inflate Protest Numbers?:
Americans Desperately Hope Leaning On Syria Will Dampen Iraqi Nationalism:
By TACHENFUR GAHRATTAS

Elites Continue Relentless Attack on the Poor:
Cheney Cites Fat Black Women as Justification For Aid Cutoff:
Farm Corporations Threaten to Cut Off Congressional Aid:
Congress May Cut Food Aid for Poor, Not Farm Subsidies:
Bush Plans New Tax Cuts for Wealthy:
By LIBBY QUIDPROQUO

Britain Attempts To Regain World Lead in Fascism:
Bush Promises US Will Not Surrender To Peace, Encourages Congress To Follow Britain's example:
Bobbies Polishing Batons with Vaseline:
Publisher E. Dale Schmidt Elated:
By BEN JONSON

Enlistment Numbers Show Blacks A Whole Helluva Lot Smarter Than Whites, Hispanics:
Steady Drop in Black Army Recruits Unwilling To Be Cheney's Oil Whore:
Whites 300 Times More Likely To Succumb To Sentimentality And Lies:
'Red Neck Women' Providing Wealthy With Plenty Of Creamy White Cannon Fodder:
Entire Population Of Lebanon Turns Out To Support Syria:
Cheney Administration Asks France If They'll Take Gabon Instead As Quid Pro Quo:
Entire Cheney/Bush Administration Involuntarily Evacuated Their Bowels At Beirut Turnout:
Entire Population of Bolivia Turns Out, Rejects Transnational Corporations, Tells Mesa To Stop Whining And Do His Fuckin' Job:
U.S. Blamed For Attack On Italian Red Journalist:
By JESS RHITE

China Finds American Poetry Blogs Too Masturbatory:
Phony, Self-Absorbed Blogs Run Counter To Notions Of Human Dignity, Cooperation:
Chinese Doctors Find Blogs Put Workers To Sleep, Prescibed For Insomnia:
Poetry Blogs Designed To Weaken Character Of People:
Notion of Banned Blogs Belies Delusional Self-Absorption:
By YASO ADIODI

Soldiers Who Captured Baghdad Two Years Ago Back In Iraq To Try Again:
Good Day For American Coke And Smack; Colombian Proxy Army Kills Anti-Coke Peaceniks Squatting On CIA/Mossad Plantation; Afghanistan Raw Opium Production At Record Levels As Part Of Cheney Economic Stability Program:
Army In Iraq Guns Down Italian Commie:
DVD "Ramadi Madness" Goes On Sale At Blockbusters:
What me worry Kim Jong Il? 'Senile' Sam Johnson (R-Tex.) Offers To Drop Nukes On Syria To Impressionable Bush; Known As the 'Cowardly Lion' Johnson Incinerated Men, Women And Children In Vietnam Before He Turned His Talent For Loose Talk And High-Altitude Murder To Congress
By CRIST CRISPIES

Set Up Of Syria Ignites Outrage At U.S., France In Middle East:
Bashar Assad Demands U.S. Vacate Iraq:
"Its Academic Whether the CIA, MI5, The Mossad Or The French DRM Busted A Cap In Hariri, The Idea Is To Set Up Syria, "Scott McLellan Slips:
The Same Folks That Brought You WMD/al-Qaeda In Iraq Spreading Lies About Syria:
"Strength Of Euro, Enormous U.S. Debt Fuckin' With PNAC's Plans To Rule The World," Greenspan Testifies. "Afghanistan May Have Been Our Poland. And Iraq Our Czechoslvakia. But We Better Gobble Up Our 'France' Or Its A Shit Sandwich And a Lamppost For Cheney."
By NEED LESLEY PRICKLEY & ANNA GRAM

Syria Offers U.S. Deal; They'll Withdraw Their Troops From Lebanon If the U.S. Withdraws From Iraq:
Cheney Insists U.S. Can't Leave Iraq Because "That's Where the Fuckin' Oil Is.":
Tanks For the Memories: France Wants Lebanon Back As Part Of Quid Pro Quo For Backing U.S. Iraqi Oil Grift:
Lebanese Government Resigns Over U.S.'s Hypocritical Stance:
Like In Venezuela, Ukraine, U.S. Puts Up Millions Of Dollars To Get Lebanese Protesters In the Streets
By BASTA ROUE

Latin America's Infection---When The U.S. Drops Trou Millions Down South Die; America's Venereal Foreign Policy:
"We put a crust of bread to our mouths and the gringos knock it away."
"It's for the U.S. to say who lives and who dies."---Kindasleazie Rice:
As Part Of Operation Mongoose, The U.S. Literally Infected Latin America E.g. Cuba With Exotic Fort Detrick Potions:
Managua's 'Let People Eat' Campaign Rejected By U.S. "Like anywhere else, you wanna eat; there are strings attached," says Roger Noriega:
BLUBBER SNOWVAK & HIS BOY, ARNOLDO ALEMAN

Suspect in Bush Plot Tortured, U.S. Admits:
Gonzales: "Completely Legal":
Bush: Americans Should Continue to Ignore 'Liberal Press":
Cheney: "So What?":
By MARK V. PANZER

The Anti-Empire Report, No. 18
By WILLIAM BLUM

Venezuelans Object To U.S. Attempts To Assassinate Their President:
Roger Noriega Says God Told Him To Murder Chavez:
Cheney Says He Has No Connection To 'Operation Mongoose II':
American Opinion Polls---"Hugo Who?!?"
By GEDDA DATOIL

Johnny 'Dark O' Negroponte Named 'Supreme Intelligence Overlord':
Cannistraro Voted "Go To Liar Of the Century" By National Press Corps
BY KNUKIE RUZE

War Helps Recruit Terrorists, Hill Told:
"A Vigorous Insurgency Is Worth Trillions In Security Outsourcing.":
Goss Sites Wade Churchill's Research Which Confirms 'Sometimes They Push Back':
Intelligence Officials Excited About Growing Insurgency, Increased Funding:
Killing Of Hariri Designed to Further Inflame Middle East
By GETTA PRIEST & JUSTA JOSHIN WHITEY

Abuse After Aristide's Ouster:
Less Than A Year After Former Haiti President Was Run Out, Observers Say U.S. Sponsored Terror Has "Again Launched A Tsunami Of Oppression Against Haitians":
By READ HEARSAY

Beirut Bombing Points To U.S.:
Hariri's Murder Goss's Valentine to Rice, Rumsfeld, Cheney: Goss's Beirut Bombing Tops Casey, Puts CIA Back On The Strategic Map:
Next Move, Yanks Yank Ambassador From Syria:
U.S. Has Most To Gain From Bombing; Boucher Chides Syria For 'Security Failure':
By MO BRAZZI

Cheney Says Bremer Pocketed $9 Billion Slated For Iraq:
Former Coalition Provisional Authority Honcho Buys Suriname, Classic Cars, Nukes On Black Market:
Audit: U.S. lost track of $9 billion in Iraq funds; Bremer Stole Funds In Sacks Used To Suffocate Iraqi Prisoners:
Pentagon, Bremer Dispute Inspector General's Report; Bremer Claims Cheney Set Him Up, Funnelled Cash To Halliburton
By JEFFEY LUBE

Taliban Says U.S. Ready for Reconciliation:
Osama Bin Laden And Taliban To Grant Amnesty To U.S. Officials, Waive War Crimes Tribunal:
Inability To Control Any Real Estate Other Than The Narrow Graveyard Around Karzai's Palace In Kabul Prompted Latest U.S. Capitulation:
Bin Laden Set To Address Congress In March.
By SNUFFY GRAM

Cheney: "No New Iraqi Government Without Allawi Or Another Thug We Like.":
Despite Poor Showing In Elections CIA Asset's Bloc To Play Important Role In Any Iraqi Coalition:
"I don't see why we need to stand by and watch a country go theocratic because of the irresponsibility of its own people," Warns Rumsfeld.:
"Look. It's Their First Time Getting Fucked American Electoral Doggy Style," Says Negroponte.:
Rumsfeld Twice Offered To Resign Because He Thought Cheney Was Going To Make Him Stop Torturing People. "Where the fuck did Rummy get that impression?" Cheney Scratches.
By CROSS TOMBMASON

U.K. to Air Do-It-Yourself Show On Torture Techniques:
FOX Buys American Rights To "Ratings Bonanza":
Female Military Personnel Performing Lap Dances On Gitmo Prisoners And Visiting Journalists Raises Concern:
Bob Guccioni To Train Army's Female Recruits
By T.P. BONE'UM

Halliburton Payments For Work Not Done Won't Be Withheld:
Cheney/Halliburton Threaten To Abandon Troops In The Field If Company Doesn't Get Its Cash On Time:
Halliburton Forces Generals To Waive Rules, Scrap Audit Reports, Threatens Not To Hire Them As CEOs After Military Retirement:
New Charges From Halliburton For Shipping 'Sailing Fuel' Top $10 Billion
By ROB M. BLIND JR.

Power Corrupted:
"While Kenny Boy Fucks Bush, We Fuck California." Enron Traders Caught On Tape:
Schwarzenegger "Will Do Like He's Told" And Block Refund To Consumers:
Cheney Energy Group Tapes To Be Made Public:
Dick "Go Fuck Yourself"--- Cheney Goes On the Offensive; Threatens Judge:
Tapes Show Looting of Social Security Many Years In The Planning:
Assassinated Press To Be Broadcast Over Voice Of America
DARN BLITHER

Iraqi Vote Shows Followers Of Osama Bin Laden Holding Large Majority:
Stealthy Terrorists Infiltrated Voting Process, Take Early Lead:
Negroponte Poised To Step In And Nullify Elections
By BASTON RUEMIRORS

"Some People Push Back"
By WARD CHURCHILL

30% Of Those Eligible To Vote Turn Out For Iraq Elections; 8% Of Their Own Free Will, More Or Less; The Rest Threatened With Food Ration Cut-Off:
Most Iraqis Thought Vote Was A Referendum On Whether U.S. Troops Should Leave Iraq Immediately And Go Back To Whatever Godforsaken Place They Came From And Fight A War And Occupy Their Own Damn Country For A Change:
Cheney Declares Election Success: "Now We Know Which 275 People Of The 25 Million We have To Bribe;" Theft Of Oil Requires Patina Of Legality?:
Kurds Ready To Declare Independent Kurdestan; Turkey Ready To Declare War, Cut Off Oil To Iraq: Godless Allawi Extends Poisoned Olive Branch To Sunnis:
BY MO BRAZZI

'Jackpots For Crackpots' Program Exposed:
Bush Urges Rove To Find 'More Subterfuginous Ways' To Funnel Taxpayer Money For Agitpropiteers:
"I may not know how much a whole lotta nines are. But if I don't, there's somebody on my staff who does."
So Many Crackpots. So Little Tax Revenue; Bush's Tax Cuts Hamper Administration's Propaganda Campaign:
How Much De Facto Taxpayer Money Do O'Reilly, Limbaugh, Liddy, William Kristol, Chuckie Krauthammer, Rick Sanitorium, Tony Blanklely, Fred Barnes et al Rip & Run To Live Lavishly On The Spin Cycle?:
By BOWAND KURTZY

Rumsfeld Fears Arrest In Germany:
"Christ. If They're Going After You For War Crimes In Germany, You Must Be A Motherfucker," Says Barry McCaffrey
By BADLEY GROOMED

Profits, Not Timetables, Matter in Iraq:
CIA Proprietary Washington Post Outs Rumsfeld's Private Special Ops Unit:
Halliburton Asks For Another 80 Billion Dollars To Fight Public Relations War About The Billions They Already Stole:
Kindasleazie Rice, Bush's Barren Sally Hemmings, Defends 'Whitey's' House Of Canards:
By HENRY A. KISSINGER & GEORGE P. SCHULTZ

Mass Extinction Tied to Bush's Inaugural Address:
Greenhouse Effect Due To U.S. Consumption, Perpetual War Cited in Mass Decline Over Next 25 Months:
'Freedom's' Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Steal:
Paleo-Creationist Timetable Predicts 'Endtime' Coincides With Bush's Second Term:
Bush Frequently Cited The Bible's Book Of Mammon In Inaugural Speech:
THE RAPTURE--The Ultimate 'GUILT TRIP'?
GEE DE GUYLIEALOTTIE

Hippocratic Hypocrisy: "Mr. [Richard E.] Scruggs [attorney for uninsured people being sued by nonprofit hospitals] is seeking to use the courts to reform the health care system," said American Hospital Association executive vice-president Rick Pollack. "We don't think lawsuits are the answer to the problem of the uninsured."
If the AHA doesn't think "lawsuits are the answer" why in the living fuck have AHA members brought tens of thousands of LAWSUITS in the COURTS against people unable to pay for hospital stays when they were charged sometimes six times the amount of an insured patient for the same care? So its OK for AHA to take peoples' homes and garnish their wages by using the court system, but its not OK for uninsured, read poor, people to ask for justice through those same courts. We've got hundreds of millions of guns in this country but we can't even defeat simple hypocrisy.

G.W. Bush's Inaugural Speech
By MICHAEL GERSON, KAREN HUGHES, RICHAED PERLE, LT. GEN. WILLIAM G. "JERRY" BOYKIN, ELLIOTT ABRAMS, KARL ROVE, ARIEL SHARON, 'KENNY BOY' LAY, DR. PHIL, KINDASLEAZIE RICE, ALFONS HECK, MICHAEL ANTON, TONY BLAIR et al

Stolen or Lost?
By Steven F. Freeman, AlterNet

The Anti-Empire Report, No. 17
By WILLIAM BLUM

Murderers Gather for Gala in Capitol:
Washington Closed Down for Elites' Private Celebrations:
Capital Weaves a Steel Trap for a Big Party:
Bush Suspends Toothless Constitution:
Fat Cats Plan to "Shake Their Ass" at the Rest of the Country:
Corporate Dump Trucks Line up at Treasury:
As Bumper Crop of Taxpayer Money Expected:
Cheney Said to Eat a Live Dog in Preparation for Speech:
By I. RABID JOHN and MICHAEL JERKOFFSKY

At Inauguration The Poor Protect The Rich In Unprecedented Show Of Servility:
Inauguration Security Called 'Riefenstahlian':
Lower Classes Don Their Uniforms And Prepare To Take A Bullet For Their Betters:
Aside From Occasional Sop, Capitals Poor Form Ring Of Fodder To Shelter Rich:
Homeless Driven Out Of Town Like the Bonus Army
By YASO ADIODI

Lawsuit Filed Against George W. Bush and Richard B. Cheney
By DOUG WALLACE

US Official Confirms Iraqi President Allawi Shot Six Dead:
Negroponte Quoted As Saying "Allawi Made His Bones" With Killings:
CIA: "What's The Big Deal. Allawi's Been Killing For Us For Years."
Cheney: "Our Hope Is That Allawi Is To Saddam What Hitler Was To Mussolini And Brings What We Like To Call In The Trade 'Stability' To The Region."
By REGINALD SMYTHE BLANCO

Bush Blames Voters For War In Iraq:
Kleptocracy Declares Clear Mandate To Feed On Social Security:
Statute Of Limitations On Iraq 'Accountability moment' Has Passed, Faux President Floats:
Commander In Chimp Makes Chumps Of Grunts; Graner Gets 10 Years; Bush Declares "prison abuse was strictly the fault of a handful of junior enlisted soldiers" Even Though Rumsfeld's DNA Was Swabbed Off The Asses Of 30 Abu Graib Prisoners As Well As Graner's Pucker Hole.
By JIM HANGEMHIGHER & MICHAELS A. FLASHER

Like WMD U.S. Lowers Expectations On Iraq Vote:
White House Spins "At least, there are more voters in Iraq than WMD!"
Concept Emphasized, Not Turnout or Results
By ROB M. RIGHT and YAM RANDEMHIGH

Paparazzi Snap Royal Nazi:
In Rare Slip, Prince Harry Shows Elite Political Sentiment:
Britain's Prince Harry Toasted By Prescott Bush Family Bund For Nazi Costume:
Dick Cheney Claims Harry "Looked Splendid":
Chance Of A Jewish Heir To The British Crown Clarified By Royal Family:
Queen Elizabeth's Grandson Offers Phony Apology:"It was either a swastika or go as J. Edgar Hoover dressed in a ball gown." 'Arry Says:
By SCHMECHAEL McDONKNOW

U.S. Ends Iraq WMD Search; Should January 20th Be Changed To A Public Hanging?:
The Appearance Of Error Gets You Canned At CBS But Lying About WMD And Starting A War Under False Pretenses Gets You Re-Elected?!:
WMD Iraq Survey Group Interim Report--"What A Joke. We Didn't Find Shit. And The Cheney/Bush People Are Clearly Full Of It. If You're Truly An Idiot, Go Die For These Fuckers."
Rumsfeld Says "No Draft. Draftees Ain't Shit. And If We're Gonna Lose We Might As Well Lose Without Their Worthless Asses."
By BASE MUDDLE

North American Gluttons Murder 200,000 More Little Brown People With New Tsunami Weapon. Weapon Works On Any Octane:
Like Hiroshima, America's Vast Weapons Superiority Again On Display:
Killer Tsunami's 'Global Warming' Link Branded 'Rubbish' By Comfort Boys For Petrol, Coal Burning Industries:
Senator Inhofe Again Blasts "Environmental Fearmongers" For Linking Tsunami To Global Warming, Blames Gays:
Two Step Connection Between Tsunami And Water Volume Stumps World's Scientists, Media:
Bubble Of Super-Heated Air From Capital's Flunkies, Liars And Stooges Melting The Polar Ice Cap:
By MARCEDLY MORONO

Jesus Asks: "Is USAID The Biggest 'Charity Scam' In History?!"
USAID Director Keeps an Eye on Long-Term Oppression/Subversion:
Money Laundered Through USAID Used To Foment Coups, Teach Torture, Assassinate Leaders, Buy Elections, Destroy Economies, Murder Dissidents, Arm Sociopaths, Prop-Up Dictators, Kidnap Patriots:
Most Tsunami Disaster Aid To Relieve CIA Cash Shortfall:
Rise In Sea-Level From Global Climate Change Magnifies Tsunami's Effect:
By Robbem Right

Yushchenko Pledges to Modernize Corruption:
Enron/U.S. Government Style Corruption For Ukraine Aims To Squeeze Out The Little Guy:
Yushchenko Points To Way West Stole Election To Convince Ukrainians Of Need For U.S. Style Kleptocracy:
Pig Emissions Part of Global Warming; Americans Bristle At Association:
Bush Congratulates "You Craniums."
By MARAUDAR BULLBALLS

New U.S. Memo Says Torture Violates Law:
Bush Vows to Continue 'Protecting America by any Means Necessary: Cheney disavows Memo:
Karl Rove Suggests Christians Have a Moral Right to Torture Infidels:
By MUGGSY WEISENHEIMER

Gary Webb Murdered As Part Of Ongoing CIA Drug Smuggling Operations:
Series Which Launched Investigations Sealed His Doom:
Porter Goss: "I Don't Know Why We Waited This Long." Cites Incompetence Under Tenet:
Agency's Gulfstream V's Short On Transporting Terrorists, Long On Transporting Afghan Raw Opium:
By YURI RIGGED

Washington Post Re-editorial:
Fearful of Being Held Complicit, Post Reverses Position on Torture:
Ben Bradlee Furious:
Cheney Vows to "Get them All":
Bush: "What's the Big Deal?":
By THE EDITORS

Cheney Calls Dover, PA "A Threat To America's National Security".:
Evangelicals Jeopardize War Effort!:
Is Islam Fueling The Creationist Movement?:
Geological Time=Geology=Oil Exploration; Will Creationism End The Big Oil Attack On Iraq?:
By MURKIE PYLE

Summary: Rumsfeld's Aura Terrifies Troops in Iraq
By YASO ADIODI

Gated Community Gives Bums Rush To Nativity Scene:
Residents Say Holy Family "Too Arab"; "Too Poor"; "Dress Like Terrorists":
By JEFFEY LUBE

The Enemies Among Us
By MIKE WHITNEY

Ukraine Candidate Raises Language Bet:
IMF Declares English To Become Second Language Of Ukraine After *Bling*lish:
Yushchenko Promises To Franchise Names Of Ukrainian Cities To Western Banks:
*Bling*lish Language Dictionaries Go On Sale In Kiev:
By ASSLIKSLANDAR VASOLINOVIC

Surprise! White House Backs Away From Drug Imports:
Task Force Says Ensuring Safety Would Be Too Expensive for Drug Comapnies:
Bush: I Was Just Funnin:
Frist: We're Here to Make Money:
Pfizer: Profits Before People!:
By SHERMAN TANKTOP

Ukraine Dupes Paid By U.S. To Head East And Provoke Confrontation:
In Light Of Yushchenko Poisoning, Veterans Administration Tells Vietnam Vets And Vietnamese People: "Forget Yushchenko . It's not how much dioxin poisoning you got, its whether you can prove the intent with which it was administered that counts."
'Fuck' Was The Most Popular Word In The English Language For 163rd Straight Year When It Replaced 'Cocksucker' Says U.S. Bureau of Lexicography:
By ASSLIKSLANDAR VASOLINOVIC

The Anti-Empire Report, No. 16
By WILLIAM BLUM

Rumsfeld: "Fuck the Congress:"
Gunning for Rummy the Dummy:
NeoCon Grumbling Abcesses on Rumsfeld's Right Buttock:
High Body Count in Iraq Has PNACers Looking for Scapegoat:
McCain Jettisons Supporters, Joins NeoCon Killers:
Thousands More Desert After Rummy's Rebuke to GI:
By BODD S. TURDUM

Increasing Air Pollution Will Be a Top Priority for Bush Next Year:
Energy Companies Demand Unrestricted Right to Pollute:
Cheney Says Clean Air Overrated:
By JOHN SIEGHEIL

U.S. Meddling in Ukraine Exposed!:
U.S. Money Helped Opposition in Ukraine:
Bush, Cheney Machine Rigs Another Election:
Promises to Turn Former USSR States into Banana Republics:
By VASILI JELLEY

Rumsfeld Tells Troops: "Shut Up And Die!":
Unphased By War Raging In Iraq, Rumsfeld Takes "Fine, Warm And Enjoyable" Junket To Middle East:
Rumsfeld? Out Of Touch? Out To Lunch? Or Just Strung Out?:
"We're Going To Have To Lose With What We Got," Rumsfeld Tells Troops:
Bush Says Strategic Oil Grift Wouldn't Be Served By Draft Because "We're being driven into the sea anyway.":
Rove: "Shit! If We'da Known a Reporter Helped Craft That Armor Question We Could Have Discredited It Out Of Hand.":
By TOM RICKLES

Sermonizing: Media That's Too Head-Up-Its-Ass Cowardly To Report That War In Iraq Is For Oil Wants To Sermonize To The Public On Steroids In Sports:
Steroid Use Among Iraqi Insurgents Growing, Giving Them An Unfair Advantage:
Family Values: On-Line Family Photo Album Shows More Iraq Prison Torture---"Oh Look.. Little Billy Is Placing His 220 Pound Ass Where The Prisoner's Dick Is. Ain't That Cute, Momma?"
By ARNIE PALUCCI

Oil and natural gas are Iraq's 'strategic' value and oil and natural gas fuel the U.S. desire for permanent bases in that country and elsewhere in the Middle East. To talk about 'strategic interest' especially in the Middle East is to talk about nothing more than the implementation of policies, some violently hegemonic, that will enhance control of world energy markets. If the oil dried up in the Middle East tonight, Rumsfeld and the rest of the Cheney administration would be tripping over their garters by 8AM to get the fuck out of Iraq and 'maneuver American forces where America's strategic interests can be best served.'

Escalation Begins! After Elections All Bets Are Off On Number Of Troops Needed To 'Pacify' Iraq:
With Tours Once Again Extended Many American Servicemen Marry, Start Families In Iraq:
Expected University Draftees 'Ready & Eager To Go'; Consciption Popular On Nation's Campuses:
To Insure Elections Go U.S. Way, U.S. To Beef Up Its Number Of Troops To Even More Than During Invasion:
Permanent Bases Suggest Permanent Presence:
Many See Chance To Serve Cheney's Great Oil Grift As Form Of Self-Garottification:
U.S., Western Europe Pour In Millions Of Dollars In Support Of Anti-Semitic Pro-Nazi Candidate Yushchenko In Ukraine
BY KLIEG GOADON

Die? Hardly.: Bruce Willis Sues Over Screen Scratch:
Conservative Hollywood Actor Supports Cap On Medical Malpractice But Not Melodrama Malpractice:
Insurance Investigator Calls Willis "Just Another Movie Muff, A Real Pussy".:
Amputees At Walter Reed Defend Cry Baby Actor, But Contemplate Class Action Suit Of Hollywood Action Movies As Poor Instructional Films; Ditto Video Games:
'Tears Of The Sun' Renamed 'Big Churls Don't Cry' Or 'There Is No Crying In Paint Ball':
Willis May Need A Sissy Tuck To Hide The Scar:
Ohio Draft Board Buys 200 Games Boys And DVDs Of Willis & Schwarzenegger Movies To Keep Teenaged Draftees Occupied While Waiting To Be Conscripted
By PAILEAN GAUL

"Its easy to believe
When a High School dropout
Who fucked Sally Sue without a condom
Can call in an air strike
Like it was a pizza with everything."---HCE

Neo-Con Purge Deepens At the C.I.A.:
Two More Top Officials Are Forced Out in Corporate Takeover:
Porter Goss Demands Blind Obedience -- 'Quit or Be Killed!'
Administration Positioning Itself For Endless Armed Interventions in Other Oil-Rich Countries:
Billions at Stake as Cheney-led Coup Seeks Control of Foreign Bank Accounts: C.I.A. Drug Operations on Hold:
Kappes Last Tape Interview Classified By C.I.A. Censors:
By DUGLASS JEHLIBELLI

CIA Plotted Coup To Murder Chavez Their Own Documents Show:
U.S. Kept Quiet As They Plotted Against Chávez:
Porter Goss: "Who Gives A Patrician Shit That We Got Caught; We'll Just 'Frank Church' The Mook And Get Back To The Oil Business Of Killing Chavez.":
Assassinated Press Reporter, Yaso Adiodi, Wins The Coveted Rapture Award For Truth In Journalism And Is Taken Up Into Heaven
By BRUTELL YARNS AND TALLETTA TAILER

Watch Venezuela
It’s Still Open Season on Democracy
By MICHAEL L. NIMAN

Estimated 200,000 Protest U.S.? No, Ukraine Election:
Discrepancy Between Exit Polls And Results Cited As Evidence Of Fraud In U.S.? No, Ukrainian Elections According To Western Press
By ASSLIKSLANDAR VASOLINOVIC & PEDER ASST

Rich Colombians Thankful For U.S. Military Aid Used To 'Repress Stinking, Fetid Masses':
By HUM HOWZITGO

The Right's Smack:
CIA Afghan Opium Exports Surge Right 'Smack' In Karzai's Neighborhood:
Porter Goss Tells CIA Employees, "Either get with the program, or prepare to go cold turkey on your black budget, amigos."
By SEBASTION OFLIES

'Objectivity' is the Locus of the Imaginary.

Porter Goss Email Memo Threatens "To Tear Langley A New Asshole.":
"Who'da Ever Thought The CIA Woulda Been The Lesser Of Two Evils!"-The Ghost Of Richard Helms:
New Director Makes It Clear That The Critical Perception Must Be That The CIA's Nominee, John Kerry, Did Not Win The Election:
Cheney Warns That the PNAC Handlers Now Control More Turf Than Any Other Cabal Including The Agency, the Carlyle Group And Kissinger/China & Associates And If Any Segment Of the Kleptocracy Wants To Use It, They Have To Rent It Through Don Rumsfeld:
Career CIA Officials Vow To Undermine Cheney/Hadley Foreign Policy; First Step---Release Internal Emails To The Press:
Cheney Retaliates: Threatens Use Of Military Against CIA Poppy Fields In Afghanistan: Powell Already Out On Stump Collecting His Envelopes And Fucking With Administration on Iran:
By KUTNRUNE FORGER SHREDDER

The Anti-Empire Report, No. 15
By WILLIAM BLUM

A New GAPe Cut For Global Textile Trade:
India Appeals To Neighbors To Join New Cheap Labor Confederacy:
Kissinger/ China & Associates Likely to Dominate as Quotas Expire:
Plans For Afghan Hip-Hugger Jeans Scrapped For More CIA Sponsored Poppy Cultivation
By PECKER GOODWRETCH and PALL BLOODVERSTEHEN

Murder in the Mosque:
Shooting Angers Muslims:
Bush Claims Divine Right to Kill the Helpless:
Cheney Asks: "What's the Big Deal? The Geneva Conventions are Outmoded; The Economic Superiority of the West Excludes Us from Having to Comply:
American Consumers Openly Gleeful:
By WALDO PUNKASS

U.S. Commander in Iraq Calls Shooting Part Of 'America's Genuine Rules Of Engagement':
Rumsfeld Says Shooting of Wounded Iraqi, 'Nothing For Muslims To Get Their Panties In A Bunch About':
Bush Jokes: "Can You Spell 'P.O.W.'? Yes, pow-pow-pow-pow-pow! The fucker's dead.":
Overwhelming Firepower Does Not Suggest Adherence To Rule Of Law Army Lawyers Say:
Hadley Insists, "We Are Culture Sensitive. Fuck, It's One Less Iraqi Standing Between Cheney And His Oil. Big Deal."
By PHONEY D. SHADISTIC

Bush Warns of Growing Violence in Iraq:
'You Can Tell How Better Things Are Getting by How Bad It Is":
Cheney Denies Numbers are "Viet Nam-like":
Pat Robertson Prays for a Christian Death for All Iraqis:
By IMA STOOGEY

PC Police Refuse To Air Private Ryan:
Spielberg Film Not Politically Correct By Affiliate, FCC Standards:
Corporations Feared Exercise Of Free Speech May Have Led To Fines, "Green Turns 'Em Yella.":
PCFCC Contemplates Fines For Viewers Who Watched 'Saving Private Ryan'
By LOOSY MORAES

Energy Task Force, Cheney Administration Propose 'Burning Off' Remnants Of Arctic Ice Shelf:
Move Would Speed Up Oil And Natural Gas Development:
Convenience Stores Make Bid To Preserve And Bag Ice Cap
By JOHN LUMPYLIP

Bush Told To Name Gonzales to Succeed Ashcroft:
20th Century Torquemada Promises American Inquisition; People Tortured For Their Religious Beliefs:
Author of "Franchising Torture: How To Outsource The Hot Lead Enema" Selected To Replace Evangelically Sadistic Ashcroft:
Dan Mitrione: "Gonzales is definitely pro-torture and for protecting the life of the born-again torturer. Witness Abu Graib."
By TEARANDA HURT

Companies Sue Retirees To Cut Promised Health Benefits:
Firms Claim Right to Change Coverage, Attempt to Pick Sympathetic Jurisdictions:
Bush Plan to Disenfranchise Workers Going Forward:
Republicans Smug Over 'Friendly Courts':
"Americans Have That 'Whip Me Like A Little Bitch' Mentality. So Why be Surprised When Somebody Takes Advantage Of It."---George Halvorson, CEO, Kaiser Permanente
By YELLOUGH SCHMALTZ

Falwell Plans For 'Evangelical Jihad':
Move Designed To Increase Wealth Of Failing Ministry:
Ashcroft To Join Board:
Minister Does Not Rule Out Armed, Iraqi Type Insurgency:
Halliburton Gets Contract To Rebuild Fallujah For Third Time
By BOWAND KURTZY

More Women in Prison Than Ever Before:
Incarceration Rate for Women Double That of Men:
Assrift Resigns To Take On New Job As Top Consultant To Private Prison Industry:
Bush: "We're Aimin' for One in Fifty!"
Cheney: "Lock the Bitches Up!"
Ashcroft: "I Can Retire With the Satisfaction I Put So Many Behind Bars!"
Limbaugh: "Fucking FemiNazis!"
By LI ANNE BEARDOWN

Did God Steal The Election?:
Is Premier Theocrat Fed Up With The Enlightenment?:
Karl Rove: "Fuck Morley. I'm More Cynical About Evangelicals Than Anybody.":
New Electronic Voting Booths Invaluable In War On Terror:
Officials Tout 'Wrong' People Can't Get Elected With New Diebold Millennium 2000:
Machine Performing God's Will Gives Bush Extra Ohio Votes:
"God works in mysterious ways. Praise the Lord!," Says Ohio Governor Bob Haft:
"Its Just God's Way of Keeping Us Safe," Comments White House Chief Of Stink, Karl Rove:
Unprecedented Turn Out May have Been Just That:
Cheney Election Called At Least As Clean As Mubarak's Or Karzai's:
By BARK FULKEY

Ballot Of The Apes:
For Bush Supporters Its Electoral High School At Best:
STATEWIDE IQ AND 2000 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION

Sharon Says Arafat Better Die Soon Or The Gaza Deal Is Off:
Arafat Says "The Rumors Of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated.":
Doctors Deny Reports of Arafat's Death; "Define Death"---Parisian Doctors Go Existential:
"He's Dead To Us," Declares U.S. Deputy Secretary of State Dick Armitage:
Arafat Poisoned? Conspiracy Or Was It His HMO?
By JEFFEY LUBE

Rove's Chimp Is People's Choice!!!
Karl Rove: His Father Abandoned Him; His Mother Committed Suicide, And Now The Whole World Has To Pay:
Cheney's Energy Task Force Having Commandeered The U.S. Military Threatens Several Oil Rich States With Attack:
Looming U.S. Invasions Slow Oil Infrastructure Investment:
Violent Sex Fantasies Drove Popular Vote; Sex With Corpses After Terrorist Attack On Minds Of Most Evangelical Voters:
Oil Execs Keep Profits In Petroleum Based Plastic Bags Stuffed Up The Lower Intestines Of Army Of Subordinates:
Business Model Counts On Crude In $20 A Barrel Range; All The Rest Is Gravy Poured Over the Meat of Dead Iraqis & Afghanis:
"Why in the living fuck would you invest in oil exploration when you can build a shitload of F-22s and Abrams tanks and just go in and steal the second largest oil reserve in the world at taxpayer expense."
By ZBIG GNU BALLZ

Election Day Dawns With Utter Predictability:
Kleptocracy Poised For Business As Usual:
American Empire Still Pouring In Hot Lead Around The World:
Introducing Military Draft Might Be Easier With Kerry
By ZBIG BALLZ and DERAFT BRUDER-MUDER

NAACP Says IRS Probing Speech That Criticized Bush:
Cheney: "These Niggers Need A Lesson":
Bush: "If We Can Fuck 'Em, We'll Fuck 'Em":
DeLay: "This Would Be A Better Country With A Few More Lynchings":
By DENARO C. ARMPIT

"What's Another 400 Tons Of High Explosives Among Enemies? The World's Full of The Shit," Rumsfeld Reasons:
Munitions Issue Dwarfs the Big Picture Or "Shit man. We've 'lost' hundreds of thousands of tons of God knows what kind of murderous devices of our own creation in Iraq; what's another 400 fuckin' tons of high explosives," says White House Chief Of Stink Karl Rove.:
Kerry Blubbering Over Threat To American Troops While At Least 100,000 Iraqis Have Been Slaughtered In Cheney's Oil Grab:
Light Sweet Crude Soars Toward $60.00 A Barrel; Oil Companies Profits Hit Historic Highs!!:
Wolfowitz Gloats: "Foreign policy battle for Iraq already won because now U.S. is inextricably engaged in permanent combat on the ground in Middle East just like Israel."
By BADLEY GROOMED & TUMOR RICKETTS

The Vietnam/[Iraq] War is disliked not only because it is obviously a tactical blunder; not only because most of us are "last men" too comfortable to fight for the imperial power that buttresses that comfort; nor, simplistically, is it that television filters some of the ferocity to our living rooms [or not]; but also because the central dream still publically holds, that North America stands for the future of hope, a people of good will bringing the liberation of progess to the world. The exigencies of violence necessary to our empire will increasingly make mockery of the rhetoric of that delusion. The lineaments of our imperialism are less and less able to be dressed up in the language of liberal idealism to make them seem more than the affluence and power of the Northern Hemisphere. Nevertheless, as of now, the belief that America is the moral leader of the world through technology still sustains even the most banal and ruthless of our managers.---George Grant, Technology and Empire

Fla. Drug Dealing Wholesaler Accused of Price Gouging:
Line Blurs Between Legal And Illegal Drugs When Free And Black Markets Collide:
By GOODLY ROOZE

Missing Explosives Part Of Reagan Era Aid Package To Saddam:
Rumsfeld Says Afghans Wise To Vote For CIA's Karzai, Avoid Wrath Of U.S.
By WILEY JACK HOLE

Halliburton To Profit From Fraud, Waste & Abuse:
Army Plan Lets Halliburton Keep Disputed Payments:
Halliburton Threatens To 'Fuck Over' Troops If Military Contests Looting:
By NEILING PORKINUP

Anti-Empire Report, No. 14
By BILL BLUM

Black Market For Vaccine Expected To Involve Billions:
Vaccine Crunch Prompts Lines, Squabbles:
Shortage in Flu Vaccine Teaches Profitability Lessons:
By LILI LIEDTRALALA

Military-Industrial Cold War Shill, Paul Nitze, 97, Dies, Proving Once Again That The Good Die Young:
Turned The Threat of Nuclear Holocaust From Lemon To Lemonade Using Terror To Help Kleptocracy Loot The U.S. Treasury:
Old Line Whore To Power's Snout Slips From The Public Trough:
A Thousand Washington Porkers Vie For Nitze's Place At His Money Teat, Wedged Between George Schultz And Lloyd Bentsen:
GAO Estimates That If Cold Warrior, Paul Nitze, Had Been Killed At Birth It Would Have Amounted To A Tax Cut Of $216,000,00 For Every Man, Woman and Child Living In the U.S. Between 1953 And 1981; Nitze Prevented 289,000 More Millionaires From Being Created By U.S. Economy By Concentrating Wealth In A Relative Few Through His Cold War, Military-Industrial Canards:
By BERRY BERRY SCHREWED

Cheney Says Terrorists May Bomb U.S. Cities:
Paranoid Peyote Pol Invokes Visions of Shroom Terrorists:
Close Race In Ohio Brings Out Stink of Fear In Cheney:
After Hearing Cheney's Remarks, Bush Reportedly in Hiding:
By ANDROID WELSH-MUGGINGS

Rove Lies In His Teeth In Bogus CIA Leak Investigation:
Cheney Defends Leak As Legitimate Method:
For Disciplining Administration Personel Who Put Truth:
Above Administration Lies:
Bush Calls Wilson "A Traitor" Who Should Be Executed:
By COURT PANDERSON

Despite $4 Billion In Bribes And Quid Pro Quos, U.S. Observers Privately Cautious About Afghan Election:
Oil Pipelines To Run Through Regions Which Despise Karzai:
A Better World For Afghanistan Under The Yolk Of Capitalism:
"Wait'll We Tell 'Em We Ain't Got $4 Billion Dollars."
By HUMFRY DUMPHRY

'Vibrator Bill' O'Reilly Is Target of Sex Harassment Suit:
Commentator Claims It's Extortion Scheme:
Hopes To Excite & Energize His Misogynistic Base:
"Women Haters All Over The World Will Defend Me":
By VAPID MARAUDER

Haiti Phase II: After U.S. Kidnapping Of Aristide, Roger Noriega Resumes U.S. Pogrom Against Poor:
New Conflict Planned For Haitian Capital
By HOMILY BRACKISH

Crude Oil Prices Bubble Past $54 a Barrel:
Cheney Bubbles In White House, Predicts $100 a Barrel By April:
American Consumers Yawn And Continue Orgy Of Rising Credit Card Debt:
By NOH EN-LAI

US Exit Poll Projects Karzai as Winner in American Afghan Election:
Fraud Complaints Ignored; Counting Could Take Hours:
CIA Method Of Using Electoral Politics To Legitimize Handpicked Thug Once Again Proves Viable:
Has CIA Brinkmanship Brought Cheney Policy Back From The Brink Only To Return The U.S. To The Razor's Edge Of The Agency's Old Brink?
By BR'ER FOX

Mathematicians Need Money In Terror Fight; "We Gotta Eat Just Like The Rest Of You Assholes!":
The 'Prisoner's Dilemma' For Guantanamo And Abu Graib Detainees Proved To Be Their Innocence:
Rumsfeld: "It's math ain't it. One plus one equals two. Purely objective.":
One & One Does Not Equal Two In Boolean Logic, Binary Systems, Turing Machines etc.
By OCTANIO GAUSS, SWART EULER, GORGE BULLE UND GEOSOUPY PEANOMUNDE

Major General Smedley Darlington Butler Calls For True Universal Draft During Speech At West Point:
Kleptocracy To Have Their Money Conscripted For Duration of Conflict:
Eisenhower's Military/Industrial Complex To Make Same Personal Sacrifices As General Population:
Cheney/Bush Horrified By General's Proposal:
Two Time Medal Of Honor Winner Booed By Cadets, Denounced By Swift Boat Vets
Text of GENERAL BUTLER'S Speech

Rumsfeld Sees Retaking of Samarra as Model; Holding Samarra As Fantasy:
Defense Secretary Outlines Twelve-Step Program For Those Hooked On Defeating The Iraqi Resistance:
Cheney/Bush Have 'Secret Plan' For Losing The War:
U.S. Oil Deals In The Sudan Threatened; Stooges Of Kleptocracy Learn How To Spell G-E-N-O-C-I-D-E
By BADLEY GROOMED

Kickbacks Plague U.S. Arms Effort in Iraq:
Earmarked Money Appropriated Before Its Appropriated:
Billions Stolen Slated To Give Iraqi Scientists Busy Work Making WMD:
Bush Has Brow Reduction Surgery
By CUM QAT

Freed Italian Hostage Says Iraq Rebels 'Justified'
Special To The Assassinated Press:
Buried Buy The New York Times And NBC's Truth Squad

Yeah. That's Right. Call 'Em The Grays.;
Or What's Really In A Name:
Baseball Returns To DC
An Assassinated Press Editorial

Three Generations In The Fossil Fuel Business Makes Bush Family Suspect In Recent Rash Of Hurricanes:
Fla. Hot Meal Franchise Is Biggest in FEMA's History; Meals Outsourced To Halliburton:
Halliburton/Kellogg Brown And Root Owned Home Repo Inc. Sweeping Through Florida Buying Up Distressed Properties For Pennies On The Dollar:
Department Of Commerce Seeking To Sell Florida For Scrap; China, Albania, Lockhead/Martin Show Interest:
By DUBORYA HUSTLINGS

Bush Shrugs Off Bad Polls on Iraq Outlook, Advises Missoula High School Class On How To Dodge November 8 Military Draft:
Young Techies To be Drafted First, But Many U.S. Technical Military Jobs To Be Outsourced To Low Wage India, Pakistan and Indonesia As Part of New International Privatized Force:
"Local Draft Boards Funded, Staffed, Ready," Rumsfeld Tells Border Patrols; Canada To Turn In Draft Dodgers To U.S. Authorities This Time:
Millions Prepare To Put Their Lives, Careers On Hold/Line For Dick Cheney's Oil Grab:
"The Rich Are Not Like Them," Aliens Report
By YASO ADIODI

"God Misses Aristide--- And Haiti Too."
God Says U.S. Must Get Down On Its Knees And Beg His Forgiveness For Brutal American Foreign Policy And The Sins Of Its Kleptocracy:
God Orders U.S., Haitian 'White Assess' To Return Aristide To The Haitian Presidency:
Rising Death Toll Prompts Haiti Protests:
U.S. Envoy Roger Noriega: "Fuck God! And Fuck The Haitian People!"
By AUTOR LEE BROKEN

Putin Adopts the American Model:
Goes One Better than Bush/Cheney:
Moves to Tighten Kremlin's Grip:
Russian President's Plan Would Abolish Regional Elections in Effort to Thwart Freedom:
"We Have Much to Learn from Our Ruskie Brothers," says Cheney:
By BLADIMIR TOOTIN

On Iraqi TV, a Welcome Take on Surreality:
U.S. Bombing Runs Provide Plenty Of These Old Houses:
"This Bombed House" Show Proves To Be Perfect Metaphor For U.S. Occupation:
"I don't think Kerry should win. I think the same cabal that started this oil grab thing in Iraq should face the ultimate consequences of their actions," Charleton Heston tells VFW.
By HACKIE SPIN

"What? Bush Too Good To Deal Drugs With His Old Buddies Anymore?" American Electorate Asks:
Common Man Sees Bush Disconnect In Denying His Drug Use; "He's No Longer One Of Us.":
What Campaign In Alabama? It Was A Drug Deal:
Bush Didn't Refuse To Take His Physical---He Failed It:
Washington Post Wannabees View Kitty Kelley's Bush Book With Envy:
Dick Cheney On Peace Movement: "Our Opposition Marches In the Middle Of The Road Where They Can Easily Be Triangulated And Take A Headshot. Why Should The Kleptocracy Worry About 300,000 Unarmed Pussies?"
By BOWAND KURTZY

U.S. Lowers Net Worth of Osama Bin Laden:
Saudi Terrorist Declared Bankruptcy Twice; Turned Down For Loan To Open Beirut Popeyes:
"Money Had To Come From Elsewhere," Sept. 11th Panel Declares:
CIA And Bush Administration Fabricated Wealth Of Fugitive Terror Financier:
Cheney Says "And The American People Don't Have The Balls To Do Anything About It."
By KATAMARAN LEGER SHREDDER

The Script From Arnold Schwarzenegger's Republican National Convention Movie:
Swift Boat Veterans Denounce Schwarzenegger's Claims That He Killed 61 NY Police Officers And 78 NY Firefighters In Terminator IV: The Next Pile Of Genetically Altered Aryan Horseshit:
Cheney Says That George Bush Would Not Wait For A Permission Slip To Protect The American People---Not Even A Permission Slip From The American People, Hinting At Another Coup:
George Bush Removes Own Rectum And Lower Intestine Cleansing His Viscera With Jack Daniels And Prune Juice In Search Of The Answer To His Own Koan 'Catastrophic Success'
Translated By Yaso Adiodi For The Assassinated Press

Four Terrorists Join GOP Platform:
A Present For Poppy; Bush Jr.'s White House Arranges Pardons For Some Of Bush Sr.'s Favorite Terrorists:
"It must be the Old Butcher's birthday," Scott McLellan Tells Press:
Administration Denies U.S. Taxpayer Bank Role in Cuban Exiles' Pardon:
Panama Frees 4 Convicted in Plot To Kill Civilians, Bombing of Airliner
By GLENN KEESTER

Does "catastrophic success" sound 'decisive' to you, or even sentient?---HCE

Greenspan Says "Rob The Poor!"
Social Security, Medicare Socialism Must Be Cut:
Fuck The Poor! Chants The Fed:
By MARTIN KRAUTSINGER

Draft Board Volunteers Have Been Meeting Quietly For Nearly A Year:
New 'Universal Draft' Guidelines In Place:
By PHILIP OCHS

Americans At Peace With Culture Of Greed:
Auditor Applauds Iraq Contract Oversight:
Halliburton Unit Not Required To Justify Expenses, Memo Says
By RILEY HARROWING

Knowledge Of Abu Graib Sex Romps Went "Higher than God" As DNA Implicates Rumsfeld:
Abu Ghraib Report Faults Top Officials---Not Enough Dope, Liquor, Toys At Sex 'Interrogations':
Teenaged Detainees Forced To Give Military Brass Lap Dances:
Wolfowitz Reaffirms "Iraq war was not for the Oil. It was for the Fuck Munch."
"We Don't Want Americans To Think Of Murder As Something Uncomfortable, Like Sex," Counsels Bill O'Reilly
By ROBBIE BARRONS

Americans Still Don't Eat Enough Iraqis
By JUBE HIRSCHEY

Turns Out Its The 'Swift Boats Vets Who Can't Face the Truth:'
In A War Defined By Civilian Casualties Inflicted By U.S. Forces Veterans Looking For A Leader Who Will Lie For Them:
Some Veterans Still Bitter About Being Outed On Crimes
By G. GOSH WHITEY AND BORUS FLAILURE

Oil Creeps Are Closer to $50 a Barrel:
Hype About Iraq, Terrorism in Saudi Arabia Drive Prices Higher:
Cheney Sees $100 a Barrel 'In No Time':
By DRAB GLOSSUBER

Hey America! When's The Last Time You Had Your Cheney Pulled? A Telegraphed Punch From The Not Too Swift Boat Veterans For Bush(Karl Rove-All Rights Reserved):
Swift Boat Vets Say, "American troops in Vietnam were a lot safer without G.W. Bush in the field."
Karl Rove Denies White House Connection To Swift Boat Vets, Says "Who Gives A Feral Cat's Titty Tumor About Swift Boat Vets."
Swift Boat Veterans For Lies, Self-Medication, Money & Money For Self-Medication:
Vietnam Vet Suckers Enter Ring For Kleptocracy But Get Rabbit Punched By the Fourth Estate:
Like Vietnam, the Iraq War Is A Coloring Book Of Kleptocratic Perfidy And Theft, But America Is Still Eating The Crayons:
By YASO ADIODI

What Next for Venezuela, Mr. Cheney?
Roger Noriega Promises More Economic Sanctions, Political Gridlock, Coups, Attempted Assassinations and Blood Money For Elite Or Did Chavez Strike A Deal With The Gringo Devils To Eliminate The Venezuelan Elite As Middle Man:
Venezuelan Elite Corrupt 'Beyond Belief' Says Halliburton Attorney, Roy Cohn
By MORI BUND SHINANIGAN

Chavez Trounces Cheney, Dick Demands Recount:
Peasants Defy US, Vote in Record Numbers:
Bush Threatens Military Intervention:
Chavez calls Venezuelan Oil 'Safe For The Moment':
Carter Calls Referendum 'Much Cleaner Than US Elections':
By ANDREW SKEWSKY AND FABIOLA PUTA-CARA

Ashcroft Threatens To Open Homeland Rehabilitation Camps:
FBI Goes Head-Knocking for 'Political Troublemakers' As GOP Convention Expected to Draw Thousands of Free Speech Advocates:
Cheney Urges Violence Against 'Protesting Motherfuckers':
Bush Vows To 'Get 'em All':
By ERICH LICHTBULBUS

The Washington Post on WMDs--- An Inside Job:
Post Knew It Had Another Gulf Of Tonkin On Its Hands And Like Administration And Congress It Lied As Iraqis And Americans Die[d]:
Prewar Articles Questioning Threat Often Didn't Make Front Page; For Full Orchestration See Page R97:
Cheney's Oil Gouge At The Pump Fuckin' Up Roger Noriega's Ability To Murder Chavez And Allow Cheney To Steal Venezuela's Oil; Greed Blinds De Facto Chief Executive And Corporate Paramour; Noriega Hopes Referendum Leads To Chavez's Murder, Resumes Starvation Of Poor, Opens Venezuelan Oil To American Grift:
People Protecting Their Houses Of Worship Butchered By Americans In Najaf
By BOWAND KURTZY

From Street Terror To State Terror:
Today Revolution, Tomorrow the United States Of Al Qaeda:
Al Qaeda, Following The Path Of The American Founding Fathers:
Recognizing The Once And Future Riches
By BUBBLES KILLENSPEW

Cheney Denies There Is Any Foreign Oil:
Calls Arabs Dogs, Including Ahmed Chalabi & Ralph Nader:
PNAC Calls For Total Extermination Of Muslims:
by ADOLPH KAISER & SAL PERMANENTE

'Swift Boat Veterans For Truth' Denounce Imperialist War In Vietnam:
Swift Boat Vets Say, "American troops in Vietnam were a lot safer without G.W. Bush in the field."
Echoing General Vo Nguyen Giap And Ho Chi Minh Republican Vets Criticize Kleptocrats Kerry, McCain, Bob Kerrey et al:
Future Kleptocratic Candidates Put On Notice That War Record "Ain't Shit".:
Karl Rove Denies White House Connection To Swift Boat Vets, Says "Who Gives A Feral Cat's Titty Tumor About Swift Boat Vets."
North Korea And Iran Honor 'Swift Vote Veterans For Truth' With Quiet Ceremonies And Military Parades
An Assassinated Press Primary Document
Translated and edited by YASO ADIODI

Most Fish From Lakes Is Too High In Mercury:
Bush EPA Counters That High Mercury Levels In Big Mouth Bass Make Them Great Rectal Thermometers:
Fishing Industry: "Isn't it about time the human race step aside?":
Secret Service Detail Forgets Bush In Locked Car With the Windows Rolled Up On A Very Hot Day
by Julienne Eelpeelins

U.S. Officials Panic Over Four Year Old Data, Rush Armed Thugs Into the Streets To Protect The Property Of Our Beloved Kleptocrats:
Argentina, 200 Other Countries Object To Protection For World Bank & IMF---"Nobody protected us from them!" protesters scream:
Target Details Prove Outdated; Some Attributed To Plutarch:
"At least when the information's this out of date, we don't have to make it up," Says Tom Ridge:
Citicorp Pays Private Security Firm In Cocaine And Heroin:
Wall Street Cautious; Puts Out Usual Bulletin "Don't Buy Until There's Blood In the Streets."
by Don Airgoon & Mutt Cooley

Five Months After US-led Coup, Mayhem Rules Haiti's Streets:
Roger Noriega Says "What The Fuck Do You Expect From Kidnappers?"
by Mikel Nambybear

Muslim Nations Want Fewer U.S. Occupiers In Iraq In Exchange For U.S. Corporations Bogarting Energy Straw:
Ready to Talk Long Term Oil Arrangement In Exchange For American Pullout:
'Compassionate Conservatives', Who Say They Resent Smart Assed City Slickers Ridiculing The Village Idiot, Are Poised To Vote For Bush
by Barry Barry Screwed

New Poll Shows 70% Of Americans Reluctant To Change Killers In Midstream:
Cheney And Rumsfeld Show Real 'Bloodlust' Voters Say; Targeting Oil And Natural Gas a Real Vote Getter:
"Terror is losing their possessions. They're so far gone, as the 9/11 hearings showed, losing loved ones comes as a devastating afterthought. Otherwise Americans would give some thought in advance to what U.S. policy does to other people around the globe all in the name of maintaining their lifestyle---their possessions."
by Edward Bernays & Tod Kripple

Court Rules That Private Consortium Retains Sole Control Of Arizona And Nevada Sunlight:
Decision On Air Still Pending
by Ima Stoogey

Cheney Faces Criminal Indictments;
Other Illegal Actions Raise Warning Flags at White House:
Bush Reported In On The Payoff:
Negroponte Readies Government Death Squads, Vows To Fight To The Death For Dick
by Busta Tamponn

ITS U.S. FOREIGN POLICY, STUPID!
Panel Cites 48,981 Missed Opportunities To Avoid 9/11/2001 Since 9/11/1901:
Pattern of Belligerence, Imperialism and Theft Toward The Arab World Called "Suspicious:"
After Reasons To Invade Iraq Play Out As A Deck Of Canards, Is Iran Becoming the Cheney/Bush Administration's New International Willie Horton?
Chicken Hawk Senators Suggest Next Years Draftees Serve Three Consecutive Tours, One Each In Afghanistan, Iraq And Iran:
Hastert: 9/11 Reforms Unlikely This Half Century:
Marine Goes Self-Serve At The All-You-Can-Eat Of Death
by Hoople Urn

The Anti-Empire Report, No. 11, July 14, 2004
by William Blum

Allawi Shoots Prisoners In Cold Blood To Pass Cheney/Rumsfeld/Negroponte Litmus:
"If The Walls And Floor Are Stained Blood Red, You Passed. You Got The Disease," Shrieks John Negroponte, Former CEO Of Honduran Death Squads Ltd.:
"The Pattern Is The Same Where Ever Negroponte Goes. He's The Best. Simply The Best." E. Howard Hunt Endorsing the Iraq Ambassador's New Private Security Firm Based In Tirana:
"Its Not That Americans Don't Understand The Slaughter In Iraq Is For Oil, Its That They're Happy For The Paternalism And Don't Want To Rankle Daddy," Chuckles Chevron CEO Ken Derr
by J.Q. Lumpylip

The American Political Science Association celebrating its imaginative performance over the last 101 years in service to the American Kleptocracy has decided to rename its discipline Poly Sci-Fi.---HCE

Frogs Caught Stealing Dick Cheney's Iraq Oil Money Through U.N. Program:
By Columbine Lynchpin

CIA Proprietary Prison Mistakenly Found:
Afghanistan. Iraq. Draft Imminent. War Profiteers Making Money Hand Over Fist. Not Since The Bungle In The Jungle Have Things Felt So Right!
by Haggaweigh Crankenstanker & Michael Hand

As Lies For War Erode, Search To Find An International Willie Horton Looms Large:
Washington Post Decrees That Rich White People Can't Lie; They Can Only Make Mistakes:
Geppettocrats To Meet In Washington For 'Big Lie' Seminar; Berlin 1933 Upstaged By Cheney Administration:
Poll Shows American Public Is Elated That Cheney And Rumsfeld Stole All That Oil From Iraq:
'Spite' Expected To Propel The Cheney/Bush Ticket To An Easy Victory In November:
by Donna Shitbank and Waldo Punkass

Chávez Assassin Acts Out In New York, Calls Herself "Willing Geopolitical Cunt", Receives More U.S. Funding For Felonious Performance Art:
Roger Noriega: "Don't Forget Venezuela's Got Big Time Oil Too And Hugo Chavez Gives Us The Perfect Excuse To Take It.":
Cheney Calls Chavez's Programs To Help The Poor "Wasteful And Misdirected":
Army Of U.S. Financed International Puppets Join Together To Form First Transnational Political Party---The 'Geppettocrats' Named After The World's Most Famous Puppeteer Whose Creation's Nose Grew Every Time It Lied:
The Moral 'Nose Jobs' Of Pat Robertson And Billy Graham Get A Boost
by Kip Upwith

In Its New Book, "Imperial Hubris", Looney Left Renews Its Claim That Invasion of Iraq Was For Oil:
Bolsheviks At The CIA Refuse To Join The Chorus Of Blind Stupidity Calling The Big Iraq Attack "Avaricious" e.g. A Plot To Steal Iraq's Oil, Natural Gas And Rebuild The Infrastructure The U.S. Destroyed Through Embargo And Bombing:
Dictionary Meaning Supplied For FOX News Staff: AVARICIOUS means having or showing a strong desire for material possessions e.g. oil. Synonyms include COVETOUS which implies an inordinate desire often for another's possessions; GREEDY stresses lack of restraint and often of discrimination in desire; ACQUISITIVE implies both eagerness to possess and ability to acquire and keep by force e.g. using military power; GRASPING adds to COVETOUS and GREEDY an implication of selfishness and often suggests unfair or ruthless means; Further AVARICIOUS implies, obsessive acquisitiveness especially of money and strongly suggests stinginess.:
Without Firing A Shot, French Clear Winners In War For Iraq:
'Waiting For Looney Lefty' Number One Film:
Bill Cosby Accepts Awards From White House Murderers, Squandored Moral Authority Decades Ago:
By Yaso Adiodi

IMF Warns Its New Grift of Iraq 'Imminent':
"Under U.S./IMF Tutelage, Iraq Will Be Another Haiti In No Time." 'Dr. Death' Negroponte Tells Hungry Bankers At Conference In Transylvania
by Martinette Crudslinger

Western progress and technology and its checks and balances e.g. the internal combustion engine: the bad becomes more apparent than the good, when the generation that most 'benefited' from a particular technology, dies off.---HCE

Supreme Stooges Bow To Cheney's Demand For Secret Government:
Case Goes Back to Lower Court for Ruling on Open Government Law
by Xavier Hollander

Angry Cheney Tells Leahy To "Go Fuck [Him]self."---So What?
Cheney And Supreme Court Tell Americans, Afghanis And Iraqis To "Go Fuck [Themselves]" With Ruling On Cheney Task Force Energy Industry Grifting Papers:
"Scalia wasn't just shooting ducks with Cheney, each duck was symbolic of the American citizenry." HCE
Efficient Negroponte Already Has Death Squads Up And Running In Iraq:
Ralph Noriega Caught Out Trying To Murder Hugo Chavez:
Ken Lay Set To Direct His Criminal Empire From The Slammer
by Lotta Hooey

In Light Of Abu Graib And Thousands Of Less Publicized Human Rights Violations U.S. Drops Resolution Seeking Protection For Its Occupation Forces:
Nearly 1,450,000 American Troops, Past And Present, Soon To Be At Risk Under The Geneva Accords:
Dick Cheney And Don Rumsfeld In Hiding; Henry Kissinger Leaves For Mars:
New Draftees Most At Risk For Prosecution:
Karl Rove Says "Bush Will No Longer Be Allowed To Pretend To Be President Since He Has Had Four Months To Learn To Pronounce 'Abu Graib' And The Dumb, Disengaged Fucker Still Can't Do It."
by Jeffey Lube

Commission Finds 9/11 Attacks Predicted 420 Years Ago By Italian Philosopher:
Candor, Search For Truth Led Giordano Bruno To Anticipate Attacks On World Trade Center And Pentagon
by Edgar Cayce Nostradamus

We're over the top because that's where the truth went.---Here Comes Everybody

"Bring That Length A Rope From The Tool Shed, Boys. We're Headed For Washington To Mete Out A Little Frontier Justice":
Panel Agrees With The Assassinated Press: No Evidence Of al-Qaida/Saddam Links, Cheney/Bush Administration Bald-Faced Liars:
Original Plan Called For 10 Highjackings That Had No Connection To Saddam Hussein:
Cheney In Desperate Attempt To Keep Stolen Iraqi Oil Continues To Lie Abetted By Murderous Washington Post:
Vice President Missing After Lying To A Mob In Orlando, Florida:
At The Moment There's More Oil In Rumsfeld's Hair Than Flowing Out Of Iraq As Nationalists Blow Up Pipelines:
Castro: "See Monkey George. Its Tough To Run An Electrical Grid When Somebody's Fucking With You All The Time."
by Ken Gno Fireass

Psychoanalyst Justin Frank Confirms Repeated Assassinated Press Claims 'That Bush Is Crazy.'
Bethesda Naval Hospital Discovers That President Suffers From Putz-Schmekelkopf Syndrome
by Wiener Schnitzel

Why Do U.S. Personnel Torture? Sexual Deviancy And The Canard Of Interrogation:
Both Military And Civilian 'Interrogators' Masturbate At A Rate 40 Times The National Average:
Mental Images Essential For Quality Spooge, Climax In Torturers:
Rumsfeld Personally Trained Ass-Sniffing Dogs At Abu Graib
by Tred Highhat

They went to a preposterous level of trouble and expense to convince everyone that Reagan wasn't exactly what he was---a murderous whore to power, and a bloody ignorant one at that.---HCE

Ronnie's Lovely Record
By William Blum

They have "found out how to disturb the peace of others, [anthropologists]
To profane the guardian spirits of their countries, [evangelists]
To mix what prudent nature separated, [geneticists]
To redouble men's wants by commerce, [transnational corporations & Madison Avenue]
To add the vices of one people to those of another, [drugs & pornography]
To propagate new follies by force, [Iraqi puppet government]
And set up unheard lunacies where they did not exist before, [exporting American culture]
And finally to give out the stronger as the wiser. [the military-industrial complex and the media]
They have shown men new ways, new instruments, and new arts by which to tyrannize and assassinate one another. [napalm, strategic hamlets, psychological torture, nuclear weapons]
Thanks to such deeds, a time will come when other peoples, having learned from the injuries they suffered, will know how and will be able, as circumstances change, to pay back to us, in similar forms and worse ones, the consequences of these pernicious inventions." [9/11]
from La Cena de le ceneri (The Ash Wednesday Supper) by Giordano Bruno published in 1584

One Of Reagan's Great Success Stories---Universal Child Labor For Central America:
Killing Off Trade Unionists And Rebels Pays Off For U.S. Corporations As Contractors Crack The Whip On Four Year Olds
By Killvin Slayvin

Bush Handlers Resigned To French & German UN Control Of Iraq Oil Dedistribution:
Oil & Iraq---Don't Look Directly At the Sun You Might Damage Your Media Career
Iraqi Nationalists Promise New Oil Arrangement Will Be Shortlived
by Kindle Fireass

Reagan: Protean Template For Media Bullshit:
The Immortal Tabula Raza And The Etcha-Sketch President:
Reagan: Proof Mental Defectives Do Kill:
Is Impeachment Enough ? Or Do We Need A System Of Late Term Chief Executive Eugenics?---The Case Of Ronald Reagan:
Don't Bury Reagan. Let's Try Him First.
by David Ignoramus

A President Who Listened But Never Understood
by Mikhail Gorbachev

Dead Man Shilling!
Millions Were Killed In The Making Of This Movie:
Media Fantasies About Gulping From The Gipper's Zipper:
Millions Murdered So Pecker Head, Reagan, Could Live To 93:
Through Reagan Americans Explored Their Childlike Passion For Killing Things:
"Facts Are Stupid Things." Reagan Controversial Only Because Facts Ignored. Otherwise He Was Just A Murderous Putz.
by Gip Wooly and Toorance Id

"Facts [Were] Stupid Things." A Reprise For A Great Geppettocrat:
Reagan Too Diseased For Network Television:
Republicans' Cruel & Cynical Strategy To Prop Up A Deranged Moron As Chief Executive Moved To Cable:
CBS Dumps Reagan Miniseries As Not Politically Correct:
Probe of Horse Piss In GIs Drinking Water Continues
by Ben Gay

France, Germany, Russia and China Disguised As the U.N. Have Cheney And Rumsfeld By The Short Curly Ones:
Doug Feith Calls Oil/Natural Gas Deal With U.N. "Price of Failure":
U.N. Bailout To Cost Trillions; Britain Fucked:
Tenet Steps Down To Reap Rewards In Private Sector; Master Spook Wrested Trillions From Cheney's Hands. "You Got Chalabi, Now We Got You, Tenet, You Cocksucker," Crows 'Pyrrhic' Paul Wolfowitz:
Still Many Murders Ahead For U.S, Bush Tells Air Force Academy As New Tape-A-Rape Allegations Surface In The Military:
U.S. Military Number One In Rape And Snuff Films Surpassing Brazilian Police: Geppettocrats Hold Clear Majority In Iraq:
After Hearing The Unconscious Comedy Stylings Of George W. Bush, Professor Irwin Corey Has Decided To Retire; "'Kill Innocent Lives'! The Little Texas Cocksucker Is A Natural! He IS His Routine! How The Livin' Shit Can I Compete With That?" The Tousled Haired Comic Groused
by Robbum Reichstag

Reuters Reveals Details Of Journalists Abused In Iraq:
Americans Empty Abu Graib Prison. Apparently Those Held Only Crime Was Nice Glut's:
American Troops Described As A Bunch Of Contemptuous Assholes
by Hatrick Garotte

S. Africa Hails Aristide:
Haitian President To Remain In Exile Until Democratic Forces Topple U.S. Government In Washington:
Situation Rapidly Deteriorating In Haiti After Aristide's Kidnapping:
God Finds U.S. Actions Contemptuous, Visits Storms And Floods On Haiti's Elite, U.S. Bible Belt And Dominican Republic For Criminal Acts
by Atyer Zervis

U.N. Council Members Want Iraqis at Negotiations As Best Way To Get Big Cut Of Lucrative Oil And Natural Gas Deals And As Human Shields:
After A Year of Slaughter, Cheney And Rumsfeld Forced To Agree To A Sit-Down With U.N. Foes Anyway:
Iraq's Whoosh Toward Civil War; There's A Power Vacuum Ever Since The U.S. Broke The Seal:
Americans Grow Defensive After Seeing 'The Day After', Feel We Must Stay The Course And Continue 'The Great American Consumer Jihad' At Any And All Costs
by Column Lyncher

"Opinion poles are designed to gauge whether the agitprop of the corporate state is having the desired narcotic effect on the general population. The more the average citizen can parrot back what he has been told by his betters, the more democracy, as defined by the elite, can be preserved."---Edward Bernays
The Cheney's Bushy Poll Numbers On Iraq Are Fucked:
Numbers Indicate That Puppet Presidency Approach Is A Fuckin' Disaster This Time Around:
Support Drops To Single Digits When January 5th Draft Is Mentioned:
Conscription For 'The Great American Consumer Jihad' To Begin Soon At A Mall Near You; More Economic Wars To Be Waged In A Country Not Near You:
"The Ronald Reagan Lovable Moron Approach May have Run Its Course," Says Karl Rove:
Halliburton Shipping 'Sailing Fuel' As Empty Trucks Criss-Cross Iraq:
By Randy Ballz and Rich Moron

U.S. Nearing Deal on Scam to Track Foreign Visitors:
Congress Teetering On Climax:
Cheney Demanding 25% Finder's Fee
by Eric Lichtbaulb and John Fukkoff

Recidivist Democracy: Leonel Fernández ; His Second Time Around:
Promoting the American Way Helped The New York -Reared President Help Himself To $100,000,000 In His First Term In '96. But This Time He Faces Far More Daunting Numbers To Pilfer;
Under U.S. Tutelage The Dominican Republic Ranks Far Behind Castro's Cuba In Every Essential Category:
Haiti Off U.S. Media Screen Since Kidnapping Of Aristide; Under New U.S. Puppets Reaches Such Unimaginable Depths of Degradation And Humiliation That Many American Interrogators Now Holiday There:
by Yaso Adiodi

Medical Experts Confirm Ass Press Claims Berg Beheading A Fraud:
No Way, Say Medical Experts:
"Staged" Says Noted Surgeon:
by Ritt Goldstein

U.S. Soldier Found Guilty of Deserting Murder Squad in Iraq:
Cheney Calls His Moral Principles 'Unamerican'
by Russty Byfokal

The Cha-Lobby Is Fucked:
U.S. Intelligence Disguised As Iraqi Police Raid Home of Rumsfeld Associate:
"It Was Not Chalabi, But The Company He Kept Like Rumsfeld, Cheney And Wolfowitz That Led To His Downfall" Says Tenet:
"Cheney And Rumsfeld Made Me Say There Was WMD In Iraq So They Could Use The U.S. Army To Steal Iraq's Oil You Fuckin' American Dummies!!!," Screamed Chalabi As He Was Led Away In Cuffs:
Chalabi's Files Show Paul Wolfowitz Cared Exactly 'Two Rat's Asses' About Democracy In Iraq And 'One Rat's Ass' About Democracy In U.S. Redeemable At Any Participating 7-Eleven With The Purchase of Two Portobello & Cheese Hot Monkey Wraps And A Large Diet Coke
by Ham Zahndawich

When the Assassinated Press visits the Heartland all it hears ad nauseam is how corrupt the central government in Washington is. But when the Heartland is faced with the very kind of corruption it pisses and moans about in its most raw and ruthless form e.g. Cheney & Rumsfeld commandeering the military, promising private sector bribes to senior officers, and taking the country to war in order to enrich themselves and their business cronies, the Heartland does Nothing. If you're not going to stand up against this one, then shut the fuck up and take what's coming to you. Such cowardice deserves nothing more than to be fodder.---Here Comes Everybody
Desperate Americans Taking Thousands Of Iraqi Jobs:
Penniless Americans Emigrate To Iraq In Search Of Work:
New Private Industry Economic Draftees Swarm All Over Besieged Country:
Iraqis Fear Strain on Social Services; Destruction Of The Fabric Of Iraqi Life
by Hackie Spin

"The Christian in me says its wrong, but the corrections officer in me says, 'I love to make a grown man piss himself.'"---Spec. Charles A. Graner Jr.
Report: Rumsfeld OK'd Operation That Led To Prisoner Abuse:
Raised On Hearty Mix of Pills, Porn, God And Country American Youth Susceptible To Temptations Of Military Sadism:
Jesus Porn: Halliburton In Partnership With Fox Entertainment And The Food And Drug Administration To Produce XXX Parables From The Bible To Make Troops' Actions Appear Religiously Correct:
Sexual Interrogation On Rise In U.S.
by Jeffey Lube

Rumsfeld Is War Criminal!
Seymour Hersh Confirms Assassinated Press Reports

Rumsfeld Flees Into Exile In Iraq:
Latest Post-White House Poll Reveals Iraqis Revere Rumsfeld Like A God:
Bremer Promises Former Secretary Of State Terror A Prominent Place On Iraqi Coveting Council:
Some Warn Iraqi Overture May Be A Ruse:
Mrs. Rumsfeld Settles On Comfortable Home In Fallujah Suburb:
FOX In Ratings War With Hitler!
by Yaso Adiodi

Rumsfeld Defends the Bush/Cheney Gulag In Surprise Visit to Iraq:
Defense Secretary Visits Abu Ghraib Prison, Plots With Senior Commanders:
Bush Said To Be Under Sedation:
by Charles Bhulslinger

Americans Grapple With Beheading In Iraq; Someone Creates Another Agenda Bender:
Exploding The Affliction Of A 'Moral High Ground':
After Abu Graib World Health Organization Classifies U.S. Imperialism As A Sexually Transmitted Disease:
"U.S. Military's Failure To Embrace And Promote Healthy Gay Environment Leads To Repression And Abuse," Says Sen. James Inhofe
by Torrid Hinter

DeLay Disputes That New Pictures Show 'Horrific Acts':
Pentagon Makes Images Available to House, Senate:
Rumsfeld Thumbs His Nose At Congress:
Congress Applauds Wildly:
by Pauline Hyjeiniks

The Anti-Empire Report, No. 10, May 12, 2004
by William Blum

Shi'ites Take Huge Chunk of Baghdad While U.S. Military Continues Sex Romp With Iraqi Prisoners:
In U.S., Prisoner Sex Sells While Al-Jazeera, which U.S. brands an enemy, has not given prison scandal as much play:
U.S. Votes Itself "World's Most Self-Righteous MotherFuckers" Again:
Tom DeLay Protests Flood Of Gay Marriages Between U.S. Forces And Iraqi Prisoners:
Rupert Murdoch: "Military Sexual Inyourendo Great For Ratings."
William Kristol: "U.S. Torturers Childish; My Children Are Constantly Stripping Other People And Leading Them Around On A Leash."
by Ben Gray

Restoring Our Imaginary Honor
by Tomas L. Friedegg, The New York Crime Magazine

Rape At Abu Ghraib Prison---Exclusive Photos!!
The Polls Are In: Rummy Scores A Home Run With Torture Photos; May Run Against Bush, Meese:
Thousands Chant "Rummy, Not The Dummy In 2004!"
Bush Can't Fire Rumsfeld Despite Criticism:
Limbaugh: "I'm Reserving Judgment On Whether The Servicemen And Women In Photos Are Gay."
Sexual Politics: America Aroused---Spooging To Torture Shots
by Crag Hardon

On Arab TV, Bush Gloats About US Mistreatment of Prisoners:
Two Detainees' Deaths Ruled Homicides
by Tureen D'Soupe

Deepening Poverty Breeds Anger and Desperation in Haiti
by Lydia Polygroin

Aide Doubts Powell Will Reenlist:
Secretary of State Wants More Input Into The Killing:
U.S. 'Going Soft' On Iraqi Prisoners:
92% Of Americans Feel Tortured Iraqi Prisoners Getting Exactly What They Deserve
by Richlard Liebelly

The 9/ll Commission -- The Warren Commission Revisited:
Cheney: "We have met the Commission, and they are us."
Bush: "It was a thrill to sit there and intimidate the weaklings!"
Rumsfeld: " Mass murder is just one of our options."
by Myna Byrdsong

"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. 'Liberty' is a well-armed lemming consenting to be lunch." - Banjoman Frankling, 1759

"I, Barry Faber, Bring Tears To Joseph Goebbels' Eyes."
Sinclair Broadcast Group Engaged In Criminal Conspiracy To Defraud The Public; Willfully And Erroneously Links 9/11 To Iraq In An Effort To Deceive The American People And Abet Murder In Iraq:
89% Of Americans STILL Believe Iraq was Behind 9/11:
"Repetition Works." BIG MEDIA ADOPTS THE NAZI 'BIG LIE'
by Liann Immorales

US Doomed To Fail In Iraq Says Giap:
Many U.S. And British Brass Quietly Agree
Special to The Assassinated Press

Bush Defends Declaring End to Iraq
by Ima Cunt

U.S. Relying On Private Mercs in Iraq:
By 2020 Private Mercenaries Under Contract To U.S. Government to Outnumber 500,000 U.S. Troops In Iraq 20 To 1:
92% Of Americans Think War In "Eye-Rack" Is Going Extremely Well, Predict Victory By End Of Decade
by Kathorazine Ledger Shredder

U.S. Sends 651 Haitians Back to Homeland As Thousands Flee From U.S.'s Murderous Elites And Official Toadies:
With No One To Kidnap, And No One Too Blame, Haiti Settles In For 400 More Years Of Ignorance, Poverty And Servitude:
Pope Suggests Beatification Of Aristide; Abrams Threatens Bombing Run On Vatican
by Tomeass Equineass

America Takes A Baath:
U.S.'s Bremer Goes Down On Saddam Hussein's Baath Party:
Baathists Warn Bush "Either You're With Us Or You're Against US":
CIA Move Knocks Chalabi Wobbly:
Baathist And Americans Again Comrades In Arms After U.S. Defeat
by Jim Krack

Cheney Wet With Desire, Went To War For Iraqi Oil:
installment from Bubba Wayword's new book 'The Big Oil Snack Iraq Attack'

The World's Poor To Be Armed And Trained To Fight Cheney's Wars:
Cheney Plans Aid to Create Army Of African Mercs To Ease U.S. Troop Shortage:
Rumsfeld: "We're Gonna Try To Sell This One As a Substitute For The Draft And I For One Am Certain That The American People Are Stupid Enough To Swallow It.":
U.S. Hopes African Forces Will Spread AIDS Through Out Middle East, Weaken Adversaries:
"After All, Bill Mahrer's Prescription For Middle East Peace Was That Young Middle Eastern Men Get Laid," Says Karl Rove:
Private Security Firm Mercs In Iraq To Reach 250,000. "We teach our best and our brightest to kill for money like any common street criminal."---Old Navy Seals Inc. CEO Jason Bloodmeat
by Badley Groomed

Washington Post: The World Bastion Of Imperialist Opinion:
Gen. Myers Calls Iraq's Insurgency's Success, U.S. Success:
*ROTZI ROTTER, That's Your name.
And Here Comes Trouble And A World Of Pain.*
Who's Dumber? Dickie Myers Or Bill Westmoreland?:
Myers Calls bin Laden 'Darkie Force Against Civilization':
Europeans Publicly Reject Osama Bin Laden's Offer But Privately Study Offer, Begin Talks:
Rumsfeld Says He Lied about Level Of Violence In Iraq, Prepares To Renew Active Draft:
In A Fit Of Desperate Projection Post Analysis Claims Bin Laden's 'Psychological Operations Campaign' Becoming White, 'Modern', Sophisticated Like His Betters In The West:
Tenet: "Paul Linebarger, Dan Mitrione, Ed Bernays And Ed Lansdale Would Be Proud." Families Of 9/11 Victims Will Have To Lead An Armed Insurrection To Get The Truth
By GETTA PRIEST, WALDO PUNKASS, BADLEY GROOMED & SEWER CHUM

CIA Financing For Kerry Campaign Seized In Southern China:
600 Pounds of Agency Heroin Found in Golden Triangle:
Tenet Calls Seizure 'Minor Setback':
Rush Limbaugh Contemplates Switching Parties:
"Ever Since Kerry Closed Down His Subcommittee On Terrorism, Narcotics and International Communications, Langley Just Loves The Guy For Displaying Such Good Sense," The Late Richard Helms Scratched On the Belly Of Frank Carlucci At A Recent Knights Of Columbus Communion Breakfast:
U.S. Military, Media Teaching The Iraqis A Lesson On U.S. November Elections In Fallujah:
"Don't Skew Our Free And Fair Presidential Elections By Making Trouble," Warns Dan Blather
by Jeffey Lube

At least 70 U.S. Forces And 700 Hundred, Mostly Women, Children And The Elderly Killed In Fallujah:
U.S. Prison Inmates Offered Reduced Sentences In Exchange For Iraqi Combat Tours:
U.S. Strikes Deal With Muqtada al-Sadr; Cleric Withdraws Some Insurgents:
Mass Graves Of Iraqis After Recent Assaults Awaiting Human Rights Investigators:
Rumsfeld: "Do the math, you assholes. Ten years in this theater and we'll have to empty not only our jails but our colleges to put enough troops in the field."
By Hamitup Handsup

U.S. Response In Iraq Inspires No One Except U.S. Planners In Tampa:
"We've extinguished so many 'hearts, minds and perceptions' over there when will we hit upon that majority left standing that loves us?"
by Pawlean Jellyneck

At Peace With War:
Boomers Sit This One Out, Enjoy Iraqi Invasion Secure In the Knowledge That The Coming Draft Won't Net Them This Time:
Dartmouth Student Body First To Get the Draft Call:
Ramadi, Tikrit, Falluja, Baghdad, Najaf, Nasiriyah, Kut, Kufa...= Tet? Did the Geniuses At The Pentagon Miss Something?:
"There's Nothin' More Patriotic Than Watching American Boys Die On High Definition Digital TV."---New Sony Add
A Day in the Life of Barry Sodliar
As Told To Yaso Adiodi of The Assassinated Press

Powell Expresses Doubts About His Lies About Iraqi Weapons Claim; Blames CIA:
Tenet Counters That The Administration 'Edited Up Dark Vision' To Go After Iraq's Oil:
Citizens Prepare Lampposts In Lafayette Square For A Little Frontier Justice For ALL Those Murdered In Iraq By Cheney/Bush Oil Grab:
Moderates Plead Caution But Country Declares Impeachment And Prison Is 'Too Good For These Lying, Greedy, Oily Shitfucks:'
The Assassinated Press Seeks An Apology On Behalf of the American People And Its 6 Readers From The Washington Post And Other Official Press Who Lied The Lies And Sucked Ass For Personal Gain
by Busta Keester

Freedom's Just Another Word For Nothin' Left To Think.
More Programming From Whitey, For Whitey:
Show Named After One Of The CIA's Most Successful Drug Smuggling Enterprises:
Franken's Network As White As Right; Just A Lynching Or Government Sanctioned Murder Away From O'Reilly; A WMD Strike Away From Limbaugh:
Move Over Power Pimps; More Hogs At The Agitprop Trough:
Oooooooh. Its All So Fringey:
Self-Righteous Americans So Upset By Mutilations Of Security Cops, Many Want U.S. To Invade Iraq:
Robert Moses, Forrest Trump---Urban Renewal Or Ethnic Cleansing?
by Peter Diamgudlik

Why do journalists bother to quote Generals? When asked about an indigenous people defending their HOMELAND, the General unfailingly reverts to the metaphor, Cancer e.g. "the enemy is a CANCER." Generals aren't thinkers. They see no need to refine their metaphors for the sake of accuracy any more than their minions feel a need to refine their tactics for the sake of humanity. A General's head is bone-to-bone bone. Western taxonomies like oncology and war games are not difficult to decode from official documentation and the official press because in government publications and newspapers, like Generals, thinking is anathema and the self-serving lie substitutes for more durable forms of expression.---Here Comes Everybody

U.S. Censure Of Cleric Intended To Boost Visibility:
Latest Sign That CIA Role In Iraq Growing:
With Recent Successes In Haiti, Venezuela, Ecuador, South Korea, Indonesia And El Salvador, CIA Pumped And Ready For U.S. Elections And Their Man, Kerry:
Langley Proves Itself More Effective In Foreign Policy, Undermines Cheney PNAC Initiatives Including Iraq:
"We can make cheese balls out of Chesterfields! We can walk on water!" CIA Director Tenet Declares.
by Mo Ballzi

Robert Wetvak's Haiti after Aristide:
The Bullshit Doesn't Get Any More Transparent Than Wetvak:
The Country That Major General Smedley Butler Made Safe For The National City Bank Boys Back In The Democratic Administration Of 1915
By Robert Wetvak, Legendary Policy Pimp

Cuba Gets Its Pubah; Roger Noriega Plans Bay Of Pigs II; Uses Funds From Doomed Bush Campaign To Finance Havana Bloodbath:
Opie To Do the Movie Version Starring Mel Gibson As The Late Jorge Mas Canosa; Films Working Title, 'The Resurrection Of Meyer Lansky According To the Gospel Of 'Wild Bill' Donovan':
Pumped Up By Success of Haitian Kidnapping And Kerry Candidacy, Tenet And CIA Step Up Pressure On Havana But Refuse Dissidents' Requests For A Minimum Wage And Health Benefits Calling The Request Anti-American:
Washington Post Wins 'William Randolph Hearst Award For Yellow Journalism' For The Tenth Straight Year:
As Long As The Washington Times Remains Cheaper Than Toilet Paper Its Future Is Secure
by Jose Jesus Martidom

Candidate Plea Bargains Harassment Calls
by Willard Adolph Hearse

9/11: Off The Record
by Condoleeza Rice

American 'Democracy's' Intimidatin' Rhythm; Where History Regurgitates Itself:
The Threat Of Renewed U.S. Attacks Make Salvadorans Fear Voting For A Better Life:
Roger Noriega, Otto Reich, CIA And The Cheney Administration Remind Salvadorans of U.S. Death Squads And Heavily Militarized Kleptocracy As Well As Mutilated Priests and Nuns:
Noriega: "The U.S. was prepared to make sure that Salvadorans lost if Handal had won ala Chile 1973."
"Ecuador Fucked. And It Was So Easy," Otto Reich Tells The Reader's Digest How The U.S. Deep-Sixed Another Democracy That Promised To Help Its Poor:
Cheney: "I'm Mighty Fuckin' Proud To Say That Not One Poor Person Anywhere On The Planet Has Caught A Break During My Administration."(Cited From Guinness Book Of World Records):
"U.S. Main Obstacle To God's Work," Confesses Jerry Falwell.
by Bloody Bath Shannannigans

Spickun See Deutsch:
Whites-Only Scholarship Brings Cream To The Surface:
Spic Wakes Up In Plutocratic Northeastern College; Imagines He's White:
College Named After Baptist Country Singer/Preacher/Seeker Goes South:
"The Kids Riding The 'Little Shit' Express To Success Like Many Before Him. He's Very Bright For A Spic," Offers Rush Limbaugh.
"Yet Another Gunga Dinesh Eager To Carry Water For the White Man. Well, For One, This White Man Is Grateful," Crows David Duke.
by Marshall Mello

Powell, Visits Baghdad, Defends The U.S. Occupation:
U.S. High Command Orders Troops To Shoot Arab Journalists On Sight:
Powell Denies Policy Of Shooting Arab Journalist: Says Two Shot Were Just Being Used To Make A Point About U.S. Displeasure With Arab Reporting:
U.S Troops From Bumfuck, Kansas Accidentally Shoot A Seik Camera Crew, 6 Nigerian Private Security Officers And 11 Guatemalan Nuns Mistaking Them For Arab Journalists:
"I Thank God Every Day For Our Bumfucks," Powell Prays. "Where Would This Country Be Without Its Bumfucks?"
by Bloodletta Tatler

After Receiving Envelope, Polish President Reassures Bush on Iraq:
Degenerate Gambler Proves Shrewd Diplomat
by Moneyka Islouseka

Fears Impacted U.S. Reporting on Iraq:
Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpability:
Peers And Career Fears Geared Weird Iraq Smears By Media Beards:
"You Gotta Know When Dropping Trou Will Actually Cover Your Ca-Rear," Intones Dan Blather:
The Hague Seeks To Try 2000 American Journalists And Their Editors For War Crimes
by Myasslickey Org

Wolfowitz When It Comes To Bull Can't Tell Shit From Fight:
Still Quivering From His Visit To The al-Rashid Hotel, Heavily Sedated Under Secretary Of State Terror, Werewolfowitz, Blows His Bikinis A New One From His Fox Hall Bunker:
Wolfowitz: "Americans are right. They are unique. God's specially challenged ones. They're the only people on the planet idiotic enough to fall for this administration's shit."
By Ima Stoogey

Haiti Politicians Say New 'Vichy' Gov't Kleptocratic Like Its U.S. Creator:
New Cabinet A Who's Who Of People Who No One Voted For In Last Election:
FOIA Request Turns Up Documents Showing The NED Gave Venezuelan 'White Asses' Money; Assassinated Press Right Again! Washington Post Wrong. Washington Times Soils Itself As Usual.:
Its The Project For A New American Century Vs. Central Intelligence; PNAC Candidate De Facto President Dick Cheney Trades Barbs With CIA Candidate John Kerry:
Kerry Promises Not To Re-open Subcommittee Hearings On CIA/NSC/State Drugs, Arms and Terrorist Connections In Exchange For Democratic Candidacy
By Lian Sham

U.S. Spin: State Department Relied on Others To Overthrow Haiti:
For A Close Shave Try CIA Track II Redactable Razing:
Powell Steps In It Ala WMD:
Times, Post Suck Up Oval Office Offal---An Unbowdlerized Foreign Policy Laced With Sexual Innuendo & Scatalogical Hyberbole
by Pecker Sloven

Washington Post Demands Argentineans Starve In Order To Pay International Investors:
Check Your Global Listings For IMF Economic Pogromming Near You Under 'The Washington Post---Capitalism's Debt Gestapo.':
"Forrest Trump Going Chapter 11? That's Different. He's Our Be-atch Now More Than Ever," Quips David Rockefeller:
Korean Chavez, Roh, Ousted; Class Warfare Or Yale Class Of '68?:
Getting Home Delivery Of The Washington Post Is Like Discovering A Murder Weapon In Your Front Yard Every Morning.---Here Comes Everybody
by Waldo Punkass

The Anti-Empire Report, No. 8, March 10, 2004
by William Blum

Getting Home Delivery Of The Washington Post Is Like Discovering A Murder Weapon In Your Front Yard Every Morning.---Here Comes Everybody

US-Haiti
by Noam Chomsky

Study Shows Brutal Imperial U.S. Foreign Policy Responsible For Immigration To U.S.:
"Ignorance Is Macho, Essential To American Mythology, Identity And Success," Cites Study; "Ruling Elite As Ignorant As Their Cannon Fodder.":
Murderous U.S. Foreign Policy Main Reason Immigrants Flock To The Belly Of The Beast:
Samuel Huntington Living Proof That Stanford Scholars' Contention That Americans' Ignorance Of History Is Perpetual, Crosses Income, Cultural, Class And Racial Boundaries
by Manny Mouthews

Beam Me Up, Scotty:
Study Shows That Those Who Work For The U.S. Media Develop Criminal Psychosis:
Scott Wilson & The Washington Post---Homicidal Maniacs In Our Midst:
Getting Home Delivery Of The Washington Post Is Like Discovering A Murder Weapon In Your Front Yard Every Morning
by The Editors

God Smites John Ashcroft:
Attorney General Struck Down With Disease Variously Known As "The Lord's Sign", "The Devil's Hand-Puppet", Or "Pan-Creationistitis"; People Who Can't Pronounce It Tend To Get It:
Surgeon Says Surgery Not Possible; The 'Demon' Has Metastasized Throughout Ashcroft's Body
by Ima Stoogey

Newsweek: "Who Killed Christ?"-"America Killed Christ!"
"I Can't Come Back! The CIA Would Kill Me!!," Christ Tells The Assassinated Press; Second Coming Postponed Indefinitely:
Tenet: "If Christ Shows His Black Semitic Ass Anywhere On the Planet, Disguised As Any Nationalist, Priest Or Otherwise, I Swear To My God, Mammon, That I Will Destroy Any Effort He Makes To Help The Poor:"
Christ Tells American Evangelicals To "Go To Hell!"; Calls Them Cowards For Not Confronting Christ-Killing U.S. Kleptocracy:
CIA Files Show Aristide Became A Target Of The Agency When He Opened His First Orphanage Over 25 Years Ago:
CIA Candidate Wins Democratic Nomination; Kerry Chooses Presidency Over Death:
Powell Reiterates Claim That Aristide Had WMD To Justify Kidnapping: Emboldened Cheney Steps Up Effort To Overthrow Chavez:
Coordinadora Democratica Kills One Of Their Own, Tries To Blame Chavez:
CIA Operatives In Haiti Win Agency Pool Over Chavez Coupists, Celebrate By Breaking Out The Cocaine, "Playing Fast And Loose With The 'Toot'":
Tenet Tells His Serial Killers In Haiti To 'Chill', Come Back When The International Media's Gone To Murder, Pillage And Rape; Chamblain Ain't Hearin' Him
bY Shmekel Diebet

We're over the top because that's where the truth went.---Here Comes Everybody

CIA Slipped Aristide The Cell Phone That Allowed Him To Reveal To The World His Kidnapping By U.S. Forces:
Combat Between U.S. Intelligence And The PNAC Controlled White House Further Escalates:
"Give Us Our Cut Or We'll Keep Fuckin' With You," Tenet Warns Cheney. "Over My Dead Body," Cheney Shoots Back:
Roger Noriega Crows "Get Ready For Bay Of Pigs II!"; Uses Bush Re-Election Money To Finance Invasion:
Aristide Lands On His Feet, Gets SPRINT Commercial Where He Reprises His Kidnapping; "If you hear a pin drop, DUCK, its from an American grenade."
Powell Claims Aristide Had WMD, Nuclear Program, Star Wars Research
by Jeffey Lube

Letter to Mr. Cheney On The Fortuitous Departure Of Jean-Bertrand Aristide

America! Christ Killer!---Again And Again And Again...!
"I Can't Come Back! The CIA Would Kill Me!!" Christ Says:
Aristide Did Not Resign; U.S. Marines Kidnap Aristide, Lead Him Off In Handcuffs:
Powell And Rumsfeld Put Their Public Statements About Iraqi WMD On The Line To Bolster Their Claim That Aristide Is Lying; Mbeki Says Powell Never Called Him, Calls Powell A Fat Moca Colored Liar:
"America Is The Third World's Paternalistic, Bad Step-Father."--Desmond Tutu
By THE EDITORS

Pentagon To Mimic the CIA And Offer Direct News Service:
U.S. Military Wants To Show Lighter Side Of Occupation, Keep Rural Areas Of U.S. In The Dark So Enlistments Stay Up Until The Draft Goes Into Effect In January, 2005
by William Phnom Penh

Elderly Up In Arms:
Underground Group Responds To Greenspan Remarks With More Violence:
Federal Reserve's Assault On Social Security, Wall Street Crime, Corporate Greed Foment Class Warfare
by Yaso Adiodi

The U.S. Killed Christ:
The Gospel According To Matthew, Mark, Luke And Mel:
In Film Christ Warns Kleptocracy And Wealthy To Lay Off Poor Or Else:
U.S. Corporate Kleptocracy As Romans, Corrupt Local Elites As Pharisees And Castro, Aristide, Nkrumah, Mugabe, Chavez, Lumumba, Allende, Arbenz, Arevalo, Sukarno, Sandino, Aguinaldo et al As Christ:
The Bible Says 'The Rapture' Is God's Trick For Getting the Self-Righteous Out of Everybody's Face:
Live On Al-Jazeera TV, Christ Vows To Allah To Personally Take Up the Cause Of The World's Poor Against The U.S. Kleptocracy And Its Portly Proponents:
CIA Tries To Murder Mugabe Before Lent:
Roman Fresco Shows Pilate Sodomizing Christ In Arrogant Show Of Martial Power:
Our Lord And Savior Strikes Ted Kopple Dead In Front Of His New York Brownstone:
Gibson Bitter At His Father For Naming Him Melvin
by Tomeass Equineass

Poll: Haiti Worse Because Of U.S. Induced Violence During Aristide's Tenure:
Cheney Calls Aristide "Threat Of A Good Example"; Compares Him To Fidel Castro, Toussaint L'Ouverture, Hugo Chavez, Simon Bolivar, Augusto Sandino, Jesus Christ, Malcolm X & Other Egalitarian Troublemakers:
"Aristide Must Go," Says Colin Powell, "He's Simply Not Corrupt Enough By A Long Shot To Be A U.S. Puppet."
Powell Says U.S. Will Not Get Involved In Haitian Crisis, But Somebody Forgot To Tell The CIA
by Rim Howl

U.S. Will Send Troops To 'Secure' Haiti When Violence Ends(?):
By Waldo Punkass
***Earlier Assassinated Press Warnings Go Unheeded***

Bush: "I Won't Relent Until I'm Told It's Politically Correct & Expedient To Do So." Leads Guardsmen In Sing Along:
Plastic Surgeon Finds Crack Residue Lodged In Bush's Septum:
Bush's Nose Estimated To Be Worth $48.00 In Open Air Drug Market
by Yaso Adiodo

U.S. Helps Haiti Celebrate Its Two Hundredth Year Of Independence By Staging Another Coup:
Tracing The Money Trail In Blood; Who Has 'Turned' On Aristide And For How Much:
Ex-Supporter's Story Reflects Cowardice of Haitian Moderates:
Washington Makes Formal Request To The U.N. That Aristide, Poor, Lavalas Lie Down On The Ground, Roll Over On Their Bellies And Take A Bullet In The Back Of the Head:
Washington Post Urges The Dead To Show Restraint, Stay Calm:
Continuing Violence From U.S. And Its Wealthy Proxies Forces Aristide Supporters To Defend Themselves:
Cheney Administration Gives Latest CIA Coup In Haiti High Marks
by Shat Whorsecum

Getting Home Delivery Of The Washington Post Is Like Discovering A Murder Weapon In Your Front Yard Every Morning.---Here Comes Everybody

Cheney Makes Good On threat To Bring Back FRAPH Death Squads To Haiti:
Haitian Contras Supplied Through Dominican Republic, The Honduras Of The Caribbean:
Assassinated Press Reporter Arrested For 'Prophecy'
by Lyan Jams

Venezuelan/Haitian/Zimbabwean U.S. Staged Protests Target Recall Delay/President's Term/Land Reform:
CIA Coup Methods Called Boring, Predictable By Senate Intelligence Committee:
Senate Intelligence Committee Member 'Whorin'' Orrin 'The Snatch' Hatch Calls Recent U.S. Killings In Kosovo, Serbia, Iraq, Afghanistan, Haiti, Venezuela, Zimbabwe, Guatemala, Colombia and Minnesota 'Tiresome And Uninspired':
Tenet Ordered To Develop More Imaginative Ways To Overthrow Democratically Elected Governments, Murder Nationalists As Current Subversion Skews Toward Older, Dying, Penniless American Demographic:
"No Wonder We're Losing The Young People To Hollywood And Hip-Hop When Every Assassination We Commit Is Just A Remake Of Chile 1973," Chides Trent Lott:
Colin Powell Says U.S. Not Seeking Regime Change In Venezuela/Haiti/Zimbabwe But Newsweek Says His Credibility Has Fallen Below Martha Stewart's:
Bush: "USAID Will Still Be In Charge Of Sarin Suppositories."
by Chriztly Tootferry

Among The Mammonites:
The Super Bowl Of World Extinction:
'How' You Are Able To Think Is Destroying The Planet:
Western Epistemology And The End Of The World
by The Editors

"Saeed Utterly Psychic On U.S. Claims About Iraqi WMD," Declares Rummy:
In Effort To Improve Administration Image , Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Former Iraqi Minister of Information, Hired As Cheney/Bush Point Man On WMD:
"Mr. Saeed's Reputation For Truth And Accuracy Is In Keeping With The Standards Of This Administration," Said White House Chief Of Stink Karl Rove.":
by Jeffey Lube

Bush Stumbling Block To Cheney Re-Election:
Dissed & Pissed About Chalabi & Puny Cut Of Iraqi Bling-Bling, CIA Runs John Kerry, Begins Fucking With Cheney And Rummy's Deal In Iraq:
Tenet: Afghan Raw Opium Not Enough; CIA Wants Mosul & Kirkuk; Prepared To Sell Out Kurds Again:
George Bush Sr.: "For Reasons Of Real Politique Known Only To The Kleptocracy, I Wish Kerry Were A Family Member Instead Of The Little Bushwacker."
by Muck Along Cassidiche

CIA Assassins Seize Haitian City, Commence U.S.'s Wholesale Murder On Caribbean Island:
U.S. Journalists Spit On Dead Haitians:
Tenet: "We Told That Nigger, Aristide, To Get The Fuck Out. Now, We're Gonna Make The Blood Flow In Haiti And The U.S. Press Is Primed To Make It Look Like Aristide's Fault.":
"We're Bringing Back FRAPH! We're Bringing Back The Ton Ton Macoute! Baby Doc And I Chatted For Two Hours On The Phone!" Warned A Livid Dick Cheney
by Waldo Punkass

Janet Jackson's Tit -- Who Knew?
Tenet Says Analysts Didn't Claim Imminent Threat:
CIA Chief Defends Agency's Work Before Iraq War:
by Polly Wannakrackor

Using Jazz As A Canard, Washington Post Conspires With Local Toms To Silence WPFW Pacifica Radio:
City Waits For Rich, Fat, White, Racist Washington Post To Ante Up One Of Its Fuckin' Radio Stations To Operate In A Jazz Format---What? No Money In It? What A Committment Of Convenience At Other's Expense:
At Post Choice Between No Jazz And Kleptocratic Jibberish
by Smirk MacFishy

Your Kleptocracy At Work:
The 10 Greatest Criminal Corporations of 2003 -- And That's Saying Something!
by Russell Mokhiber and Robert Weissman

Cheney/Bush Budget: Unlike Education Or Health Care, Big Government Can Solve Endless Conflicts In Iraq And Afghanistan And War Of Terror By Throwing Money At the Problems:
And The Kleptocracy Owns All The Catcher's Mitts:
Halliburton And Bechtel Submitted Budget Requirements To Cheney, Rumsfeld:
Barrage Of Ads Show President Cheney Throwing Billion Dollar Packets Through A Tire In The Rear Of The Executive Office Building
by Jim Toadyman

Powell Dummy Defends Bush Dummy's Decision to Go to War in Iraq
by Elmer Snerd

What's The Kleptocracy Been Dropping Besides Bombs?:
The Magic Bus Of Trusting America:
The Lies About Iraqi WMD Afford An Opportunity For Revisionist Lies About Lies About The Soviet Threat:
In Another Reversal, Bush Says: "No Contracts For Countries That Did Not Join The 'Colonition' (sic?) In The Gang Banging Of Iraq."
by Zbignew Ballsacki

Bush to Order Whitewash of Iraq Intelligence Failures:
"I Am Confident That The Investigators Will Not Turn Up One Charade Of Evidence", Bush Projects:
Cheney: "The Big Lie Has Always Worked."
by Dimwitt Reichbungle

Bush: New Medicare Price Tag Means 'Tough Shit' For Seniors
by Whaley Fossil

The Real Money Is In Being Wrong; Cold War Dictum Still Fungible:
No Evidence CIA Slanted Iraq Data:
Probers Say Analysts Remained Unerringly Wrong:
What Else Are We To Conclude From These Findings---Either The Kleptocracy Is Too Stupid To Klept Or They're Lying:
Council On Counter-Intuitive U.S. Foreign Policy Says Analysts Showed A Remarkable Instinct For Error In The Face Of No Pressure While Their 401ks Were Heavily Weighted With Oil, Natural Gas, Bechtel, Boeing, Exxon-Mobil, Lockheed-Martin and Halliburton-Kellogg Brown and Root Stock
No Evidence CIA Slanted Stock Portfolio. Tenet: Thank God We At Least Got That Right
by Getta Priest

General Warns Pakistani And Saudi Extremists Will Be Scapegoated:
Abizaid: "Just Give Me An Excuse To Invade Saudi Arabia---I Mean Other Than 9/11, Like the LARGEST Oil Reserves In The World.":
Rumsfeld Requests 30,000 Draftees!!!
*Take my arm. Take my leg.
Oh Rummy. Don't you take my head.*
G.W. Bush: "Iraq Is Not Vietnam. In Iraq We Know What You're Fighting For---Dick's OIL!"
Justin Timberlake Exposes Dick Cheney's Tit At Recent Bohemian Groves Kleptorgy As The VP's Nipple Spews Oil Into The Sucking Mouth Of Don Rumsfeld
by Badlie Groomed

"Whores? WHORES!? We're all WHORES!! But I'm the whore with the TV show."---John McLaughlin of the McLaughlin Group

"FRESH MEAT!!!"
More Women Apply to Air Force Academy:
Patriotic Women Just As Eager To Abort Babies From High Altitudes As Their Patriotic Male Attackers:
Academy Rape Rooms Redesigned By University Of Colorado Interior Design Majors:
Bill Clinton And Robert Packwood To Greet New Cadets:
All Athlete's Housing At Univ. Of Colorado Equipped With The 'Pimpmeister 5000'
by John Pureruseia

David Kay: "How Can I Put This To You As Plainly As Possible? We're Liars.":
Ashcroft Justifying Ouster Of Saddam: "We Panicked!":
Several Washington Post Editors Herniate Themselves Trying To Justify Rape Of Iraq
by George B. Booshit

"We're just thrilled that the American people are in front of us on this Iraq thing because we will stay behind them."---G.W. Bush

Afghan President Stamps New Constitution
by Gram O'Cracker

The World Hates The American People Because They Are Complicit In The Crimes Of the U.S. Kleptocracy.---Here Comes Everybody

Cardinal Joos: 95% Of Pedophile Priests Are Perverts:
by Ima Stoogey

At the Federal level CONSPIRACY is the most prosecuted crime.--- Here Comes Everybody

U.S. Military Has Insurgency In Check As It Prepares Iraq For Civil War:
Rumsfeld: Free Saddam Because Sometimes You Just Need A Tito-Talitarian:
U.S. Intelligence Using Vichy France To Game Afghanistan and Iraq:
Cloacally Obsessed Cheney Says 'I-Rockie II' WMD Might Be Found Up Administrations' "Cubbyholes":
Bush Asks If He Should 'Undeclare' End To Combat So U.S. Troops Can Start Defending Themselves:
by Robbie Barons

Paranoid Shift
by Michael Hasty

"Bill O'Reilly is habitually politically correct. He never says anything the kleptocracy doesn't want to hear."---Here Comes Everybody

Anti-Empire Report #6, January 22, 2004
by Bill Blum

Assassinated Press Accused Of Racist Policies Toward Whites:
Battery Of Suits Forces Press To Vacate Its Plush 'K Street' Offices
by Yaso Adiodi
Do not read an interview with Assassinated Press Correspondent Yaso Adiodi.

Cheney's Oil Gets Its Own Police Force:
Racist Rent-A-Cops Win Bid To Guard Dick's Black Gold:
Firm Formed By White British And Afrikaner Mercenaries:
Cheney & Scalia: Is The American Kleptocracy Just An Escher Drawing Of Interlocking Blowjobs Or What?
by Hackie Spin

U.S. Warns It Will Target Americans To Speed Ouster Of Chavez:
Washington Post Says It Will Wait Its Customary Thirty Years To Report On This Latest Attempt By The U.S. To Overthrow A Democratically Elected Government:
"That Way We Can Make It Look Like Some Kind Of Arcane Anomaly Rather Than Yet Another Example Of U.S. Kleptocratic Avarice" Says Post Executive Editor Leonard Downie Jr.
by Jeffey Lube

Money Does Not A Mafia Make:
Executives Learn True Meaning of Crime 'Family':
Lay Feels Betrayed by Enron's 'Whiz Kid' Fastow:
Lay: Fastow Was My 'Whiz Kid' And, Sure Enough, He Took A Whiz On Me:
By Connie Vore

Americans Like Bush's Qualities, Poll Says
by Yaso Adiodi
Read an interview with Assassinated Press Correspondent Yaso Adiodi.

Multiple Amputee Finally Succumbs to Wounds:
Head Shot Takes Life of 'Miracle Marine':
Wife Shoots Marine As He Goes Anal On TV Interviewer:
Marvin Minsky: Prosthetic Head Just Weeks Away:
Prosthetics Are So Advanced Self-Mutilation On Rise In Military:
Gulf of Tonkin+WMD=60,000 American Corpses and Counting:
Rumsfeld: Americans Don't Need No WMD Canards And FUX News Network Lies. They're Just As Capable Of Terrifying Themselves As They Are Of Lying To Themselves
by Vance Beezdik

Moon, Mars Proposal Stirs Mixed Reaction:
World's People Of Color Eager To See White Kleptocracy Give Up On Earth and Colonize Other World's, But Angry About Being Left With The Earthly Shithole Created By Western Science
by Marcian Dunge & Malgums Rotter

Terror Hustle Level Lowered to Yellowbelly:
President Bush Denies Any Similarities To Michael Jackson:
Declares 'No White Child From Lubbock Left Behind':
Der Groppenfuhrer To Appoint Wall Mart As Official Purchasing Agent For CA; Cites Record For Cost Cutting of Employee Benefits:
Charles Krauthammer Slated For Twisted Sister Award:
by Slowmo Promo

When Terror Is An Existentialist's Payday!:
The Man Who Wasn't There In Aviation Scare, U.S. Asks France To Seek Suspect Who May Not Exist:
Earning From The Masters--Tom Ridge Did Thesis On Orson Welles' 'War Of The Worlds'
by Jack Sartre and Andre al-Camus

The Racist Owners And Players Already Irredeemably Ruined The Hall Of Fame And Made It A Measure Of Nothing:
Can Pete Rose's Gambling Do For the Baseball Hall Of Fame
What Heroin Addiction Has Done For the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame?:
Let He Who is Without Sin Cast The First Spitball
Rose & Cobb--You Gotta BE A Sociopath To Get 4000 Hits!
by Arnie Palucci

Cracked Pot Of Leak Probe Calls Kettles Black:
Exspectators High As U.S. Attorney Tokes Over:
Fitzgerald---A 'Bork' For Our Times:
Archibald Cox and Eliot Richardson Are Watching:
by David Van Drivel and Dan Eggonisfase

Bush Plan Turns Up The Heat On Global Warming:
As Intended Voluntary Programs Attract No Firm's Commitment:
Terraforming Of Mars Should be Completed By 2010:
Ken Lay, Bill Gates, Dick Cheney Among First Group Of Billionaires To Escape Earth's Deadly Atmosphere
Bush Blames Earth For Seducing Kleptocracy
by Marcian Dunge and Awstruck Pieannie

"Rush Limbaugh is habitually politically correct. He never says anything the kleptocracy doesn't want to hear."---Here Comes Everybody

The New Republicans:
Bush/Cheney Declare Greed To Officially Replace Freedom As US Ideal
by Barry Greesy

Mass Arrests In Iraq:
To Black GIs Sweep Brings Back Memories Of Home:
Rumsfeld: If We Lock 'Em All Up We Can Maintain The Fiction That It's Just Hussein Sympathizers Behind The Resistance:
T-Bone The Mad Cow Arrested, Kept In Solitary Confinement, Separated From Calves:
Tom Ridge To Personally Conduct Interrorgation Of Cow:
Assrift Declares T-Bone Enemy Combatant, Disallows Cow Access To Legal Counsel
by Chrustifur Torchyall

U.S. Defends Freeze-out For Iraq Contract Bids:
Contrary To Bush's Public Pronouncement, No One "Who Risked Their Life" In Iraq Will Get Lucrative Contracts:
Contracts Instead Go To Corporations Not Troops
by Jeffey Lube

"They're So Corrupt, It's Thrilling."
Lenny Bruce's Killers Pardon Him:
It Wasn't About 'Dirty Words'. It Was About The American Genius For Lynching Genius
An Assassinated Press Editorial

Lieberman Serves Meals to Homeless He Helped Create:
Tyranny Never Sleeps, Claims Clueless Joe:
Designer Caffeine Sales Soar To New Records:
Threat Level Raised to Burnt Orange Hazelnut:
Bush Says Be Happy But Be Scared
by Lauren Frayedikaat

Anti-Empire Report #5, December 2003
by William Blum

Truth About White House Uranium Claim "Not The Point":
Intelligence Warnings Disregarded "Cause We Needed Cover To Go Steal Iraqi Oil," President's Advisory Board Says
by Waldough Punkass

The Media's Bubble Bathos:
In Savvy Move Kleptocracy Names The American Soldier Person of The Year:
With The Delicacy Of Stalinist Agitprop, Time Declares Class Warfare On U.S. Troops, Average Americans:
Troops Call Time Move 'Patronizing':
Time's Politically Correct Ruse Foments Class Warfare---The U.S. Against The World:
Paris Hilton/Nicole Ritchie Simple Life, HBO's Born Rich, Time Cover ---Does The Kleptocracy Really Think Americans Are Catching On?
by Yaso Adiodi
Read an interview with Assassinated Press Correspondent Yaso Adiodi.

Two Corporate Fronts---the State Department and War Department Draw Battle Lines Over Who Gets To Pick Iraq's Tattered Pocket:
Man On The Street: It's Like State Is Ted Bundy and Defense Is Richard Speck And Chalabi's John Wayne Gacy:
Bremer: Mosques To Have Casino Gambling
by Jim Krowner

Halliburton, Bechtel Strike Deal To Resume Oil and Construction Business With Libya Interrupted In The 90's Under Guise of WMD Dismantling:
Cheney Administration Plays Nuclear Weapons Canard With A Wink From Gadhafi:
Rumsfeld: We Wanted To Invade Libya But We're Fucked In Afghanistan and Iraq:
Madeline Albright Says Bin Laden Scheduled To Be Captured Late October 2004
by Ken Gno Fireass

CIA Anxious To Scrub Hussein's Mind Of Any Knowledge Implicating The Intelligence Agency And U.S. Policy Makers In Murder Of Thousands:
Rumsfeld Says Agency To Control Interrogations, Report What Information Best Serves The Kleptocracy:
Richard Helms' DNA Matches Hussein's; Long Suspected Paternity Confirmed:
Toby Keith's 'Slurping Up the Ass Crack Of Mammon' Soars To Number One
by Getta Priest and Tumorass E. Ricketts

"Rumsfeld's just a sociopath with an Ivy League education."---Here Comes Everybody

U.S. Ordered Strike To Block Unions Shuts Down Businesses in Haiti:
Textile CEOs Say $2.65 Minimum Wage, Right To Form Unions 'Outrageous'; Call For Aristide's Death:
U.S. Refuses To Let Its Stooges Participate In Elections Unless Lavalas Promises To Lose And Aristide Agrees To Plunge Himself Into An Active Volcano:
"Same Goes For Chavez" Ralph Noriega Barks Sending Malignant Spittle All Over Reporters
by Schmechael Nuttin

U.S. Silences Another Of Its Frankensteins:
White House: Capture Of Hussein Reassures Halliburton Investors:
Halliburton Thefts Knocked From Front Page By Glitzy Arrest:
More Smoke Blown Up Public's Ass For Quiet Grift Of That $36 Trillion In Iraqi Oil:
Cheney For Hussein---Iraqis Suggest Swapping Thugs
Detroit Celebrates By Offering To Saddamize Your Car For $144.95
by Hans Suleiman

Saddam Hussein We Presume:
Americans Pleased With The Capture Of Anyone With A Face The Media Has Taught Them To Recognize:
Dick Cheney Remains Unidentifiable In Seclusion:
White House Chief Of Stink, Karl Rove: Can You Spell Propaganda Bonanza?:
"Practice What You Screech:" Limbaugh Accuses Hussein Of Hypocrisy For Not Going Down In a Hail Of Subpoenas---I Mean Bullets:
Detroit Celebrates By Offering To Saddamize Your Car For $144.95
by Omerta Bovine

The Shah of Iraq Trumped:
CIA Creating Its Own Death Squads And Terror Units:
War For Iraq Between U.S. Military, State Department, the PNAC/Chalabi Lobby, And CIA Intensifies:
CIA Enlisting Hussein Agents For Its Iraq SAVAK:
"Signs Of Freedom For Iraq Bloom With The Creation Of Two New Domestic Spy Units," Says Bremer
by Getta Priest and Robbin Right

Hopes For Iraqi Sovereignty Put To Rest By The Money:
Wolfowitz, U.S. Rule On Who Gets Iraq Contracts, Not Iraqis:
Rumsfeld Declares War Opponents Out Of 'Booty Call':
Cheney's Game Theoretical Position Of Maximum Greed Creates Leverage Through Iraqi Debt:
One Third Of Iraq's New, U.S. Trained Army Resigns:
Many GIs Despair Of Ever Returning To U.S., Begin To Buy Mud Huts, Raise Second Families In Iraq:
Cheney Sets Up Real Estate Agency In Iraq:
USAID Personnel Required To Take Real Estate Exam
by Will Bornagain And Jaqueline Spin

Bush Orders Reprisals Against Afghan Children As War Escalates:
Six Afghan Children Killed in U.S. Attack:
Second Case of Civilian Deaths in Less Than a Week:
Cheney Opens Chain Of Funeral Parlors To Be Called Either Caskets Are Us Or D.O.A. Schwarz
by Katherine Gram

Boston, New Hampshire Announce Drug-Buying Plans:
City, State Will Purchase Prescription Drugs From Canada:
Bush: States Should Not Put Health Of Citizens Ahead Of Special Interests, Promises Death Penalty Bill For Violators
by Karen Wright Testical

"Because We're Winning" Bremer Warns Attacks in Iraq Will Escalate:
U.S. Soldier, Two Iraqis Killed in Explosion Near Mosque
by Jeffrey Schlepperupper

Anti-Empire Report, #4, December 2003
by William Blum

"It's An Infanticidal Day In The Neighborhood. Would You Be Mined? Could You Be Mined?"
U.S. Military, Bush Administration Whine That Press Reported U.S. Bombers Killed More Kids:
New $3.7 Billion Bullying Intiative In U.S. Aimed At Increasing "Rumsfeld/McNamara/Manson/Albright/Kissinger Type Pathologies."
by Rubbert Merdeduckt

Visionaries Hope NASA Plan Includes Mars, Von Neumann Probes, Inter-Planetary Terra Forming, Settlements Outside Solar System:
World Jubilant To Hear All White People May Be Off Planet By Year 2070:
Major Corporations Eager To Abandon Ecologically Unsound, Soon To Be Sucked Dry Earth:
Colonials, Imperialists, Capitalists Bored & Restless; Looking For Fresh Conquests In The Stars:
"Whitey Made The Planet A Shithole And Still Thinks He Has All The Answers."---Albert X
by Marcian Dunge

An AIDS Concert With A Twist:
Half The Receipts To Go To Hunt Down Scientists Who Created The AIDS Virus And The Intelligence Agencies And Governments Who Spread It:
U.S. Vehemently Opposed To The Plan
by Jeffey Lube

Myths About Intelligence;
How Liars Are Created For Public Places
Or The Fabrication Of Fabricators
by Steward A. Koan

Bush: "WHERE THE FUCK AM I?":
Faux President Is Dropped In on Troops:
Bush Kidnapped, Flown To Iraq As Thanksgiving Day Mashpotainment:
U.S. Intelligence Tips Hand; Iraqis Refuse To Take The Bait:
Halliburton Brand Horse Piss Energy Drink Big Hit At Celebration
by Ken Gno Fireass

FBI Publicly Flouts The Law Against Spying on Protesters:
Hoover Era Returns As More Agents Cross-Dress; Stick Their Tiny Devices Where They Don't Belong
by Kort Palafony

Rumsfeld: Iraqi Insurgents Have 'Embedded' Arab TV Therefore Arab Reporting Is Not Objective:
"When You're Embedded You Can't Help But Build A Bond With The Troops Your Fighting Along Side Of."---Geraldo Rivera
by Yaso Adiodi
Read an interview with Assassinated Press Correspondent Yaso Adiodi.

Bribes, Shady Deals, & Sex Romps in Neil Bush Deposition:
Divorce Proceedings Shed Light on Depravity & Dishonesty of President's Younger Brother
by Jee Tanks

Colin Blow:
Powell's World Economic Forum Speech [Lies about reasons for Iraq attack as the Assassinated Press decoded them at the time from Powell's speech of January 26th, 2003]

FOX News Network Closed by Iraqi Governing Council:
'The SurReilly Report' Picked Up By The Sci-Fi Network:
New 'Culturally Sensitive' Programming Like 'Married With Four Wives And Many Children' Canceled:
Pinochet To Star In New FOX series, "Torched By An 'Angel'", debuting in January:
Army Renews Contract For Halliburton Horse Piss Energy Drink:
by Baston Rumors

COINTEL DEATH SQUADS AIMED AT PROTESTORS:
ASHCROFT: WE'RE GONNA GET 'EM!
COINTEL FOREVER!
by Erich Lightblaub

U.S. Ambassador Says Haiti Is In Cheney's Crosshairs
"Chavez A Goner Too" Says Armitage
by Palsied Codd

EVIDENCE MOUNTS THAT PAUL WELLSTONE WAS MURDERED!
DID DICK CHENEY GIVE THE ORDER?
Ass. Press Semantics Alert---The Above Question Is Rhetorical.
Point of View By JIM FETZER
One man's opinion: Evidence indicates that Wellstone crash was no accident
SPECIAL TO THE ASSASSINATED PRESS

MASTER RACE THEATER: THE GRAND ANNOYANCE:
Bush, Blair Display Onanimity on Iraq:
"George And I Will Have A Go At It Alone," Blair Spurts
by Smoozy Gazergo

Why AARP Says "Yes" to the Medicare Prescription Rip-off
by James G. Parkel, AARP PRESIDENT

Practice What You Screech!!!
Limbaugh Of The Bailey, Still Unbowed Unless The Money's Right:
'It's Only Hypocrisy,' Conservative Talker Says On His Return To Drugs:
In A Related Story, PNAC Flack & Envoy To Afghanistan, Zalmay Khalilzad, Desperately Tries To Blame The Poppie Iradicating Taliban For CIA Contracted Bumper Crop Of Raw Opium:
"We Did It For Ted," A Tearful Thomas Clines Says:
Bush Tells Brits; "We Americans are sometimes faulted for our naive faith that violence can change the world."
White House Documents Reveal Cheney Knew Halliburton Was Lacing GIs Drinking Water With Horse Piss
by Bowand Kurtzie

Bush Challenges British Public---"BRING IT ON."
MASTER RACE THEATER: Part Two---How Many Bobbies Does It Take To Screen In A Boob?:
"This Donkey Is Their Commander-In-Chief?" Iraqi Fighters Overconfident After Seeing Bush On The BBC:
Wolfowitz Asked If Stalled Efforts To Bring Democracy To Iraq Disappointed Him---"It Would If I Really Gave a Rat's Ass About Democracy. As Long as the Oil Grab Is On Schedule Then Iraqi Councils, Civilian Deaths, Body Bags Don't Matter A Mullah's Mole To Me."
Horse Piss Found In GIs Drinking Water Traced Back To Halliburton Plant In Texas
by Vic Izapuzacazi

Asocial Baboons Make Successful Republicans
by Lupe Lollapalooza

Cheney Gang Mulls Interim Iraqi Puppet "Like The Good Ol' Days In Southeast Asia":
Rumsfeld In Favor Of Returning Saddam Hussein To Power:
New Toby Keith Song 'It's Too Late To Smell the Roses When Your Mama's Puttin' Them On Your Grave' From His New Platinum CD "Laughin' All The Way To The Bank" Rockets To Number One:
"If Voting Could Really Change Things, It Would Be Illegal," Says Manufacturer Of Computerized Voting Booths:
98% Of Americans Admit They Are Too Ignorant To Understand Ass. Press Poll Shows
Halliburton Denies GIs Are Drinking Their Horse Piss
by Jeffey Lube

Bush Praises American War Dead, Promises Many More Of Them
by Deb Viertriechmann

How Many Iraqis May Be in Mass Graves??? "You Pick"---FUX NOOZE NUTWORK Asks Its Viewers!:
U.S. Slow To Act Because Of Its Support For And Complicity In Saddam's Murders:
If The Branch Davidians Had Comprised 60% Of The U.S. Population Like The Iraqi Shi'ites There Would Be 6,000,000 In The Mass Grave Of Waco Alone:
Is Halliburton Putting Horse Piss In GIs Drinking Water?
by Baston Rumors, Namyur Price & Rubbert Merdeduck

The Shah Of Iraq:
Chalabi Wants A SAVAK For Iraq:
Death Squads & Secret Police Patterned After CIA's Creation In Iran Sought:
Bremer Sets Conditions Sighting Need For U.S. To Secure Cheney's Oil And Get The Fuck Out
by Yaso Adiodi

Reagan Too Diseased For Network Television:
Republicans' Cruel & Cynical Strategy To Prop Up A Deranged Moron As Chief Executive Moved To Cable:
CBS Dumps Reagan Miniseries As Not Politically Correct:
Probe of Horse Piss In GIs Drinking Water Continues
by Ben Gay

Iraqis: "We're 'Bring[ing]' It On, Monkey Boy; Hope To See Your Pimpley Ass Real Soon, Commander In Chief" Followed By Peals Of Laughter:
Rumsfeld: No Need For More U.S. Troops; "It Might Fuck Up Cheney's Reelection."
Iraqi Forces Are Filling Gap As Human Sand Bags, He Says:
William Gibson's Book The Perfect War Banned In the U.S. And A Hardly Great Britain
by Clene Keester and Murckey Alien

Congress Joins Probe of Mutual Funds:
Senate Panel Holding Hearingn to Shelter Elites
by Mercy Hardon

GEORGE GORDON LORD BYRON SPEAKS OUT AGAINST GLOBALIZATION: AN ODE TO THE FRAMERS OF THE FRAME BILL
In Defense of the Luddites:
Or Proof Positive That Dana Gioia Is A Disingenuous, Know-Nothing Liar Perfectly Suited To Front The NEA
by Lord Byron

U.S. Army Reopens Tiger Force Case To Head Off Exposure: Kerrey, Calley, Hue, My Lai 4, WHEELER WALLAWA, SPEEDY EXPRESS, Tiger Force, Strategic Hamlets, Free Fire Zones, Phoenix and MACV---
U.S. Atrocities As A Hue Of Life
by Mutch Scheiss

Bush Maintains Tough Stance, Great Distance From Iraq:
Tells Troops "I'm Fighting Iraqis In My Head":
How Long Have American GIs Been Drinking Horse Piss?
by Ken Gno Fireass

Wolfowitz Recounts Baghdad Hotel Attack:
Under Secretary Holds Up Stained Trousers:
Who Is Supplying The Horse Piss That American GIs Are Drinking?
by Brick Stooley

Bush: U.S. Progress Never Meant To Include Progress Against Insurgents:
Cheney: One Country's Security Threat Is Another's Security Firm
'Whorin'' Orrin 'Back Door Snatch' Hatch Speaks Out In Support Of Iraq War Booty
Why Are American GIs Drinking Horse Piss?
by Rubbert Merdeduck

Rumsfeld: "Fuck the Rugheads!":
Are American GIs Drinking Horse Piss?:
Cheney Nears 1 Trillion Dollar Mark.
Is Boykin Bonkers?
by Pilar du Sel

"The only place to spit in a rich man's house is in his face"-Diogenes of Sinope

"U.S. Military Plays Too Many Away Games" Pentagon Analysts Conclude:
Kleptocratic Owners Asked To Lighten Schedule:
Last Home Games--- Massacre of Indians, Civil War And Weak Division III Rivals Like the Ludlow Massacre College Of Mining Engineering, Wobbly School Of The Industrial Arts, Branch Davidian Bible College, The Panthers of Black Power U., Mormon Tabernacle Polytechnic, MOVE Agricultural College, the Chinatown Dragons, the SLA School of Constitutional Law etc.:
Some Troops Don't Go Back After R&R As Iraq Goes Into Sudden Death Overtime:
For Others R&R Means Restive and Revolted
by Pawlien Jellyneck

Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Reluctant to Send Troops to Iraq:
Crown Prince Denounces Islamic Terrorism
by Jan Saddamsquat

You Want Better Schools?---Then Bring Back the Draft:
No Child Left Behind---While His Classmates Play Cops Of The World:
"If The Guy On The Radio Ain't Talkin' About Who's Gettin' The Money, He Ain't Talking Shit," Says A Clean Rush Limbaugh; Blames His Politics On Drugs And Easy Money
by 'Spare The Child, Spoil the Rod' Paige & Yaso Adiodi
Read an interview with Assassinated Press Correspondent Yaso Adiodi.

Bolivian President Quits After Trying To Sell Bolivia's Water To Bechtel, Natural Gas To KALIPHONEYIA Through Spanish And British Firms:
"Let Kaliphoneyia Depend On Its Current Methane Based Political System," Yelled Protestor Augusto Sandino:
"Let Ken Lay, George Schultz, Scharzenegger, Bechtel And Enron Keep Making Their Own Gas. Kaliphoneyians Seem To Be Buying It," Cried Protestor, Simon Bolivar:
"Bolivian Natural Gas To California? What Kind Of Disaster Must Befall Them Before The Gringo Morons Comprehend That Their 'Standard of Living' Is Measured By How Many Of Us Lay Dead In the Streets?" Shouted Protestor Jose Marti
by Scooter Willingscum

U.N. Unanimously Adopts Resolution To Join In the Rape Of Iraq:
European Leaders Rule Out Immediate Military, Financial Contributions, Say The Appearance of Independence From the United States Is Critical To Dupe Their Peoples
by Phyllis Stein

U.S. Says France, Germany and Russia Bullish On New Deal To Carve Up Iraq:
With Kickbacks In Hand, Iraq's Governing Council Hoping To Kick Back:
Bechtel Again Wins Contract To Rebuild Iraqi Schools It Destroyed:
Once Again, Iraqi School Year Delayed by U.S./British Bombing, Shortage Of Surviving Teachers, Students, Buildings
by Stone Phlipphlopps

"They're so corrupt it's thrilling!"-Lenny Bruce

Cheney's Evil Pimp Ire: "Fuck The U.N.":
by Kindle Firefritter

"Itch Bin Ein Cabana.":
Bush Told To Tell Jeb And The Miami Mafia That CIA Plans To Step Up Attacks On Cuba:
Iraq and Afghanistan Fucked Up? Iran and North Korea Nuked Up? Let's Beat Up On Cuba!:
The Evil Pimpyre of Dick Darth
by Jeffey Lube

Ich Bin Ein Kennedy!
Text of Arnold Schwarzenegger's victory speech:

Mary Carey's Concession Speech:
California Gubenatorial Candidate Mary Carey's Concession Speech Before Supporters At The Jayne Mansfield First Resurrection Church In Burbank:
Governor Elect Frankenegger To Name Carey Comptroller

Cheney Increases Bribes To Prompt Turkey's OK On Iraq Troops:
Is the U.S. Preparing To Fuck the Barzani Kurds Every Which Way, Up and Down Again!?
New Figure For Turkish Help Not Part Of $87,000,000,000 White House Request For Iraq Military Outsourcing
by Mahat Jelhi

The 9 Billion Dollar Man:
Terminator of 'Special Interest' To Enron:
It's hasta la vista to $9 billion if the Governator is selected:
by Greg Palast

"In a regime of grand larceny, petty larceny ranks as conformity."-Ezra Pound

Fresh Lies Abound Around Failure to Find WMD:
While Media Picks Its Convoluted Ass, Common Sense Says Administration Lied To Rip Off Iraq's Oil:
Weapons Inspector, David 'Special' Kay; "Even My Mom Thinks I'm Full of Shit.":
Schwarzenegger, A Great Lay For Ken; Terminator Of SPECIAL INTEREST TO ENRON:
Arnold: "I Got Rich Buffing Buffett's Brajole"
White House Chief Of Stink, Karl Rove, Admits He Sucked Terminator Titty:
by John Q. Lumpylip

Cheney/Halliburton Loosen Grip, Allow Iraq to Hold Conference for Multi-National Oil Companies:
International Business Elites Assured Piece of Iraqi Oil Wealth In Return For Greasing Their Government Officials Into Sending Troops To Iraq:
Convicted Felon, Chalabi, Praises U.S. Oil Grab:
General Sanchez Tells Cheney: "If You're Unhappy With the Job the U.S. Army Is Doing Guarding Your Oil, Go Do It Your Fucking Self!"
by Brick Stooley

Deregulation Blamed in Ronald Reagan Museum Fire:
Building Codes Torched By Reagan White House Behind Blaze:
Museum Curators Surprised To Learn That Wax Dummy Of Former President Was The Real Thing
by James Gassmain

Saddam Hussein Kills Bruce Willis
Matinee Idol No match For Real Thing
by Jeffey Lube

Will Reinstating the Military Draft Scare American Youths Into Educating Themselves?:
Will Being Blue Balled By A Land Mine Shrink Howard Stern's Demographic?:
"Explain The Popularity Of Wooly Bully By Sam the Sham And The Pharoahs In the Sixties" Counters Draft Dodger And Professional Wack Job, Bill O'Reilly:
Sales Of Covert Action Quarterly, the Collected Works Of V.I. Lenin and the Socialist Worker Skyrocket As Sales Of Video Games Plummet
by Yaso Adiodi
Read an interview with Assassinated Press Correspondent Yaso Adiodi.

US Stooge Claims Saddam Offers Bounties:
Cheney Government Says One-a-Day GI Death is Acceptable:
Bush mispronounces Chalabi 47 Times in One Speech:
The Burning Question in Iraq -- Who the Fuck IS Chalabi?
by Edith Ledbyhernose

"War is a racket."-Major General Smedley Darlington Butler

I WAS A TEEN-AGED WEREWOLFOWITZ!!!
AID HAS COSMETIC SURGERY SO THAT HE CAN LOOK, ACT LIKE FOREIGN POLICY IDOL!!!
After Quoting Wolfowitz On Iraq Oil Heist, Guardian Bows To Death Threats To Employee's Families
by Sikov Lioncokshukoz

$36 Trillion In Oil Unaccounted For:
After Extensive Search U.S. Admits It Can't Find Iraqi Oil:
Europe Asks "Is Cheney Holding Out?":
Recriminations, Threats, Resignations Abound At White House:
Fleischer: "Where's My Cut?"
Poland: "I thought We Had a Deal?"
By JEFFEY LUBE

Comments Confirm Lies Over Iraq Weapons:
Team Of Young White House Interns And Dartmouth Undergrads Scramble To Change 'Q's To 'N's In Time For Powell's Attack Iran Speech To U.N.
by Rupert Merdeduck

Tenet Says CIA Lied About Iraq WMD Threat To "Make A Great Deal Of Money":
"Give Us More 'Dead Presidents' Like You've Done In The Past And We promise To Get It Right Next Time. That's If We Can't Make More Cash With Our Fictions ," Director Chuckles:
'Star Struck Admirer' Of The Gulf Of Tonkin Responsible For Iraq WMD, al-Qaeda Scams:
"We Don't Give A Fuck What We Lied About. Got That, Print Pussy?" Rumsfeld Lambasts Reporter:
by Jimmie Reasonrusen

Victims of U.S. Torture Chambers In Morocco Strike Back:
Moroccans Forfeit Sense Of Security By Allowing Ridge, Assrift and Tenet To Use Torture To Exact Information, Confessions From Uncharged 'Suspects':
U.S. Gave Long Time Support And Training To Moroccan Secret Police:
Washington Post Full of Customary Shit
by Grunt Richbull

No Political Fallout For Cheney/Bush On WMD Lies:
96% Don't Know Who Is In Iraqi Mass Graves, 100% Don't Care As Long As They Feel It Mitigates Their Guilt For Invasion Murders;
John Q. Public: "It's Just A Justification For Doing Nothing After Being Lied To By The Administration. I Really Don't Give a Fuck."
In 100,000 Years Dead Iraqis Will Turn Into Oil, Bush Declares
Daschle Insists: "WE'RE NOT THE PARTY OF FREDO!"
by Downa Shitbank and Daemon Corpsefucker

Iranian Group Paid By Fanatic Neo-Cons To Say Tehran Has Bioweapons:
Bombing In Saudi Arabia Doesn't Distract Cheney/Bush Corp. From Iraq U.N. Oil Extraction/Export Proposal:
Saudi Bombing Directed At U.S. Vinnell Corporation Mercenaries And Torturers In The Hire Of The Saudi Monarchy:
Bush Reminds Crowd That Jed Clampitt Shot His Way Into the Oil Business Too
by Yaso Adiodi

U.S. Stipulates Broader Control Of Iraqi Oil On Behalf Of U.S. Corporate Interests:
Stolen Iraqi Oil, No Links To WMD, No Links to 9/11, Iraq No Threat To U.S.---Americans Duped!---What A Surprise!:
Is The Chicken Shit U.S. Citizenry Too Terrified At The Power Of The Cheney/Bush Criminal Conspiracy To Hold Them To Account?:
After Going AWOL On the Real Thing, Bush Dons Military Garb And The Little Man Looks Just Like Dukakis
by Columnbone Lynchmob

WARS YET TO COME
by Aijaz Ahmad

U.S. Forces Seize Chemical PortaJohn:
Suspect Saddam Methane Bomb:
Franks 'Inspects' Truck, Squeezes Off A Couple Of Rounds:
Baath Party Rejoices in Return to Power:
by Julia Hijinky

The Financial Big Bang In the Yin/Yang of Terrorism and Security:
Ashcroft and G8 Meet To Insure al-Qaida Threat Remains Serious
by John Liescentsor

Rumsfeld Says Fortunes Lie Ahead in Iraq:
Declares U.S. New Cradle Of Civilization
by Mutt Coolie

Can You Spell POW?
Marine Blabs About Execution-Style Killing:
Military Officials Now Forced To Investigate:
Advice For Dixie Chicks---Don't Make Music For Knuckle Draggers
by Ernie Medina

U.S. NONCHALANT OVER DEADLY ARMS DUMP EXPLOSION:
CHENEY DEMANDS PERSONAL CONTROL OF IRAQI OIL:
BUSH PROPOSES DEATH PENALTY FOR DIXIE CHICKENS
by Midan Lickspittle

FBI Joins Iraqi Treasure Hunt:
Rumsfeld Jubilant at Death Toll:
Cheney Proposes Mandatory Press Sterilization,
Helen Thomas Refuses
by A. Certs Mintz

Syria's Ass To Be Screwed
by Stoopin Fetchit

MASTER RACE THEATER---BUSH AND BLAIR ON IRAQI TV:
Western Media To Transmit Western Delusions To Iraqis:
Producers of "Elimidate" Asked To Help Select A New Iraqi Puppet:
Conviction On 22 Counts Of Fraud Gives Chalabi Leg Up To Run Iraq For Halliburton, Bechtel et al
by Yaso Adiodi

If Looting's Your Thing, Bush Is Your Man:
If Iraqi Shi'ites Thought Saddam Hussein's Torture Was Nasty They Should Ask the Iranians Next Door About the Shah's SAVAK Torture Machine Under U.S., CIA Tutelage:
U.S. 'Softening Up' China With SARs
by Willie Sutton

A Transcript of A Rare Reel-To-Reel Recording of 15 Minutes of One of Doctor Sidney Gottlieb's LSD/Peyote/Ganja Parties In Honor of Mamie Eisenhower's 60th Birthday Celebrated In The 'Wild Bill' Donovan Cocktail Lounge At The CIA in Langley, Virginia on the 14th of November, 1956
With a brief comment by Dr. Gottlieb.

FRIENDLY FIRE:
A MILITARY THAT KEEPS ON GIVING;
BUSH CALLS FOR MORE OF THE SAME;
CHENEY CALLS BUSH 'A STUPID PUNK'
by Bull Durham

Big Role For Big Oil After Iraq War:
With Thousands Dead, Troops, Public Stunned By Administration Lies About War Reasons:
"If I Do Find WMD I'm Gonna Shove It Up Dick Cheney's Ass And Light It" Vow Few Troops Smarter Than Their Ordnance
by Diogenes Sinope

The Real Reasons for the War with Iraq:
A Macroeconomic and Geostrategic Analysis of the Unspoken Truth
The Sierra Times
W.C.

Crusade For World Domination Forced To Take A U-TURN:
Some U.S. Forces Returning To Afghanistan As Villagers Join Fight Against U.S., Afghan Mercenaries:
"Let's Jihad Again Like We Did Last Summer" Number One Tune In Kabul!
And Will They Be "Dancin' In the Streets In Baghdad" Or Will That "Strange Fruit" In Three Piece Suits Called Washington Neo-cons Be Dangling From The Trees In Lafayette Square Before They Can Shit On Mecca?
by A. Paul Ling-lee Wittless

Wolfowitz To Decide On Post-Aggression Government in Iraq:
Cheney Insists Iraq Be Ratified As 51st State:
Johnson & Johnson Announces Sales Of Petroleum Jelly To Congress Hit All-Time High
by Puerila Adollescente

Bush Tells Hecklers To Come Back After He "Invades Iran & Syria
And See If Anybody Gives A Shit":
President Challenges Carmelite Nun To Fistfight
Major General Smedley Butler Stripped of His Medals of Honor For Giving 'Treasonous Speeches' To Veterans
by Yaso Adiodi

Commission Begins To Explain Away 9/11:
U.S. Foreign Policy In No Way At Fault For 9/11 As Body Count In Middle East Soars:
Because Of Resistance U.S. Declares All Iraqi Deaths Suicides
By Manny Mouthhews

THE COALITION OF THE UNWILLING IS IMMENSE!
U.S. Poll That Demands Spelling of Key Terms Shows 98% Queried Are Against the War:
When Spelling Requirement Dropped 75% In Favor Of War
by Diogenes Sinope

Bush & Blair Blow Each Other at Camp David
by Rhondo Fornicatio

Powell: "Fuck the U.N."
by Burton Halley

Iraqi 'Rape Rooms' Found At Air Force Academy
Academy Changes--- Rape Now An Elective, Not A Requirement
by John Pureruseia

TAKE THE ASSASSINATED PRESS 'AMERICA UBER ALLES' POLL!
Who's Next In America's Sights?
Will The World Pre-Empt Being Pre-Empted By The U.S.?
Tell us what you think.
The Assassinated Press in conjunction with Fox Einsatzgruppen News

AMERICAN PROPAGANDA MACHINE KICKS INTO HIGH GEAR:
"EVERYBODY IS INVOLVED" SAYS ARI FLEISCHER
by Lemi Bendover

It's Official: Dick Cheney Is The World's First Trillionaire!!:
Cheney Bombs His Way Into Top Spot!!:
Forbes' Magazine Hails The Fellow Founding Member Of The Project For The New American Century As World's Richest Kleptocrat!!:
World's Richest Man Or Cheney Of Fools!?!?:
by Yaso Adiodi

New Poll: Americans Take A Whack At 'Thinking' About Iraq:
Rumsfeld Dubs Combatants Who Blow Up Dick Cheney's Oil Fields In Iraq 'War Criminals':
Several Forces In Mad Race To Northern Iraq Oil Fields:
Airy Fleischer: "Saddam's Burning Oil Fields Confirms This Is What Its All About":
OIL Is To Cheney As CRACK Is To Toby
by Angst Wanger

Ridge Launches Gas Attack To Con Apathetic Nation
by Sueee Phlegmy

Can You Believe The Balls On The Barzanis!?:
Official: Kurds Want Partnership With Cheney's Company on Iraqi Oil:
Cheney Denies Conquest Of Iraq Has Anything To Do With Oil:
"If Kurds Fuck With Dick's Oil We'll Gas 'Em--Again," Rumsfeld Says:
by Tod Kripple

48 Hours: When's the Car Chase?
Bush Lies To A Grateful Nation
The Future of Two Countries Now Lies In A Vast Pool Of Oil And Blood.
by Dovie Boink

Whores in the Rubble of Diplomacy
Editorial by The Assassinated Press

Bush Strikes First Blow Against American Forces:
Bush Gaff During Speech May Cost Untold American Lives:
Bush Drifts Off, Fucks Up Ultimatum
by Diogenes Sinope

Joint Chiefs Realize U.S. Forces In Gulf Are Pointed In the Wrong Direction:
Camp New York---When Being All You Can Be Embarrasses Yo Mama:
The Monumental and Willful Ignorance Of The Media On Full Display Thru Doomsday
by Yaso Adiodi

Bush Gleeful as Time for Mass Murder Drawing Near
by Ruud Forignicator

The Washington Post Calls U.S. Armed Forces Nazi's:
Cheney Administration Seeks Resignation of Post Editorial Board
by Diogenes Sinope

Blair Proposes Surrender Conditions for Saddam
by Daffy Dich-Lippen

Panel: U.S. Must Capitalize On Post-War Iraq Misery Long-Term:
Entire Iraqi Population Will Have to Be 'Detained For An Unspecified Period'
The Project For The New American Century Reports
by Kean Goonnerharm

Record Bribes Offered For Iraqi Slaughter Support
by Justa Sloven

Evidence on Iraq Nuclear Program Forged:
Finger Pointing Among CIA, MI5 and Mossad Begins: If Iraq Attacked, Forgeries Could Be Used To Try U.S. Officials For War Crimes
by Chubby Wardick

White House Unveils New 'Adopt A Bomb' Campaign
by Yaso Adiodi

Powell Begins Diplomatic Putsch
by Vari Freid

New Report Shows Few Left To Resist U.S.'s Imperio-Fascist Takeover of the World:
World Dominance Cabal Can Easily Overrun The Planet, Think Tank Predicts:
Adiodi Follows Up Ted Koppel Interview With PNAC Boss, William Kristol
by Yaso Adiodi

U.S. Upping the Ante to Round Up U.N. Votes
by Barry Lied

Heirs To Those Who Resisted Nazi/OSS Occupation Put On Trial In Greece:
Nazi, British And U.S. Occupation of Greece To Be Purged From Testimony:
Greece Opens Clandestine KYP/CIA Torture/Terror Trial:
Media Still Idiotic
by M. Basilon De Lambrew

Shades of Sicily 1944 CIA, State Department Hire Thugs
To Discredit da Silva:
Agency Casts 'Seaside Freddy' In Role of OSS's Lucky Luciano:
Brazil Orders Troops Into Rio's Streets
by Peter Mealy

Bush Whoops Up the Enormous Profits of Iraq War!
by Runt Phornecater

U.S. Officials Extort Iraq Votes:
France Insists U.S. Will 'Bogart' Iraqi Oil
by John Frosty Drollass

Cologne Mist Sparks Code Red, Defcon Alerts
by Affadavid B. Corrupto

No Dough, No Go
by Hooii Baebbi

WAR PLANS HIT MONEY PIT IN TURKEY
by Amya Jackelle & Sa'dist Lacki

U.S. CRACKS THE WHIP!
by Paul Bearer

European Union To Run Its Own Candidate Against Cheney/Bush In 2004:
Former NATO Commander, Wesley Clark To Run on EU Ticket:
Looming Conflict Between U.S. Military And Cheney/Bush Regime Seen
by Yaso Adiodi

"It's Just a Big Hoax"
by Carbina Practissa

Search Continues For CIA Drug Smugglers In Colombia
by Michael Easterbunny

It's A Fucked Up Day In The Neighborhood:
Tensions Mount: Fear Grips White Washington:
Tens Of Thousands Of Youths, Cadets, College Students
Form Smedley Butler Brigades To Conscript War Profiteers,
Alter U.S. Foreign Policy by Yaso Adiodi

Out With The Old: In With the New:
Powell: NATO Risks Breakup Over Iraq Rift:
The Plot Thickens For Cheney/Bush
And The Project For A New American Century
by Barry de Bodies

Today Saddam! Tomorrow The World!!!
The Rectal Barometer of War:
A Conversation with Richard Perle
by Yaso Adiodi

Deadly Blast in Bogota: The Secret Team?
by Andre Selectivite

Rumsfeld: The Time to Kill Iraqis is Near
by Robbie Burns

Washington 'White Asses' Gamble U.S.'s Wide World Of Murder Will Not Come Home to Roost:
Much Of World Poised To Migrate To Chevy Chase To Escape U.S. Bombing:
The President's Foreign Intelligence Advisory Board Announces Revised "VICHY WORLD"
by Yaso Adiodi

U.S. Arming Future Adversaries:
Iraq's Neighborhood Thick With Quid Pro Quo U.S. Arms
Weapons and Technology by Kit D. Buckett

Powell to Issue Phony Report on Iraq
by Barry Lied

U.S. Orchestrates Strike In Haiti:
Using The Venezuelan Model
State Department Hopes To Topple Aristide
by Yaso Adiodi

War Hero Proposes Drafting Congress, the Executive, Industry, Big Oil, Banking:
All Talk, The Suits Balk
by David Crazyass

Bush Blames Saddam For Columbia Disaster
by Bill Blum

U.S. To Make Intelligence Canard Public:
Fabrications of Weapons Concealment to Be Offered in Effort to Hustle Support for War:
by Bob 'Unnamed Source' Wayword

Blix Krieg
by Strauch Schissekuss

Colin Blow:
Powell's World Economic Forum Speech (abridged)
transcribed by Yaso Adiodi

Bush Offers a Bitter Taste of What's to Come
by Julie Slattern

Why George Bush is Insane
by Harold Pinter

Powell: It's Time to Kill Iraqis
by Chauncey Aninnymouse

Why Bill O'Reilly Is Insane
by Amiri Baraka

U.N. Goes XXX:
Powell Makes Reference To "SHRINKAGE"
Urges 'Allies' To Remain Erect On Iraq:
Secretary Of State Disparages
The Size of The French Ambassador's Pee-Pee:
De Villepin Calls Cheney 'Limp Dick' On North Korea:
U.S.: Iraq=Go In:
North Korea=Cave In
by Gland Kisser and Column Lynchmobius

CIA Out Of Money-
Venezuelan Elite Out Of Gas-
'Oily' Washington Post/CIA Company Refines Its Lies
About Corruption And Poverty In Venezuela:
Hussein To Step Down If Western Countries
That Supplied Him With WMD Will Too:
U.S., Germany, Britain and France Watch As The
The Hague Prepares Indictments Against Former
And Current Government and Corporate Officials
by Stoopen Nixer

Pew Research Poll Whores For White House:
Oil Never Mentioned In Survey
by Yaso Adiodi

U.S. Knuckles Under to North Korean Demands:
Cheney/Rumsfeld/Bush---The Great Capitulators:
Envoy: "No Oil, No Turmoil":
N.Korea Could Get U.S. Energy Aid, Cash Bonuses, Luxury Homes, Weapons Grade Plutonium, Free Vacations, Stones In Concert
by Christil Torchya

Frist Backs Racist "Enthusiastically"
by Wisen Heimer

"KILL CHAVEZ!" Assault On Venezuela Ratcheted Up:
Reich Out, Noriega In:
U.S. Turns 'Yella' On North Korea:
What Would Lee Marvin Say?
by Dan Blither

Discord Among Iraqi Exile Leaders Over Who Will Control WMD In Post-War Iraq May Leave Them On the Sidelines:
Fleischer Says U.N. Inspectors Can't Find Smoking Gun Because It's Up His Ass:
World Asks "Is That Where Osama Bin Laden Is Too?"
U.S. Still Chickening Out On North Korea
by Dan Whopper

North Korea Says 'Boo' To Bush Bullies:
Isolated U.S. Buys Nuke Panel Action:
Kim Jong Il Dons Bush Mask And Does A Chicken Walk Before the
International Press
by Yaso Adiodi

IMF to Send Hit Squad to Argentina:
Rumsfeld, Cheney Drive Up The Price Of Gasoline:
'Lula' Fucked Up, Rummy the Warlord Declares
by Mutton Crudslinger

Taking A Page From Mao's Long March,
Venezuelan 'White Asses' Take Day Off From Protests
by Serviu De Lies

In Search Of The Manchurian Correspondent:
War Coverage: AP Chairman: War Correspondents Better Programmed Than Ever:
Poll Shows 60% Of Americans Think Tony Blair Is A Woman:
30% Answer "Tony WHO?" 10% Undecided
by Yaso Adiodi

The American People Really Stink! by Wotta Snojob

U.S. Corporations Backed Iraq's WMD Program:
Hypocrisy Emanates Deep From The Heartland by Yaso Adiodi

U.S. Set To Murder Its Way Into The Hearts (And Pockets) Of The Venezuelan Oil Elite
by Yaso Adiodi

"TOO DIRTY FOR ME!!":
Kissinger Sees The Nature of Independent Evidence On 9-11 Attack And Bails:
Bush's Handler's Seek Another Kleptocrat That Can 'Guarantee' A Cover-up by Rune Foniaura

Hall of Fame CIA Operative, Ted Shackley, Dies:
'Blond Ghost' Bites The Big One
by Yaso Adiodi

'A Monster Of Obscene & Grotesque Proportions':The Bush / Blair Gang
by Harold Pinter

At Gala Affair U.S. Media Declares It Will Step Up Malicious Attacks On World's Poor:
Rumsfeld Reveals U.S. Trying To Steer U.N. Inspectors Away From U.S. Supplied WMD To Iraq
by Yaso Adiodi

Court Okays the Killing of Innocent Persons
by Ari Stumeister

Bush Told By His PR People To Mock End Of Ramadan
And Get His Stinking Ass Out And Visit A Mosque:
Bush Whimpers, "Can't Dickey Do It?"
by Scrote Scabflaw

War Worth 2 Trillion To The Elites -- & Still Counting
by Shibboleth McDoughnut

CIA Office Pool: Who Will Fall First, Chavez or Aristide:
Wolfowitz Hints 'Regime Change' In Turkey Might Be Cheapest Route To Baghdad Oil:
Rumsfeld Cackles, "Who Gives a Fuck If The World Hates Us?"
by Yaso Adiodi

U.S. Claims "Solid Evidence" On Iraq. . . Yet Again
by Berry Skewed

Cheney/Bush Regime Adds Another Felon To The Crew:
Abrams to Head NSC's Mideast Section by Yaso Adiodi

Bush Pissed About Inspections by Ronson Liter

The IMF, World Bank, GATT, 'Gobblization' and International Banks Feast On Argentina As It Plunges Into Famine:
In His Thanksgiving Address Bush Sees Argentina As His Model
For the U.S. And The World by Crag Famin

Bush Names Kissinger To Probe 9/11:
Poindexter Hired To Lead DARPA Snoop On Americans' Electronic Trash:
NASA Reveals That Space Shuttle Ripped A Hole In The Space-Time Continuum In November of 2000 by Connie Furcloven

Kissinger To Block New 9-11 Probe by Jennifer Lovanazi

Canadian Who called Bush 'Moron' And Got Him To Turn Around Quits
by Strom Colon

The Hague To Prosecute American Journalists For War Crimes
by Blitz Woofer

EPA Whores for the Pollution Industry! by Lawd Baltimoron

Poll Shows 89% of Americans Think 9/11 Hijackers Were Iraqis:
Rest Don't Know
Administration Rejoices In Figures by Yaso Adiodi

Secret Court Declares War On America by Court Andoohow

New Surveillance Powers Means Mo' Money To Security Firms And Retired Brass by Cammo Phlage

Return of Inspectors To Test For Saddam's Oil
by Edie Leadliner

In Defeat U.S. Agrees To Accept U.N. Plan
U.S. Repeatedly Referred To As Satan's Anus In Document
by Heady Futura & Yaso Adiodi

Venezuelan Gov't Fighting On 5 Fronts: The Elite, the Elite Owned Press,
the IMF and 'Gobblization', Big Oil and U.S. Plotting Another Coup
Bush Calls Chavez "Ineffetchual"
Pope Calls Venezuelan and U.S. Elites "Some Greedy-Assed Motherfuckers!" by Andrew Slicky

Cheney Will Stick With Bush in '04 by Yaso Adiodi

They're So Dope: CIA's Analysts Enrich Country's Elite by John L. Lumpylip

Judge Sells Out to MICROSOFT CORP. by Juan Hoptuit

We Have Met The Enemy Again And The Fucker Looks Mighty Familiar: Nerve Agent Used In Vietnam Was Tested In Hawaii In '67
by Wilt Kally

Wellstone Crash: It's a P.R. Nightmare by Brian Basketcase

Webster To Give Head At Accounting Board by Massy Gordyon

Rumsfeld Says al-Qaida Is Adapting to Its Long Term Role in U.S. Sponsored State Terrorism and Geopolitical Gamesmanship
by Bull O'Really!?

"Oink! Oink!": Bush Announces New Open Season On 401 (k)s
by Lowrents Knukesum

Thesis, Antithesis, Asymmetry by Luke D. Otherway

The CIA and Al-Qaida: Born In The USA
Tenet, Mueller, Hayden Weep, Ask God's Forgiveness And
Preach Repentance On The Floor of Congress
For The Millions of Lives Destroyed By U.S. Foreign Policy
by John Q. Lumpylip

Bush Iraq Coalition Lacks Cash For Broad Base by Sundry Sobriquette

Congress Clears The Way To Snack On Iraq by Jim Abombs

Bioweapons Tested In U.S. by Charles A. Finger

Bush: If We Push Him Hard Enough Saddam Could Self-Inflict "Horror"
by Rory Foneyair

Congress, White House Finalize Deal To Kill Iraqis by Dim Abrasive

Fleischer Improvs U.S. Foreign Policy:
Press Secretary Says He'll Pay For Hussein's Slaying
If Iraqi Leader Can Be killed With "One Bullet" by Chrustie Furhaunches

Blair: World "Must Put Itself In Neville Chamberlain's Shoes" In The Face Of U.S. Designs On Iraq by Chrustyfur Itchens

Highlights of IMF Communique by Chrustyfur Haunches

France Seeks To Establish Several Military Bases in the U.S.
by Yaso Adiodi

Bush Praises Colombian Drug Quality by George Getover

Britain Releases Iraq Fiction by Edith Georgie-Boy

Masked Experts Rhapsodize Over Plans To Slaughter Iraqis
by Mit Killers

U.S. Livestock Or U.S. Livestock Diseases Arrive At Cuban Expo?
Mongoose As Meat Or Meat Byproduct? by Aneata Snowjob

Bush Outlines Domination Strategy by Lurid Killerman

Bush's Handlers Pressure Russia To Come Up With Firm Dollar Amounts For Its Support Against Iraq by I.M. Bot

HHS Forced To Seek Science Advice To Match Bush's Corporate Handlers' Avarice by Rimp Wok

Bush Shocked by Kids' Disavowal of Civics:
President Exclaims "Honda's a Good Solid Little Nip Car!"
By Skid Rowe

Say It Ain't So, Arnoldo:
Former President's 'Hidden Treasure' Surprises No One in Nicaragua
By Craven Sellout

Greenspan: Economy Still Depressed By Asinine Regurga

Bush's Little Teddy Boy Blusters By Bertie Hoor

Cheney Leads U.S. Assault on Truth By Scoff Laidlow

Cheney Defends Pre-Emptive Sham by Scott Scofflaw

Security Chief Charged With Having Unregistered Missiles by Ima Stoogey

World Summit Promises No Action by Ravioli Henchman

Rumsfeld: Fuck the Allies by Robbie Burns

Franks: U.S. Buys Nations' Support by Tonnolee Smack